big breath This fic has gone through so many changes of mood I really don't know what came out of it. Yesterday I woke up with the last scene of the fic in my mind and it didn't stop bothering me until I wrote something which brought to it. Yes, I've got a new Shirosaki muse. I should start worrying... Settled somewhere after the Soul Society arch, so SPOILERS till there and about Shirosaki. I'm making up all the things about this unlikely agreement between him and Ichigo, though.
Also, why am I seeing this huge OOC sign flashing over this fic?
Title from Red Hot Chili Pepper's song I always associate with Hollow Ichigo... don't ask me why...
Well... let's just hope this doesn't suck XD
big breath This fic has gone through so many changes of mood I really don't know what came out of it. Yesterday I woke up with the last scene of the fic in my mind and it didn't stop bothering me until I wrote something which brought to it. Yes, I've got a new Shirosaki muse. I should start worrying... Settled somewhere after the Soul Society arch, so SPOILERS till there and about Shirosaki. I'm making up all the things about this unlikely agreement between him and Ichigo, though.
Also, why am I seeing this huge OOC sign flashing over this fic?
Title from Red Hot Chili Pepper's song I always associate with Hollow Ichigo... don't ask me why...
Well... let's just hope this doesn't suck XD
Easily
The good smell of coffee entered in Ichigo's dreams, slowly driving him out of sleep. He opened his eyes, and looked up at the bed near which he was lying, empty. It seemed that Chad was already up, settling breakfast. The boy stretched, and glanced at his watch. 7.30 a.m. His expression fell. He had slept less than three hours. The Hollow he had to deal with last evening wasn't very powerful, but once it started running it had proven a pain to catch, and he and Renji spent almost the whole night chasing it. After they finally got it purified and packed to the Soul Society and Ichigo made it back to Chad's flat, near which the emergency call found him and where he left his body with a note for his friend (who, really, should have stopped leaving his maindoor open for the cats) he was really too tired to even consider walk back home. Chad was already sleeping, but he had rolled a futon open and lied Ichigo's body over it, so the boy gratefully accepted the suggestion and slipped back into it, sinking immediately into sleep.
The boy sighed. His body was rested, after all what he phisically endured was a night of senseless sleep, but he still felt exhausted. After a moment he decided Chad wouldn't mind if he took some minutes more of rest. As he turned over in the futon he caught sight of the guitar, lying against the wall, and he smiled sleepily. Another of those reminder of Chad which somehow always managed to set him in a good mood. Oh, well, just five minutes, he thought, closing his eyes. Nothing more…
Less than a minute later, a shape raised up to his feet in the room and stretched vigorously, letting out a satisfied groan.
Chad had just filled his mug of coffee, added the milk and sat at the table, when a kitten immediately jumped over his lap. He scratched its ears, sipping the hot drink. He was going to make some more for when Ichigo would wake up. The kitten yawned, and the huge boy imitated it. In the end he hadn't slept much more than Ichigo. He had waited for him, vaguely disturbed at the thought that, even if he was able to follow him into his hollow-hunting duty, he would not be able to do much to help him. Probably he would just succeed in driving unnecessary attention to them.
The sound of the door opening and closing softly shook him out of his thoughts, and he turned to greet Ichigo, surprised that he was already awake. Then he stopped, staring.
"Good morning!" the body who was leaning against the door-frame said, casting him a glance with his bright, yellow eyes, before walking non-chalantly into the kitchen. He smirked, taking a look on the table. "What do we have to eat?"
The sudden pain startled Chad out and he glanced down at the kitten. The little thing had sunken its nails in his thighs, and was staring at the Hollow paralyzed in fear. Chad scooped it into his hands, with care, and put it down on the floor, where it stilled like dead for a moment more before moving out of the room, belly near the ground. Then he turned his attention back to the thing into his friend's body, and he swallowed, hard.
"Shirosaki." He acknowledged him.
The Hollow bowed with a smirk. "I'm fixing myself some coffee, mind you?" Chad gestured him to help himself and Shirosaki took a cup from the sink.
"I'm feeling your aura wavering." The Hollow said, without caring to hide the mocking into his voice. "No need to be so nervous… you know how this works, don't you? I'm just stealing the chance to have a bit of breakfast and breathe some air, then I'll put the brat back to sleep."
