(-I apologize...)
It all started with with a talk show, looking back it's hard to say if it could really be called coincidence. I was up first, nothing crazy, just a fluffy, ten minute interview on my recent discoveries in astrophysics and the accompanying Nobel Peace Prize. By that time I had not yet become used to so much media attention, I remember awkwardly shuffling my feet as some assistant makeup artist dabbed unknown substances all over my face. I felt like a fish out of water, the noodly nerd girl being prepared for national television. A place that was certainly not as harrowing as where I'd been before, but altogether different and a bit nerve-wracking. I also remember the fuss and chaos that went on around me as the crew frantically tried to get touch with guest number two. They had not yet arrived, five minutes to show time. The production manager looked like he was about to cry. If I had just taken one look at the program, I would have known they had nothing to be concerned over. Yet, I remained ignorant right up until the about nine minutes into my own interview.
I was just wrapping up my layman's explanation of black holes as a power source, when an arm curled around my shoulder. I knew who it was, the scent of his skin had always been distinctive even now as it was a bit muddied by the heavy smell of tobacco. He hadn't changed much since our sburb days, maybe a bit taller more, more filled out in the shoulders, but he still seemed to have a penchant for tight jeans and the color red and of course who could forget those signature shades.
"sorry for the interruption," he had said casually to the host, "but I couldn't stand to miss saying hi to an old friend." Even now I couldn't say if that moment was staged, but no one stopped him. You know the way he is, when he opens his mouth people tend to listen. "also, it would be pretty freaking cold of me if I didn't ask her if she would like to come to the premiere of what is sure to be this millennium's most critically acclaimed blockbuster "
I'll admit I was less than poised. My exact words escape me, but they were probably something like "deerrrrr oh hi dave why are you here- I like movies yeahhh movies :B". From that point onward the talk show continued, though I didn't say much else, lost in the lights and the laughter and the fact that he wouldn't let go of my hand.
However, the moment we stepped offstage words came easily, I laughed, hugged him asked how he'd been and that point, I would say, is when some of the happiest days of my life began.
After SBAHJ hit big he could do no wrong in Hollywood and with that came an enormous amount of tabloid speculation as to the nature of our relationship. He was infamously good at dodging these questions in interviews. But it was okay, I knew exactly what was going on between us. Not a single public event went by that I didn't attend on his arm, of course I had my own important things to appear at too and he was always happy to oblige. Though he never failed to colorfully enhance the evening with his own dialogue, I spent many an international science gathering trying not to crack to pieces at some quip about one of my colleague's unfortunate ear hair, though the denizens of entertainment industry were met with the same witty irreverence. He always knew the right thing to say to make me laugh, while he said that I always knew exactly how to be "completely fucking awesome and adorable at all times" and to "keep his asshatery in check". I was never really sure what he meant, but, if we were together, it was always fun.
And this did not apply to just to public events! As time went by, I spent fewer and fewer nights at home. It started as kind of a joke, I would text him, asking where he was and then appear somewhere and try to surprise him. But once I was there one thing always lead to another and- well I won't go into detail because that would be embarrassing! But, lets just say that when you can go from one coast to another in the blink of an eye, it's really hard to stay away from a place that you really want to be. I slept over at his place nearly every night, and left only reluctantly in the morning.
I was so happy the day that he drowsily grabbed my hand as I got up to go.
"move in with me..." he had mumbled, his white gold hair all tousled, bare shoulder poking out of the sheets, his face still buried in the pillow.
"what?" for a moment I had thought I misheard.
"i said", he responded, pulling me back down, whispering right into my ear so there could be no mistake, "move in with me and never leave".
I was so happy. Our stuff was comfortably consolidated within the afternoon and people began to marvel at the way I attended to my experiments in upstate New York while seeming to carry on out a completely different life wherever he happened to be living.
Now it seems dumb how happy I was through it all, how unbreakable I thought we were. I mean I really was nervous the day I bought the test, I mean I know that anyone would call it a no-brainer, but I- no we, had always sort-of assumed that we were different from regular humans, that those sorts of rules didn't apply. When if came back positive I was terrified, about how my life would change, about how well suited I was to being a parent, about what kind of issues our child might have, but not for one second did I think it would make him run away.
The day I told him he didn't seem all that surprised or worried or disgusted or whatever feeling causes someone to simply walk out on a relationship. He told me that he though I'd be a great mother, that our child would have everything he needed grow up happily, he soothed my fears, kissed me on the forehead and I fell asleep in his arms, looking forward to the life that we would lead together, the three of us. Though I realized, when I woke to an empty apartment, that I had been asking the wrong questions. He hadn't outright lied to me, maybe he did think I would be a good mother, and I do have so many people who insist on watching over me. But- I had never once asked if he would stay by my side.
And now I'm crying like an idiot when everyone says I should be angry, that I should write him off and start stringing my life back together. But the truth is, even though I know I can plainly see that I was used, that I have every right to track him down and and make him wish he was never born or curse his name to the ends of the universe, I can't. We haven't met yet, but I couldn't let my baby start it's life with a mother weighed down by resentment at their very existence. I don't want to be weighed down with it either! But maybe, its becasue I still don't believe that he's gone. Sometimes, I think to myself when everyone has gone quiet, that maybe he left for a reason. Maybe one day I'll turn a corner or answer the door and he'll be right there with flowers and a ring and a "sorry babe, but i had some stuff to take care of".
((Omg every-time I review this a find another ridiculous typo... and yeah I am sorry for this piece it, it is completely out left field and retarded but yeah XD))