"I love you."

For what?

The money I use to buy you things, the sex you always try to pressure me into, the dozens of pictures you've taken and posted to show off how hot your boyfriend is? These questions swirled around in my head as I watched the scene before me unfold. What was he going to say?—I knew before the words came out of his mouth.

"I love you, too," whispered a tall dark haired boy as he cradled his black haired fair skinned girlfriend in his arms, gently swaying to the beat of their hearts.

"AWWWWHHH! Sai! Isn't that so cute?" cooed Sakura, my best friend.

It was strange how we met. I remember us both sitting on the bleachers, waiting for our P.E. coach to arrive when she walked up to me and said, "You know, you look a lot like my ex-crush, Sasuke Uchiha." That's how it began. She came over to me every day from then and talked to me about random things such as boys, bitches, and bombshells. I never said much, but she did all the talking for me—which I didn't mind. When she broke her leg, I ended up being her pack mule until she rid herself of the crutches. When her boyfriend who lived at least 5 hours away dumped her, I let her cry on my shoulder. Ever since then, we were nearly inseparable. We sat together at lunch by my locker, and she would occasionally get up and go talk to other people while I played with my phone. I didn't blame her that she wanted to leave, I barely talked at all; and when I did, it was either two word phrases or "alien language" as she called it. I was more of an introvert, an artist, a silent yet handsome type. But never handsome enough to get the people I want.

"Yes, Sakura, that is very, extremely cute," I mumbled. She beamed at me and watched the "hotties" go by. I pretended to be fidgeting with my sweatshirt all the while watching the legs of them. That was the one thing we had in common—we both liked boys. I considered myself a gay, because I sure as hell knew I wasn't straight. I was in the closet, and I did a damn good job of hiding it due to the fact that I had girls hitting on me all the time. Contrariwise, I had my eye on only one person…Naruto Uzumaki.

I'm not sure what attracted me to him. I really don't. It wasn't love or lust because I was emotionless. Lifeless. Loveless. I set myself apart from everyone else—not usually on purpose—but not accident either. I did enjoy people, but not their company. I felt as if I were detached from the rest of the world, with just a string holding my back from my fantasy land. I didn't crave attention when I was alone, but I felt hollow when I stood by myself in groups of people. People always kept their distance from me in the hall, intentionally or unintentionally I don't know. No one dared to pull pranks on me even though I was new. I was a blender, someone who doesn't stand out from the crowd despite a few aesthetically pleasing features. I had friends I just didn't know how to talk to. I sucked at making conversation or eye contact in groups, but when I was alone with someone, I could be so incredibly intimate with them it was almost scary.

The bell rang and I stood up, grabbing my backpack and books and walking Sakura to her next class. She gave me a hug outside the door. "Wait for me Sai!" she shouted and she walked into her English class. I turned on my heels and strode towards my English class on the other side of campus. I picked up the pace about halfway there so I wouldn't be late.

I stepped into the doorway as the bell rang and took my seat on the opposite side of the room. Professor Danzo was scribbling something unintelligible on the whiteboard. As soon as he finished he pointed to the instructions and took a seat at his desk. I sighed and took out my sketchbook. I hadn't done any of the writing assignments yet this year, so why start now?

I made straight A's, mostly due to my photographic memory and incredible observatory skills. I was sure I'd be screwed without it. I flipped open the pages of my literature book and scanned the text for anything important. Nothing seemed too hard, so I propped it up on my lap and set my sketchbook on top of it and started to draw. I know this sounds retarded, but I loved drawing flowers. I don't know why either. They just came to me. Their beautifully curvy bodies, their long graceful stems, their amazingly soft—

"Pssst! Saiii!" whispered Ino Yamanaka. I tilted my head towards her and recognized her as the girl from my Semantics class. "Sai, did you do the extra credit? For Semantics, I mean."

Oh yeah, we had this crazy assignment where you had to order words by their originating date, something that would be hard and tedious—so of course I had it done. I had a 100.7 in that class, but what the hell? I didn't care for Facebook, I only texted two or three people despite my 127 contacts, and I avoided the television because my family would be down there.

"Yeah, Ino, here," I handed her the neatly printed words. She was failing that class, and I couldn't say no to anyone. Ever. The only reason I had ever had a girlfriend was because I couldn't say no to her. Pity was my weakness. Even so, I was probably the cruelest person in this room. I guess that's what happens when you have a passion for Gothic Literature and Screamo. The things I thought about doing to people would have made Hitler shudder. They were morbid, grotesque, and what they deserved. I had little to no feelings for most people. Most people.

"Thank you Sai!" she squealed. I slid back in my seat. "I love you!"

I cringed at the three words that had just come out of her mouth. I love you. Those three idiosyncratic, sardonic, overly and misused words made me sick. People, most particularly girls, said them all the time now. In the halls, listen for five seconds and you'll hear, "I love you!" whether it is a girl to another girl or a guy, or a guy to another guy or girl. They don't even have to know each other. They should just take "thank you" out of the English language and replace it with I Love You. I Love You was a joke now.

