Here I am again in class where everyone knows me, but nobody does. Where I walk through the halls getting knocked around and picked on but I don't fight back and no one fights back for me. It's only the first day of school so maybe I can have things going better for me. Maybe this year will be different, a year where I don't have to deal with the constant name calling, and maybe this year I will find my voice because it seems to have been gone for far too long. The first bell rings telling me it's time to go to my homeroom class, now is when I will know if everything will go well. When my teacher calls my name there are two ways this can all go. She can call my name and I will speak up saying I am here while raising my hand to show who I am, or it can go the way it's been going for the last four years. Here goes nothing, I walk into my senior class taking a seat all the way in the back and I keep my head down waiting for my name to be called on the attendance list. I'm always first, always.
"Austin Moon" The teacher calls and my head shoots up shocked because I am ALWAYS the first person who is called. A boy with brown pushed up hair stands up and indicates where he is. Instantly I make a mental note of how familiar him, his name, and his hair seem in case after what happens next will I be able to talk to him.
"Ally Dawson" The teacher says, this time calling my name. I raise my hand ready to speak but I am cut off right away by someone who I am 'oh so fond' of because they bully me every day of my life.
"Ms. Dubose she doesn't talk. Ever," The snotty girl Breeanna calls out earning high fives for some reason. Well there it is, the deal breaker on when I will talk, so again not this year. I take out my diary to write and draw in it, I need to be able to say something somewhere. Sometime's it's hard not being able to talk I never said I don't want to, I do now. I didn't before, if that makes any sense at all. My diary consists of my constant thoughts: When can I talk again, why does everyone hate me, what's wrong with me...but today there's a new thought. Who is Austin Moon and why does he seem so familiar? I pick my head up from my book to look at Austin who was seated all the way in the front but my eyes don't have to go too far because there he is, right in front of me smiling. I blush a deep crimson right away because let's face it he's attractive. Brown eyes that are so dark you can't see his pupil, a young and fresh shaven face which is rare now in senior year when all the boys think it's cool to wear that disgusting little peach fuzz. And how can I forget his perfect smile? Straight perfect pearly white teeth with the most perfect set of lips you can see on a guy. I just stare at his mouth which goes from a smile to an 'O' shape as he whistles the 'cuckcoo' noise. I snap myself out of this weird dream land I have never been in before and I make eye contact while lifting my hand in an awkward wave.
"I'm Austin, you're Ally. There, the hard part of meeting is over with, so why don't you talk?" Austin asks me abruptly. I'm shocked, he is talking to me, no one ever talks to me. I open my mouth to say something but shut it right away remembering I can't talk. Instead I give Austin the most pleading eyes I can begging for him to not bring up this topic.
"Alright, I won't press on the subject. I'll just have one sided conversations with you until you decide to actually talk to me. Because trust me , I will get you to speak with me," Austin says again and I look down at my diary expecting him to leave my line of vision, which he does. I get goosebumps as I feel a hot breath on the back of my neck and turn to see Austin hovering over me reading my diary. My eyes widen and my mouth drops in shock as to this strange boy who just read my diary. No one can read that, it's personal! I just the book at the speed of light and face my desk forward, face red from embarrassment.
"So you can write, but you can't talk. Alright I see. Shall I tell you about myself?" Austin asks me and before nodding I open my book down and write: Talks in old english around me and probably everyone.
"Good, so I'm Austin. I'm newish here. Newish because I lived her when I was younger, I like skateboarding, I'm a pretty good student. I never give up on anything, I've had this hair cut since I was two, I moved here from Minnesota and I officially hate that Breeanna girl over there," Austin finishes off while pointing to the pain of my existance. I give him a shy smile and the bell rings because homeroom is only fifteen minutes and now I'm free from Austin.
Every day. Every. Single. Day. It's been a month, a whole entire month since school started, and every day Austin walks up to me whenever we cross paths and asks me the same question in some form.
"Hey Ally, so why don't you talk?"
"So I was wondering why don't you talk?"
