Arrhythmia
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"Tadaima." Tatsumi's voice rang from the entry of his apartment as he took off his shoes.
Tsuzuki looked up from where he sat, with his knees against his chest, on Tatsumi's sofa. "Okaeri," he replied, using the remote control to turn off the television he hadn't been watching.
Tatsumi hung his coat by the door, then moved to join his guest on the sofa. His eyes took in Tsuzuki's curled posture and the soft chenille throw pulled around hunched shoulders.
"Were you cold?" Tatsumi asked his former partner as he sat down beside him.
"Uh-uh, not really," the dark haired man answered. "It's just..."
"Tsuzuki-san?"
"I like to use a blanket when I feel a little lonely." Tsuzuki dropped his gaze slightly, to land on the fringed edge of the throw, rather than the other man's face.
Tatsumi sighed. "Honestly... I only got home an hour later than you did." He reached out his hand to Tsuzuki's chin and tilted his gaze back up.
"But... I could have waited for you at work. Then we could have come home together."
Tatsumi smiled softly at this and the skin around Tsuzuki's eyes smoothed in response. "And how much work do you think I could have done with you hanging about, making puppy eyes, Tsuzuki-san?"
The smaller man chuckled a little at this and Tatsumi wrapped his arm around him, drawing him close.
"Mmm...Tatsumi~" Tsuzuki breathed, shifting so that he was curled against his companion. He rested his head on Tatsumi's chest, with one hand laying close beside it.
Wordlessly, Tatsumi began stroking Tsuzuki's hair. Silence embraced the room and the soft caresses gently lulled Tsuzuki.
In the stillness, he sensed Tatsumi's heartbeat -- even and strong -- in hand and ear.
"Tatsumi," Tsuzuki whispered, "I can feel your heartbeat."
The hand in his hair kept moving as Tatsumi responded. "Not surprising, considering your position." There was a smile in his voice.
Tsuzuki made no reply to this. He sat as he was for a moment longer, then his fingers curled slightly against Tatsumi's chest.
"You know," he began, keeping his eyes focused on the arm of the sofa, across Tatsumi's chest. "I've wondered, from time to time... why it is that our -- that shinigami hearts beat." The fingers in his hair stilled. "We're dead. Why do we even have them, let alone have them beating?"
"Tsuzuki-san..." Tatsumi had trouble developing a response. "Why-- when do you wonder that?" It seemed the easiest question to ask first.
"Oh... now and then... after really tough cases and all that..." Tsuzuki began answering slowly, evasively. His fingers kept curling and uncurling in a small scratching motion. He stilled them to keep the sensation of Tatsumi's pulse undisturbed on his palm, and he continued. "The first time I really asked myself that was... when you dumped me... that time."
The rhythm of Tatsumi's heartbeat sped slightly at this, and became a little stronger. His hand dropped away completely and he opened his mouth to have nothing come out. "Wh- why?" he finally managed.
"Well.. it's just... my heart *hurt* so much... at that time... and at others... that..." Tsuzuki closed his eyes tightly. "I thought that if my heart stopped beating, it would stop aching... And I wondered why shinigami hearts had to beat at all..."
"Tsuzuki-san, I'm... I..." Tatsumi paused and drew a couple of deep breaths. He gazed at the ebony crowned head that lay on him and struggled for the right words. "I don't know the answer to that any better than you do... Yes, our hearts can hurt often enough... My heart also ached at that time -- and that echoes now, being reminded of the pain I caused you..."
Tsuzuki stirred at this, but Tatsumi forestalled him by continuing. "But... I do know that they don't always hurt." He wrapped another arm around Tsuzuki, fully embracing him. "There are many times when a beating heart can feel quite good -- wonderful even..." Tatsumi took another deep breath. "Like when you turn your smile toward me, and my heart skips a beat." His voice lowered to a whisper. "Or when I kiss you and it races... And..." He tightened his arms. "I know that it hurts even more when it stops."
Tsuzuki opened his eyes and craned his neck in an attempt to see Tatsumi's face. "Tatsumi?"
