EDIT: so i was looking over some of my recent fics and i noticed that ffdotnet took out all of my page breaks. twice. fu. seriously. so i have fixed that, its a lot less confusing to read now, lol xD
Title: Awake My Soul
Author: obsession-rules
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the characters or show, this is a non-profit fan service that I do for funzies. :D
Fandom/Pairing: Teen Wolf; Derek Hale/ Stiles Stilinski
Spoilers: Everything up to and including S2E10 'Fury'
Rating: T
Word Count: 4402
Summary: Derek has known for a long time that Stiles is his life-mate. Derek-centric. Slash.
Authors Note: 1) So I just got into Teen Wolf about two weeks ago and immediately fell in love with Derek/ Stiles. Which is awesome and just what I was looking for on my break from Supernatural and Dean/ Cas (that pairing was taking over my life, seriously.)
2) This fic goes off the premise that werewolves are like real wolves and mate for life but with the added, more supernatural element of that bond linking their souls together.
3) Also, I'm going completely off of memory on my Teen Wolf facts here, people. Granted I've watched all that's out in the last two weeks but I'm not perfect and I reserve my right to take some liberties with my time lines. That is all, on with the fic!
Awake My Soul
Derek knows that he has always been a bit of a loner, even when he was surrounded by family, even when it was just him and Laura. He keeps his feelings and thoughts locked tight up in his head. Everyone knows this about him, too. Which is why he is so surprised to have Stiles practically up in his face, demanding to know how Derek feels about him.
Derek isn't sure how to answer. Not because he doesn't know how he feels about the annoying kid, just the opposite actually. Derek has known for a long time that Stiles is his life-mate. He's just never put it into words before. He never told anyone about the fluttering pain near his heart that doesn't hurt quite as much the longer he's around Stiles.
When Derek is six his mother takes him into town for the first time. One of his human cousins had gotten sick enough to be sent to the hospital and his mother brought him along to visit. He was excited right up until they got there, the smells of sterilized death invading his senses, stopping him in the door way.
"It's alright, dear." His mother coos at him softly. She kneels down next to him, pets his hair as she pull him in to whisper in his ear. "We wont come here often but when we do, you have to try and act as though nothing is wrong. Can you do that for me, baby?"
Her eyes flash deep blue at him to emphasize her point and he sternly nods his head. He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and mumbles out, "yes, ma'am."
"Good boy." She straightens up, clasping his hand in hers she leads him deeper into the busy hallways. "Hospitals make everyone a bit nervous Derek but you'll feel better once we see Amanda. They said she was feeling better when I called this morning."
His mother chatters on for a little while longer but Derek stops listening. He stares at his feel as they walk along to the Pediatric Ward, trying to block out the stink, to think of other things. He finds out that seeing Amanda doesn't make him feel better once they reach her room. It smells just as bad where she is, sharing a room with three other kids not as well off as her. The comforting scent of family does nothing to block out the rotten stench everywhere.
He waits until his mother is wholly distracted by Amanda before making his escape. His plan is to go back outside and wait by their car but he wasn't paying attention when they were walking. Derek ends up even deeper in the terrifying place, reluctant tears begin to well up in his eyes when he thinks about how lost he is. He decides to follow his nose, surely going where to smell of death isn't will lead him outside. Right?
He takes a deep breath, letting his heightened wolf senses lead his way and follows.
Where he stops isn't the door to outside but a door to a private room instead. He knows because it was slightly open and he pushes it the rest of the way. On the bed is a woman with long brown hair in one of those weird gowns Amanda was in, with a bundle of blankets wrapped up in her arms. She looks up at him, smiling but Derek could tell she was confused as to why he is there. Derek is confused as to why he's here.
"Hello there, little boy. Are you lost?" Her voice is gentle and soft, calming in a way he doesn't understand. He shyly steps closer to her, nodding. With the hand not holding the blankets she reaches out to him. "Aww, it's okay, you can come over here with me. I'm sure someone is very worried about you and looking for you right now. You can wait here with us."
"Us?" Derek's voice comes out quieter than he meant, he think that maybe the nice lady didn't hear him until he hears he laugh. Its just like her voice, gentle, soft, calming.
