A/N: Slightly AU. If you've read the entire series so far, you'll notice the differences. This takes place about six years after Sasuke abandoned Konoha. Also, this fic is rated M. If you are uncomfortable with yaoi, foul language, violence, and angst, I suggest you hit the back button. If not, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor am I in any way affiliated with Masashi Kishimoto.
Hopeless Passage, Part I
"The Foul Taste Of Truth"
Chapter Word Count: 3,752
Chapter Rating: K+ {For mild language & suggestive themes}
"If a man is alive, there is always danger that he may die."Henry David Thoreau
Following Uchiha Sasuke, 3rd Person:
Sasuke had always contemplated how he would meet his fate.
Where would he die? Close to the village he had spent his early childhood in, the place where all of his fury and resentment and sorrow had originated in? Or would he perish far away from anywhere he had ever come to call home, a place that lacked any acquaintances and didn't deserve any emotional ties?
Who would deal the final blow? An enemy, or perhaps someone he knew? He had been near death numerous times; with Itachi, with Orochimaru, with Taka and Akatsuki…with Naruto. He had killed, had failed in killing, and had abandoned others, but he himself had never died. If no one had succeeded in taking his life, who would be able to? ANBU? The Fifth Hokage? Would he himself be the only one able to end his own life?
When would he breathe his last breath? What action could he or would he take that would deserve an untimely demise? No matter what scenario he managed to pull together, when the time came for death, he knew he wouldn't expect it.
He was standing outside of the gates of Konoha, waiting, feet ostensibly petrified to the dusty road beneath his sandaled feet. Bordered by foliage on both his left and his right, he could have easily dashed into safety; however, he remained in place, staring blankly at the forty-foot gate he hadn't been so close to in years.
There were no guard-ninjas that he could see, but even without his sharingan he could sense that ten individuals surrounded him; four were stationed on top of the wall, and three on each side flanked him in the forest. They were laying low. He scoffed and glared upwards, hoping that the other ninjas would just leap down and confront him.
Why was he here, anyway? There was no reason for his sudden nostalgia. He wasn't even sure why he acted on impulse to travel for miles to a nation that had no need and no tolerance for a rogue ninja. He attributed his sudden trek to his arrogance and his superiority complex, both of which he had trouble dealing with.
It sounded remarkably stupid, but a nexus, a pull, a gut feeling, or whatever the hell it was known as-
Naruto...
-had inexplicably drawn him back to the "passionately blood-thirsty and hypocritical" (as his brother had once sarcastically annotated) Konoha.
He had half a mind to turn on his heels and revert back to what others labeled him as-a coward. A sociopath. One who didn't care, who didn't feel.
But he did feel. He knew himself to be a passionate person. He knew abandonment. He knew hatred. He knew physical pain and emotional pain and guilt. He was aware of it all. It had been that way ever since he was a child.
Yet he also felt his desire for power. He knew arrogance and pride and lust for revenge on every person alive who had wronged him. He was strong.
Though, when the gates began to swing forward, his entire body twitched in surprise; a cold and steady anxiety began to drip down into the middle of his gut. He couldn't run now. Not after he had been seen. Not after he had been standing there for Kami-knows-how-long with a stare, he presumed, appeared utterly stupid and unbecoming on a shinobi of his stature. The urge to wretch began to consume his stomach, as well as his brain.
The ninjas that had been in the forest and up on the walls appeared in a moment, surrounding him in a loose circle. He remained in place, refusing to meet any of their faces, though they were all covered in ANBU masks, so it wouldn't have really mattered anyways.
Sasuke had always contemplated how he would meet his fate.
He never really considered that he would probably be killed simply for being alive.
Following Tsunade-sama, 3rd Person
The setting sun slowly dragged out the shadows of the enormous walls that surrounded Konoha. It was getting late, and most of the citizens who remained on the streets were on their way home rather than on their way out.
Tsunade sighed and swiveled her chair so that her back was to the door and everything on the other side of the window was visible to her.
Her heart was heavy with a happiness that could only be described as her love for the people she had the prerogative to rule. Every day was a privilege; no matter how much paperwork she was expected to do, no matter how much debt was following her in her subconscious, and no matter how many things went wrong politically, it gladdened her that she had been elected Hokage. (Though she rarely showed her contentment with the duty.)
In a way, her accomplishment of being chosen as the first female Hokage made up for what had happened to Nawaki and Dan; they both had desperately wanted to become Hokage but died bloody deaths before they could even try to fulfill their hopes. She may not have wanted the title, at first, but now she felt adept and powerful even into her older age.
