Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series. All rights belong to She-who-does-not-treat-her-characters-well aka J. K. Rowling.
Rating: Let's go with PG-13 for now.
Summary: After a clerical error botches up the normal reincarnation process, our OC is forced to choose a mythical creature to live as while they wait for things to be fixed. And thus begins their life as a phoenix in the Potterverse.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S BEEN A CLERICAL ERROR?!"
I almost felt bad for yelling, as the being in front of me gave a weary sigh and rubbed her temples, looking even more run down than her gaunt appearance already implied but the stress of the situation quickly squelched the guilt.
"I am sorry, but it means I have nowhere to put you. The reaping department reaped the wrong couple, and isn't that going to be a headache and a half to fix, so what would have been your new parents never had the chance to make the baby you would have been. There are no slots open to put you somewhere else as all incoming babies have the proper souls assigned for rebirth for the next millennia. We could try to get a miscarriage appealed but appointments to see someone in the Department of Oracles are already backlogged for the next-" a quick glance at my face had the being amending her sentence. "Well, I'd rather not say," she finished awkwardly.
The being who'd introduced herself oddly enough as Eunice since her real name wasn't pronounceable in any human tongue, busied herself with shuffling through a large stack of papers on her desk. "Now, the Mythical Beings Department offered to help. There are less stringent rules on the creation of bodies there and also for the placement of souls. This wouldn't be the first time they've placed a human soul in a mythical being." Here, she laughed a bit nervously. I wasn't sure I wanted to know why. Before I could decide, she seemed to find what she was looking for and pulled out a paper with a triumphant, "aha!" It had what looked like a short list hastily scrawled on it in a language I couldn't read. The writing seemed to swirl around on the page every time I tried to focus on it. I gave up trying when a thought suddenly occurred to me.
"Wait." I started to get excited as the notion took hold. "Mythical Beings," I repeated. "Does that mean I can be a dragon?" I think I could overlook this whole reincarnation disaster if it meant I got to be a dragon.
"Ah, no." Here, Eunice looked a little disappointed that she could not offer this. Not nearly as disappointed as I felt, though. "Those are actually one of the few placements that are more carefully monitored."
I slumped in my chair. This was shaping up to be a terrible after-death experience. Not that my death had been a box of kittens either but I was trying not to think about that. But after I died, I had been shuffled among a series of people and offices before finally landing in Eunice's and now I couldn't even be a dragon to make up for this whole trying experience. "So what are my options?"
"Well, we can place you as a mythical being in a multitude of different dimensions and let you live out a life there while we work on finding you a proper placement for rebirth. You may wish to choose a longer lived being or an immortal as I'm not sure how long a proper placement will take," she suggested apologetically.
Right. I sighed. I was not optimistic that this would be fixed soon going by Eunice's previous remarks. "So is there a list of those I can look at. Hopefully, in English?" I asked, looking doubtfully at all the paperwork covered in that headache inducing language.
Eunice brightened, probably relieved I seemed to be done with the hostility and looking forward to getting me out of her office. "Of course." She turned to the sleek machine on her desktop that looked like it wouldn't be out of place in a sci-fi show and started tapping. "Just let me cross reference that with the list the Mythical Beings Department gave me of placement openings," she said, referencing the list that had given me trouble before.
A short while later, list freshly printed out and staring at my options, I knew there was no question which one I would pick. "That one," I said decisively, pointing at my choice. "That's the one I want."
AN: Sooo, long time no see, huh? I know I've had a long absence from writing. There's a lot of reasons for that but that's not why you're here.
I recently got sucked into reading some really well written self-insert fanfic in several different fandoms and I like the idea. I wouldn't mind trying the traditional take on the subject at least once but I thought it might be fun to try it from a different perspective. What if the OC wasn't a human? So this is what I came up with. It won't be an insert based on myself much I don't think and hopefully it won't make us all cringe.
I haven't planned out much of the fic yet but if things go well I would like to make it a series with OCs popping up in various fandoms as different creatures. I already have an idea for at least one other. We'll see how it works out.
As you've probably guessed by now from the title this one will feature our OC as a phoenix. Should be fun.