Story Title: Three Flaws of Foxes
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH.
Author's Notes: While I'm writing my Shad/Link Easter special, I needed a break and wrote three quick Kurama-centric drabbles to keep me sane. These were written solely for the amusement and I hope they provide some entertainment for a while until I can get back to "Angels". Right after my Easter special, I have to get right on two more holiday specials so it'll be a while before I can update it.
As always, thanks for reading.
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Story Title: Three Flaws of Foxes
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Flaw One: Foxes Are Spiteful
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His teacher was wrong. The monks were not killed so that the feudal lord could take their land—they were killed because the lord had wanted the treasure the monks had guarded for centuries. The monks had not been trained for combat and there had been no great battle and the lord had rounded them up and executed them because he believed they were lying to him when the monks had said the treasure had been stolen the night before.
Kurama knew all this because he had been there (and stolen the treasure).
He raised his hand and as soon as his teacher turned and saw his hand up, the balding, frog-faced man groaned and rolled his eyes.
"Yes, young Minamino?" the man said, exasperated. "What is it now?"
Kurama corrected his teacher's lecture, omitting his own presence and worded his reply as if he had read it once at some point. His teacher insisted his version was correct, of course, taking relish in explaining how he was correct and Kurama's version was historical hearsay and myth.
While Kurama had expected and was used to his fifth-grade teacher trying to prove him otherwise, he could have overlooked and ignored his teacher's ignorance, except the man had to add one last jab.
"Contrary to what you may believe, Shuuichi," the bipedal frog said, "you do not know everything."
It was one thing to be told you were wrong when you were right. Being told you were stupid when you were right was another insult entirely.
Unfortunately for Aragawa-sensei, ten-year-old Kurama had regained enough control of his demonic energy to affect plant life from a distance. For the rest of his class, he stared at his teacher's apple and willed his energy to rot and blacken it from the core while keeping its outer peel shiny and red.
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Flaw Two: Foxes Are Lazy
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The sound of his television on woke Kurama up from his nap on his sofa in his apartment. It took a moment or two for him to brush off the grogginess and open his eyes to see that Hiei had come home and sat down by his feet and watched human world television with about as much interest as he gave Yusuke's homework the time Yusuke bet Hiei couldn't get one question right.
Hiei looked over and saw he was awake but neither one said hello to the other since there was no need. They were used to one another. Since Kurama had fixed himself in the human world, Hiei would come and go, his returns never surprising him. Sensing his energy suddenly in the area once again never came as a shock—it was simply there and a part of Kurama's life, like the pulse of life from his plants. Hiei never said hello and Kurama did not either. Their familiarity and comfort with the other had grown past common greetings.
Noting the hour, Kurama settled on getting in another nap before his show came on—even Hiei would watch it with him, as the main character was a serial killer—when he realized he was hungry but he didn't want anything substantial. He wanted candy, specifically chocolate.
And there was a giant three-pound super party bag of M&M's on his kitchen countertop.
Problem was he was in the living room and his kitchen, while nearby, required him to remove himself from his warm, comfy spot, walk, and bring the bag of candy back to his sofa where his spot would more than likely lose its warmth and comfort. The process of him getting himself some candy required motion. It required effort. Kurama wanted to provide neither.
He was, however, willing to figure out a means of getting someone else, namely Hiei, to bring candy to him.
Simply asking him was not an option nor was offering him a bribe. He had to put the thought in Hiei's mind subtly and in a way that would benefit Hiei, thus motivate him to get him candy for him. He had to dangle a carrot in front of him and hope Hiei would bite.
An M&M's commercial and Kurama's long memory provided him the perfect opportunity.
"I've heard that green M&M's coating has a special chemical in it that vastly increases a person's sexual drive and arousal," Kurama said casually, not intending his words to sound any different from any other comment he had ever made when he and Hiei watched tv.
Kurama waited.
Hiei didn't immediately respond. He sat same as before and barely watched a pop idol push a new cell phone. It almost looked like Hiei was going to let his comment pass by completely. Except Kurama knew Hiei. He knew the difference between Hiei ignoring him and Hiei slowly working a thought through.
Kurama waited. He idly paid attention to the special report and about five minutes later, he caught sight of Hiei's eyes darting over at him and then just as quickly look back at the news. Knowing Hiei would put two and two together soon enough, Kurama waited.
More time passed and Kurama had halfway dozed off back to sleep when he felt the weight of a bowl hit his chest. Once he woke, Kurama tipped the bowl forward and saw what it held. There was nothing but green M&M's. Hiei had picked out every single one.
The aphrodisiac effect of green M&M's was a complete lie, but that didn't mean it didn't have its uses. Especially when Kurama could have his chocolate delivered to him.
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Flaw Three: Foxes Are Smart
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"Theopneustia."
"Ultra-High Frequency."
"Eevee."
The problem with a missing remote and a television stuck on a trivia game show was that Kurama knew every answer to every question and he answered every single one of them correctly before the host could get through reading the question. The option of changing the channel from the control panel on the tv was proposed by Kurama but an old fight between Yusuke and Kuwabara had left Kuwabara's channel buttons forever smashed in.
And so the search for the remote was on, with Kuwabara and Yusuke frantically searching Kuwabara's room (and the rest of his apartment, all but Shizuru's room) while Kurama calmly read a book on Kuwabara's bed and answered trivia.
"This comic marked the introduction of Nightcrawler," read the host.
"Giant-Size X-Men Number One," Kurama said.
Of course, Kurama was right.
Yusuke paused in his search and turned and stared in stunned surprise at Kurama. "Okay, I get you knowing big words, history, science, and a whole lot of other stuff," he said. "But how in the hell do you know about Pokemon and comics?"
"Shuichi," Kurama said without looking up from his book.
"Figures," Yusuke grumbled and looked for the third time under Kuwabara's bed.
Yes, without a doubt, everyone close to him knew that Kurama knew close to everything. What Yusuke and Kuwabara didn't know was that he also knew where the remote was but he wasn't telling.