A Bad Fic: 'cause I typed one-handed :D
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THE INITIAL WARNING-
I'm feeling some compulsive desire to clutter up the LoD fandom with
nonsensical drivel. It's a bad fic. There.
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Once upon a time (simply because 'once upon a time' is a prevalent theme in most fairy tales and everyone loves fairy tales).god I just lost my train of thought.anyway, 'once upon a time' has a highly satisfying sound to it, so we're stickin' with it people!
Bah- screw it.
Albert was sitting on his throne in his.throne room.pondering. What was he pondering? Glad you asked. Haven't a clue. Probably the weight ratio of a laden swallow flying over Indels.
No, really. There was this whole 'war' thing with his uncle Doel. Seems they had a falling out over management positions. That's what happens when men try and take control. ^^; Had a woman been running things, the war would be over the fact that I hate the color pink. Damn you people on your want of coherent plots.
Beer. Anyway- Albert was pondering so FRIGGIN' hard that his thoughts obtained a god-like status and began broadcasting themselves to the stupid cows.citizens of Bale in a manner such like;
"WE ARE GOING TO DIE WE ARE GOING TO DIE WE ARE GO.IS THAT A BLUE M&M!! FIVE SECOND RULE WHOO!"
Or something to that affect. ^_^
But there WAS a blue M&M lying in a shaft of golden sunlight like a gift from Soa Herself, so beautifully blue and heavenly shaped that angels sang a hymn as the regal king rose and approached the azure candy. It was the cousin to the M&M that seeks my demise. Damn those M&M's.
Of course, the citizens of Bale heard those very thoughts, and in a moment they realized that their beloved king was about to partake in dirtied candy, and their collective shout of, "NO!!!" came so loudly that just as Albert popped the melt-in-your-mouth-not-in-your-hand treat into his open jaws he immediately choked in surprise and collapsed.
The kingdom fell into mourning, and unable to fathom the thoughts of putting their young, beloved ruler into the cold ground, they built and glass coffin and laid Albert to rest therein. Boggles the mind, doesn't it.
And now.there was nothing standing between Doel and Serdio but those chosen few- those chosen to rule over the very dragons of Endiness past.
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That forest near Seles.
Now, in the forest lived the six dragoons. Usually this is the part where they are described as, 'the so totally bloated with goodness and holy defenders of Endiness." So screw that noise, they were neither good nor holy. In fact, they were rather alcoholic and spent the better part of the day waylaying travelers for beer money.
Their leader, Dart Feld, carried with him a stone of enchanting crimson hues, but that's not important. What's important is the fact that the stone held the rare and coveted ability to make its possessor eternally hard.
Yes- that's right. I said ETERNALLY HARD. O.o
At his side was his constant companion, Lavitz Slambert. Because he was at his side constantly. And they were just FRIENDS damnit! All those 'friendly' backrubs at all hours of the night prove it ^_~ Dear god the innuendo just might kill me.
Next of course, there was dark and brooding dragoon of.darkness.named Rose: She of the Dark and Angry Angst Fics. Rose had but one special ability- she could out drink any living man in the whole of Endiness. Well, that and the power to make fanboys drool. -_-;
Shana died because one day she was picking flowers and got stung by a bee. Unfortunately for everyone that cares, she was allergic to bees, swelled up five times her normal size and exploded.
La la la.continuously inebriated Haschel- enter the Drunken Master. A former porn star whose days of glory were behind him, Haschel spent his days hitting on anything within spitting range and secretly coveted the Enchanting Red-Eye Stone for himself in the slim hope that he might reclaim his former glory days.
Glaring from a dark corner (yes- the forest has corners. How? It's special) was Miranda- she of the Eternal PMS factor. Despite this turnoff, she held the equally coveted silver-white stone of Insatiable Attraction. Also, she held the world's biggest supply of Midol, in which she owned a significant amount of stock.
Finally in this last hope for humanity garbage, was Meru: She of the Dime Bag. Meru spent her days guzzling mixed drinks and was highly; highly disturbed by-- oh hell- she was high period. And had a MAD case of the uber munchies. (Drugs are BAD kiddies.they'll turn you into someone like ME)
In fact- destiny was upon these not-so-brave defenders of Endiness.and it came in the form a little white rabbit.and a authoress with no social life.
