A/N Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters (except Dudley) and the truth is, I've never even got to play Soul Reaver completely (Can you say Melchiah, anyone?). I don't have ANY type of gaming console save my cell phone, where I gorge myself on the mobile version of Prince of Persia. When I did play Legacy of Kain, I liked it, but I got through most of the levels with some help from my friends since I can't even control that damned joystick thingie. Oh, yes I may include a few extra characters. I can't guarantee that I got everything right so don't sue me.
I am the great prophet, Dudley. You can call me the "Dude of Doom"! Yeah, I know what your thinking, that name is the coolest thing ever (I am infinitely deserving of it of course), and I am stunningly handsome with my cool whooshy purple cape all billowing in the breeze. Yes, I am charismatic and fatally irresistible and extremely attractive, (I do autographs for groupies) and no, I won't kiss your dog or sign your butt. Well, ya know when you're all popular and a prophet and stuff...
Oh yeah, I have this very cool prophecy I wanna tell you, but I would then require a small fee of 99.9 dollars (accepting all major credit cards). And when we begin I would like too... Hey, wait! Where-where the hell are you goin'! Hey, you can get it at a five percent discount! Wait, no, fifty percent discount! Hey! Free! One time offer! Oh cmon don't leave! Dontcha wanna know the end of the World! The unraveling of time as we-- Oh fine!
You're going to win the lottery by 6'o'clock in the evening twelve days from now and your gonna meet loads of hot chicks waiting for you to "exploit them" or wutever that means... Okaaaaaaay. Now your listening! (geez, what the hell do I tell these saps so they'd listen to me!)
Alrighty, you sit on that chair right there (I like that pants your wearing right now! Siiiizzlin! Although it'll look even better on me...) and stare into my MAGICAL CRYSTAL BALL (Ignore the floaty snow effects and the New York miniature). Hey, what are you saying that crystal balls are for girl gypsies only? I got balls! All types of them! Crystal included. Ahem... Now shut up while I do my trance like state that's not exactly necessary but is designed to make you go "Ooooh... Trancety."
(In my trance now. Start going "Ooooh...") A great storm would sweep across the land, pounding ice upon our roofs and streets. Three days from then, the forces of the known universe would collide and result in a powerful rift in the space time continuum, opening the gates of the Underworld and releasing atrocities of vampires and demons, plunging the world in darkness and allowing them to move freely to cause havoc upon our lives.
In this time of evil, a Messiah shall arise, one of vampiric origins but pure of heart. He is called the Secret of God, and blue shall be the color unto which he will be known. He shall wield a flaming sword and devour the souls of the wicked, purging the Earth of the foulness that ascended from the Spirit Realm.
(Out of trance) Ha ha, pretty cool eh? Betcha don't hear that everyday. And what about my language used? Did it sound ethereal enough but not to wheezy? I was going for "foreboding" and "mysterious" because it's really hard rephrasing prophecies like that especially when the original text I envisioned was just: "There will be hail and three days after that vampires will pop up out of nowhere and be defeated and their souls eaten by a blue vampy dude with a flame thrower and some wicked skillz. Oh, and his name is Raziel."
A/N That's all for now, please review! I am annoyed at Kildiazar and Aphrodite girl for not including me! Razie comes out in the next chapter, watch out for that if you like this! I promise it will get better although this may seem lame!