Ellana found herself wandering Skyhold in a daze. Her lack of sleep was starting to catching up to her. It wasn't so much that sleep wouldn't come, but that she didn't want to. Sleep meant nightmares or dreaming, and lately, she was more afraid of the dreams than the nightmares. Ever since Solas decided to end their… relationship (if you could truly have called it that) she had suffered many nights dreaming of him. For all she knew it was him, given one of their first conversations at Skyhold when he took her back to Haven in their shared dream. In her own dreams, she didn't always see him as much as felt him. Solas was a very powerful dreamer and being in such close proximity made it hard to avoid the energy he gave off. Although, with the mark, she was quite the powerful dreamer herself these days. That's actually how she came to learn about Cullen's nightmares.
Being a mage, she had always dreamed in the fade, but only possessed a small amount of control there. Since being marked with the anchor during the conclave explosion, she had found herself hounded by nightmares and dreams that seemed so real she would wake up screaming and thrashing. Solas suspected that the anchor had something to do with this and the Avvar augur at Stone-bear Hold had confirmed it when they met.
"To those beyond the veil, your hand burns like the watchman's bonfire.", the augur had said after having introduced Ellana to the spirits in his hut.
"Are you saying that every spirit in the fade knows where I am?", she asked with growing horror.
"Only those nearby, but thoughts spread quickly among the gods.", he replied. By "gods" she knew he meant spirits, but it was still no less unnerving.
After that, she and Solas had agreed that Ellana required more training in controlling her dreams. In the meantime, though, they would seek out something to help block spirits from being able to see her while sleeping, which is when she was most vulnerable. The answer actually came from her own mother.
Ellana had mentioned the issue to her mother in a letter and her reply had made Ellana thump her palm on her forehead. Somniar arla, why hadn't she thought of that! The humans might call it a sort of "dreamcatcher", which is exactly what it did, although it was mostly used to catch nightmares. The materials to make them were specific to the needs of the dreamer; cloth might be used to offer healing along with beads made of iron to offer the dreamer strength. Ellana's needs were greater than what those materials could offer though, and it took quite a bit of research to determine what would work best for her unique circumstances. She needed it to be strong enough to ward off any spirits that might try to gain purchase in her mind, but more importantly, she wanted to be hidden from the spirits in the fade. She wanted to be able to dream in solitude, which would enable her to complete the dream training that Solas was giving her. Ultimately, her mother, Solas, and Ellana had determined that her somniar arla should include a hoop made of a torc of wild ivory vines for mental resistance wrapped in halla leather for stealth, halla horn beads wrapped in imperial vestment cotton for healing, and most importantly, beads made from a revenant's heart for cleansing. Since revenants were incredibly rare, this last bit was a monumental challenge to obtain. According to her mother though, it was the best way to keep malevolent sprits at bay and offer the solitude she required while dreaming. Given Corypheus's immense power and ability to manipulate those around him from afar, it became a top priority to locate a revenant.
Luck was again on Ellana's side (if you could call what she had, luck) while exploring Din'an Hanin, the resting place of the Emerald Knights. After fighting through venatori and red templars, Ellana, Solas, Cole, and Iron Bull entered a chamber that had been home to a revenant since a time long-forgotten. Having never battled a revenant before, Ellana was impressed, albeit terrified, by the magic that radiated from its being. The fight was intense and there were more than a few close calls. The revenant continually blocked spell after spell and Ellana was relieved that she had brought Iron Bull with her that day. Cole was essential as well in flitting about while striking killing blows. All Ellana and Solas could really do was try to keep it busy and wear it down - oh, and not die.
Once Ellana had the materials from her mother's list, she then had all the reasons she needed to make a special trip to visit her clan. Her mother had made "dreamcatchers" for others in their clan and was especially skilled at working with the materials needed. Ellana had asked Solas if he would like to travel with her, Cullen, Dorian, and Iron Bull, but he had declined. Ellana didn't push, how could she? She had gotten used to the emotional orbit that seemed to be the nature of their relationship. As for the others, Dorian and Iron Bull were just happy to get out of Skyhold and be alone for a time, while Cullen had business regarding the red templars in the Free Marches area. There were also several meetings for Ellana and Cullen to attend in order to gain some additional Inquisition allies. Ellana's being a mage and an unknown dalish elf, limited her ability to wield any real influence, so Josie felt that Cullen could help by accompanying her. He had, after all, spent several months campaigning by himself in order to gain allies for the Inquisition prior to the conclave.
