A/N: Seeing as I love quirky characters and comedic stories, how can I not love the beauteous Strax? 3 So, I've got some ideas for a few one or two shot stories around the following premise. I'm hoping it'll be fun.

STRAX'S BIG DAY OUT

PROLOGUE

Buttercup: We'll never survive.

Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

~The Princess Bride~

The Doctor rapped on the impressive wooden door, Clara by his side. He grinned widely when the door was opened by a familiar face. "Ah, Jenny," he said jovially, "here we are, ready to save the day."

Jenny looked relieved to see them. "I'm so glad you're here, Doctor," she included the other woman in her greeting, "Clara and so is the Mistress. We've been havin' a right old time of it." Jenny stepped back to let them enter. "Come on through to the parlour. The Mistress is ready with the tea."

The Doctor rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Excellent. Everything always seems better over a cuppa tea, that's what I always say."

"Since when?" asked Clara in amusement as they followed Jenny down the impressive hallway.

The Doctor shrugged. "Since now, I guess. Traditions have to start somewhere." They walked into the parlour to find Vastra already pouring their tea.

She looked up and smiled at them warmly. "Doctor, Clara, so good of you to come on such short notice."

"You sounded a bit desperate on the phone," observed the Doctor as he and Clara took a seat and accepted their cups of tea.

Vastra made a vaguely impatient sound. "Strax has been making rather a nuisance of himself around town. The house of the Veiled Detective already garners enough attention as it is. We really don't need an angry mob on our doorsteps demanding to know the whereabouts of their pets."

"Pets?" repeated Clara uncertainly as she accepted the scone the other woman was offering her.

Jenny pulled a face. "Strax has developed a fondness for cats."

Clara bit her bottom lip. "You don't mean for their company, do you?"

Vastra sighed. "Unfortunately, no. Every cat he comes across now he chases down and well, I won't go into the details, but it's rather unpleasant."

"Is he-he's not-I mean, surely he isn't eating them?" asked a hesitant Clara. "Is he?"

"Cats are a reasonable source of protein," said the Doctor offhandedly, munching on a biscuit.

"He's poppin' them like hard candies," said Jenny flatly. "It was better when he just used to get into my sherbets. You should see the size of the hair balls he coughs up. It's like we've got Yeti's springin' up all over the place, it is."

Clara blanched and put down her cup of tea. "That's disgusting."

The Doctor shrugged. "Why? You eat cows."

"A cow isn't a cat," said Clara in distress.

"I know that," said the Doctor reasonably. "That's why they have different names. Although, interestingly enough, the same amount of letters in the words. Makes you think, doesn't it?"

"Think what?" asked Clara in consternation.

The Doctor waved a vague hand around. "About things and you know, other things."

"What other things?" Clara demanded to know.

"I fear we're getting away from the point," interrupted Vastra. She smiled amiably at them both. "I know it's an imposition, but Jenny and I wondered if you might consider taking Strax on a little outing or two?"

"Just for a bit," broke in Jenny eagerly. "So maybe he can get over his cat problem and let things die down a bit around here."

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up. "Oh," he said in surprise, "Strax, travelling with us?" He looked at Clara. "The three of us in my little blue box?" How was he meant to solve the puzzle that was Clara Oswald with a flat-footed, blood-thirsty Sontaran stomping around the place?

"The TARDIS is bigger than the entirety of London," pointed out Vastra calmly.

The Doctor wrinkled his nose. "I know, but a Sontaran wandering around the TARDIS. That could get tricky."

"Oh go on, Doctor," pleaded Jenny, "just for a bit. He'll be no trouble."

"That, Jenny Flint, is a bare-faced lie," said the Doctor, not to be drawn in. "You called me because he was nothing but trouble."

Vastra's smile was serene. "But who better to handle trouble than the one who lives to bring order to chaos?" she asked smoothly. "Doctor, you're our last hope, our only hope. There is none other that could take on such a task and rescue us."

Twenty minutes later the Doctor and Clara were standing by the TARDIS, across from Madame Vastra's abode and he was studiously trying to ignore the giant smirk on Clara's face. "Shut up," he grumbled over her silent amusement of him.

Clara gave a little laugh. "You really are a soft touch, aren't you?" She shook her head. "A pretty face and a stroke of your ego and you'll do anything."

"Untrue," he huffed. "After thinking about I decided there wasn't much damage one Sontaran could do aboard the TARDIS." The Doctor's voice cracked over the name of his ship.

"Very convincing," Clara teased him. "You look pretty nervous to me."