"Als! Yeah I think I'm going to call you Als. Is that okay? Doesn't matter if it's okay you won't answer me to say something,"
It didn't exactly bother me, in fact I was rather humored by his persisitance, but that didn't mean I chose to talk at all. Sure he was in ten out of my eleven classes, and sure every time he'd see me he'd tell me more about himself and I felt closer and closer too him, and sure he had a great smile but that did not mean he would be the first person I'd talk to. I don't even talk to my own father for goodness sakes.
It wasn't until I had missed my bus back home and was sitting on the bench waiting for the late bus to come take me home that Austin finally decided to give up. He walked up and sat next to me on the bench.
"So, I suppose you missed the bus?" He asked sweetly as I nodded my head. "Why don't you have a car if you're a senior?" He shot of another question and I glared at him hoping he'd understand why I hadn't gotten my license. "Right right, how could you get your liscence if you can't talk..." I smiled approvingly and nodded as he continued to speak "Well if you want I can give you a ride home...but I'd need you to tell me your address," With that my eyes bulged out of my head and I began shaking it rapidly. I can't get in his car and let him drive me home, there are a billion faults to that idea, he could just be acting nice but really is another one of the jerks who hurt me and also I can't speak with him, well I can...but I can't.
"Fine Ally whatver. I give up! I'm done pestering you, but I'm just telling you words are important!" Austin shouted a little as he stood up and began to walk away.
"Words just hurt, and your actions are a real pain," I said, and my voice was hoarse, very hoarse. It was the first word I had said in four years, I didn't even know what my own voice had sounded like. I looked up at Austin who has now turned around mouth agape starring at me in awe.
"You...you talked. I cannot believe you just talked. I'm sorry that my actions are a pain to you," Austin said shouting happily at first but at the sentence went on and he apologized he lifted his hand to the back of his neck rubbing it oh so shyly which made me giggle a bit.
"They were song lyrics, you said 'Words are important' and that made me think of a song so I said the lyrics," I looked up at him again through my eyelashes and I was blushing like crazy, at the thought that I had just spoken.
"Well then, just tell me where you live and I can give you a ride home!" Austin jumped at the chance of talking to me in the car. I agreed, telling him my address and we drove the twenty minute drive back to my house. I didn't say much throughout the ride but Austin did.
"Why haven't you spoken in so long? Does it feel weird to talk? Am I the first person you talked to? Why me? Does this mean you're going to talk regularly? What are your parents going to think?"
The last question got me and I choked up a bit. I guess he saw the pain in my eyes when he brought up the question of my parents. He stopped at the red light and turned to me looking me deep in the eyes and I was nervous, I hadn't been this close to anyone in years, I hadn't spoken to anyone in years, this is all a very foreign feeling.
"Tell me when you're ready," Austin says and I believe that I can trust him but chose not to say anything just yet.
"You can turn right here," I direct him and he gives me an unwary look before turning down a road. I tell him to make a few more turns and we end up at a park that's in my development. I didn't want to go home, not just yet. I got another few looks at Austin before we got out of the car and walked towards the woods.
"You're going to have to explain or I'll assume you're trying to murder me," He chuckles half serious.
"That would be the perfect way, considering you drove me here no one would expect it," I giggle back and he gives me an I'm-serious look causing me to cave and explain "When I was younger, in pre school and kindergarden there was this kid I met, we called him Flash. No one knew his real name, everyone just called him Flash because every day he would wear his Flash costume to school. He was probably my best and only friend, and he lived on the other side of the park so whenever our parents could they'd set up play dates for us. One of the days Flash and I were here in this park and my bouncy ball went into the woods and we went looking for it, our moms didn't know we left," I spoke and man I couldn't even believe how much I was saying, too much actually. I took a deep breath and continued as we reached the clearning in the woods I was dragging Austin to, "Anyway, Flash brought me here and even though we were little kids we snuck away here. It was just a getaway. Our moms never found out, and I liked it that way. I still come here though thinking that maybe he'll show up and we can laugh about our childish selves, but he never does...I haven't seen him in eleven years," I finally finish and I look over at Austin who is smiling widely, he reaches over and hugs me which is weird at first but I slowly get comfortable in the hug and lean in. I laugh and we lay on the grass and just take in the sun. "He was also my first kiss. that is if my age could be classified as old enough to count that as a first kiss. But you know what really bothers me Austin?"
