Disclaimer: own none of the characters. The idea came from reading a
challenge fic from the WIKTT group, the one about the potion masters
auction. Well this is my fic that was inspired by that.
A Man For Every Month.
"Oh the wonders of staff news parchments!" Minerva said sarcastically as she unrolled the piece of parchment that had been left in her in tray. "Yes they do make one wonder," Chloe Sprout said, "wonder why the hell we are reading them." Both women laughed. Dumbledore entered the room jovially. "Morning Chloe morning Minerva, good morning?" he asked. "Yes Albus, but why do we have these silly news parchments? They are the most pointless things since how to learn French was translated into French." Again both women started to laugh. "Oh I'm sure there is at least one article of interest." He said and he eyes twinkled. As he left the room Severus walked in and picked up the news parchment from his in tray and began to undo as he headed for the coffee dispenser. He stood there reading it and drink at the same time. A moment later he spat coffee everywhere in surprise. "What the hell?" he shouted. "What's wrong Severus?" asked Minerva scrabbling to find her parchment. "He just can't do that!" Severus spat again. "Oh my!" Chloe exclaimed and pointed it out to Minerva. On the last part of the parchment was a bulletin that read:
ATTENTION MEN - Hogwarts has decided that because all the girls of Hogwarts have started to fawn over the captain of the Quidditch team (our very talented Harry Potter) then we should give the rest of the males a chance to show off their own assets in a Men Of Hogwarts calendar. Please note all males have to try out, even teachers. That means you too Severus!
"Oh Severus! We'll finally get to see what's beneath the robes." Minerva grinned as Sybil entered the room. "Has anyone else sent the bulletin?" Sybil asked in her usual annoying dreamy voice. "Yes we have," Minerva answered he voice suddenly becoming sharper. "It says all men have to try out," Sybil said ignoring Minerva and addressing Severus. "No body will be getting a look at what is under my robes!" Severus said in a deadly whisper. Banging his coffee cup down on the table he stormed out of the room.
"I got it!" Harry yelled running into the boy's dormitory and waving something around. "Really?" Ron exclaimed. "Let's see it mate." Harry laid down the item on the table and the five boys clustered around it. The item was in fact a copy of the FHM calendar. Harry had managed to get a copy, so now five very hormonal boys were clustered round it. They all made comments such as 'Phwoar look at the tits on that!' and 'my god she could overpower me any day!' Unfortunately Hermione barged into the room at that point looking for her borrowed transfiguration notes. "What are you all so interested in?" she demanded when she realised they hadn't noticed her. "Hermione! Don't you knock? I could have been naked!" Ron shouted at her. "Its nothing I haven't seen before." She stated matter of factly. "I was looking for my transfiguration notes, you borrowed them last night. I need to write an essay with them." She said walking over to the table were five very guilty looking faces watched her. "Well really!" she exclaimed picking up the calendar. "Well then this should interest you!" she pulled the student news parchment out of her robes and threw it too them. "I'll take these with me," she said and picked up the pile of papers next to Ron's bed and left. "Oh Harry you gotta see this" Ron shouted to Harry as he read the news parchment. "What?" Harry asked. "Slytherin captain not allowed to play after the offence he made last time." Ron said laughing. Harry read over his shoulder. "Erm Ron I think Hermione meant the little notice at the bottom is what would interest us." Harry said. Ron read it and his face dropped. Seamus, Dean and Neville gathered round to read the article. "Yeah!" Seamus and dean shouted.
"Albus what is the meaning of this?" Severus demanded to the face in his fireplace. "It's just a bit of fun Severus. We all know you're not as bad as you seem, lets show them that." Albus said smiling. "Besides I hear you're quite well built." With that there was a pop and Albus disappeared. Severus stood there fuming in his room. Suddenly another pop was heard, Albus was back. "Oh and Severus you'll be glad to learn I'm putting miss granger in charge of the selection," Albus said with a grin and disappeared again. Severus picked up the cushion from the couch next to him and threw it across the room.
"Hey guess what!" lavender gushed as she ran over to Hermione. "You have a date, again?" Hermione said sarcastically not looking up from her book. "No, you're to be the lucky girl who selects the men to go into the calendar." Lavender said enviously. "Really? Well that's nice isn't it?" Hermione said and carried on with the reading. Lavender walked away annoyed. Secretly Hermione was very pleased; she was to see some of the best men in Hogwarts with very little on. "What's up 'Mione?" Ron called as he walked into the common room. "Not a lot. But if you want to be in the calendar I suggest you start being nice to the judge," she smirked. Harry grinned and Ron's face fell. "You're the lucky one judging?" Harry said. "What I wouldn't give to help you with that job." Harry said his eyes glazing over. "You're judging? But Hermione you see men nearly naked! You'll see me! You'll see Harry!" Ron exclaimed. "Ron it's nothing I haven't seen before." She grinned and winked at Harry. This had been a joke for a while. Hermione had once walked in on Ron completely naked singing in front of the mirror in his room. That had been about a year ago and still it was the source of many jokes on Ron. Ron mumbled something blushing and walked away.
