A Typical Day In Hogwarts

I don't own anything of Harry Potter or anything from J.K Rowling.

P.S this this a one shot and a massive piss take please enjoy, feedback will be appreciated.

Harry Potter was spying in the girl's bathroom with his invisibility cloak on him, over in the far right corner with Neville Longbottom and Ronald Weasley as they were under Harry's cloak. Watching as the girls changed and applied their makeup and in the baths. Harry has a half a lob on, Neville had a hard-on and Ron was soft as a pillow. Neville's hand brushes accidentally against Harry's shlong, Harry freaks out.

"What The Fuck are you doing?" Harry says through gritted teeth.

Neville whispered on the defensive " it was a accident back off."

Ron said in a ooh camp tone "What happened?"

"Neville touched my friggin cock!" said Harry annoyed

"No I never, I swear it was a accident." says Neville

Ron had a gleam in his eyes as he asked "Can I touch you're cock Harry?"

"NO!"

At this point the girls could hear a rustling noise coming from some where in the bathroom. Ron, Harry and Neville tumbled over each other and fell from under the invisibility cloak. The girls started screaming and running and scampering around for towels too cover their half naked bodies, as Neville laid their eye's wide and bewildered. As the terrible shrieking of the girls proceeded Professor McGonagall stormed round the corner in a one piece bikini (which did not do her any justice) as you could make out were her fossilised tits finished just above her belly button, the folds in her neck since she had been in a steamy bathroom looked like a middle aged shaved snatch and a nasty pair or bingo wings and unpleasant lower part (only words to describe is, oh god damn!).

"SWEET JESUS!" shouted Harry in such despair with his eye's squinting as if they are burning.

Neville was on his knees by now crying and suffering from uncontrollable vomiting, Ron was rolling on his back screaming more worse & high pitched then the girls whilst trying too scratch out his eye's, at this point even Harry had to look up stare at Ron with the rest of the full bathroom looking highly concerned.

At this point Professor McGonagall tuck her towel from around her neck & covered her self.

"Thank God, Praise Sweet Jesus Thank you" whimpered Ron with such keen relief.

"Now if you three gentlemen would be so kind, come with me to Professor Dumbledore's office, maybe he will think of a suitable punishment for you". said McGonagall with a cold, bitter unpleasant tone in her voice as she walk past the three lads.

Ron whispered to Harry sounding shocked. "How can there be a punishment worse then that!"

McGonagall snapped whilst glairing over her right shoulder. "What was that mister Weasley!"

"Nowt Professor" mumbled Ron sheepishly.

As the three peeping toms followed the Highly un-amused Professor down the cold dismal hallway with their heads hung down and their arms by their sides but hitting each other as in to blame one another, with the exception of Ron who seemed to have more of a tap/slap like stroke which Harry and Neville realised then tried to pull them self's away, to get closer to McGonagall but not to close on the count of the incident and the fact she smelt of Gorgonzola. As they drew closer to the Headmasters doorway to his office Harry actually started to feel a bit worried since it was his seventh visit before the Christmas holidays, the last time Harry remembers being in Dumbledore's office was just before Halloween when he, Fred and George were trying to sell some snargil-sniff it's a special root that comes from devilsnare which make's you trip balls more then shrooms, mind you Harry found it strange that Dumbledore let them off so lightly & confiscated there stash even the bit of crack that Harry kept in his pencil case for when he got board in class so he and Ron didn't have to put up with Hermione's bitching at them & about Pantsasie Parkinson's hairy mole on her face which they swear they saw it give them the fingerer. Professor McGonagall brought the lads to a halt as they were in front of the entrance of the Heads office.

"Schnitzel stick" said McGonagall with a swish of a hands and the stairway to the office started to twist its way up. As they where making there way up there was a distinct sound of rap coming from above them and a peculiar aroma filling there nostrils and with that Ron's eyes lit up for he must of recognised it because he started to quicken his pace, practically tripping Neville up.

McGonagall had to bang on the big wooden doors just so who ever was inside could hear them over the loud booming lyrics of 'Green and Purple Hills' by D12.

