AN: I don't own Naruto!
Set in anime series but pretty much my made up storyline.
Sometimes I wonder what would've happened things didn't happen the way they did. What would have happened if Naruto never had the Kyuubi in him? Or if Itachi had never killed all of his clan and drive Sasuke into this madness of revenge.
Naruto . . .
There are times when I catch you looking at the window pane, just staring at your own reflection. Your face is drawn, eyes distant. Then you'll give me a side glance and . . .your deep blue eyes. . . I become overwhelmed with the despair I see in it. It's like swimming in an ocean, being pulled like a magnet- drawn into a current. Then in a blink of an eye, you'll smile that ever-ready smile, and greet me with the usual, 'Sakura-saaaann!!!' It's a mask you pull over your face everyday when I come to see you. But I know the anguish you feel inside. Gomen ne . . . Naruto-kun. I know that it tears you into two when you look and me and think about the promise that you couldn't keep. That promise . . .is not worth it if it means the lives of my friends.
The truth is . . .I don't know what to do. You barely survived your fight with Sasuke, and it will be awhile before you can fight again. Tsunade-sama has done wonders but even she's exhausted with the amount of injuries you guys came back with. Chouji still hasn't responded and its already been months since he's been in the emergency ward. Where do I stand? Am I on Sasuke's side or Konoha's side? Yes, I know, to be with Sasuke right now would mean I would stand against everything I believed in., and I wouldn't be able to live with that.
But do you know what is worse? It is when I see all of you; Neji, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, and you - you all were able to fight for what you believed in. The way of the ninja, the way of Konoha. To fight and rescue- to …to actually live the dream of a fighter. While we, girls could only stay back and wonder everyday if they would see their teammate coming back in a coffin. For all the things I said to Sasuke-kun that day he left . . .it still wasn't good enough. I wasn't strong enough to bring him back. Which was why only you could Naruto. Even though you lost, I know that did something to his heart. Perhaps, perhaps he remembered all of our times together with Kakashi-sensei, training, eating, just being who we were meant to be.
Do you know that I was just living a fantasy, a cobwebbed dream so. . .so ephemeral and transient. I wanted to be a princess rescued by a knight in shining armor, I wanted that prince to be Sasuke. Naïve, yes? Naruto, everyday you battled with the demon inside of you as your fellow class-mates teased and mocked you, including myself, Sasuke had to live with the memory, the horror of his clan dying in front of his eyes. While I sat in front of my mirror admiring my reflection, wondering if Sasuke would notice me if I pursed my lips this way or that way.
Despair . . .is all I feel now. Naruto, help me. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of being in the shadow of you two. I'm tired of thinking that I'll hear the news that Sasuke was killed in a battle against Konoha's ninjas. I'm scared . . . I don't know who I am anymore. One side of me wants to be with him, kill for him, while the other side knows that I'm not living my own dream but a false replica of it, the princess and her knight.
These feelings make me want to hurt someone, tell someone, scream . . .I-I don't know anymore. But do you know what I really wish for? That I could be more like you . . .
Err…yeah, :shrugs: random late night right before finals.