The brown haired man was staring out of a night blackened window. "When I reached the lab... *that* time... and saw Touda's flames... and understood your intentions... My heart stopped." Tatsumi's breathing and pulse quickened, his heart thudding painfully in his breast. "And that hurt more than anything..."
"Tatsumi..." Tsuzuki shifted position until both hands rested on Tatsumi's chest and he could meet his turbulent blue eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Please don't apologize, Tsuzuki-san," Tatsumi requested softly, a bittersweet smile quirking his lips. "Instead, answer me why you were thinking about this now -- when we are together?"
"Oh, I'm so- I mean..." Tsuzuki sighed. "It's that... sometimes, when I'm alone, I wonder... how much more would it hurt if you dumped me again..."
Tsuzuki tried to lower his eyes again, but Tatsumi freed one hand to stop him. Tightening the embrace of the other arm, he kept their gazes locked. "Well, stop it," he ordered, his eyes taking on his stern, dangerous look.
Tsuzuki opened his mouth to apologize again, but Tatsumi's hand stopped this, too. He dropped the stern mask and smiled softly once more. "I know which of us it is you lack faith in. Which is why I get angry, rather than hurt." His hand now cupped Tsuzuki's cheek. "I will *never* do that to you again. So stop wasting time on pointless thoughts!"
"Okay," Tsuzuki responded quietly. Then, he smiled at Tatsumi.
Looking into those sparkling violet eyes, Tatsumi's heart skipped a beat.
Tsuzuki felt that in his hands and giggled. "Silly Tatsumi! Getting your heart all fluttery at your age."
Tatsumi's smile grew wider. "I told you." He brushed his hand back along Tsuzuki's cheek to rest entwined in his hair. "Care to make it race?"
"Any time, Tatsumi." He shifted his arms up around his companion's neck. "And you?"
"Same, Tsuzuki-san."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Notes: I hope you like the title... it took me longer to come up with than the fic did! I like it, anyway.
Iyada na~... This was supposed to be slightly angsty, but it's not much removed from fluff... Oh well. ^__^
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Tadaima." Tatsumi's voice rang from the entry of his apartment as he took off his shoes.
Tsuzuki looked up from where he sat, with his knees against his chest, on Tatsumi's sofa. "Okaeri," he replied, using the remote control to turn off the television he hadn't been watching.
Tatsumi hung his coat by the door, then moved to join his guest on the sofa. His eyes took in Tsuzuki's curled posture and the soft chenille throw pulled around hunched shoulders.
"Were you cold?" Tatsumi asked his former partner as he sat down beside him.
"Uh-uh, not really," the dark haired man answered. "It's just..."
"Tsuzuki-san?"
"I like to use a blanket when I feel a little lonely." Tsuzuki dropped his gaze slightly, to land on the fringed edge of the throw, rather than the other man's face.
Tatsumi sighed. "Honestly... I only got home an hour later than you did." He reached out his hand to Tsuzuki's chin and tilted his gaze back up.
"But... I could have waited for you at work. Then we could have come home together."
Tatsumi smiled softly at this and the skin around Tsuzuki's eyes smoothed in response. "And how much work do you think I could have done with you hanging about, making puppy eyes, Tsuzuki-san?"
The smaller man chuckled a little at this and Tatsumi wrapped his arm around him, drawing him close.
"Mmm...Tatsumi~" Tsuzuki breathed, shifting so that he was curled against his companion. He rested his head on Tatsumi's chest, with one hand laying close beside it.
Wordlessly, Tatsumi began stroking Tsuzuki's hair. Silence embraced the room and the soft caresses gently lulled Tsuzuki.
In the stillness, he sensed Tatsumi's heartbeat -- even and strong -- in hand and ear.
"Tatsumi," Tsuzuki whispered, "I can feel your heartbeat."
The hand in his hair kept moving as Tatsumi responded. "Not surprising, considering your position." There was a smile in his voice.
Tsuzuki made no reply to this. He sat as he was for a moment longer, then his fingers curled slightly against Tatsumi's chest.