"The fact that your first kiss was taken by a boy you haven't seen in years?" Austin replies morbidly.
"No I was going to say the fact that we never found my ball,"
"Just like kindergarden," Austin says randomly and I chuckle at him, he's right it feels the same.
"Just like kindergarden," I repeat. We lay there for a solid hour, not talking. Which feels good because I've done enough talking for now. His questions from earlier keep running through my mind and I feel like he has helped me with my problem, so I at least owe him some answers. I sit up in the grass and face him.
"It felt really weird to talk, you're the first person I have talked to in four years, and I chose you because you are the only one who genuienly cared enough to ask. I don't know about the talking regularly thing, it's weird. I'm only comfortable with you right now,"
"You're saying your parents didn't care enough to get you talking again?" Austin asked softly, like if he spoke to loud he'd scare me away.
"I promise, I will tell you sooner or later. Just not now, this has been a pretty good day, I don't want to ruin it," I tell him and he nods in agreement, "I'm going to walk home from here, where do you live?" I ask him and he points to the left.
"I live on the other side of the park. I think I'm going to walk home too, I don't really need my car," he says with a chuckle and we stand up and begin to get back to the actual park, instead of being in the clearing. I give him a wave and we turn our separate ways to our sides of the park.
"Hey Als!"
"Yeah?"
"Do you mind if I call you Als?"
"I don't care, only one person ever called me Als it feels comforting I guess,"
"Lemme guess, was it Flash?" Austin asks teasingly. I nod in response and turn around in the direction I need to walk to get home.
"Als! One more thing!" Austin shouts and I turn around once again, "I'll be at your house at seven fifteen to pick you up for school. Be ready. Oh and when I say ready, I mean for school, and to talk," Austin finishes and turns away before I can say anything else.
"See you then Austin," I whisper to myself and head home.
The next day I wake up at seven in the morning. It doesn't take much time for me to get ready for school. I have short hair, so I don't need to brush it. I'm not a make-up girl, just a little bit of mascara and I'm good and I always have my clothes laid out the day before. I slip my glasses on, brush my teeth, get ready and go out to the front porch with my book to wait for Austin. It's only 7:10 so I didn't expect Austin to be parked in my driveway with his beat up 1985 burgendy ford truck. He got out of his car walks over to my side and opens the door adding a quick remark.
"Took you long enough," Austin jokes.
"Excuse me sir, but you said seven FIFTEEN!" I tease right back and he chuckles and nods his head while shutting the passenger door and getting in on his side. We drive to school listening to radio and a song comes on the radio that I can't help but sing to. I sing softly so Austin can't hear me though I make sure of it.
"Als! This is the song you sang! The first words you ever said were in this song!" Austin screams at the top of his lungs causing me to scream and his driving to swerve a little.
"What are you talking about?! Austin pay attention to the road holy crap!" I scream back remembering how much I hate cars, and car accidents. I shiver with the thought of it.
"Words just hurt and your actions are a real pain! Those are the first words you said to me! Those are the first words you said at all!" Austin laughs as we pull up to the school. We walk in together and I instantly go pale at the thought of speaking. Just as we walk in the bell rings and off to homeroom we go, running as fast as we can so we're not marked late,"
"Ally Dawson, are you here today? Does anyone see Ally?" calls from the front of the class room as Austin and I run in panting.
"I'm here !" I scream not realizing what I just did. The whole class gasps and turns to me.
"Look at that! The bitch talks!" Breeanna is the first to comment, and I want to slap her so hard. I know I can't though. I just can't that's wrong, that's not what I should do.
"Breeanna! I don't care if you're eighteen or fifty seven! Do not use that language in my classroom! Especially not towards another student!" shouted firely towards the royal pain.
"Sorry , but who knew that little piece of shit even knew how to talk," Breeanna pipes up again earning laughs from half of the room.
