The Ever Changing
By Jackie Almasy
Inspired by Christina Aguilera's "Reflection."
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A pale and shaky hand slowly wiped the fog that was covering the mirror in the small refresher room. The squeak of glass followed in its wake, forming a clear line on the tainted glass. Droplets of condensation slid down the cool and flat surface, leaving paths of destruction and ripples in their wakes. The forced line of human interference on the mirror revealed tired and hauntingly empty blue eyes.
Nothing else of this face showed in the fogged up window.
The constant blinking of the single yellow light in the small room seemed to silently threaten the only occupant in darkness at any second. The constant dripping of the refresher was the dominant sound, seeming to drown out the breathing of the toweled woman before the mirror.
The short, wet, black hair of a tall women clung to the sides of her face. Finally, a sign of life showed as she blinked her eyes once. As each blink increased in speed, so did the haziness in them. The blue was slowly drowned by a see through mist of tears.
"No… I must not show emotion! I cannot!"
The woman struggled to control her now shaky breathing. Her pale shoulders started to shake a little, making the wet towel shiver and move around her form. Whimpers and sounds of a shaking voice followed soon after.
"There is no emotion; there is…,"
The images of nine faces blurred together as one, seeming to resonate throughout the reaches of her mind. Their emotions, actions, words, and values all seemed to mold together, showing the value of their friendships. Months of countless flying throughout the galaxy, late night pazaak games, meditation sessions, and the burning need of protecting one another in the face of battle.
One by one though, in the single moment of a few words, the world they had known shattered.
She could still see them now, constantly replaying over and over in the reaches of her mind. The looks of disbelief in their eyes, shock of the deepest sort and actions of shaking heads.
"No… Please no! There is peace; there is no ignorance..,"
Mission's eyes had resonated of pain beyond belief; the destruction of Taris burning brightly within the eyes of a young life.
"There is…k-knowledge,"
The feral eyes of Zaalbar meeting her blue eyes, strangely presenting a confused expression of the person he has sworn a life debt to.
"What comes next? There…,"
Words of questioning were brought forth by Juhani. The shaking of her head, unknowing tinge of betrayal, and bitter hatred in the one word that crossed her lips. A vile and sinister name…
"There is no passion; O-Only,"
Low beeps and exclamations of words from loyal droids. The light of the ships controls reflecting off bodies of silver and bronze metals. Driods could not hold grudges, but why was the notes and volume of the beeps and words so low?
"Serenity. Yes, there is only serenity,"
The eyes of wisdom and sadness coming the way of the shattered woman. No skills of healing or words of age could heal this tear, this wound. Had all the conversations before been leading up to this earth shattering revelation? Only caring eyes showed his response, hidden beneath the second nature of a Jedi consular.
"There is no d-death…,"
The woman's body continued to grow in the tremors of her shakes. The hand on the mirror was now clutched, growing as white as a corpse. A walking corpse of the woman she once was… A gasp came from her body, the shuddering eyelids threatening to release the things she feared most.
The face of the cold hearted and battle hardened Mandalorian entered her head. The twitch of a trigger finger and realizations of unexplainable likeliness clicking into place in his mind. This was the woman who had defeated him?
"There… is the…Force…"
The formation of small crystal tears showed up on the edges of her squinting eyelids. Her voice was now merely gasps on inner pain and realization of her former and continuous shadow. The dreams and endless nightmares that had plagues her mind day and night were silent reminders of the phantom that would always haunt her steps from that night foreword.
The look of her longest friend from the group of travelers was the coldest of all.
Icicles of hatred rose from his brown eyes of once warm sanctuaries. Words and promises of protection from the galaxy soon taken back in actions of pointed blasters at her head. The man she had come to finally open up and gain his trust was now on the opposite side of her, with a wish of revenge in his eyes.
"But I,"
"Don't you dare try to apologize for who you are, for what you did to me!"
Her knees slowly started buckling, losing strength to hold the trembling form of a Republic solider up.
"I can't be that person I can't! I would never,"
"You took away everything from me! My world, my son, my wife, and my life! I can never trust you again! Spilling all your lies, working your Sith techniques!"
All their voices at once seemed to merge, echoing the haunting truth of the revelation she never expected. The mechanical notes of a fallen Jedi striking at her very core...
"Recognize that you are Revan…"
She soon fell upon the floor, her form hunched over and at last, succumbed to the emotions so longed to suppress. The tears of sadness constantly fell down her cheeks. Cries of bitter and hopeful redemption sounded from her fallen body.
For there in the mirror laid the broken entity a human being and the fallen form of a dark lord.
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This is the first in a series of short one-shots on every major character of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.
For me, Christina Aguilera's "Reflection" brought to light the true challenge of knowing who is looking back at you in the mirror. After the Leviathan revelation, I pictured a shattered human being trying to come to grips with what was now their very identity. The concept of facing who you thought you were with what is now your image is a lesson every human being comes to term with and I tried to show the human characteristics of Revan.
Next stop: Lightside male Revan.
Till next time,
Jackie Almasy
"Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic" and its characters are owned by Lucas Arts and Bioware Corp. Star Wars is copyrighted by George Lucas. I own nothing.