"You know," he began, keeping his eyes focused on the arm of the sofa, across Tatsumi's chest. "I've wondered, from time to time... why it is that our -- that shinigami hearts beat." The fingers in his hair stilled. "We're dead. Why do we even have them, let alone have them beating?"
"Tsuzuki-san..." Tatsumi had trouble developing a response. "Why-- when do you wonder that?" It seemed the easiest question to ask first.
"Oh... now and then... after really tough cases and all that..." Tsuzuki began answering slowly, evasively. His fingers kept curling and uncurling in a small scratching motion. He stilled them to keep the sensation of Tatsumi's pulse undisturbed on his palm, and he continued. "The first time I really asked myself that was... when you dumped me... that time."
The rhythm of Tatsumi's heartbeat sped slightly at this, and became a little stronger. His hand dropped away completely and he opened his mouth to have nothing come out. "Wh- why?" he finally managed.
"Well.. it's just... my heart *hurt* so much... at that time... and at others... that..." Tsuzuki closed his eyes tightly. "I thought that if my heart stopped beating, it would stop aching... And I wondered why shinigami hearts had to beat at all..."
"Tsuzuki-san, I'm... I..." Tatsumi paused and drew a couple of deep breaths. He gazed at the ebony crowned head that lay on him and struggled for the right words. "I don't know the answer to that any better than you do... Yes, our hearts can hurt often enough... My heart also ached at that time -- and that echoes now, being reminded of the pain I caused you..."
Tsuzuki stirred at this, but Tatsumi forestalled him by continuing. "But... I do know that they don't always hurt." He wrapped another arm around Tsuzuki, fully embracing him. "There are many times when a beating heart can feel quite good -- wonderful even..." Tatsumi took another deep breath. "Like when you turn your smile toward me, and my heart skips a beat." His voice lowered to a whisper. "Or when I kiss you and it races... And..." He tightened his arms. "I know that it hurts even more when it stops."
Tsuzuki opened his eyes and craned his neck in an attempt to see Tatsumi's face. "Tatsumi?"
The brown haired man was staring out of a night blackened window. "When I reached the lab... *that* time... and saw Touda's flames... and understood your intentions... My heart stopped." Tatsumi's breathing and pulse quickened, his heart thudding painfully in his breast. "And that hurt more than anything..."
"Tatsumi..." Tsuzuki shifted position until both hands rested on Tatsumi's chest and he could meet his turbulent blue eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Please don't apologize, Tsuzuki-san," Tatsumi requested softly, a bittersweet smile quirking his lips. "Instead, answer me why you were thinking about this now -- when we are together?"
"Oh, I'm so- I mean..." Tsuzuki sighed. "It's that... sometimes, when I'm alone, I wonder... how much more would it hurt if you dumped me again..."
Tsuzuki tried to lower his eyes again, but Tatsumi freed one hand to stop him. Tightening the embrace of the other arm, he kept their gazes locked. "Well, stop it," he ordered, his eyes taking on his stern, dangerous look.
Tsuzuki opened his mouth to apologize again, but Tatsumi's hand stopped this, too. He dropped the stern mask and smiled softly once more. "I know which of us it is you lack faith in. Which is why I get angry, rather than hurt." His hand now cupped Tsuzuki's cheek. "I will *never* do that to you again. So stop wasting time on pointless thoughts!"
"Okay," Tsuzuki responded quietly. Then, he smiled at Tatsumi.
Looking into those sparkling violet eyes, Tatsumi's heart skipped a beat.
Tsuzuki felt that in his hands and giggled. "Silly Tatsumi! Getting your heart all fluttery at your age."
Tatsumi's smile grew wider. "I told you." He brushed his hand back along Tsuzuki's cheek to rest entwined in his hair. "Care to make it race?"
"Any time, Tatsumi." He shifted his arms up around his companion's neck. "And you?"
"Same, Tsuzuki-san."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Notes: I hope you like the title... it took me longer to come up with than the fic did! I like it, anyway.
Iyada na~... This was supposed to be slightly angsty, but it's not much removed from fluff... Oh well. ^__^