Blood. There is blood. My brain registers the blood, the tangy, salty smell. Yet I cannot smell it. Pain. It is there, yet I cannot feel it. Light, but I cannot see it. I am blind, yet I am not. I see dark and light, and faded colors swirling in the middle. I register trees, the cold snowy earth, and the small frozen pond in front of me. The sensation of sight has left me though. I stand, clumsy and weak. I catch the scent on my tongue, yet again I only register the putrid taste. Death.
I shake the maggots off of my pelt, yet some cling to me. The cold feels like nothing. I feel nothing. My mind fills in the gap, trying to send the feeling through my numb remains. There is no pain, no cold, nothing. Empty, a shell. Hollowed. I see a mouse dart by me, seemingly unafraid. My pulse should be heightened, ears perked at the sight, interested and prepared to end it's life. But there is nothing to drive me. The mouse is there, just as there is blood clinging from my neck and sides.
I blink needlessly, for there is no tears lining my eyes. They are dry, but I still don't sense them. I don't feel the snow on my black pelt, collecting slowly on my back. Memories seem to flash by me. Oak...Oakfur. I remember him. His fuzzy brown pelt, with a darker stripe racing down his back. The most vibrant thing is his eyes, smoldering amber like how the sun sets over the horizon.
SunClan. My Clan. My home. I remember the trees, lightly coated in snow. They cast dappling shadows on the cats below. Like Icestar, the leader. Or Bramblepelt, her deputy. I am confused at why I am in the forest alone when I should be with my clan. My face looks downward, although I do not recall willing it to. I see the blood, pools of it dried onto the snow, half covered in a fresh sheet.
Oakfur... blood... death... I slowly equate my memories, realization growing over me. Oakfur... killed me. I remember now, as if that single word had unleashed a fury of emotion and hatred. He killed me. I seem to be thrown into a different dimension, although I am aware that I am standing there in the snow and cold. My soul wanders, standing by the tree where I stand with Oakfur. I must be dreaming. I am as still as the trees besides me, as I watch myself stand next to Oakfur.
"I.. I love you, Nightblossom." Oakfur stammers. The me from the past looks back, stunned. My skin grows hot, I feel it.
I look down. "I am sorry, I do not feel the same."
"Even after all we have? Our friendship which lasted seasons and seasons?" Rage fills his voice.
"I'm sorry."
He growls and flings me against a tree, my spine crunching. It's like my spine, how it is right now. It is bent. Oakfur is strong, his legs muscular and shoulders broad.
"How? How can you do this to me?" Sorrow and anger fills his voice. "You are nothing but a slut, a slut who only wants to break my heart."
I squeak in protest, all that my body could muster at that point. Still, I stand next to my body in the vision, horrified. He picks me up by the scruff and throws me again, this time my head hitting the ground. I am hardly conscious at this point. Yet he makes sure not to knock me out. He wants me to feel the pain of his claws.
He stabs my flank, blood oozing out of the gash. Even in my current, dreamlike state I feel the pain, but then the pain leaves. All I feel is a tingling sensation. Looking back on the event, I realize that I had dissociated. I wasn't completely there in my body. I watch, the sensation still there, as he clips his claws along my head, shredding my ears. My blue eyes are dull, the icy color faded into a lifeless blue.
He lands the final blow, piercing my neck with fury. The last thing I see is those eyes, blazing with hatred. My throat gurgles and blood gushes as he draws his paw away from me. The world fades to black, and I am returned to the snowy forest.
He killed me because I did not love him. He killed me. Animosity overwhelms my body. There should be power surging through my body, but the strength is only registered. The artificial feelings are enough, they give me what my corpse can no longer.
I shamble through the trees. Bitter hatred drives me forward. For some reason I do not dare to question why my carcass is still mobile instead of laying on the ground still and rotting. I bound, stumbling over stones and brambles.
Finally, I reach camp. I need to go to the entrance. I need to kill him. I surge forward, breaking into the SunClan camp. Cats gasp around me, stunned at my corpse. "N-Nightblossom?" A sound comes from my left. Rosepaw. My apprentice. "I'm sorry." I attempt to say, my voice hoarse, broken, and hardly audible.
A few cats yell in terror, some call for help and I go towards where a few cats were eating food. "Oakfur" my decaying vocal cords rattle. The cats run from him, leaving just me in front of him.
"How are you alive?" I growl at his response, striking at his face. Blood pours from the wound, yet I am not content. More. He needs to suffer. He stumbles down, stunned as I go to bite his neck. He attempts to scramble away, so I fail to clamp down on this miserable neck.
Blood spurts from the wound anyway. "Foxdung!" He hisses, voice sounding strained and mangled. He falls, helpless. Oakfur attempts to claw my side and he succeeds, but it is nothing to me. My side is exposed, entrails dripping out between my ribs and falling onto the snow.
Cats all around us are screaming, crying, or both. Some run away, hiding in the forest while some huddle in dens. Icestar comes out of her den, staring at the events. She does not know what to say.
"Cats of Sunclan!" my torn throat gurgles. "Oakfur, a warrior of this clan, had killed me. So now, I return the favor." I crunch down on his neck, the bones snapping as my jaws close around him.
I watch, completed as the light fades from his eyes forever. There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for.
My body crumbles under Icestar's weight, yet I do not fight her. My time here is over. I let myself fade into the light. Icestar gets off of me, seeing that I have left this world. A tear falls from her eye. "Goodbye, my friend. Nightblossom, you will never be forgotten."
She looks to the sky as my body fades into the sky. Goodbye.