"Well, I'm not."

"You're sweating."

"No, I'm not," said the Doctor hastily and glanced around at the snow piled up on the London streets. It wouldn't do for Clara to think he was worried, he was the one meant to be protecting her. "It's melted snow," he lied without thinking.

"It's not snowing."

Damn he hated it when she was observant but couldn't back down now. He drew himself up to his full height, towering over the much shorter Clara. "Down where you are maybe, but that's only because it's hitting me first and melting before it gets to you."

Clara made a show of looking carefully around herself. "And this snow," she quizzed him straight-faced, "would this be the special, invisible snowfall London is so famous for?"

"Snow can be all sorts of dangerous things," the Doctor said without thinking. "You should know that, Clara."

Her look was confused. "Why should I know that?"

The Doctor realised his mistake too late. "Oh, nothing, never mind," he said quickly. Standing there in the streets of Victorian London, it was a little hard to keep the different Clara's straight in his head. The Doctor promised himself he'd have to be more careful. To his relief, Strax appeared in the doorway, large brown suitcase in one hand. The Doctor was glad of the diversion. "Strax, this way!"

The short, thick-seat Sontaran clomped his way across the street to where Clara and the Doctor were standing by the TARDIS. He addressed them in turn. A brief incline of the head. "Doctor." A slight sneered touched his lips. "Boy."

Clara rolled her eyes. "This is going to fun."

The Doctor rubbed his hands together. "Yes, it is, giant bag loads of fun, funny, fun-fun," he said enthusiastically.

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" she asked wryly.

Strax stood to attention. "Madame Vastra has informed me of your need of my military skills. I look forward to the following days of bloodshed and dismemberment under your command, sir."

The Doctor looked over to where Vastra and Clara were standing in the doorway of the house, seeing Strax off. Jenny was suddenly fascinated with a nearby lamp post while Vastra just gave a little shrug and a smile. Apparently the two women had sold Strax on this little vacation with a slight massaging of the truth. The Doctor looked back at Strax and fixed a bright smile on his face. "Well, we'll see. We probably won't start with the dismembering right away seeing as Clara and I were doing some medium to light dismembering just this morning, isn't that right, Clara?"

"No," said Clara.

"You're being unhelpful," he hissed at her.

"I know," she replied, lips twitching. "Turns out I seem to enjoy torturing you." Clara's eyes were limpet pools of innocence as she gazed up at him cheekily. "Who knew?"

The Doctor opened his mouth to tell Clara she and the mystery surrounding her had been tormenting him since they'd met but fortunately Strax saved him from revealing too much yet again.

The Sontaran's face lit up and he practically bristled with excitement. "Torture?" he repeated eagerly. "I will fetch my other bag." Strax turned around to run back across the street but the Doctor quickly stalled him, grabbing his arm.

"That won't be necessary, Strax," he said hastily. "I-ah-have plenty of torture equipment onboard the TARDIS already. One suitcase will be sufficient." Just then a high pitched wail came from the suitcase Strax was holding.

"What was that?" asked Clara in concern, looking at the suitcase.

"What was what?" asked Strax, feigning ignorance. The noise came again.

"Strax," said the Doctor, tone long-suffering, "have you packed a cat in your suitcase?"

"No," said Strax quickly, too quickly. The sound of scratching came from the bag.

The Doctor sighed. "Open your suitcase, Strax."

"My suitcase only contains a change of clothing in case these become blood-soaked," he protested.

The Doctor folded his arms in front of himself. "Open the case, Strax."

"But if I open the case, they will escape," he protested.

"Your clothes will escape?" asked Clara sceptically.

Strax's eyes darted around evasively. "Yes."

"There will be no torturing, no blood-letting for the glory of the Sontaran Empire until you open that suitcase, Strax," said the Doctor firmly.

Strax made a petulant huffing sound but then he was placing the suitcase on the ground. As soon as he undid the clasp and opened the lid, three cats leapt out and ran for their lives. Strax refused to meet the Doctor's censuring gaze. "I have no idea how those creatures came to be in my suitcase," he said defensively. "They must have stowed away, wishing to become a part of the glorious battles which lay ahead of us."

"Yeah," said Clara mockingly, "that'll be it." She cocked her head. "Wait a minute, what's that?" Clara took a step forward and peered at Strax's the left hand side of his long, black coat. There was definitely something moving under the thick material. Clara's hand snapped out and she quickly threw open Strax's coat. Inside, peeking out from the internal pocket was a little tortoise-shell kitten. She gasped in disapproval, going to rescue it. "Strax!" Clara cuddled the helpless little kitten against her cheek. "How could you?!"

