The past defines the human that is in the present. Actions, memories, friends, family, conceptions, thoughts, behavior, knowledge even love can change from the past until the present. An individual can not change what he was in the past, what he has done and said. Neither can he change what others were, did or said. The only thing he can do is remember everything and learn from the past, so he can know what to do in the present and make a better future for himself.
The past can be a burden to carry, especially if you have bad memories of it. If you had strict parents that wanted you to be the best in everything and yet at the same put you down with their coldness, how can you learn how to treat others. If the kids around you bullied you just because you were smarter than them, and made fun of you just because you never knew how to play their games, or you wore the wrong clothes, or they nicknamed you in every kind of ways just to see you cry, then how can you know how to act towards one that smiles at you and is kind to you. How can you talk to others without fear that they will make fun of what you said or they will start pulling pranks on you. What can you expect from people that you meet in the present if those from the past treated you as an outcast just because you were different than them and had the brains to make it big in life.
Because of the actions from the past, you became distant, cold towards others and quiet, answering only when asked. Although, sometimes, the playful side slipped out from being shoved in a dark corner and took over you, and then people around you would think of you as a freak.
But nobody considered you a freak in the place where you lived now. You were a member in the Akatsuki. After running away from the village you lived, not taking anymore the people that made fun of you and always said cold and ugly things about you. You easily found another place where to live, since you were a med-nin, so you were welcomed with open arms in a small village, where med-nins were almost extinct. Although you knew how to heal, you never fought with anyone, so you were an easy target for the Akatsuki after learning about your ability to heal.
All they needed was for you to be alone, so they could knock you out. And the opportunity came as you always took a walk near a lake, surrounded by flowers and fireflies. You were so mesmerized by the beauty, even if you saw it a thousand times, that you didn't even hear the persons that followed you, even if they did a lot of sounds. When you acknowledged their presence, it was too late. You were already knocked out and carried to the base by a swearing, shirtless, jashin-worshiper called Hidan. That is what you found out when you woke up and found yourself face to face with the grinning idiot.
"Finally awake, b*tch. I thought that I killed you and that would have been f**king bad if I did without the d*mn ritual" he said swearing, making you think from what kind of place did he escape, and how.
"Hidan, don't talk that way to Saiya. She is our guest for the time being" said a voice from the shadows, a strong voice that made you think that he was the boss of the shirtless idiot. But what intrigued you most was from where did he know your name. Did your village send them after you, but you soon let go of that guess cause you weren't back in the village. You were somewhere else, a strange place that you did not know, and you wanted out of there.
"I know that you have a lot of questions, but first listen to what I have to say. I know that you have the power to heal, and our organization needs someone with your power. Of course, you will have your own room, freedom to roam everywhere you want, do everything you want, other than blowing up the base, killing the others, transforming them in puppets or annoying them with your continuous rant, especially when they practice, or even trying to sacrifice them, eat them or hypnotize them. All you have to do is heal the wounded, cook if you know how to, do the laundry and call me at all times Leader-sama, and report to me if you see something suspicious" he said, making you lift an eyebrow at his sanity, especially after hearing the rules about eating other members or killing them with your continuous rant. You almost snorted at the rules, but you, being the emotion-controlled little girl that you are, kept your face free from any emotion. All you did was nod, to let him know that you agreed to his rules and that is how you found yourself a permanent home, although it was full of suicidal freaks, hyperactive kids, cannibals with double personality, greedy bastards that always asked you if you ever have money on you, freaks obsessed on art that they always fought about it and many more. But it was fun to see them fight among themselves, especially the swearing idiot, that always asked you if you want to convert to Jashinism, and the greedy immortal. It was funny to see the lollypop-mask kid threatened to death by Hidan, blown up by the explosive, blonde, girl look-alike named Deidara.
