Lullabys

Well, I never thought I would see the day... but I'm writing a purely Naruto fic. I have heard a rumour that if Gaara sleeps, and evil demon comes out and destroys stuff. Hence Gaara must not sleep. But a certain evil person has a certain evil idea.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Or anyone else, for that matter. Except Melanie, my certain evil someone.

WARNING: OOC, OC, OOK!
Gaara: And OOK means... what?
Enthusiastic monkey language. : )

One fine day in the middle of the night someone entered Konoha. Halfway through the chunin exam, someone made a large explosion, destroying the arena. The exams were called off for a while as the arena was fixed, and the person who entered Konoha the night before went to visit the sand ninja.

"Hello!" Melanie grinned at the four scowling faces, and grabbed the only guy in the room without eyebrows. "So, you must be Gaara! How are you today?" Four scowling faces turned to four confused faces, and Melanie grinned wider. "Well, all you other people, enjoy waiting for the arena to be built, I'm kidnapping Gaara." Four confused faces became three and a half offensive faces, so Melanie turned, and ran away with Gaara in tow, laughing her head off.

Gaara and Melanie were walking down a path outside Konoha. They had got past the tedious 'I must kill you' stage, and were now talking. Melanie glanced sideways at her companion, with a wide, evil grin on her face.
"So you never heard a lullaby?" Gaara blinked, then shook his head.
"I can't sleep." Melanie's grin widened.
"So you never even heard this one? 'Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop...'" As Melanie sang, she added a special soporific note to her voice, which made other people sleepy. Gaara blinked, made tired, and frowned sleepily at Melanie.
"Stop it. 'm not allowed to sleep." Grinning wider, Melanie kept singing, until Gaara collapsed, unconscious. Melanie leaned down, and poked him.
"Well, that's not so bad." Then a huge, demonic beast looking vaguely like a raccoon rose, and stomped off in the direction of Konoha. Melanie blinked, then shrugged. "Well that explains it."

After rebuilding the arena, and the rest of the village thanks to Gaara's sleep walking antics, the Hokage prepared to restart the chunin exam. He looked over the empty, new, gleaming stands, and smiled.
"Tonight, we will be able too-" He was cut off by a large explosion, which demolished the brand new, gleaming stands to rubble.

Melanie decided to visit the sand ninja again, because she was bored and evil. When she entered the room, she was greeted by three scowling faces, and one majorly pissed off face.
"HOW DARE YOU! I TOLD YOU I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP!" Melanie leaned back, vaguely freaked out, though not half as much as the other three occupants of the room.
"Well, sorry Gaara, I didn't know you'd turn into an evil monster." Gaara frowned for a second, then shrugged.
"Okay!" This made Temari, Kankuro, and the random other dude who's name I don't know look at Gaara like he had just gone insane again, but Melanie giggled.
"Great! But I'm bored." Kankuro, vaguely recovering from the shock, shrugged.
"So are we. So what?" Melanie grinned.
"I would like to propose a new pass-time!" The others looked at her in surprise, before Temari got her first chance to speak in this fic.
"What?" Melanie laughed, grabbing Gaara's hand again and dragging him through the door.
"We're going to go help people!" Out of interest, the others followed her down the street.
"We're going to what?" Melanie turned back, her light blonde hair brushing over her face.
"We're gonna go up to people, and poke them, and say 'What did the evil rampaging monster Shukaku/Gaara do to you that we can fix?'."

Just outside of Konoha, they found a sheep farmer, looking annoyed. Melanie bounced over, still towing Gaara behind her like a very confused balloon.
"Yo farmer dude, whassup?" The farmer looked up at her.
"That huge rampaging monster ripped open my sheep pens. I had 42 sheep, and I'm not sure if any escaped. I can't count." Melanie grinned wider than her face, and gave him a thumbs up.
"Me an' Gaara can count 'em for ya!" Nonplussed, Gaara began to count the sheep.
"1, 2, 3, 4... 5..." At five he fell asleep, collapsing to the ground on top of Melanie, which would have crushed her if not for her evil living hair. Then he turned into a huge evil raccoon monster, putting even more strain on the evil living hair. After a brief fight in which Melanie's hair tried to eat Gaara, then the evil monster stormed off and destroyed Konoha. Again.

