The burner phone burns in her pocket, and she pretends like she doesn't feel anything. Oh, she plays the game all right. She takes the Director's orders with a grunt and a nod, although she hopes he can see the fire in her eyes. She becomes an S.O to younger agents during the day and only thinks of herself still as an S.O to another young agent during the night.
Even when May finally erupted, and Jemma finally erupted back, May still played the game.
But the phone still burns in her pocket and the thought that she's kept to herself for all these years burns in her mind.
It's taken her a while, but May finally realizes that there's a difference between becoming a ghost, and being haunted by them.
A small difference, of course— barely noticeable, barely even there. In the beginning, May saw no difference. Once, right after it happened, she looked in the mirror as steam rose up from the untouched shower and she did nothing as it fogged up the glass. She watched as her reflection became harder and harder to see until her image became distant and hidden. She saw with dimmed eyes and bowed head a shade of herself she didn't recognize, reaching out to touch the glass with the very fingers that pulled the trigger until she pulls her hand back, and decides that it was too late to save her.
(Too late to save whom, though? That girl was already dead, and that woman in the mirror was close to being it too. It takes May years and years to finally slice the mirror with her fingertips and let the condensation turn into water and drip down the glass until she can finally see herself again.
And that's the difference, really, what's taken may all this time to figure out and store in her mind. Between being a ghost and being haunted by them. You never stop being haunted by ghosts, but you can stop trying to become one.)
It just takes time.
And she tries to give Daisy as much of it as she can.
When the phone eventually rings, moments after she and the team had picked up Mack and Coulson, May locks herself into the bathroom and fights the thought that Coulson's right outside.
"Hello?" May answers, her fingers curling around the phone so tightly although there's no question of who's calling.
"Hey." Comes the reply, her voice low and quiet but it's enough because Daisy is alive and she might be trying to become a ghost but she hasn't succeeded yet.
There's a bit of static before Daisy continues. "I'm not ready to come home yet, but… I just wanted to see what would happen if I called."
May's a bit disappointed, of course.
But she understands.
(Daisy's struggling to finally reach out and drag her fingertips across her own foggy mirror, and god knows May's going to stand patiently by her side until she does.)
"Well, now you know."
"Yeah. I guess I do."
They both wait, and they wait, and they wait until May surprises them both by filling in the silence.
"There's another reason you called."
Daisy says nothing, which says everything.
May sits down on the toilet, listening to the sound of Daisy's labored breathing on the other side, and closes her eyes.
"How'd you know?" Daisy asks, her voice still low and hard but that sarcastic tone that May has grown to love breaks through, just a little.
May brushes a strand of hair away from her face and smirks. "You forget I've lived with you for the better part of three years."
"I didn't, thanks."
She hears more of the Daisy she remembers over the phone, and May finds herself desperate to keep her on the line.
"Daisy-"
"I want to promise I'll be worth it. I really, really do. I want to be worth it, but right now, I'm not."
"Worth what, Daisy?" May whispers.
"Worth their sacrifices," Daisy whispers back. "Everyone who's ever been hurt because of me. Trip. Andrew. Lincoln."
Daisy takes a deep shuddering breath, and May wishes she could reach through the phone and tug Daisy close.
"You don't own anyone a thing. You don't owe Trip, you don't owe Andrew, and you as hell don't owe Lincoln. They made their own choices, and you aren't at fault for that. The only person you owe it to be worth it to is yourself."
There's a knock at the door, and May's startled, ripping the phone away from her ear and clutching it to her chest as Coulson's voice rings out clear.
"May? You okay? You've been in there for a long time."
"Uh, yeah." May clears her throat. "Yes. I'm fine."
"Okay. Oh, I was wondering if you wanted to play Backgammon later."
"Sure. Give me a few."
May waits until she can no longer hear Coulson's footsteps and then she whispers into the receiver.
"Daisy?"
But she's met with silence, and May exhales long and hard.
(It's only a couple of hours until May again looks in the mirror, and sees herself.
And that everyone else besides her has actually become ghosts.)