When you first saw him, you almost thought that he was a girl, almost. But when you saw those sharp eyes and hard features that a man holds, you knew immediately that this boy had a hard life because of his looks. But after his silly smile, and the carefree way he acted, you saw in him a warrior, that despite his looks, he fought his way in life and never let anyone put him down without a fight. He was so different from you. He had the courage to do what you couldn't: to fight back and show the world what he is worth. You had to admire that in him, although you knew that you will have a hard time around him, seeing that he loved pulling pranks on everyone. You heard from the water-lover shark, Kisame, that he actually put a substance in Hidan's shampoo so his hair would turn pink and for that prank he had to stay awake for a month until Hidan got him back by unleashing the masked kid on him for a week.
You soon befriended the blue guy, since he seemed to like to talk and talk until you were sure you couldn't understand a word he says, but that was okay with you. He would talk, you would listen and nod, but only talk when asked. You just liked staying on the sideways, not wanting to intervene in a fight, even if Tobi came to you for help. You only looked at the others, watching them in their natural habitat, so to say. You were just to afraid to actually start confiding in them. You were afraid that you would mess something up and they would start laughing and making fun of you. You were scared of yourself, so that is why you never tried, not even once, to get closer to them. You always did your job, did your laundry, cooked when ever you had to, especially when Itachi wasn't in the base cause he knew how to cook and he was very good at it, you had to admit it. You always took a walk outside the base, in the forest, looking for flowers, listening to the chirping birds and just enjoying the nature.
Although you tried to stay away from the others, they always seemed to get close to you, especially the bomb specialist, always tried to make you talk with him and the others, tried to make you express your feelings even if it was fear, laughter, delight, awe, anything. He tried to take you by surprise but he always seemed to be the one surprised by Tobi. He tried to tickle you, to make you laugh by pulling pranks on the others and even on you and that made you just turn your back on him and never look at him whenever he was in the same room as you. He even flirted with you, but you ignored him, not knowing what to think of his flirt: did he actually mean it or was it just a way to make you come out of your shell?
Deidara was a mystery to you, a mystery that you never wanted to solve in fear of what you might find out.
You said to yourself that if there was actually an angel guarding you somewhere, then he should take his place as guardian already, cause he didn't do a damn good job until now, leaving you to suffer all these years. You remembered the books you read about angels and divine creatures, how they were portrayed as invisible, divine spirits sent by God to guard a person. Sometimes, they were invisible to humans, other times they would take the appearance of a human, or animal, so they could do a more effective job in protecting their target. How you wished for your angel to appear and protect you from those bullies and even from your parents harsh words. But, he never appeared or helped you when you were in trouble, so you came to the conclusion that your fate was to suffer, without guidance from above.
"Damn angel, not doing his job" you muttered to yourself as you wondered around, not looking around as you walked.
"What angel, un?" you heard a familiar voice ask you.
"That is not your business" you replied, walking further, not even looking at him, to see what he was doing or where he was standing. Soon, you were scooped up from the ground by a pair of arms and found yourself on a clay bird, with arms circling your waist. Your heart started beating faster in your ribcage, and not because of the adrenaline or scare.
"You know, if I were an angel, I would never live you alone, not even for a second, un. If I were an angel, I would hold you in my arms all the time, like now, yeah. If I were an angel, I would want to be your guardian angel so I could be close to you any time of the day without coming up with an excuse to touch you, to talk to you, to hold your hand and to make you laugh."
The voice of the handsome bomber whispered in your ear, his breath fanning on your neck, making you shiver and something in the depths of your stomach started swarming inside, making you feel uncomfortable. The beats of your heart sped up their pace, making you clutch your chest in pain, not knowing why it hurt.
"Are you alright, un? Are you afraid of the heights, un? I'll take you down right now, un" he said in a rush, worried about you.
"I am not afraid of the heights" you replied
"Then what is the problem, un?" he asked concerned
"You are the problem" you said, trying to calm the swarming in your stomach. When he heard that, his face fell and his eyes betrayed that he was hurt by your harsh words. "Whenever I am around you, everything hurts" you continued, the knot in your stomach tightening again. "My heart beats faster than normal, making me breathe faster and uneven, sometimes not being able to inhale air. Because I can't breathe normal, my head feels light and I feel dizzy and everything spins with me. But the worst is the feeling in the pit of my stomach, like something just fluttering around, looking for an exit, wanting to escape. And everything happens whenever I hear your voice, see your face or even think about you. In the presence of the others, I am alright. You are the cause of my sickness. I can't take it anymore. I tried everything to get rid of it, but nothing works. I just want you to make it stop, whatever you did to me" you said, almost on the brink of tears.