"Is it possible for you to actually shut up for once? I don't see what she ever did to you that makes you-" Austin begins but I grab his hand and pull him back, he can't finish this...it's my battle.
"Austin I've got this," I tell him and look towards Breeanna again.
"You couldn't get one word out the last four years, you really think you have enough mental capability to tell me off right now?" Breeanna spits the words at me getting me fired up.
"Actually I think I do. I also think I have a higher mental capacity than you. If you don't know what that is, I'll put it in your idiotic speech. I'm smarter than you bimbo. I've been sitting in this school for four years straight listening to every lesson we've had, you know what else I've heard? I've heard you and your snotty little friends talking about your lives. I have more dirt on you than you can believe. Like Zach over there, does he know that you are cheating on him with Danielle's boyfriend? I don't think so," I turn to Mrs. Dubose and continue, "Mrs. Dubose, did you know that Bree here who is a straight A student hasn't taken one test on her own? She gets all of the test answers from the kid Dylan who sits in the back," Everyones attention turns toDylan as I walk towards him and put my hand on his shoulder, "Dylan, you're a junior right, what you doing in this class? Better yet what are you doing giving Breeanna all the test answers? What does she give you in return?"
"Sh-she said that if I give her the answers she won't completely ruin my life," Dylan stutters nervously.
"Hmm so Miss perfect Breeanna straight A student, queen bee of this high school isn't actually smart, isn't actually nice, and isn't actually the queen bee. You know what a queen bee is don't you Bree?" I ask her now flustered face.
"Of course I do," She retorts.
"Oh really then do share with us what your definition of the queen bee is," I tell her.
"The Queen Bee is the number one, the best one, everyone does what she says because she is the ruler of everyone else,"
"I'll give you that, it's not good but it's not terrible. The real definition of a Queen Bee though is a woman who is in a favored or preeminent position. Favored, that means well liked. People don't like you Bree. No one likes you. Everyone just fears you, why? I have no idea. For the longest time you have been pushing me around bullying me and I haven't said anything. Who am I kidding I never said anything. But now I'm the unspoken voice rising up for my vengence on your ignorant self-"
"Ignorant means not knowing of the facts, just in case you didn't know that Bree," Austin says with a sly smile on his face. He then looks back at me and moves his hand in the 'go on' motion.
"I'm done with you Breeanna. I think you need to grow up, this attitude you have isn't going to get you anywhere, you have eight more months of school with me, I don't know how you're gonna handle that, but I swear, do anything else to me or anyone for that matter you'll pay," I say and look over at the clock on the wall above class, " sorry I cut your attendance short, everyone is here except for Xavier and Jamie," gives me a quiet thank you and I turn back to Breeanna, "The bell is going to ring, so you won't have to deal with me again until tomorrow, but if you have the right sense of mind I suggest you don't talk for a while," I finish up as the bell rings. Bree is the first to leave the classroom and once she does everyone starts clapping, at me I guess. They all thank me for standing up, and a few of the people ask me what finally made me talk again and I just told them it was all Austin's doing. We walk out of the homeroom class and towards our first period.
"You sure did a hell of a lot of talking today and we've only been in school for fifteen minutes," Austin laughs at me.
"I don't think I'm going to talk again until the end of the day, I'm so tired of it!"
"Word travels fast, someones going to want to know what went on,"
"They'll find out, like you said word travels fast," I laugh right back at him.
"Hey Als, you never told me why you stopped talking," Austin asks seriously, and I'm not uncomfortable as usual.
"Fine I'll tell you. Meet me at 5 at that opening in the park we went to yesterday and I'll tell you everything,"
"But don't you need a ride there?"
"I can handle it," I say and then act like I zipped and locked my lips while handing him the imaginery key and waving goodbye.
When school ended I decided to walk home, I really needed fresh air, even though the air was cold I had to think about everything that had gone on in the last two months. The only thing, well person I could think about was Austin. In fact, he was always the only thing on my mind. From the day he walked into my homeroom and took away being the first person called on the attendance list he was always running through my mind, never leaving. I pulled out my awesome flip phone and checked the time making sure I wasn't late as I neared the park and walked into the forest. I ducked under branches and finally came to the clearing where Austin was with a big blanket spread across the grass.