A Man For Every Month.
"Oh the wonders of staff news parchments!" Minerva said sarcastically as she unrolled the piece of parchment that had been left in her in tray. "Yes they do make one wonder," Chloe Sprout said, "wonder why the hell we are reading them." Both women laughed. Dumbledore entered the room jovially. "Morning Chloe morning Minerva, good morning?" he asked. "Yes Albus, but why do we have these silly news parchments? They are the most pointless things since how to learn French was translated into French." Again both women started to laugh. "Oh I'm sure there is at least one article of interest." He said and he eyes twinkled. As he left the room Severus walked in and picked up the news parchment from his in tray and began to undo as he headed for the coffee dispenser. He stood there reading it and drink at the same time. A moment later he spat coffee everywhere in surprise. "What the hell?" he shouted. "What's wrong Severus?" asked Minerva scrabbling to find her parchment. "He just can't do that!" Severus spat again. "Oh my!" Chloe exclaimed and pointed it out to Minerva. On the last part of the parchment was a bulletin that read:
ATTENTION MEN - Hogwarts has decided that because all the girls of Hogwarts have started to fawn over the captain of the Quidditch team (our very talented Harry Potter) then we should give the rest of the males a chance to show off their own assets in a Men Of Hogwarts calendar. Please note all males have to try out, even teachers. That means you too Severus!
"Oh Severus! We'll finally get to see what's beneath the robes." Minerva grinned as Sybil entered the room. "Has anyone else sent the bulletin?" Sybil asked in her usual annoying dreamy voice. "Yes we have," Minerva answered he voice suddenly becoming sharper. "It says all men have to try out," Sybil said ignoring Minerva and addressing Severus. "No body will be getting a look at what is under my robes!" Severus said in a deadly whisper. Banging his coffee cup down on the table he stormed out of the room.
"I got it!" Harry yelled running into the boy's dormitory and waving something around. "Really?" Ron exclaimed. "Let's see it mate." Harry laid down the item on the table and the five boys clustered around it. The item was in fact a copy of the FHM calendar. Harry had managed to get a copy, so now five very hormonal boys were clustered round it. They all made comments such as 'Phwoar look at the tits on that!' and 'my god she could overpower me any day!' Unfortunately Hermione barged into the room at that point looking for her borrowed transfiguration notes. "What are you all so interested in?" she demanded when she realised they hadn't noticed her. "Hermione! Don't you knock? I could have been naked!" Ron shouted at her. "Its nothing I haven't seen before." She stated matter of factly. "I was looking for my transfiguration notes, you borrowed them last night. I need to write an essay with them." She said walking over to the table were five very guilty looking faces watched her. "Well really!" she exclaimed picking up the calendar. "Well then this should interest you!" she pulled the student news parchment out of her robes and threw it too them. "I'll take these with me," she said and picked up the pile of papers next to Ron's bed and left. "Oh Harry you gotta see this" Ron shouted to Harry as he read the news parchment. "What?" Harry asked. "Slytherin captain not allowed to play after the offence he made last time." Ron said laughing. Harry read over his shoulder. "Erm Ron I think Hermione meant the little notice at the bottom is what would interest us." Harry said. Ron read it and his face dropped. Seamus, Dean and Neville gathered round to read the article. "Yeah!" Seamus and dean shouted.
"Albus what is the meaning of this?" Severus demanded to the face in his fireplace. "It's just a bit of fun Severus. We all know you're not as bad as you seem, lets show them that." Albus said smiling. "Besides I hear you're quite well built." With that there was a pop and Albus disappeared. Severus stood there fuming in his room. Suddenly another pop was heard, Albus was back. "Oh and Severus you'll be glad to learn I'm putting miss granger in charge of the selection," Albus said with a grin and disappeared again. Severus picked up the cushion from the couch next to him and threw it across the room.
"Hey guess what!" lavender gushed as she ran over to Hermione. "You have a date, again?" Hermione said sarcastically not looking up from her book. "No, you're to be the lucky girl who selects the men to go into the calendar." Lavender said enviously. "Really? Well that's nice isn't it?" Hermione said and carried on with the reading. Lavender walked away annoyed. Secretly Hermione was very pleased; she was to see some of the best men in Hogwarts with very little on. "What's up 'Mione?" Ron called as he walked into the common room. "Not a lot. But if you want to be in the calendar I suggest you start being nice to the judge," she smirked. Harry grinned and Ron's face fell. "You're the lucky one judging?" Harry said. "What I wouldn't give to help you with that job." Harry said his eyes glazing over. "You're judging? But Hermione you see men nearly naked! You'll see me! You'll see Harry!" Ron exclaimed. "Ron it's nothing I haven't seen before." She grinned and winked at Harry. This had been a joke for a while. Hermione had once walked in on Ron completely naked singing in front of the mirror in his room. That had been about a year ago and still it was the source of many jokes on Ron. Ron mumbled something blushing and walked away.