Hearing what you said, his grin appeared on his face, making you angry.
"Didn't you hear what I said? Stop grinning like an idiot and make it stop" you said harsh.
"Oh, I did hear you, un" he said smiling. " So, it only happens when you are around me, yeah? Whenever you see me, hear me or touch me, yeah?" he asked, still smiling
"Didn't you hear me before?" you asked irritated that you have to repeat yourself "Only in your presence"
"Hmm, that is good to hear" he said, making you glare at him, and if looks could kill, he would have died on the spot. "I think I can cure you of this but you have to close your eyes"
"Why?" you asked, looking suspiciously at him
"Do it, or I can't help you at all" he replied, looking smug
You slowly closed your eyes, not knowing if you should trust him or not. But, still you wanted the pain to disappear, so you would try anything. As soon as your eyes were closed, you felt smooth lips press onto yours, a hand on the back of your head to prevent you from escaping, and one around your waist to bring you closer to Deidara's body. Your eyes widened at the feeling, but the harder he pressed against you, the better you felt. After a few seconds, you closed your eyes, responding back. Your heart skipped a few beats, but soon started following a pattern; the fluttering in your stomach intensified, but it did not hurt anymore, it felt pleasant this time; the dizziness returned from lack of air, but you felt easy, like floating and everything around you disappeared, the most important thing for you at the moment was the kiss. But as soon as you were enjoying the kiss and the feeling of floating, Deidara pulled away from your lips, not taking his hand from your waist, but he brought his other hand to caress your cheek
"Feeling better, un?" he asked looking into your eyes with a glint of hope, happiness and love in his eyes.
"Uh…." You did not know what to say, the feelings did not disappear, they intensified, but now the pain transformed into something else: into desire.
"Want to know the name of your sickness, un?" he asked, still looking into your eyes. You just nodded, not knowing what to say.
"Love. I know it, because I am sick too un. I have the same symptoms whenever I see you, hear you, dream of you, touch you, think about you, or even when the others talk about you, yeah. You don't know how happy I was when I heard from your lips how you felt whenever you were around me, and that it only happened when I was around, un. I tried to make you acknowledge my presence so many times, but every time you would just ignore me and distance yourself from me and the others, yeah. That hurt, so I started following you around to see what you are doing on your free time, trying to surprise you but that stupid Tobi ruined it every time, un. But now, I couldn't be any happier, un. Now, I can be your guardian angel without having to sneak around. I can do everything I dreamed of, because I know you feel the same for me, yeah. Now, you don't have to wish for your angel to appear and protect you, cause I am here, un" he said in a serious tone latched with happiness.
You couldn't believe what you heard 'Love? Somebody loves me? And I love them? This warm feeling that I feel is called love? Is this how one feels when in love? Should I trust him?' you thought. Your mind said No but your heart said Yes and you, for once, decided to follow your heart. 'If I don't risk, I can't win' that's what you told yourself
"So, then, angel, what happens next?" you asked, putting your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, that was beating as fast as yours, in the same pattern.
"Well, we live our lives, un. Me, being always there for you, and you, always there for me, un. Me and you together, yeah" he replied kissing you on the top of your head, as he hugged you tighter, afraid that you would disappear.
Now, the burden of the past seemed so easy to carry, since you have someone to help you carry it. Now, the past seemed so far away and blurred, that the only thing that occupied your mind was the present and the feelings of his arms around you.
So, if the past is what defines the human, then the present is what makes him feel alive, wanted, loved. The past can be a burden to carry, but when you have someone with whom to share the burden, then the present is a gift from God. If the past can't be changed, then you have your present and future to mold them as you want. So, don't live in the past or dream of the future, live the day cause it is a present to be cherished.