"Yeah." Chad said. Yes, he knew it. Ichigo had told his friends enough about the entity his training with Urahara had waken up in him, and how powerful it was. Since Ichigo had learnt to tap into his Hollow part power for fighting, for a ridicolous amount of time, but enough to reverse the outcome of a battle, they had come to some sort of agreement which involved Shirosaki, so was the Hollow name, to stop trying to take over Ichigo's soul any time Ichigo did it. And to have the chance to openly possess Ichigo's body for a little, from time to time. When not in the heat of a battle, Ichigo had found he could stay perfectly conscious and easily push Shirosaki back, even when he let him control his body. So he decided he could give this to the Hollow, if that was what it took to not go through that mind-crushing trial to get back control when he went berserk.
But that was the first time Chad found himself face to face with it, the soul switch usually only taking place when Renji or Urahara could keep an eye on the Hollow, just to be sure. And Chad got the feeling Ichigo wasn't aware of what was happening.
"Relax, I said." Shirosaki snorted, leaning against the stove. "Ichigo's sleeping, but if I'd ever try to harm you, or do anything too violent he would be awake and in control immediately. He's kind of… hypersensible about these matters." He sipped the coffee, and looked at it, grimacing.
"…Want some sugar?" Chad handed him the cup, feeling the situation was a little insane. Shirosaki poured half of it in the mug, and tasted it, nodding with satisfaction. Chad went back drinking his own coffee, wondering why exactly, after the initial shocking, he wasn't feeling particulary scared now. Yeah, he felt the nervousness, and prickling on his skin he felt when he was together with people whose spiritual energy was this great, but he didn't feel in danger. If that was the case, his arm would have immediately reacted. Instead he just felt a bit awkward at the Ichigo-not-Ichigo presence, and he just hoped Shirosaki didn't want to do some conversation.
"So, how things are going with my partner?" Shirosaki asked. Chad sighed.
"You should know it. You are…"
"Part of him? Yeah, but, you see, it's not so simple. It's not like I see with his eyes, hear with his ears. I would not feel the need to do this…" He raised the mug. "..if I could. For the most, I just get hints of what happens to him outside. It's pretty boring where I live, do you know it? Waiting, and half-sleeping, and thinking. You'd wish you could just stop thinking, after a while there, believe me."
Chad listened, wondering why Shirosaki was trying to get sympathy, if that was what he was doing.
"But, yes, I get the general idea of what's going on, you're right. Like when Ichigo get himself this far from getting the both of us killed and I have to save his ass." He chuckled. "My future ass. He never thank me later, I wonder why. But, I'm getting away from my point, the reason I wanted to talk to you."
Chad put down the empty mug, raising his eyebrows. "You wanted to talk to me in particular?"
"Yes, what else I'd get this chance for? Oh, of course, nice coffee. But really, eating and drinking are not the main reason I'd love Ichigo to stop struggling against me taking good care of this body." He caught Chad flinching, and smiled sweetly. "What will you all do, when this happens, I wonder…"
"It won't. Ichigo won't let it happen."
"You trust him, his strenght so much, don't you?" Shirosaki stepped forward, untill leaning in front of Chad with his fists on the table. Chad took into his movements, feeling it, the difference, with any little shifts that to him looked just the slightest bit out of time, rigid, wrong.
"Yes, I do." He didn't know where Shirosaki wanted to take that conversation but..
"Of course. Of course you all have to trust him so much…" Shirosaki rolled his bright eyes. "Anyway, you see, I must tell you I'm not much into sexual desires. At least not of the not destructive kind. So I was wondering why the hell aren't you taking your chance with this body when you still can? Yesterday night was quite the perfect chance, just to say…"
That was completely unexpected and made Chad gape for a second, before standing up, anger quickly filling him at the absurd, horrid suggestion the Hollow just made.
"Oi, oi, take it easy… we're just chatting around." Shirosaki gestured to the boy to calm down, both hands up. "But I'm just telling you that 'cause I know owner of said body wouldn't mind… well maybe for his absence, a little…"
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
No, Chad scolded himself right after speaking, he had not to listen him. Whatever he was up to, he was surely trying to unsettle him to get at Ichigo, and he should not let him.
Shirosaki laughed, a sound violent enough to make Chad cringe. "I won't be able to feel everything in first person, but I'm not blind or deaf. And I live in Ichigo's inner world, so you should trust me to know well enough his turmoils… and he's pretty messed from this point of view. Feeling so down for not seeing something so clear for the both of you… I wonder who, of your friends, still doesn't know…"
"What… no, I'm not listening to you." Chad sat back. Damn, he just wished he had a way to wake up Ichigo… "I don't know what are you planning, but I just won't play along with it."