-- To be continued.if I remember---
Once upon a time (simply because 'once upon a time' is a prevalent theme in most fairy tales and everyone loves fairy tales).god I just lost my train of thought.anyway, 'once upon a time' has a highly satisfying sound to it, so we're stickin' with it people!
Bah- screw it.
Albert was sitting on his throne in his.throne room.pondering. What was he pondering? Glad you asked. Haven't a clue. Probably the weight ratio of a laden swallow flying over Indels.
No, really. There was this whole 'war' thing with his uncle Doel. Seems they had a falling out over management positions. That's what happens when men try and take control. ^^; Had a woman been running things, the war would be over the fact that I hate the color pink. Damn you people on your want of coherent plots.
Beer. Anyway- Albert was pondering so FRIGGIN' hard that his thoughts obtained a god-like status and began broadcasting themselves to the stupid cows.citizens of Bale in a manner such like;
"WE ARE GOING TO DIE WE ARE GOING TO DIE WE ARE GO.IS THAT A BLUE M&M!! FIVE SECOND RULE WHOO!"
Or something to that affect. ^_^
But there WAS a blue M&M lying in a shaft of golden sunlight like a gift from Soa Herself, so beautifully blue and heavenly shaped that angels sang a hymn as the regal king rose and approached the azure candy. It was the cousin to the M&M that seeks my demise. Damn those M&M's.
Of course, the citizens of Bale heard those very thoughts, and in a moment they realized that their beloved king was about to partake in dirtied candy, and their collective shout of, "NO!!!" came so loudly that just as Albert popped the melt-in-your-mouth-not-in-your-hand treat into his open jaws he immediately choked in surprise and collapsed.
The kingdom fell into mourning, and unable to fathom the thoughts of putting their young, beloved ruler into the cold ground, they built and glass coffin and laid Albert to rest therein. Boggles the mind, doesn't it.
And now.there was nothing standing between Doel and Serdio but those chosen few- those chosen to rule over the very dragons of Endiness past.
----------
That forest near Seles.
Now, in the forest lived the six dragoons. Usually this is the part where they are described as, 'the so totally bloated with goodness and holy defenders of Endiness." So screw that noise, they were neither good nor holy. In fact, they were rather alcoholic and spent the better part of the day waylaying travelers for beer money.
Their leader, Dart Feld, carried with him a stone of enchanting crimson hues, but that's not important. What's important is the fact that the stone held the rare and coveted ability to make its possessor eternally hard.
Yes- that's right. I said ETERNALLY HARD. O.o
At his side was his constant companion, Lavitz Slambert. Because he was at his side constantly. And they were just FRIENDS damnit! All those 'friendly' backrubs at all hours of the night prove it ^_~ Dear god the innuendo just might kill me.
Next of course, there was dark and brooding dragoon of.darkness.named Rose: She of the Dark and Angry Angst Fics. Rose had but one special ability- she could out drink any living man in the whole of Endiness. Well, that and the power to make fanboys drool. -_-;
Shana died because one day she was picking flowers and got stung by a bee. Unfortunately for everyone that cares, she was allergic to bees, swelled up five times her normal size and exploded.
La la la.continuously inebriated Haschel- enter the Drunken Master. A former porn star whose days of glory were behind him, Haschel spent his days hitting on anything within spitting range and secretly coveted the Enchanting Red-Eye Stone for himself in the slim hope that he might reclaim his former glory days.
Glaring from a dark corner (yes- the forest has corners. How? It's special) was Miranda- she of the Eternal PMS factor. Despite this turnoff, she held the equally coveted silver-white stone of Insatiable Attraction. Also, she held the world's biggest supply of Midol, in which she owned a significant amount of stock.
Finally in this last hope for humanity garbage, was Meru: She of the Dime Bag. Meru spent her days guzzling mixed drinks and was highly; highly disturbed by-- oh hell- she was high period. And had a MAD case of the uber munchies. (Drugs are BAD kiddies.they'll turn you into someone like ME)
In fact- destiny was upon these not-so-brave defenders of Endiness.and it came in the form a little white rabbit.and a authoress with no social life.
-- To be continued.if I remember---