Notes:

This story is a gift for the darling Seberu, who wanted Abel and Deimos to make out during bathroom cleaning duties. "Spacebook" is a sloppy continuation of Chollarcho's hilarious story ( archiveofourown DOT org/works/606888/chapters/1170424 ), and the character Puck was taken from the fabulous A2MOM ( fanfiction DOT net/u/4278384/ ). Obviously, neither Abel nor Deimos are exactly true to character in this... Heh.

"I think it hissed. Oh my God, I think it hissed."

Deimos looked over his shoulder at Abel, who was backing away from a rather impressive off-green growth on the wall. "It didn't hiss. Quit being so dramatic."

Abel let out a huff of air and pulled his bright pink dishwashing gloves further up his elbows. "Dramatic?" he scoffed, giving the mold another quick glance. "We wouldn't even be in here if it weren't for your snarky, over-the-top and completely untrue comments."

"I give my Spacebook followers what they want," Deimos said casually as he began to pour bleach into one of the bathroom's three urinals. "If that happens to be the ugly truth, then so be it."

"I did not dry hump Athos! And that thing with the high heels only happened once, and Ethos is equally responsible. That little bitch just won't fess up because he's shy which, by the way, is a complete act. You should see that freak when someone gets out the sequins and the-"

"Abel," Deimos cut in with annoyance, "work." If they didn't get this bathroom cleaned by the end of the day – and from the looks of things, it would take back-breaking, possibly life-threatening hours – then Cook would add to their punishment. The man was already angry - he may or may not have ended up on the receiving end of a few Sleipnir memes - and Deimos didn't want to make things worse by failing to serve this penance. Really, it wasn't his fault Abel had gotten his undies in a bunch over a few harmless comments and photos. Speaking of which, he'd have to remember to thank Puck for his photoshop work; that man could work wonders with Google search and octopi. The squid had been a nice touch, too.

Abel mumbled cattily under his breath before working up the courage to take a scrub brush to the mold. "I swear it's sentient. Probably a breeding program for bacterial warfare." He glared at the offensive green-brown fuzz and shot it with a well-aimed spray of Lysol.

When the fungus produced an angry, spitting gurgle, even Deimos looked over in wide-eyed alarm.

"Holy space balls!" Abel shrieked, throwing himself away from the wall with a clumsy sprint. He stopped on the other side of Deimos, keeping the fighter between him and the indignant spores. "I told you!" he yelped with a glare, giving Deimos a solid shove on the arm.

Deimos ignored Abel and watched the mold with the caution one normally reserves for Spacebook grandparents. "I don't think we should go near it," he said at last, tightly gripping his bleach in preemptive defense.

Abel rolled his eyes. "No duh, you chach."

"Durak."

"Prasser."

"Slut."

Abel gasped with his pink-gloved hand over his mouth. "You take that back."

"Make me," Deimos coolly ordered, leaning against the wall beside the urinal before thinking better of it and stepping away.

Abel crossed his arms indignantly. "You only say that because- because you're jealous!"

Deimos raised his eyebrows. "Jealous?" he repeated, off-handedly amused.

"That's right," Abel confirmed. "You're still mad that I turned you down in the lift all those weeks ago."

"There's nothing to be jealous of. Why would I want a taste of everybody else's leftovers?"

Abel's jaw dropped, and red flooded his cheeks. "That- You're horrible," he said at last, looking away but too afraid of the still occasionally hissing mold to move further into the bathroom.

Deimos' smug victory was overshadowed by a quick stab of guilt. Don't worry, he reassured himself, you still have more Spacebook friends. And everybody knew that that's what mattered, even if he was bitter about that whole lift incident, even if it wasn't fair that Abel got all those looks from Cain and Keeler and even that weird clipboard kid when Deimos had to spend valuable time manipulating people into friends. It wasn't an easy job, but he supposed that was life. Still... Maybe he could find it in himself to be a bit nicer, at least for the day.

Deimos let out a sigh before turning Abel around by the shoulder, fully intending to work out some sort of momentary bathroom-cleaning peace treaty when Abel suddenly puffed out his chest determinedly and gave him a big, wet, sloppy kiss.

Deimos returned the kiss with surprise before Abel leaned back, cheeks still flush. Deimos stared searchingly into his eyes, brown meeting gray in a soulful gaze as the dirty bathroom continued to procreate around them. "We've got four hours," Abel said a bit breathlessly. "But I am not cleaning this place without some motivation."

Deimos took Abel's pink-clad hands in his own. "Does this mean…?"

"Kiss me, you fool."

The urinal was flushed, the mold was quieted and Spacebook was none the wiser.