Exclaimer: Nothing new. I don't own a thing of FF7.
I wanted to post this as a one-shot and ask my readers if I should only leave this here as a one-shot and change the second half of chapter 9 in Hang On to better fit that story.
WARNING: This has adult/Mature content and some bad Language. I placed this in the M category just to be safe. I am not responsible for any of the embarrassment Vincent or Yuffie are about to go through.
Original Edited 6/6/13
It was a frigid winter afternoon; the chilly wind was adequately refreshing, and Yuffie was only too glad for the icy feel at her temples. Although, the rest of her body did the best to ignore the bitter cold, as she dashed quickly through the city streets, listening to the movement of the people. Cars were blowing loud horns; people were being loud. Everything was loud. The traffic was backed up a good half a mile into the intricate layers of the city.
Yuffie kept her eyes and ears open for anything or anyone out of the ordinary. Last thing she nor anyone else wanted, was to appear on the eleven o'clock news saying she was dead.
Clutching the shopping-list in her hand, Yuffie didn't mind doing this. It was better than being bored. Vincent was out doing who the hell knows, since he wouldn't tell anyone where he was off to. That got on the young ninjas nervous, she wasn't sure why though, it wasn't like he hardly ever told anybody anyways.'What can I do to get Vinnie to love me? Think, think, think, damn this is hard. 'Oh! Hey, I wonder if Vinnie has any good materia? Probably doesn't... Oh, well.' Yuffie's shoulder was rammed slightly to the side by a pedestrian, sending her out of her thoughts.
"Hey, watch where you're going, jerk off!" Yelled Yuffie, the young teenager turned around flipping her off before disappearing amidst the crowd.
"Hey, get back here so I can kick your ass!" She snapped. 'People these days, always rude..Oh! Materia Shop, let's see what they have for me.'
Yuffie opened the glass door, making her way over to a shelf with every color materia your eyes could see.
"Hello, can I help you with anything?
"No thanks, just wanted to look around. But I'll keep that in mind."
"Well okay." Yuffie rolled her eyes at the ugly old shop keeper who stood behind the glass counter, who appeared to have had a few too many donuts. His hooked nose and greasy hair really didn't do him any favors, either.
Ignoring the man, Yuffie looked around in wonder, so many quantities of colored materia; magic, summon, command, support and independent. She felt like a kid in a candy store. Seeing a shelf behind the counter with a whole row of rare materia, lined neatly across.
Turning to her right, did she notice the shop keeper giving her lustful eyes. "Are you sure I couldn't be of some assistance to you, miss?"
"Uh...no thanks. I'm just trying to decide if there is any that I don't have."
"Well, let me know if you need any help with anything, I do mean anything." The shopkeeper, winked and smirk before he turned around, disappearing somewhere into the back room. She was repulsed at what the shop keep had implied. Just his appearance alone made relatively anyone male resemble Mr. McDreamy and to Yuffie that was saying something. Because, she had met a few hideous people in her life.
After a few seconds, Yuffie noticed the shopkeeper hadn't returned to the front. Realizing it was the perfect opportunity to give herself a five-finger discount. Taking one of each she pocketed them in a cloth pouch hooked to the belt-loop on her shorts. Glancing around, she quickly exited the shop before the old geezer came back out front. It wouldn't take long before the shopkeeper noticed some of the materia were missing.
Yuffie ran, taking a few short-cuts through alleyways, side streets, turning sharp corners on sidewalks until she came to her destination.
She burst right in through the electric sliding doors of the 24/7 Zim-Mart, panting hard. "Made it," she declared, grabbing a shopping cart. Taking a look at the shopping list, checking them off as she placed the items in the shopping cart. She strolled down the aisles with her general supercilious smirk gracing her face.
"Let's see what we need, Milk...check, bread...check, eggs...check, trash bags...check, ice cream...check, frozen pizzas...check, butter...check and last but not last... 'condoms...Wait, she couldn't be serious.' Yuffie didn't pay attention where she was going, until she smacked into a hard wall. Losing her balance she landed on her posterior.