Neville turned to Harry sounding puzzled " what the fuck is going on in there?" Harry being a bit confused himself just shuck his head. As they stud their waiting patiently, then eventually they heard a quaky voice but load shout "hurry up before you let the air out!" as the party of four made there way in, McGonagall hung her head down and place one hand over her eyes, shuck her head and said in a disappointing tone "oh god not again for christe sake". The three lads made there way in and could not believe the site that was there in front of them, Professor Dumbledore was crouched on his desk with no top on, with rainbow hand prints all over his body & a robe around his head holding on to a box with a crazed look on his face singing I'm a little teapot. Down at the bottom of the steps which led to Dumbledore's desk was Professor Snape on all fours scurrying around mumbling to him self "where's the jelly bear gone, he's tuck me bloody nose where is he?" and then touching his face, then back to the scurrying. Harry, Ron and Neville looked around and saw that they were off their tits on the Snargil-Sniff that was tuck off the Weasley twins and Harry a 3 weeks ago. There was half lit joints laying around all over the place & bits of the plant dashed around, Ron with in a blink of an eye was on the floor looking for a decent sized half a spliff and proceed to smoke it. On a side table just out of the corner of Harry's eye, laid out in columns with a razor laying next to it was Harry's smack! "those fucking thieving bastards, that's my 60 deal! I'll fucking have you!" blasted Harry giving Snape & Dumbledore evils. At that McGonagall quickly give Harry and Ron a sharp look, whilst Neville was to busy flipping through that months copy of busty beauty's. Professor Dumbledore looked up looking as dizzy as a bat, spoke with a bit of a childish voice "Harry my boy…argh…. Ooooofffff shit….. Fuck…..twat….ouch!" with those pleasant words he had fell of the desk rolled down the steps and landed arse first in front of McGonagall's feet, whilst in the background Snape was to busy giggling his tits of & just above their heads they heard aloud "wee…" then with a thud on top of Professor Snape it was Professor Flitwick, as they looked up they noticed he was hung up by his coat on a chandelier, which is still dangling there. Professor McGonagall is still stud there shocked & bewildered with the events that's just happened looks down at doped up Dumbledore who is starting too play with her slippers like a kitten with a ball of string, she kicks him of her and says with a calm yet annoyed voice "never mind headmaster I'll tend to these little perverts myself" and takes a glance over at the lads who are getting a bit giggly from the fumes. Dumbledore staggers to his feet (well attempting to get to his feet anyway) grabs hold of McGonagall's outstandingly saggy tits to get him self up looks her in the eyes and says (whilst trying to sound sensible) "come now Minerva don't be like this don't u think the lads have suffered enough today, expectantly Mr. Weasley" What u meen by that" interrupted Ron. Dumbledore continues "well we all know u love the cock you little bender", with that Ron was dumb stricken whilst Harry and Neville are now clinging on to each other howling with laughter trying there very best to keep each other up straight….. And fail. McGonagall asks shocked "what you mean by that?" Dumbledore reply's with a smirk and a giggle "well they have had to put up with the site of your vile body in that thing in the bathroom!" McGonagall absolutely baffled asks "how… how do you know that that's…. why I came to see you?" Dumbledore staged and stumbled over Snape & Flitwick who seem to be wrestling on the floor, he heads over to a cupboard and opens the door, inside the cupboard is a Panasonic 65inch HD 3D T'V, as he stands there smug he turns to McGonagall and says "well what do you expect me to do over the weekend sit here drink tea and Knit fuck that right off! I like seeing fine young girls in the shower as much as the next old perv, you came along and scared me you wrinkled old moose how the hell was I suppose to wank over that you sick turnip". McGonagall who is now gob smacked slowly turns around to the lads and says calmly "your excused boys go back to your dormitory". Harry, Ron and Neville look at each other and start walking out, then right behind them they here Snape say in a happy cheery voice (yes I know its scary Snape happy! 0_o) " I have him I caught the jelly Bear hahahahahahaha! Give me my nose you juicy little bugger". The three lads turn around and see Snape licking Flitwick's face like a lollypop while Flitwick is past out, just as fast as they turned around they legged it out of there with some snargil-sniff, at least a 25 bit of smack and a copy of busty beauties.

The End