This was removed I think for copyright reasons, it was partly my own stupidity as I forgot to add a disclaimer :S
But I recieved a heads up from another reader claiming that even if I had, it would have been removed anyway, I was a bit confused seeing as Ive read so many other songfics on this site with unoriginal lyrics which have not been removed...can someone explain what Ive been doing wrong here?
Anyway, I've turned this into a normal fanfic, taken out the song and edited some bits to make it fit for the song's absence, I thought that particular song really worked to portray the atmosphere of the chapter, but I obviously caused some offense and I apologize.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, Both characters and planets all belong the the one and only George Lucas. I make no profit out of any of this, this is simply for my own pleasure and amusement!
Summary: Padme recieves some devestating reports about her husband, Anakin, who is fighting in the clone wars in the outer-rim, has no means of telling her otherwise, and tries to make his way back to her.
(Terrible summary but this isn't as much an action fic as it is an emotion-based one.)
Enjoy, and there is nothing wrong with this anymore, no song, and there is a disclaimer!
Soph xox
Padme Amidala stood by the looming bay window of her senatorial quarters, looking over the streaming nightlife that was the planet Coruscant at this hour. Numerous ships screamed past in a wash of light and sound, landing platforms attached to tall, glimmering buildings swarmed with many different species, all with their own purpose, all busy doing, never standing still. The sun had long since set, yet this planet seemed even more active in the later hours than in the earlier. It was for this reason that Padme missed her home, the quiet, isolated, and beautiful planet, Naboo so much, she missed being able to sit by the stars at night, listen to nothing but the night birds sing, and the soft summer breeze disturb the leaves on the sturdy branches above her. There she could be a child again, do what she wished, love what and whom she wished, no secrecy, no political debates beckoning her utmost attention night and day. It was at times like these, when Padme remembered what it was she was missing, what it was she missed, craved, and wanted more than anything, she sometimes pondered on what there was to stop her going back. She always remembered why, and the why always won over. Anakin. Her light, her joy, but her pain, and her suffering, the more she saw of him, the more she loved him. Then the more she needed him with her. But then, the longer they were together, the longer were the times that they were apart, the longer the missions himself, his master, and his duty as a Jedi required him to undertake, and then, the more she'd do as she did now, stand by the window that virtually sang of grandeur, and think of him, her husband, her Anakin, her love.
Where was he now, she mused to herself. The younger, more carefree, and simpler Padme, would dream, envision, and imagine her young, reckless-hearted Jedi, venturing to all ends of the galaxy, selflessly saving those he'd never met, putting himself in harm's way to protect others, as was the Jedi way. But now, not so many years later, Padme knew so much different, during this horrific, unnecessary, and brutal war, Anakin had experienced things that made her shudder to even think of, things so terrible, that he wouldn't even speak of them, things that caused him to wake at night screaming, drenched with the cold sweat of nightmares. Things that filled him with shame.
Padme knew that many Jedi, Anakin's master, Obi-Wan included, considered Anakin to be overly open to emotion, anger, hate, the thirst for vengeance, Padme on the other hand, almost resented the thought, to her, Anakin's emotionally driven aspects were what attracted him to her so much, he was open, loving, kind and caring, but inside he was a terrified little boy. These overwhelming feelings in him, with the help of his teachers, he had learnt to overcome, suppress, if only temporarily, but Padme still feared for him, still prayed to whoever would listen night after night that her husband would be brought home safely, all in one piece, both in body, and in mind.
The flicker of her data pad's alert system startled her from her repetitive thoughts, she bent to hit the activation button, and a small, blue tinted holo-image of Bail Organa, Senator of Alderaan, appeared before her. He bowed in greetings.
"Senator Amidala." Padme inclined her head in polite acknowledgement. Slowly, she sat down on the large, cream coloured couch, that centred her apartment. Folding her hands in her lap, she gazed expectantly into the flickering image of the Senator.
"May I help you Senator Organa?" Bail's gaze shifted slightly, and his stature spoke of discomfort, whatever it was he had to say, he wasn't looking forward to it, and, personally, neither was she.
"We have received some…" He paused, raising a hand to rub his brow thoughtfully, searching for the right words. "'Distressing', news." He finished. Padme did not reply, she merely sat, unnerved, but waiting for him to continue.
"Weeks ago the Jedi dispatched one of their teams, General Kenobi and young Skywalker, to complete a confidential mission for the republic in the outer-rim territories, do you remember?" Remember? How could she forget, the day, one day out of many, where her husband had kissed her farewell, with the heart-felt promise of a swift return. Another day, where Padme found herself wondering whether he would come back, that what if this time, he would not be so lucky. Another time, where sleep had abandoned her for many nights.