Shirosaki mocked a sad face, before laughing openly again. "Aaah… you all always misjudge me… but I bet you would so love to believe what I say… it's a pity you are so scared of it, also."
"I don't know what you're saying, and I don't care. And I believe you should go back where you come from…"
"Where I can laugh at Ichigo's soul, feeling so crushed 'cause the person he loves" he made a smirk around the word. "The person he loves most just think of him as a friend? Oh, I will do it, pretty soon…"
Chad shook his head, his fists clinched, suddenly feeling the urge to hit something, the wall, something hard enough to distract him. He had not to listen. If he let even one of those words to sink enough for him to start believe it, even for a moment…
"You think you know him so well, don't you? You're so stupid…" He turned at the words, opening his mouth to deny them, and suddenly he found the other boy had moved around the table, and was now right in front of him. Shirosaki had closed his eyes, and what Chad was seeing, inches from his own, was Ichigo's face, Ichigo's always frowning brows he so often wished he could kiss smooth. Thoughts he always immediately suppressed, 'cause if Ichigo know it he would surely be so disgusted by them... He tried to back away, he really did, but somehow, when he felt those lips on his own, he couldn't move anymore, and before knowing, he was answering the kiss.
It took a moment for Ichigo to realize he was not dreaming anymore, but inside his inner world. Well, the difference could have been questionable to some outer observers, but anyway… He stood up on the building wall and snorted, feeling more and more pissed off. Just… what the fuck was that asshole thinking, taking him over like that? Not to count he was quite angry at himself for let that happen in the first place. He closed his eyes, preparing to get back in control and he then heard Shirosaki's voice.
"Don't worry, partner. I was just going to pipe you in!" The actual cheerfullness in it made Ichigo shiver and just get angrier, and he openend his eyes to ask him what the hell he did.
To see dark skin and hair he knew all so well, right in front of his eyes.
Oh. Fuck.
He jumped back in panick, interrupting whatever pleasurable activity his own lips and tongue were intent to, and stared into the eyes of an equally panicked Chad.
Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck… what the hell had he done?!? With Chad of all people?!? Ichigo quickly stepped back till his back was against the wall, a hand rising to cover his mouth. He couldn't believe it.
He had kissed Chad. That asshole had kissed Chad.
He looked up, to see Chad had stood up, hands open, a pained expression on his face. Oh dammit, was the situation SO bad? Ichigo looked away.
"Ichigo, I'm…"
"I'm sorry! Oh, fuck, Chad, you don't know how much I'm… I'd never thought he could take control like that, I'm… shit, I'm such a dumbass…"
"No…" Chad shook his head and stopped, realizing that probably the last thing Ichigo wanted in that moment was him getting closer. He wanted to just punch himself dead. How could he lose control like that. "It's me who should be sorry, it's not your fault."
"It's completely my fault. I should have never let this happen… I don't know how it could…" Ichigo ran a hand through his hair, looking everywhere in the room but Chad. Ok, maybe he could blame it all on Shirosaki, yes, Chad would certainly believe him, but…
That asshole had kissed Chad. That asshole had kissed HIS Chad, dammit! And he could still feel the lingering sensation on his lips, and… that was just all SO wrong. Better get out of there quickly.
"…please don't hate me…" he ended miserably. Oh, great, Ichigo, just great, all the way down to being pathetical. Couldn't he just… start to yell and be pissed off at Shirosaki, like it would be natural after something like that? So that maybe Chad wouldn't start suspecting there was something more going on?
"Hate…" Chad looked at his friend, stunned at his reaction. When it should have been all the other way around… But if Ichigo hadn't got the chance to realize how much he was getting into it… he could still save something. He could still save their friendship. Wasn't it the most important thing? He would have always be at Ichigo's side, on every fight. He'd do it, he'd fight, for Ichigo's sake, not for his own, that was their promise…
Liar, a voice told him in the back of his head. Big, fat, king of all the liars.
He seeked for Ichigo's eyes and the… fear, that was it, that he saw in them, struck him at the core. He didn't know what to say anymore.
Trying to suppress the growing fear at Chad's silence, Ichigo closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Hold on. When he opened them again, he got his scowl back, a wall that shut out everything, like he had done since he was a kid, since that day. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and took a step towards the door.