Come to think of it, I have never said I love you to anyone in my entire life. Well not sincerely anyways. I tried it once and felt like crap afterwards. Sakura was off her crutches and she thanked me for carrying her backpack by saying you-know-what. "I love YOU!" She grabbed her things and headed towards the opposite hallway. "I love you too," I mumbled. I know it probably wouldn't have worked because it was a girl anyways, but bottom line, I love you wasn't the words for me.

I closed my sketched pad and waited for the bell to ring, right on time. As I stood, I gathered my things and strolled towards the door, only to feel a hand clamp down on my shoulder. "So serious, aren't you Sai?" Danzo whispered in my ear as I felt his icy, callused hand slide up my shirt and stroke my back with his fingers. As soon as I felt the hand on my shoulder release, I bolted out of the classroom towards my counselor's office to see about a schedule change only to see his smirking face as I glanced behind. The way he said those words me the hair on my neck stand up. It was as if he enjoyed torturing me.

When I rounded the corner of the new stucco building I had just left, I collided with none other than Naruto. "Hey, Sai, are ya heading to Biology? Yeah? Well I am too. Let's go! Oh wait, come with me to my locker. Hurry!" we sprinted down the halls and I noticed I was still unconsciously shaking my head. I couldn't very well explain to him what happened and say no, now could I?

He reached to open his locker, flexing his back muscles in the process. I tried not to gape. Several books tumbled out when the little lock opened. I bent down to pick them up at the same time as he, and our hands lightly brushed. I blushed. "W-which ones do you need?"

"All the green stuff in the pile on the floor. Oh! And that orange one. Can't forget that, now can I?" he grinned as I handed him his items.

"You know, Sai, you're a great friend. I bet any girl would be lucky to have you as her beau."

I felt my face redden at the comment. If you only knew Naruto…

We proceeded to walk the halls and ended up being four minutes late to our class. Luckily, the substitute for Orochimaru wasn't a stick in the mud. Naruto and I took our usual seats up at the front next to each other. By the time the lesson started, I had already finished my homework and notes for that class, and Naruto was in the process of copying them. He gave up halfway through the notes and took out his orange notebook, scrawling something on a piece of paper he had ripped out. I looked away, knowing how people could be with their privacy. I nearly jumped out of my seat when I felt his hand touch near my crotch region. "Sorry," he mumbled. I realized it was only an accident. Damn… My gaze wandered towards my binder and I read the note that had been placed on it.

You know he has a crush on you.

I scribbled something back and slid the paper back towards Naruto, who worked furiously with his pencil.

Who?

Three rows back middle of the table. I think his name is Neji Hyuuga.

I turned around and caught glimpse of him. He was really good looking, but didn't have that certain charm I loved in people. I recognized him from my Spanish class. He smoked pot, and drank, which was why I never suspected someone like him to fall for a straightedge like myself. I didn't mind it really, I mean he never smelt bad or crap.

Where did you hear that?

He openly gay. And I've heard him talking about with his friends. You should see the way he stares at you during class. It's kinda creepy. =^.^=

I blushed at his first statement, felt unsecure at his second statement, ashamed at his third statement, and hurt at his fourth. It's kinda creepy just like the way I stare at you Naruto. I reread the paper and finally found an appropriate answer and passed it towards him. I saw his eyes widen and his face contort into what I knew as his "thinking face."

What should I do?

Idk. Talk to him?

What would you do?

Idk. Talk to him?

I sighed. Naruto wasn't being much help anymore, but I took advantage of the opportunity to find something else out.

Do you mind gay people?

They're okay. To be honest, I've never actually met or even had a gay friend before. I think they're pretty cool, being different and all that shit. I know that you can't choose if you're gay or not, so I hate how people treat them just because of their sexuality, so I try to stick up for them and make a gay friend. You?

Same here.

To my relief, he didn't ask the dreaded "are you gay?" question, because I didn't know how I would answer it. I thought about what just happened. There was a chance he was gay, but more a chance that he was straight. I glanced at the clock and frowned. Only two more minutes until we would be separated by the blasted thing called weekends. On a whim, I grabbed his orange notebook and printed in my unmistakable writing those three despicable words I mentioned earlier. I slid the notebook back to where it originally was. I looked at the dark, black words across the table in contrast to the bright orange background, and my mind slowly registered what I had just done.

I realized he hadn't even seen me grab it. I could still fix this. I reached for it but to my dismay, the bell rang and he shoved that orange book into his backpack. As he walked out of the classroom, he waved with two fingers over his shoulder towards me. Hopefully, he wouldn't ever look at that notebook, but I knew it had to come out sooner or later.

There would be repercussions, and I knew that there was a 50% chance I would be made fun of, spit on, called a fag, and be rejected. But whether I get loved back or made fun of, I can't change the Sharpie that I just wrote on his notebook with. I can't change the way I feel, because your first feelings are ones that last forever. They can't change and I can't change because…

I love you.

Thank you for reading and for all the generous support I've recieved on this site. I really don't deserve you all.

-b