This was my first (non crossover) PLL fic. Please review after reading and tell me what you think!

EDIT: I have had to change this from a songfic, so if the thoughts are unorganized there is a reason there. I hope it still works! The song used to be Strange by Tokio Hotel ft. Kerli, it was from the Alice In Wonderland soundtrack (all rights to the rightful owners). I recommend listening to the song while reading. I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty Little Liars.

Spencer was at her breaking point. The world seemed to grow darker with ever tear she shed. Her face was a permanent shade of red that came with all the sobbing and she couldn't find her voice half the time she wanted to speak. It was all worse than dying. Everything took her painfully slow. Indirectly A was suffocating her. Toby was suffocating her. He had planned it to be this way this whole time?

When she'd caught him she didn't want to believe. It was all more obvious than the giant A painted on that key. The pass to Radley was right there! When she'd found it she hoped there was something else to this crazy game. But no, the hoodie, the gloves, and the guy, everything clicked.

How had Toby hid it for so long? How had she not seen the monster that lived with him? That monster had just been able to walk in her life undetected. That devil had pretended he loved her. She'd given him everything. Why didn't he love her? He couldn't love her after all he'd done.

Every dream she'd had about their wedding, every night she'd imagine him walking in that door to tell her everything would be okay after a really bad day, all just felt lost. She dreamt every night of the parallels between the old them and them now. If she hugged him again would he pull a knife on her? Another knife like the one she'd been stabbed with by his sick actions.

Just when everything could have been getting better. Their anniversary! She'd even started fixing up a photo album of the two of them. Now she couldn't even look at him in picture.

Maybe this all wasn't A's fault. Maybe it was all hers! Maybe Toby was trying to fix all that was wrong with her. The lying that never stops has to come to an end. So she'd tell Aria just that. Yes, Toby was an awful person, but was she any better.

It's like everyone is trying to be happy these days. Emily came into that bathroom with possibly a new lead. Spencer wondered if she noticed the dark circles under her eyes or the way she looked ready to crack. A Hastings wasn't allowed to show that. Maybe she was more of a Hastings then she thought, her and her sister both picked men who would just end up hurting them. Maybe it was karma for taking Ian and Wren from her sister. Hadn't life already done enough to punish her? Why did everyone she actually cared about get involved with things that would make them total strangers? Was that another crazy way to get back at her?

"Please Toby," the words just come out, though she'd not talking to the man she once knew. That man is long gone and replace with a heartless criminal. The reason for that? She's starting to think she'll never get a straight answer.

She still wants to love him. She still dreams that there's some way that what he's doing isn't so bad. Who would she be kidding though? She knows that there may be no way back. Yet her dreams still say it's okay until she'd almost at the point in her sleep where she'd about to wake up. At that point the nightmare begins alerting her to the cold hard reality that is the A Game.

"I haven't been totally honest with you guys." It's not the first time. "Toby and I broke up." She finally said it. Admitting it to Emily was like admitting it to herself. She hadn't admitted it all though. It didn't feel right to say. It would feel too real.

Toby was A. She ruined Aria's relationship with Ezra. Alison was hooking up with guy on the beach that scared her. All of this should have felt normal to her but her brain was unable to process anything. She still had a job to do. She had to find out where the room was, who killed Alison and why this happened in the first place. She no longer knew where to start. Her head told her to find the key and call the guy to trail Toby. Her heart told her to give up and break down. Spencer was always a headstrong girl.

Spencer wasn't going to let this go without a fight. Maybe she wasn't ready to tell her friends but she was starting to see things herself. She might be driven crazy by emotions, but she'd rather go mad then sit there the rest of her life. This new Toby was going to wish he hadn't hurt a Hastings, or replaced the person she once thought she knew. Even if he'd always been out to hurt her, even if he'd caused her friends nothing but misery, she wasn't going to remember her Toby that way. No, that Toby may be dead, but Spencer would bury that grave and move forward. She had a new mission. It was time to stop those bitches dead in their tracks, whether it killed her or not.