A/N: Um.... Yup. I think I might have been drunk when i wrote this, even if I've never had a drop of alcohol in my life. Except when I licked my hands after using hand sanitizer. Mmm.... hand sanitizer.

Don't judge me. Or Magikarps. Or hand sanitizer.

I slammed down my sledge hammer, breaking through a rock, when I noticed it. An odd rock protruding from the ground. Using a hammer and nail I carefully chipped away at the rock, until my prize was revealed.

And oddly shaped rock came loose from the wall. The pattern of a fin was embedded in it. A fossil, but unlike any i had ever seen. A new fossil! I would be famous, discovering a new species of Pokémon, A prehistoric fish, probably 4 meters from tip to tip, with serrated jaws and powerful fins! It would be so powerful, I would be able to defeat the league with it alone, type advantage or not it would chew up my opponents and spit them out, and win me fame and glory as the new league champion of Sinnoh!

The sun hurt my eyes as I walked out of one of the tunnels leading deep underground. Eterna city was close to Oreburgh, probably a 10 minute walk, less on bike. I jumped on my bike which I had left next to the Pokémart and rode along, humming happily to myself. I imagined the awards I would have bestowed upon me! Various medals for the discovery of the most powerful prehistoric Pokémon ever! Then I would be rich, all of the trainers challenging me would be beaten by my monster fish, and they would have to fork out tons of cash! People from other regions would come to try to defeat my Pokémon, but they'd all lose!

I used a very uncreative excuse when a trainer on the bike path challenged me. Of course, people tend to not believe you when you say you have no Pokémon if you have a bunch of Pokéballs and other supplies a trainer would require. So I decided to just bike away as fast as possible.

As I was entering Oreburgh I saw my rival, Diamond, and for once in his life he didn't want to battle or gloat or anything. I, however, did want to gloat.

"Ha," I said, "I shall be the greatest trainer to ever live, because i decided to waste an entire 27 minutes of my life down underground looking for fossils!"

He just stared at me, with and expression that had to be pure envy and awe towards my pure awesomeness.

I put my bike right outside the museum and walked inside. I approached the man at the counter and said, "Revive this fossil, and I might just give you some of my profits! Even if i only gave you 0.00001% of the money i make you would still be a billionaire!"

"Okz, I iz revive your fozzil nowz, you goez outside. It take long time! Youz leavez, NOWZ!!!!"

"Um... sure." I left, then walked back in.

"You iz very latez!!!! I iz been waiting for hourz!!!!! Here iz youz fizhy."

And he handed me a fish.

There must have been some mistake.

It was a Magikarp. A really fat and ugly and purple Magikarp.

"You must have mixed up my fossil with another one! There must have been a mistake!"

"Der iz no miztake! Youz leavez, or I iz feed you tu ze Garchompz!"

"Fine!" I said, then walked away, sulking.

I walked to route 206 and released the stupid Magikarp, crushing its Poké ball. "Goodbye, you Magi-piece-of-crap." I said, kicking it into the water.

***

"Woah!" Diamond said, as he pulled on his fishing rod. Using all of his strength, along with the help of his Blastoise he managed to pull the fish he had catch out of the water. The Magikarp was quite strange looking, he thought it was simply because of pollution and toxic waste that caused the purple Magikarp to become big, fat, and extremely ugly. He thought it would faint in one hit, but instead his Blastoise was knocked out by Earthquake, which dispite the type disadvantage and the fact that Magikarps, or most water types, don't learn that move. Luckily he had a master ball in hand, and used the Magikarp to become the league champion and richest man in the Pokémon world.

Wasn't that just terrible? When did you even bother reading such a horrible peice of literature.

I like pie.