life is just poetry, and it kills, a naruto fanfic

A/N: I started this story a long time ago but rediscovered the file recently and started to work on it again. This new version is a product of frazzled late night nerves and Panic at the Disco music. Enjoy!

life is just poetry, and it kills

.x.

mirakuru rein

.x.

If I died today…

If I died today and you never saw me again, would you be okay with that?

The two boys stood nervously at the door. No, well, one was more nervous than the other. He was quite calm, in fact (at least, he would never admit that he was a bomb ready to go off on the inside.).

"So um…I guess this is it then…?" The blond looked at his raven-haired friend with unsteady eyes, expectant. "I, uh—" He choked on his words, and started again. "I mean, I—"

"Please don't try so hard to say goodbye. You're already making this much worse than it has to be."

"Alright…I, uh –" (just wanted to say I love you?) "Goodbye."

The calm, cool, collected black-haired, Japanese, Asian (god-awfully PERFECT) boy just nodded and shoved his remaining luggage in the trunk of the waiting yellow taxi. He put his hand on the blond boy's shoulder.

"Goodbye…Naruto."

And just like that, Uchiha Sasuke was gone.

No letters. Just…tears.

Naruto didn't even try to sit by the mailbox and wait for the words that would never come. No, Sasuke never would write. It wasn't him. It wasn't his style.

But sometimes he'd look out the window to see if the red flag was raised in defeat.

Blond hair tickled against a black phone receiver as he wiggled excitedly in his seat.

"Hello?"

"Hey! Sakura. Look, remember last year's Sasuke birthday disaster? I told him I wouldn't forget it this year, I even wrote it down on the calendar and everything, I'm sure you're proud of me. Anyway, so I was thinking for his birthday, we could throw him a party, or something cool –"

"Um, Naruto?" Her tone sounded scared, hesitant.

The muscles in his mouth suddenly froze. "W-what is it?"

"Naruto, I…I really don't know how to say this. I mean…well, I promised him that I wouldn't tell you, and I don't condone that since I think you should really know, but still, give him a break—"

His voice was urgent now, expecting the worst. "What is it, Sakura? Tell me!"

"He…" She paused to take a long breath, a loud sigh filled with trembling that was clearly audible even on the phone. "Naruto…Sasuke…he's…well…he's leaving the day before his birthd—"

"Leaving?!" He could feel her wince at his shout. She could practically hear the frantic thoughts in his mind. "What do you mean, leaving?"

"Look, don't blame him or anything, you know how he is, he just likes to pack up and go and not tell anyone—"

"Sakura."

"—Well, he said he was going to live with his brother from now on, but hey—" She heard a loud crash, some scuffles, and then a door slamming shut. "…Naruto?"

Naruto had thrown the phone against the wall. Sakura heard the blaring dial tone a few seconds later.

"Teme!"

He pounded on the wooden door as hard as he could, fully intending to break it down if he needed to.

"Teme! Yo, you better get out here or I'm shoving my fist up your—"

The door abruptly opened and Naruto lost his balance. He landed against something soft and felt two arms catching him brusquely.

"Do you mind? My ears were starting to bleed."

Naruto pushed himself off the boy. "Don't fuck with me. What the fuck is with you leaving to live with your brother or something and not even—" he was so angry he couldn't find the words for a second "—telling me! I mean—"

Sasuke grabbed the blond's ear and pulled him inside.

"Hey! Teme, you—"

"If maybe you'd shut up, I'd tell you."

He shoved Naruto against the couch and stood in front of him, looking down at him with cold eyes.

"Who told you about it? Sakura? Kakashi? Tell me."

"…Maybe you should first tell me why—"

Sasuke grabbed the front of Naruto's shirt with his fist and pulled his face close to his.

"Who…was it? Or I'll beat the answer out of you."

Naruto growled. "It was Sakura."

Sasuke let him go and crossed his arms. "Damn."

They stayed in silence as Sasuke looked blankly off to the side.

"Look, Naruto…" The Japanese boy sat down in front of Naruto, crossing his legs. "I'm leaving to live with my brother because I got accepted into Columbia. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd freak out and try to stop me or something ridiculous."

"But you…you're leaving before your birthday…" He leaned down and grabbed Sasuke's shoulders. "If you were leaving…the day before your birthday…then you should've told me not to waste all that damn time trying not to forget it…dammit…" His forehead knocked lightly against Sasuke's, black hairs intersecting blond ones like roads, as he kept his head down and struggled with the sudden watery-ness in his eyes and cheeks.

"I was counting on the hope that you wouldn't remember it," he said quietly. He closed his eyes as he felt the other boy's arms enclose him in an embrace. His quavering fingers found Naruto's cheeks and stroked the salty tears from his soft skin. "I'm…sorry."

Lips found Sasuke's neck and briefly – ever so briefly, he felt guilty.

Then the moment ended as quickly as it came – both boys pulled away at the same time. Sasuke looked up to find Naruto's blue eyes (eyes filled with the sky), but Naruto kept his head down.

The room was merciless with held breath.

Naruto stood up slowly. "I should go."

Sasuke watched his figure migrate a short distance before his hand shot up to grab the other's.

Naruto looked back – tears flinging from his piercing blue eyes – in stunned confusion. The gaze was maintained for what felt like an eternity before Sasuke began to speak.

"Come over July 22nd, 10 AM. Don't be late."

"…O-okay."

"Before that, I don't want to see you at all. Or I won't let you in that day. Got it?"

Naruto nodded his head in a jerky motion. "Sure."

His grip loosened and the other hand seemed to slip out like an embarrassed burglar.

During that week Naruto and Sasuke had one brief encounter, despite the request.

On opposite sides of the block on opposite sides of the street, they crossed at the same time.

