Breathe, Ikuya told himself once more. His breath was coming at a rapid pace and his head was spinning violently as his eyes followed the seconds hand on the clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. The constant ticking only served as a reminder to Ikuya that when the bell rang, he couldn't just go home and curl up in bed, no, he had agreed to join the swim club and that meant he had to see Natsuya.

Why did I agree to join the swim club? Why did I do something so stupid? Ikuya mentally questioned himself. His head was spinning and he had long since given up on trying to concentrate on what the teacher was saying.

He was still lost in thought when the bell rung, making him jump slightly. His brain was still muddled up as he stood up, distractedly gathering his things and heading down to the pool.

"Everyone line up," Natsuya instructed the many people who were gathered around the pool.

Everyone replied with a 'Yes!' before doing as Natsuya had instructed.

"Today we've got some new club members. I'm sure the second and third years already know but there's a practice tournament with Sano middle school coming up. And then after there's a real tournament. the first years will also be participating so don't slack off." Natsuya began explaining.

"Yes!" Came the reply again.

"Now then these are the new first years. Now go on and introduce yourselves." Natsuya turned to the four boys stood next to him.

"Shiina Asahi, I'm a first year!" Asahi started enthusiastically

"Hey, we already know you're a first year." Natsuya cut in

"Ah! Uhmm..." Asahi stuttered as people giggled at his mistake.

"I moved here this spring. I went to a SC where I used to live and I'm good at butterfly. I plan to become even faster! Nice to meet you," Asahi finished, bowing as everyone clapped

How can he be so confident, Ikuya asked himself, staying silent when the attention tuned to him.

Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. He told himself over again, trying to keep his breathing even.

Don't panic. all you have to do is introduce yourself...

Ikuya's thoughts were cut short when Natsuya glanced over, noticing Ikuya's reluctance, he said

"Ikuya, introduce yourself,"

Ikuya looked down, repeating the same phrase, don't panic, over and over again as he introduced himself.

"I'm Kirishima Ikuya. I swim breaststroke," He was mumbling only, at that moment in time, all he really cared about was trying to calm down so that he didn't have a panic attack. there was a small ripple of applause however, Ikuya was convinced that he hadn't spoken clearly enough for people to hear.

A lot of what happened after that point was a blur to Ikuya. He briefly remembered Makoto and Haru introducing themselves and Natsuya racing Haru then everything turned into a blur again before he remembered Asahi having trouble swimming freestyle.

It was later on in the changing rooms where Natsuya, Nao, Makoto and Haru were trying to work out why Asahi couldn't swim that Ikuya's anxiety came rushing back. He wasn't sure where the sudden panic came from or what triggered it but he had began feeling panicky.

"Hmm...You really just became unable to swim all of a sudden?" Natsuya asked

"Yeah." Asahi nodded slightly. Natsuya and Nao looked towards each other, both of them looking confused

"isn't that because you just can't swim free?" Ikuya asked, trying to act normally in the hope that his anxiety would go away if he acted like everything's fine.

"No! I can swim it! But...But today...when I tried to swim...I just couldn't. Ugh!" Asahi replied turning away from everyone.

"But why so suddenly?" Makoto asked

"Like I should know." Asahi muttered

"Hmm, it's probably a mental problem." Nao suggested

"Mental?" Asahi asked, his eyes widening. Natsuya came up behind him, placing his hand on his shoulder. Asahi turned around to look at him as Natsuya began talking.

"It's okay. If you were able to swim before, then it will instinctively come back to you soon enough,"

Asahi began grinning before replying with

"Okay,"

Ikuya hardly heard the end of the conversation, too lost in his own thoughts to concentrate.

-Flashback-

"Ikuya, you're getting way better than you were before. it's okay. you'll figure it out soon enough. Keep trying, Ikuya!" Natsuya said enthusiastically.

"Nii-chan...Okay!" Ikuya smiled

-End of flashback-

Ikuya could feel his breathing speeding up. His eyes glistened with tears as he picked up his things, running out of the changing room before anyone could stop him.

"Hey Ikuya." Natsuya called. Ikuya glanced back to look at his brother but ignored him as he called his name once more.

Tears were now falling freely from his eyes as panic consumed his body, taking over his thoughts. he ran. He didn't know where to but he ran. at that moment he wanted to be anywhere but with his brother.

He ended up running to the other side of town and by the time he got there, his legs ached and his lungs burned. he was still panicking slightly but he had calmed down slightly whilst he had been concentrated on not tripping over his own feet whilst running.