With a frown marring her deceivingly youthful features, she remembered back to seeing the corpse of her deceased brother whom she had loved so much; she remembered her utter failure at saving the love of her life. For years she had been without much thought of the disturbing past she harbored in the depths of her mind, but as of recent weeks, she seemed to beleaguer everything she did with thoughts of Nawaki and Dan and Jiraiya. As much as she hated to admit to herself, it debilitated her.
She was never able to bring up her brother to be the best shinobi he could be. She never got to witness his dreams becoming reality or accompany him on a mission. She was never able to scold him about girls or give him advice on his wedding night or see his first child.
A baby, Nawaki. If I had ever had a child, I would have raised him as I was planning on raising you.
She was never able to express the love she had maintained for so long to Dan. She had never absolved herself of her guilt, and she knew she never would.
You took your last breath right in front of me...I'm sorry, Dan. I tried so hard. I hope you know that.
She experienced one instance of intimacy with him—only a few nights before he had taken his last breath. She desperately wished that that night had gone 'wrong', that she would have carried his child, so that she could even share one shred of the love she held for Dan with his offspring.
So many years ago...
And Jiraiya, the man she had trained with for a large portion of her life, died without her by his side. Over the years, she had come to love him with such a force that she was unable to admit it without feeling foolish. He would never know that she longed to grow old with him, despite his perverted and exuberant nature. She remembered the words he had issued to her once becoming aware of Dan's death:
"The true measure of a shinobi is not how he lives, but how he dies."
He was the third man to reduce her to tears...and all because of death.
Life is a cruel mistress...it has taken almost everything precious to me.
A sudden knock on the door drew her out of her nostalgic and melancholy introspection. Though her instincts told her body to jump in surprise and quickly swivel the chair to its normal position, she remained stationary and silent. The lump that had begun to form in her throat was forced to dissipate.
She cleared her throat. "Yes?" she called out in a voice that was stronger than usual.
"Tsunade-sama, Naruto-kun is here to see you. Will you permit him entry?" Shizune's soprano voice was muffled through the wooden door. Under normal circumstances, Shizune would not have been so conscientious about a ninja meeting with Tsunade, but Naruto had arrived unannounced and flustered.
Tsunade turned around and attempted to make herself seem presentable and normal. Her hands fell to her lap after abandoning her hair.
Foolish child, showing up at such a horrible time...
"Thank you Shizune. Of course, let him in."
She had expected a slam from the doors opening so quickly and forcefully, but the sound never came. She glanced in Naruto's direction, surprised to see that his body hadn't even made it through the door yet. The expression on his face was unreadable and Tsunade became alarmed.
"Naruto?"
"Hokage-sama, I have a request." He announced quickly. What, no '-baa-chan'? She thought shrewdly.
Tsunade blinked. He always had requests, questions, and demands, and those never really bothered her. What irked her was that he seemed so mellow and...not himself. She brought her elbows to the edge of the table, laced her fingers together, and placed them under her chin. She stared directly into his cerulean eyes.
"I'm listening." He looked slightly taken-aback at her calm tone, but he took a deep breath and spoke.
"Well, I..." Pausing, he searched for the right words to express: "...please don't put Sasuke on trial." He looked away from his elders' eyes and his words quieted at the end of his sentence.
Tsunade sighed. "Naruto, you know I can't refrain from doing that. He betrayed Konoha."
"I know. I know he did. But I..." He ran his fingers through his unruly hair. "...I can't deal with it. Please, isn't there something you can do? He came back on his own free will, he apologized, and was satisfied with the fact that he's no longer trusted!" His words gained strength and momentum as Naruto tried to force all of his thoughts into one continuous string of lexeme. "He's okay with it, -baa-chan. He just wants to be forgiven. You can't just let the elders decide what is to become of him! They'll kill him if you give them the chance! They don't understand."
This man in front of me...
Tsunade could clearly see the tears being held back from his eyes. His voice was still clear and confident. "Can't you just give him house arrest for a year or two? Or have the ANBU follow him until you see fit? I could take care of him, Tsunade. I know he's done so many horrible things, but he doesn't deserve to rot in that cell any longer and he doesn't deserve any harsh punishments!"
...is it really possible?
"I'm begging you, just see what you can do to convince the elders." He strode over to Tsunade's desk and placed his hands gently in front of her face, palm-up. She met his eyes, confused.
When did he become so...