"Plus, he's such a handsome poster boy for our cause.", Leliana had added with a smirk on her lips.
"Surely I have better things to offer than my face.", Cullen grumbled. Ellana could tell that he wasn't looking forward to being so far from Skyhold and his "command desk", although Sera had dubbed it the "center of the whole empire" after a well needed round of pranks in which they slipped a bit of paper under his desk to make it wobble. The thought of this made Ellana giggle aloud.
"I'm so glad to see everyone is so amused.", Cullen said while rubbing his neck.
"Oh no, I was thinking about something else entirely.", Ellana said as she grinned and patted him on the arm.
"Do I even want to know?", he asked.
"The empire won't fall apart while we're gone, I promise.", Ellana said smiling.
"Right…", Cullen replied then turned to walk back to his office. Ellana thought she caught a bit of red on his cheeks just as he turned. He did tend to blush easily, at least as far as she could tell.
After Ellana had finished talking with Leliana and Josie about her travel plans and being instructed by Josie (again) about proper etiquette while meeting the various nobles and potential allies, she decided to try asking Solas if he had changed his mind about accompanying her. The possibility was remote, she knew, but her heart couldn't help it. She was drawn to him since they had first met. Maybe some of that had more to do with him also being elven, at least as far as looks were concerned, but that's where the similarities ended. He was unlike any of the men she grew up with in her clan. He had a stoic nature that offered her strength, and a commitment to himself and his beliefs that she admired. He didn't share as much as she did, although she had hoped to glean more from his past in sharing her own. This only went so far though. He didn't seem to hold back because he wanted to but because of a profound sadness inside him. Ellana could see it flash across his face whenever they locked eyes for longer than a moment. She often wondered what had happened in his past to cause him to shut down with every step closer they had come together. This made the few intimate moments they had shared all the more sweet, like a hard won victory of the heart. But, inevitably, he would pull back into himself, leaving Ellana to wonder even more as to why he was holding back.
As she entered the rotunda, she noticed the new mural he had finished which detailed the events at Haven. She gasped at the imagery. How could something so terrible look so beautiful at the same time. She became lost in the details and had nearly forgotten why she had walked in when she heard Solas close the book his was reading.
"Oh! You startled me!", she said as she jumped slightly at the sound.
"My apologies.", he said, standing from his desk and moving to stand beside her. They both stood studying his work for a a few minutes before he finally said, "Thoughts?"
"It's… amazing and… sad", she replied, while still looking over the imagery. "I still remember the heat of the flames on my neck, the smell of…", she paused, "All of those lives. I wish I could have saved more, done more."
"You did all that you could vehnan. We all did.", he said turning towards her. Ellana's heart fluttered every time he called her that, vehnan, my heart. She smiled a little and gazed into his eyes for a moment before he broke the silence again.
"Was there something you required?", he asked breaking their gaze as he looked down and returned to his desk.
"Oh, yes, I nearly forgot. I know you had said that you were not able to travel with us… with me, but I was wondering if maybe you had changed your mind.", she blurted out a bit quicker than she had intended and clearly lacking the self control she had tried to convey.
"I am sorry vehnan, there is much that I still need to research and I am expecting a delivery of some tomes that are vital to our cause. Hopefully I will uncover more information regarding Corypheus within them before your return.", he replied, shuffling some papers on his desk.
"I understand, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push.", she said and turned to walk towards the great hall. Solas gently grabbed her hand and she turned to look at him.
"Perhaps I will be able to meet your clan another time.", he said softly, causing Ellana's heart to break just a bit more.
"Sure!", she said, trying her best to not let him see how hurt she was feeling.
She squeezed his hand and then left to go pack her things. It would take a couple weeks to complete their trip and she would have more than enough time to try to think of ways to draw him out from his self-imposed solitude.