All This And Heaven Too
Chapter 1 – Surface
She moved slyly from room to room, weaving through the intoxication and excitement. She seemed to float through the smoke. She felt like a ghost. Maybe she was.
The party bored her, like most of them tended to. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted a gap between a wall and a large end table. She went to it and squeezed herself in. She sat there, resting her head against the cool wall, observing the atmosphere with a perspective that the partygoers would never understand. They were ignorant. They were oblivious. They would never know how pointless they all were.
"Oh my god, Hannah Montana?" She never looked up at the boy. He rambled on for several minutes before he got the idea that she wasn't listening and reluctantly returned to the party. Every so often people would notice her, but no one bothered her again until Jake Ryan slumped down on the wall in front of her. He didn't say a word, and he knew she wouldn't either. He only sat and smoked the joint that was expertly held between his perfectly manicured fingers. He passed it to her and she took a hit, inhaling with such routineness that she was bored before the smoke even left her lungs. She closed her eyes for a while and when she opened them again he was gone.
She decided it was time to ditch. Carefully, she left the party without being talked to. She walked down the hotel hallway to the elevator. The moment she pressed for the lobby, her legs gave up and she was back to sitting on the floor. The elevator traveled down for what seemed like forever. She had trouble keeping her eyes open. The elevator stopped at the lobby and the doors slid open. She didn't move, and eventually the doors closed and the elevator began travelling back up. When it stopped, a beautiful girl her age walked in with a suit case. The girl gave her one glance and that was it. She pressed for the first floor and took up residence standing in the other corner. They reached the lobby, and the girl already had one foot out of the doors before she turned and asked, "Do you need help?"
When she didn't answer, the girl kneeled by her side. She stared down at her, examining her, but there was a softness to her gaze. She was concerned, not star struck. The doors slid shut but the elevator stayed motionless.
"What's your name? Mine's Lilly Truscott." The girl said quietly, as if not to scare her.
She couldn't remember the last time someone asked who she was. She curiously looked over Lilly. The girl was naturally blonde, tan, and had beautiful blue eyes. At the lack of a response, Lilly reached out and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'll just assume you're okay enough to you know your own name, but do you know what room you're staying in? Or maybe someone I can call for you? Do you have a cell phone on you? I promise I won't take it or anything, I just want to help you."
"I don't need help." It was a reflex to say so.
Lilly raised her eyebrows. "I don't know if you know this, but you're sitting in a hotel elevator by yourself at four in the morning on a Sunday. And you kind of look like you haven't slept in days. And you kind of smell like you've been at a raging kegger all night."
"Sorry, I didn't know it was a crime to sit in an elevator." She pulled herself to her feet and pressed for the doors to open. She walked out, expecting Lilly to remain standing there, bewildered by her celebrity encounter. But when she reached the front doors, she became aware that Lilly was following her. She took an unplanned left and walked as quickly as she could. The cold foggy morning air hit her hard. She was shivering by the time she reached the first city bus stop bench. She sat, pulling a packet of cigarettes out of one of her leather jacket's pockets and a lighter out of the other. Lilly dropped her suit case and sat down beside her on the bench as she lit one.
"That's bad for you." Lilly said, eyes on the passing cars before them.
"So is talking to strangers." She said back, feeling annoyed yet intrigued.
"You're not exactly a stranger to me though, are you?" Lilly glanced over at her. "I mean, I've known your name since I was twelve. I've listened to your music for like 5 years. I used to watch you guest star on Zombie High with Jake Ryan. You were Zoronda, Princess of the Undead. Dude, I slayed you once; don't make me slay you again. That's like my childhood. Did you really date Jake Ryan back then?"
"Never." She answered, trying her best to appear uninterested in Lilly's attention that she inexplicably was beginning to enjoy.
"You were rumored to be together for years. Why'd you never clear it up?"
"Didn't care."
"Why not?"
She took a final drag on the cigarette before tossing it to the ground and crushing it under the heel of her boot. "You know, Lilly Truscott, there's a lot more to life than gossiping about who is dating who."
"Hey, I'm just trying to make conversation." Lilly crossed her arms. "You can choose the topic if you're so darn picky."
She bit her lip and thought it over. She hadn't talked this much to someone in months. She definitely hadn't had the interest to, at least. "Why are you leaving the Tipton at four in the morning on a Sunday?"