"You see my hands, right?" The question remained in the air for a few uncomfortable seconds. "These hands are stained with blood. I've killed people. I've tortured people because you willed it and the country willed it. No matter how clean they look right now, they're dirty and I can never make amends for the things I've done. I'm no better than him, -baa-chan. Every other jounin and ANBU ninja in this country and every other country are the same. We're murderers. Can't you see that?"
...humble? Even for that man's sake, he is so willing to...
"Naruto," she interrupted, "the difference between the high-ranked ninja in the United Countries and Sasuke is that he is a valid threat to our safety, and they are not. If you think for one second that-"
"-Hokage-sama, instead of praising him for killing the man that slaughtered one of the most prominent clans in the Fire Country, you're considering putting him to death! All he ever wanted was revenge. All he did was leave for a while." The tears spilled over, and he furiously wiped them away.
...go so far.
"Please, -baa-chan." His tone was almost child-like, desperate and weak.
Without her realizing it, her eyes had closed, simultaneously listening and thinking. Usually, this verbose nature would have irritated her, but it seemed fitting at the moment.
"Naruto, you do know that he must be thoroughly castigated for his actions. I assume that you are fully aware of this, right? He's a rogue ninja and an S-Class criminal. You've seen dozens of them convicted in your short lifetime."
"I know, I know! I know, but I don't want to hear it. I don't want to be aware that he'll be gone forever!" He turned his head away from hers and a glower overcame his features.
She wanted to reassure him, this boy that she had let slip into her personal life. The boy whom Jiraiya mentored. She tried so hard to let the words slip from her lips: I'll see what I can do.
They wouldn't come. Instead, words that she knew would bite him spilled before she could stop them.
"I refuse to belabor this subject any longer, Naruto. Let it be. Give up." She trained her brown eyes on his figure.
He started to tremble, and Tsunade began to anticipate the worst. A low growl was emitted from his vocal cords and she could see that his neck was strained. Fists gripped tightly at his side, he spoke:
"What about your brother? Your lover? You didn't give up on them, did you?" He exclaimed.
She narrowed her eyes at the insubordinate young man that harbored such anger and cunning. For a few moments, she had forgotten that she had told him everything of her past.
"No, I suppose I didn't." To Naruto, her calm response held restraint, and he badgered further into the subject.
"How can you expect me to give up on Sasuke, then? I can't! I won't, -baa-chan." He was reduced to mumbles as he tried desperately to keep his emotions under control.
"I'm not expecting you to give up, Naruto. I'm telling you to give up." It pained her to say it, but there was no other way. It was not her intention to break Naruto, nor was it her intention to distort and disturb his already unsteady emotions, but he was one of the most stubborn young men she had ever encountered.
She instantly recognized the disbelief and pain that consumed Naruto's visage.
"Tsunade, I'm..."
She was expecting an apology, a sign of submission, or even a scream of indignation. Her back straightened in preparation for what was surely to come. The sliver or red light from the remaining patch of sun on the carpet disappeared and the room was consumed in a dusky darkness.
"...in love with him. I've always been in love with him."
Naruto...you truly amaze me.
A sharp, phantom pain stabbed through her heart and sucked away the breath that she had just begun to let out. Why did this one person have to have such an effect on her? He spoke simple words that had nothing to do with her, yet it felt like they had been directed towards her. At first, she planned to ignore the words that had just been uttered from Naruto's lips, but it was impossible to abnegate his sincerity. And she realized, with shock: his demeanor reminded her of Jiraiya, his innocence of Nawaki, and his intense desire of Dan. It was overwhelming.
He stood there, waiting for a reaction, frightened but also filled with adrenaline at his virgin confession. He'd never uttered the words to anyone, and in a sudden realization, he regretted them. He reverted back to a taciturn state and his body became rigid. After a few moments, Tsunade could sense that he wanted to back away and run towards the door, away from her and away from the office and everything he had just said.
He took a step backwards, but in an instant Tsunade jumped from her chair and appeared in front of him, mere inches away from his taller body. She grasped his wrist in a wrought-iron grip.
He has grown so much, She couldn't help but notice. He was already a jounin, and well on his way to joining ANBU.
He didn't flinch, speak, breathe, or even attempt to retaliate. He just waited. Tsunade could deal with that, even though he was so out-of-character.
"Naruto." He didn't answer at first, but eventually let out a shaky response.
"Y-yes?"
"I understand." His breath ghosted over her cheek and she shuddered at the close proximity of their bodies. No matter how awkward this had become, she needed to finish what she had started.
