THEY CAN NEVER KNOW
DISCLAIMER
Belongs to CBS. Takes place during the scene in "Profiler, Profiled" where Morgan's in the cell, while Hotch and Gideon puzzle out what Morgan's hiding from them, which takes place after the scene where Reid and Prentiss talked to the Morgan family.
Morgan stared at the photos of him at the youth center, dropped them on the bench, and then rubbed his head with his hands. He didn't---he didn't want to remember this. But he couldn't keep the images out of his head. Carl Buford practicing with him, giving him pointers…touching him, making him feel dirty. Man, I---I can't do this. I just want this to go away, Morgan thought miserably. He wanted to scream, cry, something…anything but remember what had happened. Why were Hotch and the others looking into this? Why couldn't they just leave him alone? Didn't they understand that this was none of their business? It was fault anyway. He hadn't said 'no'. He had just let Carl get away with it. He blew out a breath. He just---he didn't know what to do. All that mattered was keeping the secret. Keeping his and Carl's secret. Unbidden, a memory of him and Carl came back.
"Derek, you can keep this as our special little secret, can't you?" Carl questioned.
"S---sure, Carl," Derek promised. Morgan cringed inwardly. Dang, he had sounded so scared. And Buford knew it. He shuddered, feeling the ghost of the man's hands all over him. Why had this happened to him? Why hadn't he fought? How come he hadn't told him 'no'? Almost instantly, Morgan knew the reason: because he had looked up to Carl. Because he had become like a father to him. Carl Buford, my mentor. What a joke, Morgan thought miserably. One thing's for sure. Hotch, Gideon…the rest of them. They can never know. Never, he thought frantically. With that, Morgan vowed that no matter what happened, he would never tell anybody what Carl Buford had done to him all those years ago. With a heavy sigh, Morgan leaned against the wall of his cell and tried in vain to block out the incoming memories.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
If you or anyone else has been sexually assaulted, contact RAINN'S national hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).