For Diaphenia. Based on the prompt of Madge and what would have happened if she survived the bombings and gone to D13. Happy Holidays! (Written for the THG Holiday Fic Exchange)
Everything was grey here, some kind of cruel twist of fate to toss in with all the other cruel twists. She was lucky to be alive, she knew that much at least. She was lucky to have been in the wrong place at the right time when the District had begun to burn down, when her former home had burned down with it.
She was lucky to be alive. She repeated the idea in her head over and over as she lay on her back on the thin mattress in her quarters, staring at the low ceiling. She didn't sleep well as of late; knowing that down the hall the girl she knew best was kept, half crazed, barely aware.
She could taste the juice of strawberries in her mouth like a cherished memory when she thought of the girl down the hall, the girl that the entire world called "The Mockingjay", the girl she would only ever see as "Katniss".
She had told herself that today would be the day; today she would pull herself together enough to go to the hospital and face the drunk mentor acting as a guard, the tall, quiet best friend who was clinging to some truly magnificent, if not misplaced, strand of hope; and the kind, caring sister, who was fully aware of the abrupt role reversal she was a part of.
It had been at least a few days since the hovercraft carrying The Mockingjay and the other battled and battered survivors of the Quell had arrived, but something had kept her from seeing for herself that Katniss was alive, which something she certainly needed to do. Maybe it was the hatred towards her that Gale so quietly exuded, or the knowing – albeit caring and loving – looks Prim bestowed upon her. She liked to reason it was the harsh words of Haymitch when they had initially landed upon seeing her for the first time in the new underground district, but she knew it was more than that.
Something had changed in that arena, something had changed for Katniss, and she was afraid to have it confirmed in their new reality.
She was being selfish she knew, and when it was time to wake, instead of sticking her arm out to receive her schedule she ignored it, using the district mealtime to avoid the curious glances on her walk to the care unit.
She wasn't the mayor's daughter anymore, not here, but she was still treated as the mayor's daughter. She preferred to avoid the stares and looks of pity at all costs when she could, sneaking around everywhere she went, avoiding the demands the new district put in purple ink on her arm. She was surprised no one had caught onto her avoidance yet, or if they had that they didn't care, but the whispers she sometimes heard throughout the district gave her the idea that perhaps she was being left alone for a reason.
Even here, buried deep underground, she was the mayor's daughter. Even here, after everyone had watched her home burn with her family inside of it, after she had survived in the forest with the rest of them, she was still not trusted; she was still avoided and left utterly alone. For the first time though, it didn't bother her. For the first time, she was grateful for it.
When she reached the doors to the medical care unit she took a deep breath, steadying herself for what she might witness. When the doors silently slid open she braced herself, mentally forcing every step she took until she reached the desk where the nurse sat watching.
"Hi." she began, her voice breaking. She cleared her throat to continue.
"Hi. I'm here to see Katniss Everdeen." She tried to sound confident, but as the nurse's lips pressed together in a hard line she knew she had failed.
"I'm sorry, Miss Everdeen is not allowed visits except from those who have been specifically approved." The nurse told her in a monotone voice, as though she was used to this, used to people constantly trying to come and visit the Mockingjay, to see if it was true that her wings had been clipped.
"I think…. My name, it should be on a list. Primrose Everdeen told me it was." She mumbled as her resolve began to break, her eyes fixed on the counter in front of her.
"Well I can't look to see if it is if you don't tell me." The nurse reminded her coldly.
"Um, Madge. Undersee." She whispered, trying to keep her name from those waiting around her, in case they too had heard the whispers she had about herself.
The nurse scanned the list, her eyes stopping briefly before she sighed.
"Yes, your name is on the list. Please sign in and take a badge, and then follow the hallway to your left down to the set of double doors. The nurse waiting there will tell you where to go." The nurse informed her, as though simply doing her job was a burden, handing her a pass as she was effectively dismissed.