This was her love for Anakin.
But of course, Organa was not to know, no one was. Realizing she'd taken several moments too long before answering, she swallowed back the boiling emotions, and looked sternly into the hologram.
"I remember senator." Organa nodded.
"Then I am sorry to have to tell you this M'lady, but the pair were reportedly killed in action two standard days ago." Padme's heart stopped, no, she thought, turn it back, turn back the hands of time, turn back to when the data pad had flickered, ignore it! Ignore it! Then you would not have to feel this overwhelming agony, that threatens to consume you. Padme found she could not speak, her mind spun, creating excuses, reasons, for this….suffering. She'd heard him wrong, it was not Anakin who'd been killed, she'd merely mistook the name. But it was no use, Padme wanted the world to come to a spinning end at this instant, but she knew it would not, she knew it could not. She did not know how in the galaxy's fair name she would keep her composure in front of the distressed senator in the holo-image, but somehow, she did.
"No, no it can't be…." She could not finish, she wanted to let go and cry out her grief to the skies, but she could not, damn this secrecy, damn all this deceit! Her husband had been taken, ripped away from her, and she could tell no one, she could be comforted by no one. She had, no one. Her only friend, whom she'd trusted with her life, cared for as deeply as she would a brother, was no longer there either, he too had perished along with Anakin. The thought was enough to mentally crucify her.
"I'm afraid it is true, Padme." Organa's soft voice penetrated her maddened thoughts, and her attention snapped back to the present.
"They were good people, great warriors, they will be sorely missed. I know they were good friends of yours, I did not know the young one well, but Obi-Wan was a close friend of mine, we shall all grieve." Padme nodded. Bail Organa, she could see as plainly as she could see him before her, was fighting back his own grief, though somewhat different from Padme's, was just as strong, though he'd continue, he had his wife, he had his people, his home planet to live within the comfort of, his job. He'd pull through, he was so much like Obi-Wan in that way, calm, collected, always had an answer to everything. She'd miss her friend so.
Organa apologized for his disruption of Padme's evening, and bowed once more, before de-activating the image. Padme was left alone to the silence. She buried her face in her hands. In all truths, she was a child, as was Anakin. Children, who knew nothing but of what they'd been brought up to believe, Anakin, a life of selflessness, a life dedicated to a greater good. Padme, a life of order, politics, and government. Children, who wanted nothing but to be left in peace to simply be, to simply be allowed the smallest and most beautiful of allthings, love. Children who wanted nothing more than to be left to simply love, and be with each other, while others, would leave them to themselves, stand back, and simply smile, knowing that they were happy, and that that was all they needed. But that had been so impossible, Anakin, so young, so energetic, had been sent to the most gruesome of places, been made to fight the most bloody of battles, to be forever at the beck and call of the republic, to go wherever they were needed, whenever they were needed, was forbidden to love, forbidden to be with her, his wife, for reasons both knew but neither understood. All they understood, was that they had wanted each other. Nothing more, nothing less.
Padme had no idea of how long she had wept, nor did she care, there was nothing left for her, nothing left in her. Her love, her life had been taken, like the winter disposing with cruel torment of the warm summer sun. She didn't even want to think of what she'd miss of him, what she loved so much about him, the pain would simply destroy her. She vaguely remembered something her mother had said to her once, when they had been discussing the war.
"Hate lives on, in each of us. If our parents, and elders fight, and have fought all their lives, that lives on in our children, and one day, someday, it'll destroy them just as it destroyed you. Your children will want to play, it won't matter to them who belongs to what family, where, when, or why, they will only want to play, but the quarrelling elders will always stop them, and eventually, the children's love, and the parent's hate, will kill them."
It was only now, that Padme fully grasped what it was her mother had meant. Now that she was experiencing it, it was an agonizing truth, one she could not escape. All they had wanted was to love each other, to hold one another, for the rest of their days, but each was pulled away, by a belief and a war, by feelings so strong that they were drawn in by them, and eventually, destroyed by them.But she would remember, one thing no one could kill to her, one thing no one could take away, were her memories of the man she loved, the memories that made her laugh, made her cry, made her smile or even cringe. She'd keep them all. She'd never forget.
'Yes Anakin,' Padme thought, 'I will always remember you, I'll never forget you, us, what we fought for, what we believed in, I'll forget nothing. I love you Anakin, now and forever.'