"Hey,"
"Hey Als, ready to tell me everything?"
"I think so..."
"So let's start with why did you stop talking?"
"Well, when it was the Summer of eighth grade, June actually. I was at home alone doing the regular teenage girl thing, on the internet singing and dancing like a manic all that. Then I got a call saying my parents were in a car accident on their way home from dinner. I was worried but I knew they'd be okay because I hadn't done anything wrong to deserve anything bad happening to them, but I was far from wrong. My dad was driving the car when they got hit by a drunk driver. Cliche right? All the car accidents happen like that, I laughed when they told me because I really didn't think it could be true. Then a police car pulled up to my house and drove me to the hospital. Once I was at the hospital they told me my mother died right away from the crash and that my dad had his right leg amputated and was currently in acoma. That's when I cried. I had just lost my mother, and I didn't know when my dad would be waking up. I was shocked. I stopped talking, I had nothing to say and so I shut everyone out completely. In August ten days before school started the hospital called me telling me my dad woke up, but that a part of his brain was damaged and he wouldn't be able to talk. I thought that if he couldn't talk why did I have to talk? I had no one to speak to anyway. My dad can take care of himself around the house, but it still feels like no one is there. I bet you're thinking why didn't I lose my house if no one was working. Well I thought I'd have to get a job, but I didn't. My dad had a disability, so there was money sent to us that covered the bills and provided money for food. We still get that money, and it makes things a little easier. I was clinically depressed for a whole year but then I thought that it wouldn't be what my mom wanted and I picked myself out of the depression. I decided when I had gotten back to school I would talk again and everything would be great. Sophmore year would be a new year. I walked into homeroom and when my teacher called my name first I raised my hand and was about to speak when Breeanna cut me off explaining how I don't talk. She did this to me every year, including this one. She is the reason I haven't spoken in the last three years. Again I bet you're wondering why I didn't just talk anyway, well it was because she owned everyone and I was afraid of her, plus she had already labled me as a freak so who would even want to talk to me. I had just given up. But then this weird guy came along Senior year and he changed everything, I started talking again, I stood up to the girl I hated so much, and it all happened within a month, that's the crazy thing," I finished looking at Austin smiling.
"Do you know what a Wonderwall is?" Austin asked, to which he recieved a head shake from me, "Well a wonderwall is someone you find yourself thinking about all the time. That kid Flash from your kindergarden, he's your wonderwall, you're always thinking about him, relating things back to him, and all that. He's constantly running through your mind. It seems though, for the last eleven years I have had my own wonderwall, and that was you," Austin continued.
"You've only known me for a month Austin," I reply giggling at his childness as he gets off the blanket we're on and pulls it back reveiling a costume.
"But really Ally, I've known you for much longer," He says while handing me the red and yellow flash costume I remember so well from kindergarden. A smile creeps up on my face as a tear slips down my cheek and I pounce into Austin's arms.
"How long have you known we knew each other?" I ask into his shoulder.
"I knew since the second Dubose said Ally Dawson," He replied with a little chuckle. We turned back the blanket and laid down again.
"I knew your hair looked familiar," I said while turning to face Austin, but he was already looking at me, he moved in closer and gave me a quick peck on the lips. I looked at him astonished and his reply was plain, simple, and perfect. He handed me the bouncy ball I had lost in the woods years ago and said the last words of the night.
"Just like kindergarden,"
I can't tell you if we live a happily ever life, because we're still in the process of it. But I can tell you that I'm living a pretty happy life with my Flash in the moment right now. I found my lost best friend, my voice, and my confidence. Sure I don't have my mother with me here, but I know that wherever she is right now she's looking down at me proud that i finally broke out of that shell and became who I am today. I guess the real lesson is, there are going to be a million bumps in the road before you get to your destination, but you mine as well buckle up because it's going to be a long ride.