"I'm in the process of heading to the airport. I'm waiting on my cab. I called like forever ago, I don't know what's taking so long. I'm heading home to Malibu. I was here in Boston visiting my dad. My parents are divorced."
"He made you stay in a hotel?"
"No, he's staying here. He just travels a lot for his work and this was the only good time for both of us to hang out. And I'd never seen the East Coast before, so why not."
"You hang out with your father?" She asked, almost checking to make sure she heard the words right.
"Yeah, he's cool." Lilly smiled. "What, don't tell me you're too famous to chill with your dad."
She bit her lip again. "I haven't seen my father in four months."
"Oh." Lilly was at a loss for words.
She couldn't take the silence or the judgment, and especially not the pity. "What do you do in Malibu?"
"I'm about to start my senior year at Seaview High School."
"No, no. What do you do."
Lilly looked over at her carefully. "I go to the beach. I surf. I swim. I love the ocean, it's my favorite place in the world. I like to skate, too. I'm an outdoorsy person. What about you? What do you do in…wait, where are you even from?"
"Tennessee."
"Where do you live now? New York? LA? Both?" Lilly grinned. She was teasing, but she did it so casually. So nicely.
"My address is in LA."
"Your address." Lilly nodded. She seemed to understand that LA was no home to her. "Well, where's your heart at?"
"I don't know." She answered truthfully. She thought maybe she should have said Tennessee, but how could her heart be in a place that she hadn't thought of in years?
"Well, what do you do in LA?" Lilly asked.
"I don't know." She said quietly. It was dawning on her how little she truly did know about herself anymore.
"Oh, look." Lilly pointed. A cab was pulling up to the front doors of The Tipton. "Looks like that's my ride."
She didn't want Lilly to leave. This was the first conversation she'd enjoyed in so long. It felt nice to communicate with someone so relaxed. Someone so disconnected from whatever this life was that she was living.
"If you're ever in Malibu…" Lilly trailed off.
"I'm sure you'll find me and follow me out my hotel if I ever am." She smiled at the thought. She couldn't remember the last thing that made her genuinely smile.
"Definitely." Lilly laughed. It was a beautiful laugh. "Well, I guess I should go now. Or is this the part where I get you to sign an autograph and take a picture?"
She smirked. She liked being teased by Lilly. It was a bit of a turn on, really. People didn't normally talk to her like an equal. She pulled her phone out and went to the camera, snapping a candid picture of Lilly looking very confused.
"Hey, I was not ready and that flash was really bright." Lilly laughed, rubbing her eyes.
"Calm down." She rolled her eyes playfully. She reached into her left boot and pulled out a black sharpie. It was her doodle pen. She liked to draw on walls and bathroom stalls. Places where no one would know the artwork or words were hers. She put the sharpie in Lilly's hand and held out her arm. "Well…where's my autograph?"
Lilly smiled and signed her name down on her arm. Each letter felt like it was being sensually stroked into her skin. It thrilled her. Lilly handed the sharpie back and reached for her suit case. "Better not wash that arm. That autograph's probably worth some big bucks. It was nice meeting you, but I really do have to go. I guess this is goodbye, Hannah Montana."
"Farewell, Lilly Truscott." She said softly.
She sat on the bench for a long time after Lilly left. The sun was starting to rise and the streets were becoming more and more populated. Too many people began to recognize her so she retreated back into The Tipton. She went to her room and stared at herself in front of the mirror. She didn't even recognize herself. Who was this girl staring at her? She removed the blonde wig and the makeup and the pricy clothes. She took a shower and let the water wash away the smoke and the alcohol and the parties and the clubs and the television shows and the schedules and the interviews and the magazine covers and the albums and the tabloids and the paparazzi and the fame and the fortune and the years of living someone else's life. She stepped out of that shower feeling lighter, feeling better than she had in such a long time.
She walked over to the mirror and stared at her naked self. She looked vulnerable. She looked innocent. She looked familiar.
Miley emerged from the bathroom. She dressed herself in an outfit that Hannah Montana would never wear and called her father to leave him a voicemail saying that she was taking the first flight back to California and she was canceling the rest of her promotional events. Until further notice, Hannah Montana was going on a break.
And she knew exactly where she wanted to go next.