Clutching the paper in her hands she made her way down the long hallway, the smell of antiseptic invading her nostrils, the cold of the hospital sending a shiver down her spine and into her toes. Pushing open the doors she was greeted by the same sight she had just come from, and if the nurse hadn't looked vastly different she may have been confused.
She approached the desk and the new nurse briefly glanced up, eyes landing on the pass in her hands.
"Who are you here to see?" The nurse questioned, causing her to sigh.
"Katniss Everdeen." She replied and the nurse cocked an eyebrow.
"You are not one of her normal visitors." The nurse observed out loud, eyes raking over her making her hair stand on end.
"No, I haven't been able to come yet." She tried to say without her voice cracking. The nurse paused for a long moment, eyes flitting between her and the door down the hall.
"She's a little hard to deal with." The nurse paused when Madge snorted. That was not anything new.
"Fourth door down on the left." The woman finished and Madge nodded slowly making her way in that direction.
No one was standing guard outside of the door, for which she was immensely grateful. She took a long moment to collect herself, her hand floating between her chest and the door, poised to knock, when the sound of a throat being cleared behind her jolted her out of her frozen state.
"Long time no see girly." Haymitch slurred behind her. Spinning on her heel she took in his ragged form, noticing the way his hands shook just slightly, the lack of a flask in his hands.
"Yeah, I…." She began, but stopped at the look in the older man's eyes. Sighing she shifted her gaze to the ground.
"How is she?" She asked, picking at the strands of her uniform sweatpants. She heard Haymitch snort.
"Oh just swell. Thrilled as hell to be here. You'd think saving her life was the worst thing anyone had ever done to her." He grumbled and she looked up, catching a look in his eyes that told her more than his sarcastic words could. He slumped down into one the chairs set up around the room and jutted his chin towards the door.
"Better get in there before tall, dark and broody comes back. He doesn't take too kindly to competition for her affection." Haymitch told her with a gleam in his eyes.
"I'm not here for that. It doesn't matter right now." She told him coldly, watching as he furrowed his brow before releasing a long sigh.
"You and the boy are stupidly selfless." He grunted, and she knew instantly the boy he was referring to wasn't Gale.
No, the boy he was referring to was for all they knew dead, or at the very least facing a sort of torture that even in her darkest moments she could not conjure up. Turning from him she placed her hand on the doorknob, taking one last deep breath before pushing the door open.
The figure that lay in the bed was unmoving, beyond caring as to who was trespassing in the room, staring at the ceiling as though it held some sort of answer. Her hair was matted, the sickly smell of the antiseptic stronger in the closed quarters. She could make out the array of small wounds scattered across the visible olive skin, no capitol technology here to erase them before public consumption.
Madge stood stock still for a long moment, taking in the shrunken shell of the previously unbreakable girl in front of her. She had been through too much, lost too much, and her heart ached for the girl she once knew, the girl she still loved.
Slowly, as though she was approaching a deer in the woods, she crept towards the bed, remembering from a lesson that now seemed years in the past to place her heel down softly, rolling towards her toes. She had almost reached the bed when a hoarse, raspy voice startled her.
"You're getting better at that." Katniss said, her eyes unmoving from the ceiling.
"Well don't tell anyone or they might show up and make me go to the training sessions I've been skipping." Madge replied quickly, finally reaching the bedside of her friend.
Katniss shifted her glance to rest on Madge, her head rolling slightly to the side. When the grey eyes met her own, she had to resist the urge to reach out and grab a hold of the hand lying limply nearest her. Madge allowed her eyes to roam Katniss's face instead, resting on the small line of a red scratch running from below her lip down her chin.
It reminded her of an afternoon spent out in the meadow, strawberry juice running down their chins, the taste of white liquor hanging heavy on their tongues.
"They want you to be a solider?" She rasped, and Madge simply nodded in response, happy to be provided some sort of distraction.