"Look, it's better for me to go now. Really. It has been an accident, and I'm going to kick that bastard's ass dead for it, you can be sure about it, and if you don't want to talk about it anymore that's fine with me. Really."
He waited for Chad to mumble something that sounded like an agreement, then he resolutely turned, to the door. If a quick and painless death was not an option (and he had to kill the bastard, first), better to leave, before starting to feel Chad's spite, 'cause that was something he could never bear.
He reached for the handlift, and then his eyes widened, at the feeling of arms embracing him, and crushing him back against a broad chest.
"Hate you? Ichigo, it should be you to hate me… and Shirosaki has only been the breaking out reason for something which is entirely my fault." Chad was speaking with his face pressed near Ichigo ear, and the boy stiffened, the close contact cutting his breath out.
"I took advantage of it."
"What…" Ichigo tried to turn, to protest at what Chad was saying. "Chad, you don't have to…"
"No, listen to me, please, for this last time. I did. When he… when he tried to kiss me, I accepted it, because I thought that was my only chance. Or better, I didn't thought at all." He added.
"…you only chance?" Ichigo repeated.
"Just like now." Chad tightened his grip a little, breathing in Ichigo's hair. "This is my last and only chance to… to hold you… like this. Before you kick me out of your life." That was it, Chad thought. He was throwing it all away. Was throwing all he cared for, in order to grasp some moments of a dream he could never make true.
He knew already he was not a genius. He usually kept away from complicate reasoning and went with his heart. But let's face it, that was just dumb.
Too late, he guessed.
He waited for Ichigo to start shouting and (he hoped, 'cause he deserved it) hitting him. After some minutes of silent waiting he started wondering with a certain concern if he had scarred his friend's mind for good or something like that. He backed, loosening his embrace, and Ichigo's hands sprout to catch his arms, blocking him in position.
"…Ichigo?" He asked, worried.
"…Just… Chad, I think I need you to spell it clearly, 'cause… I just don't think I'll be able to bear misunderstandings of any kind, right now."
"Ichigo, do you feel all right?"
Ichigo let his arms go, turned and look up at Chad, eyes feverish, mouth settled into the tinest line, and Chad felt the sudden urge to kiss him again. Instead, his hand reach to softly touch his face, and he ran his thumb along Ichigo's cheek and jawbone.
"Chad…?"
"I like you." He said, almost apologetically, and smiled.
"Since when?" Ichigo spoke like every word was painful, but his eyes were slowly lightening up, as he felt the dark bundle of tension draft away from his body, leaving him light like never before.
"Since that time you fight for my coin, I think. Something like that."
Ichigo closed his eyes and shook his head, like he couldn't believe it.
"Do you know the only reason I'm not beating the crap out of you is that you should do the same thing to me…? You… and I never…" Ichigo reached to take Chad's face into his hands and crushed their mouths together. He was shaking, and leaned against Chad's strong frame, as they kissed, with all the energy and the feeling they could put in it, like they needed to realize the truth, the solidity of what had just happened.
"I can't believe it…" Ichigo muttered, when forced back for breathing. "He kissed you… and I probably have to thank him too, for all this." Chad chuckled, and pressed his forehead against Ichigo's. "Thank him for me too…"
"Just don't get all too friendly, you too." Ichigo said it half joking, half really worried. Somehow, he still was sure it was certainly not for altruism that his counterpart had done it all. But really, he didn't want to think about it right now.
"What do we do now?" Chad asked, holding Ichigo in his arms and bending to trail soft kisses on his faces. God, that was the best feeling in the world.
"I don't know. Tell it around… well, we can take things with calm. But if you'e asking what do we do right now… what about not getting out till tonight?" Ichigo smile mischieviously "I've got… years… to catch with."
The clouds slowly running up and down in that insane space were clear again. Zangetsu looked down from them to the equally pure white frame sitten on one window.
"Are you satisfied?" he asked, his voice flat.
"Quite. And I really was kind of bored before…" Shirosaki stood up and stretched, recalling the feeling of having a real, fleshy body to do it. A body who could feel and give pain. "Yes, I'm really satisfied with how the things turned out. After all, the more people my partner care for… the more he love them… the more fun for me, when my moment will come."
He smiles to the impassible raven-black spirit of the sword. "Yasutora Sado…" He rolled the name on his tongue. "I wonder what his blood would taste like…"
...TBC?