"Dammit, that hurt," Yuffie yelped, clenching her eyes shut, desperately trying to quell the pain coursing through her.
"Are you okay?" A monotone male voice asked.
Opening her eyes, Yuffie narrowed her eyes at who ever had made the mistake of being in her way until her gaze fell upon two gold metal boots in front of her, slowly she lifted her eyes, scrutinizing everything about the man before her. A faint pink color rose to the brunette's cheeks. Vincent would've laughed, but rather not risk offending Yuffie. He shifted his position, facing the ninja a bit more.
"Yuffie." Vincent greeted, amusement shown in his eyes.
Yuffe laughed sheepishly, gradually standing up from her spot on the checkered-tile floor. "Hey! Vinnie, what you doing here?" Yuffie asked, rubbing the back of her neck.
"Shopping." Vincent answered, his tone low and serious.
"Don't sound so thrilled to see me," she mocked, though she was smirking anyway. "Kidding...Anyways, Tifa sent me here. I have to get..." glancing once more at the last item on the list, blushing." err...one more thing on her list then I'm going to go home, and kick Tifa's ass!"
He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Why?"
"Well...because of the last thing she put on the list."
Vincent blinked at her curiously before raising his brow at the ninja. "Which is?"
"Well, um...Condoms," Yuffie answered, Vincent's left eye twitched. "I've never bought something like that. So I'm kinda clueless..."
"Why would she have you do that?" Vincent interrupted, wondering if he'd ever figure out this slip of a woman. Probably not.
She cocked her head to the side for a moment, her mouth screwed up in thought. "Honestly," she finally answered."I don't know." Shrugging, Yuffie went back to searching the shelves, when an idea popped in her mind.
Turning, to her companion, she smiled innocently at him but her eyes held a mischievous glint and he knew that meant misfortune for him. Anyone that was well acquainted with the little ninja knew a smile like that meant trouble. "Hey! You could help me!" Vincent wanted no part in this but before Vincent could make his escape, a slim arm wrapped around his metal arm tugging him forward while Yuffie's other arm pushed the shopping cart.
"I never realized there were so many choices." Dark eyes scanned over the brands, boxes, types, and flavors. Flavors! Who wanted a condom to taste like anything? Unable to completely quell her curiosity though, she squinted at the box a little. As a few thoughts about the possibilities sunk into the crevasses of her brain, a slight color reached her cheeks. How fitting she was squinting at a box of mixed flavors; mint, grape, orange, banana, strawberry, and even chocolate, vanilla, and cola. "Oh! Lookie here...edible condoms...Wait a minute that's total grossness..." Yuffie tilted her head to her side, confusion present in her face. "Anyways, which one do think Tifa wants, Vinnie?"
Vincent only raised his eyebrows at this question, trying to figure out why in the world Yuffie would ask him, of all people.
"Come on, you're a guy for Pete's sake! You should know." Yuffie still had her attention to the boxes of foreign objects. "That's unless your still a virgin."
He suppressed a groan of annoyance and embarrassment. "Yuffie." He managed to say, his stare not lessening one bit. Yuffie ignored him, rambling on and on, scanning each brand.
Was she really that oblivious of the embarrassment he felt with discussing sexual protection with her, even if he remained silent as she chattered, or did she simply not care, Vincent wondered. Glancing around, he wondered if he could quietly back away before she noticed his escape.
"I mean I'm sure you're the same size as Cloud." Yuffie stated as if she was talking about the weather. "What size are you anyways? I bet you're at least a large." Her voice had dropped a few octaves and sounded undeniably seductive. "Am I right?"
