Disclaimer: I do not own Skinwalkers nor its characters. They belong to LGF, After Dark, and whoever else screwed the movie up.
Note/Warning: After reading Sonja's death in two drafts of the script and then watching her supposedly "die" when she was only shot twice (it's visible in screencaps she has a bad wound in one bicep/shoulder, and a mild wound in her stomach), I do not see this as an AU story in movie canon. However, some may consider it that.
***
Counting Stars
Caleb stared up at the cloudless sky. He tried counting stars. He hadn't counted stars since…in a very long time. His eyes weren't up for the task, and his mind quickly got lost among the infinite numbers above him.
"He used to do that."
The sound of her voice almost startles him; it isn't unwelcome, not like it used to be. Then again, it isn't as bitter or biting as it used to be. She stopped spitting out every word with the intent to inflict damage.
She always was too forgiving.
Zo would beg to differ.
Caleb swallowed and ran his hands through Sonja's hair.
Zo isn't here.
"Who used to do what?" Caleb asked. Trying to play dumb, as always.
As always, Sonja was not overly indulgent with this game. "You know who. He used to count the stars as well." Her fingers had not stopped tracing the design of the tattoo on his chest, not since the two of them had finished. "He could get to the hundreds. Sometimes he made it into the thousands. I think it was his way of counting sheep."
"Did it ever work?" Caleb, unlike Sonja, always indulged her with her game. Sometimes he wasn't so sure it was a game.
"No." She was smiling; he could feel it, the faint curling of her lips against his damp skin. She hadn't smiled before.
Caleb glanced down. His fingers moved from her hair to her chin; he had to see it for himself. He didn't trust his senses, but perhaps if he saw and not just felt, he would believe it; could believe it. He tilted her face up, just enough to see her mouth. He stared, transfixed.
It had been so long since she had smiled at him. No, that wasn't right. She had never smiled at him. Only the one she kept comparing him to.
"What?" She didn't like the scrutiny. She had stared at him this way before, many times. Every night, every day. She couldn't help it, he knew. Yet it was unnerving for her to be under such a similar gaze.
The other one - her other - used to look at her like this all the time. The other rarely let her see it.
Maybe if he had…
Caleb shook his head. "This is the first time I've seen you smile."
Sonja shrugged out of his fragile grasp. Her smile disappeared as fast as it had come. Her face was hidden by the thick, black curtain of her hair - decorating with leaves and grass - as well as his chest.
"Just go back to counting stars. It works for you."
She was right, and he did.
***
Her eyes were watching him when he woke. They usually were; she slept only while he slept, and he wasn't even so sure she slept then. Her gaze was studying, scrutinizing. That familiar stare, the one she didn't like to see reflected back.
Caleb wanted to say something. He had no idea what, but something - anything to break the silence. He was never much of a talker when it came to private moments. He was a speaker, not a talker.
Her other had been the same.
If only he had overcome that shared weakness.
"Did the stars help?" Sonja wasn't staring at him now. She was staring out at the vast openness of the desert.
Miles and miles of nothing but barren land, and he knew this location had a meaning for her. For them.
"Yes. They helped." He watched her. Studied her; she wasn't looking at him, but she was aware. He did not have the stealth her other had possessed.
"Could you ever sleep, in the motels?"
The question caught him off guard. They didn't talk about that time. They didn't talk about the motels, about the fake names, about the fake family. They didn't talk about how they had met by chance. How she was alive, or how he was alone.
She was looking at him now though. Her eyes were studying again, almost narrow. She wasn't hostile; Sonja was trying to hide her curiosity. It was killing her not to ask more; she was afraid it would kill her more to know. This was the one question she would allow.
Caleb knew the feeling. "Sometimes. When I reached my limit. Do you remember that? When you go so long without sleeping or even resting your eyes, your vision is blurry, burning, and your mind plays tricks on you?"
Sonja's eyes dropped. "I had forgotten, for a while." Her voice was softer when she added, "Recently I've been remembering."
It was a strain to hear that part. Caleb's hearing was not what it used to be. He could just make out the words. He wished he hadn't.
"How do you know the stars never worked for him?"
His question caught her off guard. Her head whipped up, her eyes the tiniest bit wider than usual. She quickly turned away again. Her shoulder shrugged; she still couldn't hide her true emotions.
It surprised him that he could read her so easily.
"They might have, sometimes. I rarely slept. It seemed as though he never slept. He didn't like to sleep if I wasn't sleeping. He always knew when I was faking. He would count the stars out loud. I think he was hoping it would work for me."
Caleb watched her hard eyes become glassy. He watched her close her eyes; her face hardened.
She didn't let anything else slip.
"Did it?"
Sonja met his gaze again. "Did what?"
"Did it ever work?" He was genuinely curious. Some part of him - unfamiliar, forgotten and buried - needed to know.
She shrugged again. "I can't remember."
***
"I like your taste," she whispered. It was the first thing she had said since they had stopped for the night. Not a word as she parked the motorcycle, not a word when she took their clothes off, and not a word throughout the coupling.
It had been possibly an hour since they had finished; his breathing had grown steady again, his heartbeat calmed, his skin was almost dry. It had been almost as long since her breathing and her heartbeat and her skin had returned to normal.
"You don't want to like it, do you?"
She didn't answer at first. Her back was to him. She was facing forward, so all he could see was her wild hair. Some of the debris was gone. She had not rolled around in the forest in some time.
Caleb kept her pressed to him. He held her as tightly as he could manage; he wondered if she felt the embrace at all. His arms clutched her though, his face remained buried in her hair. He tried to inhale her scent, but he just couldn't smell like he used to.
"It isn't the same. And I'm worried." She wasn't worried. She was frightened. But she had never liked to admit that; not even to the other one.
"Why?"
Sonja moved, ever so slightly. She shifted her position so that she was closer to him; there was not even the tiniest bit a space between his torso and her back. Her legs angled so they were curved with his, framing his. Her hands were arm his arms; his grip was suddenly a lot tighter around her waist.
"I can't remember what he tasted like anymore. I just know you don't taste the same."
He wasn't surprised. Perhaps earlier - weeks, months, or had it already been a year now? - he might have been. But this was not a revelation to him, not anymore.
She was shivering in his arms. She wasn't cold; she was never cold. She kept him warm throughout these desert nights.
Caleb rubbed her as much as her hands would allow. He laid his face on the side of her head, his chin nestled against her shoulder. He stared past her, out into the untainted expanse of the desert, to the black horizon speckled with lights. "Do you see the bigger star right near the edge of the dunes?"
Sonja nodded. "It looks like it's part of a V shape."
"Yes, that's it."
Sonja's eyes flickered over to him then back to the star. "Why?"
Caleb didn't speak at first. He lifted his head enough to look down at her. He thought her eyes were glassy again, but he couldn't really trust his senses. He laid his head back down and found the star.
"One. Two. Three. Four…"
***
When Caleb woke, Sonja was still curled up against him, her back tight to his chest. Her head was nestled beneath his chin, tilted enough so that he could feel her cheek against his collar. He stayed as still as he could and held her as the sun started to rise behind them.
He had almost fallen asleep again to the sound of her breathing when the pattern began to change. His eyes remained closed as she stirred the tiniest bit in his arms.
She didn't move after that, but her breathing was still different. For a moment it seemed as though she would try to go back to sleep herself.
"Sometimes it worked."
A strange sensation of relief washed over him, but it wasn't Caleb that was relieved.