a/n: I feel like this story will definitely be a good, possibly long one. Or that's surely what I am hoping for! I haven't been able to shake these thoughts all day. This story is based off of Maroon 5's song, "Wait", and episode 19x18, "Service". I personally did not watch the episode based off of what I had viewed on twitter. I know Amanda was very out of context, and we know how hard she has been working on herself. SO, from pure speculation and some videos, I hope you enjoy my take on it! It's very upsetting to hear that they're trying to make Rollins be the bad guy most of the time. ;(
Aside from Amanda being out of character, I'm putting my own twist on this. This WILL be Rolivia, and Amanda wasn't ever dating said cardiologist. She's hiding a different secret. You're welcome.
As always, reviews are welcome. Xo
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Can we talk for a moment?
Got these feelings I'm tired of holding on
Olivia had noticed that Amanda wasn't herself, and she didn't want to hound her for answers, damn well knowing that Amada would shut her out. That was the last thing that she needed.
"Hey, you got a problem?" Olivia asked after assigning each detective their rolls in the case.
Amanda gave her a half smile and shrugged.
"It's nothing. I'm fine." Amanda insisted and pushed herself past her superior.
Olivia raised her brow as her eyes followed her movements. She sighed and headed into her office and sat down.
The thing with Amanda was that she was a very private person, and tried to lay low. Until her mistakes caught up with her and Olivia would eventually have to bail her out of whatever trouble she was in. And honestly, Olivia didn't mind. What she did mind was the fact that Amanda continuously shut her out, especially after Amanda was very keen on telling Olivia she was going to be there for her. It made Olivia feel like she couldn't be trusted, and that very well wasn't the case.
Olivia knew that her and Amanda had problems in the past, but finally they were able to work through them. After Amanda had taken her tropical retreat to work on herself, and Olivia forced to take some mandatory time from the higher ups, they talked. They talked for what seemed like forever, and Olivia was very grateful that she could finally allow Amanda into her life. Olivia looked at Amanda in a different way, with them both being mothers and them both finally becoming closer, she was more than a colleague and that's what Olivia had hoped for this entire time.
From the moment Amanda had walked into the squad room six years ago, Olivia had felt something for her. Though, Olivia would have never admitted it, and she was sure Amanda was straight anyways.
Olivia battled her sexuality for years. Sure she had been with men most of her life, but there were a few flings here and there in college and at the academy that she really cherished. And then she met Alexandra Cabot. That woman had wrecked her damn world, in the best way, and the worst way possible. The two had been on and off for years, but Olivia knew it was never going to work out in the end because all Alex did was run, and Olivia deserved better. They had both known that it wasn't going to last, and when they finally came to terms with it, they were heartbroken. But they made the best of what they could together before Alex was shipped off upstate. That was the last Olivia had heard from her, she had thought maybe she finally retired and went to Florida like all the other ADA's had. She laughed at the thought. Alex Cabot in Florida? Her hair wouldn't be able to handle it.
Olivia smiled at the memories of Alex. She was happy she was able to experience good memories with her, but now she had Amanda to think about. She never acted on her feelings, and she was always very professional with her and rarely crossed the line. Of course there were times when they were able to just be themselves and not boss, subordinate level, and that's what Olivia wanted more of. But it was hard. Olivia knew their jobs were very demanding, and now that they both had kids to care for, she didn't think it would ever work.
Plus, Amanda was straight. Or at least that's what she thought.
Wasn't trying to get wasted
I needed three or four more of these to say this
"Rollins, what's going on?" Olivia had said once they were alone in the break room. She really had hoped Amanda would open up to her, but she knew if she wanted to talk about it, Amanda would come to her when she's ready.
Amanda sighed and hung her head as she closed the locker. She debated on telling Olivia what was really on her mind.
"This case you know. Sometimes this job is rewarding." Amanda lied.
"Life affirming." Olivia commented.
"More like it makes you wanna pound a fifth of Jameson." Amanda replied.
Olivia frowned and looked up at her. "Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked. Amanda offered her a smile.
"It's just… I'll get over it." She sighed and sat down and looked at the brunette.
Olivia sat back for a moment and took in the sigh of the blonde. She was beautiful in every way possible. Sometimes all she wanted to do was look at Amanda, she would catch glimpses of her through the shades from her office, when they were on ride alongs together. Anything to see the woman she was slowly falling for.
Amanda broke the stare, but still felt Olivia's eyes on her. She always felt her eyes on her, and sometimes it scared her. She wasn't sure what was going on in her mind, maybe she was secretly plotting her death. Amanda laughed to herself.
"Something funny?" Olivia asked, pulling off her glasses.
Something that killed Amanda was the goddamn glasses. Amanda wanted to see Olivia in them all the time. And only in the glasses.
Amanda smiled softly and looked at her, "Whenever you stare at me, I feel like you're just burning a hole in my soul. Are you plotting a secret death?" She playfully asked, causing Olivia to laugh and roll her eyes.
"I'm worried about you, Amanda. I want to be here for you. Whatever it is, I hope you can come to me, but don't take your anger out on the victims." Olivia spoke before exiting the room.
Amanda sat back and breathed out, she knew talking to Olivia would help, but she was too damn scared to admit she needed help.
Your love, I don't wanna lose
I'm beggin', beggin', beggin', beggin', I'm begging you