Once again, Konoha had been rebuilt. So had the arena. It had also been surrounded by a large amount of black ops troops because the Hokage was utterly sick of having to delay the stupid exam. He looked down over the new, gleaming stands, with their guards at attention, and decided to go down and inspect things. However, as he arrived, the stadium exploded again.

Because the stadium had been destroyed once again, Melanie went to visit the sand ninja, not all of whom were happy to see her. As usual, she was greeted by three scowling faces, and one smiling face.
"Hey Melanie!" Gaara waved at her, because he hadn't figured out the connecton between him going to sleep, and the girl with living hair. Temari, however, frowned.
"Hey, what was with your hair? Last time it looked like it was trying to eat Gaara!" Melanie blinked, then shrugged.
"So, you want an apology?" Temari blinked, then shouted.
"No, I want to know what the hell was going on!" Melanie shrugged again, and began playing with a strand of hair. Which purred.
"The hair is alive. I can't brush it because it eats brushes, and occasionally it eats other things too. It also protects me." Gaara stared at the hair like a little kid, then reached up a hand to poke it. The hair snarled, and snapped at him, making him squeal. Kankuro stared for a second, then snapped himself out of it.
"Why are you here this time?" Melanie smiled sweetly, once again kidnapping Gaara's arm.
"'M curious. I wanted to know how many sheep there are in Konoha." Gaara blinked up at her, trying to ignore the strand of hair that was waving at him, or the other strand that had fangs.
"You know I go to sleep when I count sheep!" Melanie shurgged, unperturbed, and yanked back a strand of hair that seemed to be trying to throttle Gaara.
"Cows then. Come on, I'm bored!" So Melanie and Gaara left, and Temari exchanged a glance with Kankuro.
"Since when was Gaara anyone's playmate?"

Out in Konoha, Gaara and Melanie were counting cows. After a brief debate over whether Naruto or Sakura counted as cows, they settled down to counting as Sakura slowly realised that throwing shuriken at two people with auto defenses wasn't going to work, and she had to run away from the hair. After 10, Gaara began to get sleepy. By 15, he was barely awake, and as they reached 20 (counting Sakura and Naruto twice) he fell asleep. Melanie glanced at her watch, and began a slow count down.
"5, 4, 3, 2..." Gaara rose as an evil demon monster, and knocked all of Konoha to the ground again.

Konoha had been rebuilt again, and this time, sick of it, the Hokage ordered the stadium rebuilt in a different place. All seemed to be going well, and he sent out a days notice that the exams would be beginning again the next day. That night, the entire arena burned to the ground.

Melanie bounced her way along to the sand ninja's appartments again, to be met by three angry faces and a hug. Gaara looked up at her with big, innocent, raccoon eyes.
"Mel-ly, Temari said you're evil and I can't play with you anymore!" Melanie smiled, and glomped Gaara, smacking the strand of hair that tried to eat him.
"Aw, 'm not evil, Gaa-kun." A strand of hair held up a sign that read, 'Don't push your luck, Mel.', but Melanie ignored it. She pried the 12 year-old-acting-like-a-3-year-old off her, and grinned.
"Well, today I think we can try my favourite hobby!" Gaara bounced up and down like a kangaroo on crack, and grinned hugely.
"What's that, Mel?" Melanie's grin got even wider, as she pulled a watch on a chain from her hair.
"Hypnotism!"

Well? Should I continue my random antics of destroying/rebuilding/en-Gaara-fi-cating Konoha, or would you rather someone lynch me for being ridiculous?  I don't mind. ; P