"Yup! Me and the newest edition to the Stilinski family." She tilts the bundle in her arms so that Derek can see that she's not just holding blankets but a sleeping baby. She smiles down at the newborn pup wistfully. "I think I'll name him after my father. What do you think?" She turns her attention back to Derek, grinning at him. "Sound like a plan?"
Derek blinks up at her owlishly. He looks from her to the pup in her arms, starting when the thing blinks it's eyes open. He looks into the biggest brown eyes he has ever seen and feels… something. Right in his chest, like a pull that drags the air right out of his lunges. He finds enough breath to stutter out, "S-sure."
"Ooohh, I think he likes you!" The woman exclaims right before a nurse comes into the room, cutting her off from saying anything more on the subject.
"Excuse me but have you seen- Oh! Derek Hale?" The pretty nurse with black curls and brown (but not as nice a brown as the pups) eyes brightens when she sees him. He nods and she lets out a sigh of relief. "Your mother's been so worried, running around everywhere looking for you."
Derek knows he should go with the nurse, back to his mother but he doesn't want to leave the nice lady and her baby. This room smells like… happiness.
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The first few months after the hospital Derek worried about the pulling, twisting feeling in his chest but not enough to tell anyone about it. He knew he should, that if something was wrong with him his father, his Alpha, needed to know about it. But at the same time it didn't feel like something was wrong, just different. Like even though he didn't know what it was his instincts knew that it would be there for the rest of his life.
So he just… accepted it and moved on with his life. He even almost forgets about it once he starts school.
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A crushing depression has been falling onto him recently but at fifteen he chalks it up to normal teenage angst. He knows it's not when he wakes up to the startling realization that he can't breath, every struggled gasp making the burn in his chest worse and this must be what drowning feels like. The panic builds, tears stream down his face as he grasps at his chest, trying to get precious air back into his lungs. He can feel Laura at his side, her soft hands running down his back, attempting to sooth him but jerking in her confusion as to what's happening.
He isn't sure how long he is like this but when he can finally, finally, breath again it's the sent of his sister that invades his senses. His face his pressed into her chest, one of her hands petting his hair, the other still running down his back. She's making 'shh'ing noises at him and rocking gently but immediately notices when he begins to clam.
"Jesus, Derek. I think you just had a panic attack. Scared the shit out of me." He pulls away to look up into Laura's face. She doesn't look scared but he can smell the fear and worry rolling off her in waves. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine now, thank you Laura." He's lying. He knows he's lying, she knows he's lying but thankfully she doesn't comment on it. He isn't sure he could explain the gaping hole in his chest if she did press for the truth. He doesn't even know what the truth is. 'I have this feeling in my chest that I think is tied with a baby I saw one time for like a second and now I'm pretty sure I just had a panic attack because he did'?
Yeah, right. Way to sound like a crazy person, Hale.
"Okay, well," she slaps him on the back, once, hard, "time to get ready for school, Freshman!"
He goes about his day in his normal, loner ways, trying not to think to deeply about the raw empty feeling near his heart. It may make him a tad crankier than normal and he may scare the shit out of a few more people than normal but all in all he thinks he succeeds. Until lunchtime that is. He's sitting in his spot under a tree outside the cafeteria when he overhears a conversation. Derek doesn't do it on purpose, it's not his fault that when ever the word 'Stilinski' is uttered his heightened hearing just zones in.
"Oh my god! Poor Sheriff. Don't they have a kid?" It's two of the schools biggest gossips, walking through the semi-empty hallways towards their lockers.
"Yup. He's, like, nine or something." There is something in the girls voice that Derek hates. It sounds like she's proudof knowing something first but doesn't want anyone to know by covering it up with fake concern. "Poor kid. I'd, like, freak out if it was my mom."
Something happened… to Mrs. Stilinski? Derek stops listening as his blood runs cold and the ache in his chest throbs. He flattens his palm over his heart, at least now he knows what it is.
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The ache never really lessens over the next year but he finds something that makes him feel like it feels better. Kate Argent. He drowns himself in her, forcing himself to fall in love with her. He tells himself that she fills the hole that the death of Mrs. Stilinski left in him. He knows its not good for him, something deep inside him tells him it's wrong, so, so wrongbut somehow that just makes it better.