Why am I even panicking. What is there to panic about? You're pathetic, useless, even your own brother hates you!

With that thought lingering i his mind, Ikuya broke down, falling to his knees as tears streamed down his face and his breathing came quicker than usual. He didn't care how many people were looking at him funnily. He didn't care that people were passing by him, judging him. He couldn't take it. He couldn't stop the tears once they had started. He started to feel dizzy after a while and he knew that he needed to calm down to get rid of the dizziness only, he still wasn't sure why he was panicking or what he was panicking about.

Breathe, he told himself, remember that article you read about it, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Or was it in through your mouth and out through your nose?

Ikuya's panicked mind was making it hard to concentrate as he attempted to slow his breathing down. It worked to slow his breathing down however, his heart still beat at an almost painful rate. His hands were shaking as he pushed himself up off the ground and his legs shook as he turned around and began walking back the way he came, ignoring all the funny looks he earned as he walked.

He got home just over half an hour later, earning himself confused and concerned looks from both his parents and Natsuya

"Sorry I'm late. I went for a walk," Ikuya lied. His parents didn't know about his anxiety, neither did Natsuya. He hadn't told anyone about the constant worrying and frequent panic attacks.

"Ikuya, are you alright?" His mother asked, concern filling her voice.

"I'm fine," Ikuya said looking down. He knew that his eye were probably red and puffy and he knew that there were probably glistening tear stains on his face but he didn't want to explain what happened, not to his parents and definitely not to Natsuya. He made his way to his bedroom, dropping his school bag on the floor and crawling into his bed.

This is getting ridiculous, you need to get this under control. Yeah Natsuya hates you, get over yourself. You're just going to have to live with it. there's nothing you can do about it.

"Shut up," Ikuya muttered to himself, a strange habit of his. Since Natsuya had told him he wanted to make new friends, Ikuya had started talking to himself. He didn't really have any friends so instead, he talked to himself.

I hate this. i hate arguing with myself, I hate constantly being anxious about things, I hate being alone...

As Ikuya thought this, tears began running down his face again, dropping off his face and being absorbed by his pillow.

"Ikuya?" His mothers voice came from outside Ikuya's bedroom door.

"Y-yeah?" Ikuya asked in reply, his voice cracking slightly.

"Are you alright?" The question caught Ikuya slightly off guard. Was he okay?

No, I'm not okay but I can't tell her that. How would I even begin to explain that?

"Yeah. I'm fine..." Ikuya replied, hoping she wouldn't ask any more questions

"Are you sure? You didn't look too good when you came in before."

"I'm fine." Ikuya answered a little harsher than he had intended. He heard footsteps going down the hall away from his bedroom and he relaxed slightly.

Thoughts still rushed rapidly through Ikuya's head as he lay there. He hadn't eaten since dinner and his stomach growled loudly however, he couldn't bring himself to leave his room in case he had to face his parents or Natsuya.

You need to eat, the reasonable part of Ikuya's brain argued.

Well I am still eating. Besides if you leave this room, everyone will bug you trying to find out what's wrong so surely it's better to just stay here and eat later.

This debate carried on in Ikuya's head until there was another knock on his door. This time it was his father who spoke

"Ikuya, we're not sure what's wrong but you at least need to eat."

"No thank you." Ikuya mumbled quietly, his face still half buried in his pillow

"Ikuya, you know you can talk to us, right?" His father asked, his voice sounding concerned.

"I know." Ikuya replied

"Can I come in?" His father asked. Ikuya fell silent, not answering until his father called his name once more.

"Yeah I guess." Ikuya muttered, turning to face the wall as his father entered the room. His father made his way over to where Ikuya lay on his bed, placing a gentle hand on Ikuya's shoulder.

"Please talk to me Ikuya. it doesn't matter how many times you say you're fine, we know you're not. Tell me what's wrong."

Ikuya was starting to get sick of this. He was sick of everyone asking what's wrong.

"It's nothing. I'm just tired. Couldn't sleep last night." It wasn't a lie. he hadn't been able to sleep last night. He's spent the night staring blankly at the wall whilst he tried not to panic.

"Try to get some sleep then. And if you're hungry later on, just go and get something to eat, okay?" His father asked. Ikuya nodded as best he could from his position led down and his father ruffled his hair up before leaving his room, flicking the light off and saying a quick goodnight before he gently closed the door.

As soon as his father left the room, Ikuya let out a shaky breath that he had no idea he had been holding. He yawned, remembering how tired he was as he closed his eyes, quickly falling into a restless sleep.