"You are strong, Naruto, immensely so. It's hard for me to grasp the fact that you just broke right before my eyes, and-"
"-I didn't-"
"-listen, Naruto. Just listen to me. I heard you out, and now I'm asking you to return the favor."
He became silent. She released her grip on his wrist and he took it into his own hand, rubbing the ache away. She hadn't realized the chakra she had put into her action. She gave him a silent apology with her eyes.
"You are absolutely right. I never gave up on raising Nawaki, and never had to relinquish anything with him until he was taken right from my arms. I never gave up on Dan. I nearly died trying to save him, which was foolish. How could I have ever given up on them? I loved them both. When I heard that Jiraiya died, I couldn't stand the fact that I was finally alone. And now you..."
She gulped down the lump that formed in her throat. Naruto seemed to notice, because his shoulders slumped and leaned closer to his elder.
"...you are just as important to me as they were. It's so difficult to see you in this manner, Naruto. It hurts me. I feel like I'm giving up on you. In fact, I probably am. But you know something, Naruto? I understand your love for him."
She gasped as a slight sob wracked her frame. Naruto gathered her now smaller physique into his arms and held her as she regained a hold on her emotions. It was not an awkward embrace, nor an intimate one...it just was. And, as simple as it was, Tsunade was extremely appalled that she was being comforted instead of Naruto, who seemed to deserve it much more.
Tsunade pulled away from Naruto and averted her gaze to the floor. She had been defeated.
"I can give you some time with him before the hearing." Her words were hushed in a secretive manner, as if she felt that they were being spied on. Her promise wasn't enough, she knew, but it would have to suffice. It was illegal to release a prisoner as dangerous as Sasuke, but she was the Hokage. She could make her own decisions, right? Even...if it wasn't for the good of her people.
"Tsunade-baa-chan..." The thankfulness was evident in his voice and he tightened his hold on her, and she reciprocated the touch. "You'd can that for me?"
"Yes, Naruto. You're my most important person right now." She moved further away from his body and placed her hands on his shoulders. "How can I not give you this? You've opened my eyes so much over these past years."
She saw that Naruto had managed to bring forth a small smile, though it was filled with pain and understanding of what would most likely happen in the next few days. He touched the necklace that Tsunade had given him, which once belonged to the Shodai Hokage.
Tsunade turned her back on her subordinate and went to sit in her chair, suddenly emotionally and physically spent for the night.
He took her actions as an initiative to leave, so he nodded in her direction and headed towards the door.
"I'll have ANBU bring him to your apartment, Naruto." The words were plain but held confidence.
He stopped, back still facing her. "When?"
"Tonight." She said simply.
"How long?"
"I wouldn't expect more than two days, Naruto. His release cannot be made public. Please keep that in mind."
He picked up his ambling pace without a reply and when he reached the door, he placed his hand on the cold knob.
"Thank you, Tsunade-sama." he whispered in a light voice, but the room was empty and silent enough that it reached her ears. Tsunade closed her eyes when she heard the door click into place. She knew the decision to release a prisoner was not a wise one, but she also knew she could easily hold responsibility for her actions.
Nawaki... Dan... Jiraiya...I hope you are watching this. This boy—this man—will surely complete what you started. Please bless him.
Following Uchiha Sasuke, 3rd Person
It was dark in his cell.
It was even darker beneath his strained eyelids, but it didn't matter.. He kept his eyes closed, mainly because he was in pain, but also because he really didn't care where he was. Both his hands and his feet were bound by thick chakra-restricting ropes. Even if he had wanted to move, he couldn't. There wasn't much more he could do than remain stationary and occasionally talk to the guards he couldn't see.
Sasuke was unsure of how long he had been sitting on the damp, cold wooden chair; he had never been good at measuring time. He had only ever felt the need to simply distinguish night from day, and without a solid answer about the elapsed time from the guards outside of his cell (he assumed it had been at least a week), he was becoming antsy and increasingly uncomfortable.
Some time before, after the gates had opened and ANBU ops had surrounded him, a woman, none other than Tsunade, the Godaime Hokage, strode towards him with sheer determination on her face. He remembered rolling his eyes at the sheer idiocy of how she carried herself like she was so goddamn important.
"Uchiha Sasuke," her loud yet icy voice came from the gates she was walking away from. "You are under arrest for treason, the murder of two former Konoha citizens, and conspiracy against Konoha."
He had forced himself to stand still, and allowed himself to be approached by men and women that he could easily overcome.
Time for the fun to begin, he thought.
He had smiled to himself when he was grabbed and bound.