He does everything she says, answers every question she asks, without really even thinking about it. Derek doesn't care about anything other than feeling better, please, please, make it go away.
He's out looking for Kate when it happens. Their meeting place is on the other side of town, he's just gotten there as a shudder runs through him. For a second he thinks it's another Stilinski related emotion but then the bonds that tie him to his pack, his family, start snapping. One by one he can feel them as he runs with all his werewolf speed back to their house.
Laura catches him before he can make it all the way. "Derek!" Her body slams into his, pinning him to a tree. She has tears running down her face but her eyes flash red. "It's too late! We have to run before the Hunters find us!"
He feels the Alpha's link slot into place and he can do nothing but follow her orders.
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The loss of his family completely over shadows the hole. In fact, the hole is now a chasm and he thinks he should take solace that it's his chasm. It doesn't stop the twinges that Derek know are not his own from making it worse. For some reason that makes him angry. Very angry. Is he not hurting enough already? Why does some stupid kid he's never really even met get to make him feel like the death of one woman is so much worse than the death of his wholefamily?
No, this is his pain. He wont let himself be ruled over by this thing. He throws himself into his anger, letting it become his anchor. Laura tells him how important it is to have something to control the change on the full moon now. So he uses the anger and it works.
PAGEBREAK
Going back to Beacon Hills is hard but locating Laura is more important than his feelings. Something is wrong, very wrong and he needs to find her.
When he does manage to sniff Laura out, Derek wants to throw up. Of courseshe's dead, because that's just his life. Which gets even better when he catches the scent of an Alpha that isn't Laura and finds an inhaler that reeks of teenage desperation.
Alpha plus kid plus no scent of death (that isn't coming from his sisters rotting upper half) equals a newly bitten Beta werewolf.
Just. Fucking. Great.
His suspicions are confirmed when two teenagers come blundering into the woods, one of the voices going on about lycanthropy, very loudly. Something inside Derek pulls at the sound of the voice, however, making him want to envelope himself in it as much as he wants to tell it to shut up. He doesn't know what to make of that until he comes face to face with them.
Derek keeps his exterior clam, collected and just a bit mysterious. His interior, however, is freaking out. Those eyes, he knows those eyes and for the first time since he was six years old he understands.
PAGEBREAK
Stiles. What kind of a name is 'Stiles Stilinski' anyway? Derek really didn't think that Mrs. Stilinski would name her child that and when he breaks into the school to look up Stiles' records he see that he is right. 'Stiles' is under 'Preferred Name' with a side note not to call him anything else.
So. Stiles, his mate, the one person in the world Derek can not live with out. Who is annoying, hyperactive, talks to much, does not know when to back off and so completely stupid. Except he's not, really. The longer Derek is forced to be around this kid the more he notices that Stiles is partially a genius and, begrudgingly as Derek is to admit it, is funny and loyal and all these other things that Derek isn't.
He remembers reading somewhere in his parents library, before it was all burned away, that life-mates complete each other in every way. Seeing it now, up close and way too personal he cant help but think how unfair this is.
Stiles is sixteen, still just a kid and Derek can not, will not, tie him up in anymore werewolf bullshit than he already has. And, fuck, if that stupid life-mate bond hadn't made Derek love Stiles already than Stiles himself is doing a pretty good goddamned job all on his own.
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God must hate him. At least He would if Derek were so inclined to believe is such a deity. No matter how hard he tries or how much he protests, somehow he always ends up alone with Stiles. God either hates him or thinks his suffering is funny.
Derek lets out a growl. He tries to focus on the book in his hands but he can feel Stiles' nervous glance his direction. Derek really doesn't mean to scare the kid, he's just so frustrated. Having to be this close to his mate without scenting and claiming him is taking all of his focus and determination. It's also making him quite angry, but then again, everything makes him angry nowadays.
He also hadn't meant for the Stilinski Household to become is hide out. Normally when hiding from the law the Sheriff's home would be one of those places to avoid but when he thought about it no place was safer than with Stiles. He knew he had made the right decision when Stiles didn't immediately alert the Sheriff to Derek's presence in his bedroom.