"Did you tell them about how you threw up every time you came in the woods with me and I shot something?" A flicker of a small smile appeared on Katniss's face, sending shots of electricity and pain firing throughout Madge's entire being.
"No, I'm going to keep that story to myself thank you." She replied rolling her eyes and softly sitting down in the chair near the head of the bed.
"Well they would probably stop trying to get you to train if they knew you were bad with blood." Katniss said, shrugging her shoulders.
"No, they don't care. Everyone has to. I mostly just hide though and no one bothers me about it. Mayor's daughter and all." Madge told her, catching herself as she leaned in closer to the bed, only when the expression on Katniss's face turned to one of agony.
" Prim told me… she told me about…." She struggled for the words but Madge knew already what she had to say.
"Yeah. It's strange. I saw it happening, I saw the house burning down, and I felt sad, but I felt more relieved. Relieved I wasn't there. Now I mostly just feel guilty I wasn't." She answered, shrugging out her confession.
Katniss swallowed loudly, closing her eyes tightly before nodding her head.
"I know what you mean." She whispered, and Madge could no longer keep to herself. Slowly, ever so slowly, she reached up and gently took the hand that had been calling to her since she had reached the bedside. She was surprised when Katniss wrapped her fingers into the embrace.
"He's…. he's in the capitol Madge. I didn't save him." She barely got out, choking on the words through invisible tears.
"Do you love him Katniss?" Madge asked, even though pain radiated throughout her entire being as she did so. When she hazarded a glance to Katniss's face, she was once again met with the grey eyes she cherished so much.
"I honestly don't know. I just don't know how to be here without him. It…. Hurts knowing I left him behind, that he should be here and I should be there."
A chill ran through Madge at the admission.
"We will get him back Katniss. You will see him again, I know it." She told her confidently, unsure where the sudden burst had come from.
"How can you know?" Katniss asked quietly, tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes.
"Because when I never thought I would see you again, your sister told me the same thing and she was right." Madge told her softly.
A heavy silence fell between them then, as Katniss closed her eyes, trying to stop the torrent of emotions running through her. Sighing Madge squeezed the hand she had taken captive.
"Katniss you are my only friend. No one ever talked to me or if they did they treated me like something unapproachable. You didn't so I promise I won't do that to you." Madge admitted shrugging. "And maybe when you get better I'll have someone to sit with at lunch again."
Katniss opened her eyes finally, squinting as she let what she had been told soak into her mind. After a long moment a small smile crept onto her lips.
"Yes, I think I can do that."
Madge smiled at her friend, as they lapsed into the comfortable silence they often shared, happy to just be keeping each other company.
Some time later, she stood to leave the room, promising to come back the next day. When she finally re-enterd the lobby it was to the seated forms of Haymitch, who watched her in amusement, and Gale, who eyed her with the normal amount of disdain.
"Well?" Haymitch prompted leaning forward in his seat, his hands clasped.
"Well what? We talked. She's worried about him." Madge offered, her eyes darting to Gale as he tensed slightly at the sound of her voice.
"You're the first person besides that sister of hers she hasn't thrown out after an extended amount of time." Haymitch responded, gleefully looking at Gale.
"Watch yourself you drunk asshole." Gale grumbled under his breath before turning on Madge.
"You've been avoided training." He stated.
"Yeah I have. Why do you care?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Because you care about her. You and I have a lot in common merchant, and eventually she's going to ask for the one thing she wants more than either of us. I figured you would be there with me, getting ready for when that time comes." He scoffed, crossing his arms against his chest.
Madge stood there silently for a long moment; contemplating the idea Gale had just presented her with, before finally making a decision. Turning to head towards the exit she eyed the two men once more before walking out.
"I'll be back tomorrow to see her. And I'll see you in training." She told Gale before she walked out of the hospital and headed back to her room, a new resolve awakening in her.
She may not be the one that Katniss loved, but that was okay, because the boy she was fairly certain Katniss did love could take care of her for them both. Now it was only a matter of if he would be given the chance.