"Madame Vastra was unclear as to how long this campaign would last," protested Strax. His expression was of indignation. "Surely the provision of snacks for the journey cannot be questioned."

"And yet it is," said Clara determinedly. She waggled her finger at him. "This campaign is a kitten snacking free zone, you got that?"

"I will not be ordered about by such an inferior specimen," snapped Strax. "I will eat what I want, when I want. Remember that, boy."

Clara's mouth dropped open at the way Strax was looking her over rather ominously. "Are you threatening to eat me?" she gasped and then looked over at the Doctor in annoyance. "Doctor!"

The Doctor held up placating hands. "Nobody is going to be eating anyone else. It's the number one rule while travelling in the TARDIS."

"It is?" asked Clara in surprise.

The Doctor eyed Strax in resignation. "It is now," he said dryly. Strax was quickly closing up the suitcase. "Wait a minute," the Doctor stalled him. "What else have you got in there?"

"Nothing."

Clara wasn't convinced. "Last time you had nothing there were cats."

The Doctor crouched down beside the suitcase and opened it up properly. It appeared empty but there was an obvious false bottom which he pulled up to reveal all manner of weaponry. The Doctor looked up at Strax.

"I was uncertain of the extent of the size of your armoury, sir," said Strax. "I wanted to make sure we weren't caught unprepared."

The Doctor reviewed the contents of the suitcase. "Sunmasters, Unirapier, a Devizooka, magiorbs." He shook his head. "Oh, Strax."

"You fear it is not enough, sir?" asked Strax in concern. "I had the same worry. I will bring the other suitcases. There are only twenty-seven of them, it will take no time at all."

The Doctor deftly closed up the suitcase and straightened up. "This will be sufficient, Commander Strax. I'll just hold onto it for safe keeping."

"But-but, sir," protested Strax.

"Are you questioning my command, Strax?" asked the Doctor sternly.

Strax's shoulders slumped in defeat. "No, sir."

"Alright, soldier," said the Doctor firmly, "on board with you." He pushed the door of the TARDIS open and the dejected Strax stomped his way in.

Clara was just smiling at him. "The Helicopter ejection seat."

The Doctor sent her a confused look. "What?"

"It was formerly the worst idea in history," said Clara blithely, "but thanks to you, we have a new winner. Strax taking a holiday on the TARDIS while not knowing he's actually on a holiday. Worst idea ever."

The Doctor fought against smiling at her teasing. "Put down that kitten and get on board as well, young lady," he said with mock severity. "I won't be accepting anymore sub-ordination today. There will be stern punishments handed out if I don't see a drastic improvement in deference."

Clara's eyes twinkled. "Promises, promises," she sassed him, handing the Doctor the purring kitten.

The Doctor's cheeks flushed bright red as he tugged nervously at his bow tie at her unexpected cheekiness. Clara sashayed into the TARDIS with an unnecessary sway of her hips which the Doctor told himself not to watch but did anyways. "Oh my," he said anxiously, clutching the kitten too tightly to his chest and making it give a little mew of protest. The Doctor immediately loosened his grip. "Vexing creature," he complained to the tiny creature. "I don't know why I put up with her, I really don't." That was a lie, but it was a comforting one, so the Doctor let himself off the hook. With Strax secured inside the TARDIS, Jenny and Vastra must have decided it was safe to come closer. The Doctor looked them over, pretending to be miffed. "You realise you two owe me big time for this." He handed the kitten to Jenny and the weapon-filled suitcase to Vastra. "Big time."

"Goodness is its own reward, Doctor," offered up Vastra sweetly.

"Mm," muttered the Doctor, "we'll see about that. I'm telling you now, if Strax ends up causing Clara and I to die horrible, screaming deaths, I'm going to be very cross."

"As you should be," agreed Vastra reasonably. "I have great confidence that things won't come to that though."

"You do?" asked Jenny in surprise and then quickly retracted her shock when Vastra gave her a pointed look. "Oh, yes, definitely, my love, I agree one hundred percent." Both women sent the Doctor the sweetest of smiles.

The Doctor sighed. Clara was right, he was a soft touch...

A/N: And we're off and running, folks. LOL I've got a few little fun things planned for this unlikely trio. I'm open to suggestions as to what kind of capers people might like to see them all get up to. I make no promises but I'll see what I can do. ;)

Coming soon, CHAPTER ONE – THE GREAT HALL OF ARMAMENTS