He can practically laugh at himself now, what a dumb idea that had been. It just gets worse when Stiles hacker 'friend' shows up and sees the blood on his shirt. As Stiles slyly lies to the guy and suggests that Derek change his shirt, Derek knows that this was such a bad plan. He can feel his muscles twitch as two pairs of eyes follow his every movement, coiling in and tensing in his effort to stand as still as he possibly can.
"You're a horrible person."
Derek can't help but agree.
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Derek tries his best to be as standoffish and cold towards Stiles as he can, even going so far as to repeatedly threaten bodily harm. Stiles just doesn't seem to get the memo. Derek knows he isn't forced into the same rules as werewolves are but sometimes… it seems like Stiles is having just as much trouble staying away from Derek as Derek is having with him.
No, goddamnit, no. Derek will not let himself hope for something like that. He refuses to be that weak and pathetic. Especially after they figure everything and he kills Peter, becoming the Alpha. He will become strong, build a new pack to surround himself in and forget about the aching need for Stiles to love him back.
And if that doesn't work out quite the way he wants, then no one but Derek has to know about it.
PAGEBREAK
The instinct to protect his mate comes out as a second nature to Derek. Every time Stiles is in danger around him, he reacts. Trusts the wolf inside of him to know what to do to save Stiles, even though most of the time it seems like Stiles is the one saving Derek.
Stiles never questions why Derek is so quick to jump to his protection. So Derek brushes it off, like its nothing.
PAGEBREAK
"…you don't trust the one person you should." Deaton's unwanted observation catches him off guard. Stiles. But, no, Deaton can't mean Stiles, no one knows about that, so it must be Scott. Derek says as much and pretends he doesn't notice when Deaton smiles at him like he's the cutest four year old he knows.
When he has the strength to move without falling over, he sets out to look for Scott, to tell him about Peter and Lydia. For once he hopes that Stiles isn't with him, Derek doesn't think he can handle the look Stiles will get when he tells them about how far gone Lydia is. The spot throbs for a second but Derek brushes it off, focuses instead on the thread that ties him to Scott.
Being led to the Sheriff's Station is never a good thing, going double when Scott 'how-can-you-be-this-dumb' McCall is involved. In his haste to find said idiot he gets ambushed from behind by Jackson, making this the icing on the cake that is this night. Jackson throws him on the floor right in front of some kid with a gun and Derek can see not only Scott but Stiles too. Somehow they have managed to get themselves into a shit ton of trouble, again.
Derek watches, helpless, as Jackson gets Stiles next, the younger boy landing right on top of Derek. He can feel Stiles' breath on his neck, it's a little too shallow and light, Derek is worried Stiles has passed out. He panics for a moment, what if Stiles' system reacted badly to the kanima poison? It had never been injected before, just absorbed.
"I've still got teeth. Get a little closer, we'll see how helpless I am." It comes out weaker than he wants, ringing too close to how he actually feels.
"Yeah, bitch." Derek almost sobs at Stiles soft come back. And then Stiles' weight is off of him and they're laying next to each other. Before Derek knows it they're alone again, crazy kid leading Scott towards the sound of Mrs. McCall at the front desk.
He needs to get Stiles out of here. As soon as he can twitch his fingers, Derek lets his claws out to dig into his thigh, speed up his healing. He needs to get Stiles out of here, right now. But it's not working, Stiles even tells him as much. Maybe because he keeps getting distracted by how good Stiles smells? Even soaked and fear and adrenalin Stiles smells amazing. Derek has never been this close for this long before, its so hard not to turn his head and breathit in.
They can both almost start to feel movement coming back to them when Scott bursts into the room again. Derek snaps at Scott to take Stiles and the Beta doesn't have to be told twice to protect his best friend.
Then everything goes to crap and Derek doesn't have time to worry about if Scott got Stiles out, cant even think about anything other than that one of his pack had deceived him. He goes back to the train car, back to Isaac and Erica and Boyd, numb, exhausted and utterly betrayed.
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Three days later and Derek still hasn't left the car he uses as his 'room.' He vaguely explained to his three pups what had happened, not mentioning Scott's betrayal but warning them not to talk to him for a while. Scott or Stiles. Because Stiles is Scott's best friend, if Scott has been working with the Hunters for fuck knows how long what are the odds that Stiles doesn't know about it?
