Title: Love At The End Of The World
Fandom: Lost Girl
Pairing: Bo/Lauren
Rating: R
Summary: Bo considers the choices she's made in the wake of the Garuda and what it means to be with Lauren.
Spoilers: 2x22
When you're staring down the Garuda and the end of the world suddenly seems plausible, it's hard not to take inventory of your life. All of the things you should've said, should've done become painfully obvious. And in these regrets, of which three came to mind, were powerful reminders of where Bo came from.
If she had to pick one, killing Nadia would be her first regret. The Garuda had played her. He'd played them all. They were not prepared for what the Garuda was capable of or how soon he had come. And Nadia had been rescued only to be sacrificed for all the things they didn't know about the Garuda. As confusing as it was for Lauren to beg that she kill her girlfriend, it did nothing to compare to the terror she felt as her knife ran Nadia through. The resulting rift between Bo and Lauren had been understandably painful, testing their trust and trying their mettle.
Bo would never understand why bad things happen. It wasn't some doe-eyed innocence talking, it was coming from a place of genuine concern. On some level, Bo still felt very much the monster. A ten year spree of death and destruction will do that to a girl, but being around other fae had taught Bo things aren't always so black and white. It was because of her past that she had a new respect for life.
Her second regret, while the outcome was less tragic, still niggled at Bo. After all, leaving her human girlfriend-without protection-to the monsters that roamed the halls because Lauren had convinced her that Vex couldn't be moved didn't rate up there with the most thoughtful decision she had ever made. And so, even as she fought what could have been her final fight, she turned this decision over.
It wasn't until much later when Bo was clear of danger and celebrating at the Dal that she came to terms with it. Trick had absolved her, saying sacrifice is the hardest part about being a leader, but the implication that Bo had sacrificed Lauren by leaving her behind was too much. So when Lauren smiled at her from across the room, Bo was again rushed by a tidal wave of guilt. But before she could turn tail and disappear, Lauren was crossing the distance between them.
"Hi." Lauren sidled up to Bo at the bar.
"Lauren, hey." Bo smiled warmly. "I don't know about you but when all this is said and done I'm going to sleep for a week." Lauren chuckled and Bo's heart pounded at her closeness. As they stood there together for what felt like hours, Bo tried to squelch her desire. In all actuality, it was less than a minute before Bo asked, "You wanna get out of here?"
"A lot," she laughed, looking relieved that Bo had asked first.
Bo took Lauren's hand and led her through the Dal and out the side door. They didn't speak as they walked to the car and Bo was struck by how different the silence felt. As they drove, adrenaline fading, Bo began to relax and Lauren, curled into the bucket seat beside her, sighed.
Ten minutes later and they were undressing in Bo's bedroom. Lauren kissed her tenderly, falling back onto the bed as Bo crawled over her, her body buzzing with excitement. Being with Lauren was indescribable. She still couldn't answer Kenzi's massively invasive questions about Lauren's "bedroom personality," and even if she could, Bo wasn't sure she wanted to share anymore.
Besides, she had another hole to dig herself out of. Regret number three: the aborted I love you. How could she tell Lauren how she felt now when she had already printed the retraction? Bo actually felt lovesick. The knot in her stomach tightened. She couldn't believe that she let herself feel so much.
Bo held her breath. "I love you," she said, at last.
In the dimly lit bedroom, Lauren looked at her for a long time. Bo couldn't blame her for being skeptical. Silence seemed to come so easy to her tonight and Bo felt her scrutiny burned into her skin. Lauren didn't answer and instead kissed her again, reigniting Bo's desire.
Dragging her fingernails across Bo's skin, she coaxed a moan and Bo was lost. Trembling beneath Lauren's touch, Bo found the honesty of words spoken in these intimate moments. And in whispering proclamations of love against Bo's collarbone, Lauren freed her from the doubt she had been feeling.
Leave it to a human to teach Bo how to love.
Naïve, wide-eyed lust was pinning her to the bed and she didn't struggle to break away. Bo gave herself up and Lauren poured over her body. It was in that sanctuary of sheets that Bo fell further.
When she awoke hours later, Bo was alone. She stretched luxuriously before getting to her feet, slipping into a robe and padding down the stairs. There, Lauren stood between two bags of groceries, unpacking. Looking up, she smiled. Bo could get used to waking up to Lauren.
"I thought I'd make breakfast but the only food you had was leftover pizza."
"Yeah," Bo smiled, "it's been kind of crazy lately." Lauren didn't need to know that they rarely had food in their refrigerator.
"Right," she smiled. "I didn't mean to imply-"
Bo came to stand beside her. "Lauren-it's okay." Bo reached out for her hands and held them. "Thank you."
She shook her head. "You don't have to thank me."
But she did need to thank Lauren. For tirelessly stabilizing the Naga venom and for standing beside her at the edge of the apocalypse and now, for staying with her after the threat had passed.
This was the real thing. Love. Overwhelming and crushing, there was danger between them when they were together. At any moment Bo risked letting go completely and there was no way to know how that would turn out. It was like bringing a hand grenade to a dance. She was able to pass off the danger for a time but eventually she had to face up to her destructive nature. Of course, it was Lauren who taught her restraint, and the simple pleasure that being in control could bring so things were a lot less perilous.
Bo poured herself a cup of coffee. "What's for breakfast?""Well, it's three o'clock in the afternoon but breakfast is the most important meal of the day, or so they say," Lauren smirked. "So…Pancakes?"
Cradling her cup of coffee with both hands, Bo leaned back against the island as Lauren measured flour into a bowl. "Sounds yummy." She could feel Lauren's eyes on her as she stood across from her. Lauren cracked an egg into the bowl. "So what happens now?" Bo nearly whispered, the silence ringing in her ears.
"I don't have a clue," she shook her head and stared at the egg yolk in the bowl. "I was kind of hoping," her voice wavered, "maybe we could to spend some time together before the new Ash is selected."
Bo looked into her coffee cup and smiled before meeting Lauren's gaze. "I'd like that." She watched as Lauren poured blueberries into the bowl and found that knot in her stomach again. "I'm sorry, Lauren… for leaving you with Vex."
Lauren looked up at Bo, the spoon stilling in the bowl. There was a moment of intensity that Bo had witnessed too many times before, but then as quickly as it had appeared, it faded. Lauren's lips curled into a smile Bo didn't think she could ever see enough of. "I made it, didn't I?"
She was right. There was no sense in dwelling on something she couldn't change, but each and every decision and consequence would be burned into her mind forever. Truth was, she had hundreds of regrets. But those days were over. Committing to an unaligned life had made things interesting, and now she was more steadfast than ever about helping people. It was the only way she knew to exculpate her conscience. When she was staring down the end of the world, just one thing repeated: the beating of her heart. And in those moments there was no question who it beat for and the clarity that this knowledge brought was incomparable.
The thing about love at the end of the world is that it washes away the pretenders. It clears the path of distraction and fear so desperate truths and love are all that remain. There was no time for regret or remorse anymore. Love at the end of the world was true. After all the mistakes she'd made, after all the times she ran, Bo knew without a shred of a doubt that Lauren was what had been missing from her life. And it was time Bo started appreciating her good fortune.
FIN