I own nothing but an 89' Pontiac, so don't sue me!

Stephanie is Queen!!

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One night after what Alice giddily refers to as the vacation in Italy, Edward and I were cuddling in the hugely unnecessary bed talking about what ever came across our minds. I was lying with my head on Edward's chest facing the magnificent view of the sun setting behind the forest surrounding the Cullen home. Slowly Edward tilted my head so that I was looking him in the eyes and asked me as solemnly as he could in that position about the time after he had left me in the woods behind my home.

"I know about the cliff diving and the motorcycle. I know that when I left you, you became a shell of your former self. I know that you say when you were doing all of these crazy extreme sports you weren't trying to hurt yourself; you were just trying to hear my voice. All I want to know is if I never came back, if Italy never happened and you were still here alone, what would I see if I returned?"

I looked into my golden angel's eyes and hated myself for being so weak, for crumbling so easily when he left.

"You want the truth?"

"Of course, that's all I ask for."

I closed my eyes and prayed for the strength to tell these words that would hurt him so much.

"When I was little, Charlie would come home from work, take off his gun belt, and then take the bullets out. He did it everyday to make sure his little girl was safe. When I moved in with him from Phoenix he obviously felt that I was old enough now to not shoot myself by accident, and not depressed enough to shoot myself on purpose."

I laughed weakly to ease Edwards's tension as he had curled his arms around me tightly in anticipation of the words I never wanted to admit to.

"When you left, and while I was busy existing with my extreme sports, Charlie started to take the bullets out of his gun again."

I felt my body start to shudder, not with fright or cold but with sadness that I was about to admit to Edward the one thing that I vowed to keep from him as long as I could.

"After I flipped out when my mom came to take me back to Florida, I always caught myself staring at his gun belt when it was hanging up on its hook. I could feel the tingling of the protective Edward in my mind ready to yell some more, so I never touched it."

I felt Edward shudder in anger, and I didn't have to look at his face to know that he was horrified of the thought of my life ending at my own hands.

"I guess one of those times Charlie saw me staring and he started to lock his entire gun belt up. He must have thought I was smart enough to load a gun if I was that desperate."

I turned to look at Edward and hoped that I didn't see disgust in his eyes.

"I NEVER touched that gun." I vowed to Edward, and he nodded his head in acknowledgement of the fact.

"I now realize that cliff diving and riding a motorcycle were a few steps away from messing with that gun. I can tell you Edward that if you came back right now, and if I had been left alone in that house with that gun for any long periods of time, there wouldn't have been any reason for you to come back. I wouldn't be here; all that would be left was a granite stone."

He looked at me with knowledge that every word I said was the complete truth, and that fact was the hardest thing for him to digest.

"Didn't the mutt, I mean Jacob, relieve some of the tension, didn't he bring you out of this depression?"

I laughed with a sort of cynical air and waved away the idea.

"Jake pulled me out of the depression far enough that these thoughts entered my mind. Before Jake, I wouldn't have even have had the energy to think about killing myself."

I watched as Edward winced at my harsh words and settled back into the pillows clutching me to his side.

"Thank-god for vision seeing sisters," he said.

"Yeah, thank-god for Alice, or I would have never gotten you back." I said, breathing in his scent of pure Edward.

"I don't know about that, my firm resolve of not seeing you anymore was quickly becoming a soft plea of restraint." He rolled so that I was in a cocoon of pillows, blankets, and Edward and kissed me gently on the lips.

"So much for vampire restraint." I said smiling, running my fingers through his messy hair.

"Restraint, what's that?" he said with his charming smile that had me forgetting to breath as he swooped down, and erased the tension that revealing my secret had wound up.