Slim to none, that's what.
The ache in Derek feels more like being stabbed with wolfs bane covered knives, over and over. It hurts so bad that Derek hasn't moved in quite a while. He's positive that it's Isaac playing century outside his door, pacing, worry coming off of him in sickening waves. Erica would have gotten bored by now and Boyd would never pace like that. Derek wants to tell him to stop but he doesn't have the energy and every move makes the knife in his chest dig that much deeper.
Maybe this is what it feels like the be rejected by a life-mate? It may not have been a straightforward one but it still felt like a rejection. A slow painful death by heartache.
Derek lets out an almost-sigh that has Isaac pausing, tensing for a moment before going back to his nervous pacing. Derek's hearing picks up something outside that isn't Isaac but he's too out of it to focus on it. It feels like wolfs bane is now searing through his veins, accompanying the sharp stabbing knife pain.
"What the hell do you mean I can't see Derek?" The familiar voice cuts through him, making the pain go away then come back full force. Stiles. "You get out of my way right now or I'll… I'll… do something! I've had to deal with so much crap because Scott and Derek decided it was a good idea to take on the kanima right in front of my dad and Scott's mom! Not to mention that Allison has gone all bat shit psycho like the rest of her family and I had to sneak around like a criminal to get out here without anyone noticing just to tell Mr. 'Doesn't-Want-To-See-Stiles' that she is coming to get you. You are fucking welcome, by the way."
Derek gets up mid-Stiles rant, opening the door to look Stiles right in the eye as he says the last part. He looks tired and angry, Derek cant really blame him but Derek is tired and angry too. "Thank you. You can leave now."
Stiles' eyes flash. "No! You know what, no. I will not leave. Not until you explain to me why in the hell you just left me at the station! I expect it from Scott nowadays but you… after everything I've done for you and you always, always seem to jump at the chance to be my fucking hero and when everything is shitty and scary you just leave me. Half paralyzed with Scott's mom who is freaked out of her fucking mind, which hasn't gotten any better in the last couple of days and my dad who- who hates me now and- Fuck Derek, I demand answers!"
Tears start streaming down his face but he has a determined look in his eye, his mouth set straight and no way is this going to end well. "I told Scott to get you out, I assumed he did."
"Bull crap! You really want me to believe you couldn't tell I was still there? When I can practically feel every move you make? I am not alone in this, goddamnit! You have to feel it too. Please, tell me you can feel it too."
Is this… is Stiles really saying what Derek thinks he's saying? Derek can feel his expression, eyes wide, mouth slack. The ache that had hurt so bad just moments before is now a fluttering twist of anticipation. "Did you know about Scott?" He demands instead. He has to know before this goes any further.
"I- what?" Confusion riddles Stiles features. "Know what about Scott? What does he have to do with how you feel about me? Oh God, you're not saying that you think Scott has some weird latent homosexual feelings for me, are you? 'Cause that'd just be gross. Have you smelled it on him or som- mmph."
Derek cuts off the rest of Stiles' sentence with a hand over his mouth. He closes his eyes as relief washes over him, Stiles doesn't know. His heartbeat pounds, louder than it ever has before and when he opens his eyes he realizes it's because his and Stiles' hearts are beating at the same time. Synchronized, in perfect harmony, creating the sweetest sound Derek has ever heard in his life.
Derek has never been good with words, so instead, as he slides his hand to cup Stiles' cheek, he brings their faces level and touches their lips together for the first time. It's chaste, softer than Derek ever thought kissing Stiles would be like but he pours all of his feelings into it.
When he slowly pulls away, he sees Stiles' face flushed red, eyes half closed and mouth hanging slightly agape. Derek grins, Stiles has never looked more beautiful.
An uncomfortable cough sounds from behind them. Derek suddenly remembers their audience, looking above Stiles at Erica and Boyd. Erica looks smug while Boyd is trying not to look confused, Derek glares at them and they immediately flee. Derek then turns his to look at the source of the awkward noise where Isaac is shifting from foot to foot, all wide eyed and fidgety. Derek doesn't want to glare at him but if it'll get him to go away… Isaac makes a dash around them to follow Erica and Boyd.
Derek turns his attention back onto his mate. "I'll tell you all about it later."