Naruto looked up and noticed Sasuke, but the other boy had his head down and cell phone to his ear.

Naruto looked away vaguely disappointed, even though Sasuke's words were ringing through his ears like a never-ending fire alarm.

Did you see me?

I sure hope you did, because if you didn't…

That means I'm invisible.

"Naruto?"

He was shaken awake from his reverie. "What?"

Sakura put her delicately gloved finger to her lips as angelic music floated in bubbles around her. "Shh! Are you even paying attention? If I knew you were gonna be like this…" She shook her head. "Just…try to watch Kurenai-sensei and Asuma-sensei's wedding without spacing out, okay? You know it's very important for them that we were able to make it."

"Yeah, okay…it didn't even start yet."

"But it's rude to the choir, and besides, Kurenai-sensei's walking down the aisle right…now…" Everyone's heads turned to the doors of the church in one motion, machine-like.

Naruto watches the silhouette in white walk towards him, bells chiming faintly in the background, and hopes to God that it's a ghost that came back to haunt him.

(i do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens;only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

-e. e. cummings

"Let me take your overcoat, sir."

"That won't be necessary. I'll only be a while."

"Ah, yes, sir."

He ascended the elevator, up 10…20…34 floors. The metal doors sleekly slid open and he walked down the hall, heels clicking against the tiled floor in hushed tones.

He knew the door wouldn't be locked.

The culprit had just laid his bags down in the foyer.

"Sasuke."

His brother turned around slowly, as if loathing to see what stood behind him.

"…Itachi."

"What is going on?"

"How did you know I was here?"

Itachi gave him a look. "Don't underestimate me, you foolish little brother. I have lookouts stationed everywhere. Someone tipped me off that they had just seen a scrawny little eighteen-year-old that looked suspiciously like myself enter my condominium complex."

"What a charmer you are."

"Tell me, Sasuke, what is the little boy who said he never wanted to see me again doing in my home, with all his worldly possessions and looking very much like a helpless wharf rat?"

"I…" He hesitated. "I was accepted into Columbia. I don't have enough to pay for boarding."

"The same university I went to."

"It was the only one I applied to."

"Why so eager to follow in my footsteps?"

"I'm not answering that."

Itachi gave him a hard glance before turning away. "Very well. You'll find that there are four bedrooms on the second floor. Make yourself at home in one of them. And I hope you know how to cook, or you'll have to suffer through instant ramen."

Itachi heard a muffled groan as he shut the door. He smirked slightly, and gradually, the smirk turned into a small grin.

Naruto was talking in between bites of ramen.

"And can you believe it, Gaara? He just left—" slurp "just like that. Because he's going to some—" slurp "—dumb college in America. Mind you it's the same one his—" slurp "—aniki went to, so I don't even know why he decided to go. The kid doesn't like—" slurp "—anything his brother likes, and when I say anything, I mean—" slurp "—anything. And he wasn't even gonna tell me!" Naruto set his empty bowl on the table and leaned back against the chair. He looked across the table at his red-haired companion, who seemed deep in thought and to be neglecting his own ramen.

"America, huh…"

"Whatcha thinking, Gaara?"

He took a small bite of the noodles. "Naruto, I'm going to be very honest with you. I'm getting the feeling that he went abroad for a reason. It wasn't a whim."

He put the chopsticks down. "I think he wanted to get away from you, Naruto."

Not even a phone call the whole year. No, phone calls were too awkward for Sasuke. The only person who was ever comfortable talking to Naruto or Sasuke over the phone was Sakura. The phone remained silent. Sakura was busy with her own medical school studies, after all.

He made two phone calls that evening.

"Hello?"

"You knew why he was leaving didn't you?"

"…Naruto?"

"Answer me, Sakura."

She sighed. "Naruto, he's going to college there, it's not like—"

"It's not like what? Then why is he going to the one university he hates the most in the world?"

"Naruto, if you must know, Sasuke made up with his brother some time ago. It was his brother that convinced him to apply for Columbia. He felt like he was—"

"Bullshit."

The dial tone rang in Sakura's ear.

"Uchiha Itachi speaking."

"Where is he?"

Itachi had to place the voice in his head – he hadn't heard it in a while. "Uzumaki. Is it not?"

"Yeah, it is. Now where's the little bastard?"

"As Sasuke's in my care currently, I'm afraid I can't tell you."

"Dammit."

He hung up.

Sakura laid back on her bed, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow. She was saved, really – if the conversation was in person, Naruto would've spotted right away what the lie was.

"You're leaving?" she asked incredulously.

He nodded. "July 22nd, 10 AM. I'll ask you not to be there, please, I want to leave by myself."

"But why? Columbia? I mean, it's halfway around the world, and you hardly keep in touch anyway—"

"Exactly. And I'll ask of you that you not tell anyone…especially Naruto."

Her face dropped. "Don't tell me it's because…"

"Also, I kind of need your help. My brother doesn't exactly know…he would've turned me away the second I asked, but if I just pop in on him, he'll eventually cave in…The point is, I don't have enough money to buy a plane ticket. I spent the rest of what my parents left me on the tuition, so I hope you don't mind me asking…"

"No problem. Only Sasuke…"

"What?"

"You're making a big mistake."

She let that hang. He nodded. "I know."

He slept uneasily that night – something like torture filled his mind with skin-pricking barbs. He'd dream about that moment – that moment – over and over and over again, feverishly, until he'd wake up and immediately fall asleep again –

He could still feel Sasuke's ghostly touches on his cheeks when morning came and the sun woke the memories right out of him.

He picked up the phone and dialed a number automatically.

"Hello?"

"Sakura?"

"What's up?"

"Will you…" He cleared his throat. "I mean, are you free today?"

End of chapter 1

TBC