Vincent closed his eyes and breathed deeply, feeling heat in his checks. Yuffie was the only one that had a habit of causing him to blush. Dunking his face further into his cape, he thanked Leviathan for his cape's camouflage that gave his lower half face coverage. Yes, the situation was highly improper. Not to mention awkward. However, it seemed Yuffie didn't understand that. 'Was this woman that clueless.' He didn't think so, he believed it was her way of hiding her fear of fading into the background.
She was the youngest of the group, so she felt she had to be loud and blunt in order to be heard. After her mother died, she found that being a nuisance got you the attention you wanted even if it was in a negative way. Cause really, all humans wanted was to be acknowledged and loved. It wasn't her fault she behaved badly, for the longest time it was her only way to get her father to notice her. To Knowledge he even had a daughter. Before she knew it, her behavior became second nature to her. A habit she found in later years hard to break.
"Why, don't you call and ask Tifa?" Suggested Vincent. But Yuffie shook her head, as if rejecting his idea.
"Can't. Forgot to charge my phone," Frowned Yuffie., "Do you have yours, Vinnie?" He can't tell if its relief or surprise or happiness or disappointment he's feeling when she let's go of his arm.
"No."
"Well since I can't ask Tifa..." Her keen eyes scanned wearily over the boxes and various types again. "How about I buy the large pleasure shaped ones in blue, since that's Cloud favorite color..." Yuffie made sure no one was watching, and snickered mischievously before whispering. "Hey, Vinnie why don't you buy a box of the same but in the color red for yourself." Yuffie asked. "Because one of these days I will have my way with you." She whispered.
There was a stretch of silence afterwards, Yuffie turned around, realizing Vincent had left. 'Where did he go?' Her eyes scanned the store, trying to spot Vincent. But no such luck. She turned back around, coming to a decision. 'What the hell, might as well buy both boxes.'
As Yuffie stride up to the cash register, it dawned on her what she had said to Vincent. She wondered if he had heard her last statement. Recounting her words, she squeezed her eyes shut and pulled at her hair. She puffed out hot air from her lips.
"Oh! My god! How could I have been so stupid?" Yuffie whispered to herself.
But then it wasn't like she had been doing anything that bad, just thinking out loud! There was nothing wrong with thinking, and especially not about thinking of the potential use of a multi-flavored condoms, she mused. However, to a degree there was some humiliation she felt about their whole one-sided conversation.
Then, another realization hit her, how embarrassed Vincent must have been. Yuffie chuckled. 'So, Mr-gloomy-I-will-shoot-anything-evil-with-big-gun- and-rip-apart-with-claw-arm couldn't handle a little conversation about condoms.' Then again she could believe she had stood there rambling to Vincent about them. 'My god! What Vinnie must think of me.' She would have to catch him later. Hopefully she wouldn't turn red in the face when that happened.
"Miss, did you find everything you need?" Lifting her flushed cheeks and surprised eyes to the young man behind the counter.
"Yes, of course, thanks." She replied, her voice wavering a little in embarrassment and annoyance. He smiled at her and nodded, scanning and bagging the boxes.
"Looks like somebody is going to have a good time." Yuffie glared as the clerk scanned the blue condoms.
"Shut up, they're not mine." She managed to fight back the urge to kindly but sourly ask him to leave her the hell alone. Her focus wasn't on him for the time, it was on the task at hand to carry out, think of it as a mission. 'Just a normal, albeit stupid, mission to buy condom what kind of pervert would request that for a mission?' Yuffie was a little ashamed to come up with more than one name in less than thirty seconds.
"Touche! That it'll be 10 gil." Yuffie handed him the correct amount, quickly exiting, attempting to completely forget the awkward incident with the store clerk and Vincent and the condoms. Oh of course she couldn't forget her stupid big mouth. Oh what had she been thinking. Yuffie thoughts of what must have gone through Vincents mind, played repeat in her head. The day should have been left completely problem, stress, and multi-flavored-condom free, Yuffie swore she would get back at Tifa.
Okay, peeps. Give me your opinion. What should I do? If you don't know what I'm asking from you, please read author note located at top.