A Proper Lady Wears Gloves
Sunday morning dawned bright, clear, and crisp after miserable weeks of spring rain. Pastor Fred Fletcher was delighted that so many prayers had been answered, as their first Church Picnic of the year was not going to have to be postponed. Ben Cartwright had volunteered a beautiful site on the lake, had his men dig out a generous firepit, and was roasting a side of beef along with some donated hogs and various poultry, as wives brought vegetables, side dishes, desserts, and beverages to handle not only the ranchers and farmers, but also most of the hired hands in the region as well.
Fred hummed some cheery hymns as he tied his tie and sorted out his notes for the sermon of this morning's upcoming Service. To top it all off, even his son William had seemed interested in the SERVICE, not just the feast afterwards. He'd asked, more than once, about the text of today's lesson... Mark 16:14-18, when the Lord appeared to the Disciples just before His ascension, commissioning them to go to all the world and preach the gospel to all creation, and the signs of their faith that would accompany them. It was one of Fred's favorite Spring sermons, as he'd always been delighted at the concept of preaching the Good News to ALL of creation, not only people. He'd read a bit about a Catholic called Francis of Assisi, and thought the man was onto something.
William, or "Billy" as he was better known, was the youngest of the Fletcher brood, having an eldest brother and two older sisters. Billy's best friend was Little Joe Cartwright, and they were now shadowed more than half the time by Joe's younger twin brother and sister. Billy and Little Joe were 11, the Twins - Michelle and Benjamin, Jr. - were 5 and would be starting school this Fall. The bigger boys enjoyed playing Big Brothers to the little ones most of the time, but knew how to get away from them when they wanted to. A lot of their games and exploring adventures were just too risky for the youngsters to play along. But Michelle and Junior were canny, and not beyond a bit of blackmail when it suited their needs. At times, like today, they'd suss out a prank their elders had in the works, and force themselves into the action, threatening to tell on them if they weren't included.
Having just gotten to a spell of decent weather, Billy and Joe had been permitted to go fishing, some hiking, and riding after their chores and homework were done in the afternoons, as long as they were home in time to wash up for supper. Today's Service and Picnic looked to be a great ending to what had been, overall, a pretty good week.
At the Ponderosa, Sunday morning's typical chaos was much more orderly than usual. Normally, Ben would be pacing downstairs fussing at the boys not to get their church clothes dirty playing outside, while feeling impatient as Marie struggled to get Michelle settled, buttoned, petticoated, with white frilly trimmed socks, patent leather shoes, and bonnet. As per usual, Michelle 'could not find', and therefore did not put on... her gloves. Marie had told her time after time, a "proper lady wears their hat and gloves in church". But today, Michelle would have to go as slightly less than a "proper lady". Their only daughter vastly preferred to dress in jeans, flannel shirt, boots, or coveralls... and kick around the messy barn... than dress like a proper lady and sit demurely in church. Who could imagine that?
But for some mysterious reason, the entire Cartwright clan, from Hoss to Michelle, were ready and seated five minutes early, whether on horseback or buggy - for the Twins and Marie - as Ben clicked his tongue to set off the carriage team on their weekly exodus. In fact, both Ben and Marie noticed with a bit of concern, that there had been much less fussing or complaint from the children about getting up, getting dressed, or going to church this week. They wrote it off to gleeful anticipation of the Church Picnic scheduled for later, and decided not to worry about it.
The Morning Worship Service was going well. Sunday School and Bible Study had gone well. Pastor Fred Fletcher didn't know why he couldn't quite shake the feeling of something being "off" that had plagued him ever since arriving at church. The lovely new rose window recently installed at the apse behind the pulpit brightened the building wonderfully, casting sunlight attractively into the sanctuary from behind the speaker. The Song Leader had done quite well with the evangelistic hymns selected for the day. It must just be looking forward to the picnic that had energized the youth so effectively, he supposed.
The Preacher rose to deliver this week's sermon. It would be commentary on the Mark passage, and the beauty and glory of all God's creation. He opened the teaching time with prayer, stepping back away from the pulpit. After the "Amen" , Fred started to step forward to read his notes and was struck by how beautifully the sunlight from behind him shone onto the pulpit's surface, when the sunbeams seemed to catch and sparkle from something on the shelf below, inside, the pulpit structure. There were a couple little shelves built in there for a speaker to place a hymnal or other materials, which Fred kept habitually clear. Halting his step in mid stride, however, his eyes instantly identified... first, danger... then, questioning curiosity... then, resolution of safety... then, suspicion and lightning fast deduction... then, anger that transmuted to humor.
It may not seem credible that such a chain of thought could progress in less than half a step, but between the dangers of frontier life, and the need to mask one's emotions and reactions as a Pastor... Fred had mastered such self-control. Recognizing what he had seen in his pulpit, and having strong suspicion how it got there, he resolved to change the theme of his sermon. What had begun as evangelism encouragement, "go unto all the world preaching the Good News"... was now going to transpose into "thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God."
Having already read the passage from Mark, Fred began, "Dear friends and neighbors, my brothers and sisters, we all know these words the Lord uttered just before rising again to heaven to be seated at the right hand of the Father. We rejoice in them, and often cite them as definitive of the faith of a believer. There are times I have even heard children taunt one another to dangerous exploits, incorporating these words into foolish dares for unsafe conduct on the basis of their victim's 'faith' or lack thereof. Just as in Jesus' time, people clamor after 'signs and wonders', and this passage seems to promise signs and wonders galore!
"But such interpretations ignore context! Those signs and wonders spoken of, are in service of testimony before those who worshipped other gods! In that time, there were peoples who worshiped snake gods, and oxen gods, and jackyl gods, and cow gods. Pagan priests worked signs and wonders in the name of those pagan gods, and Jesus was promising those who spread the Gospel, when they were confronted by believers in other gods, that the Lord, Almighty God, would provide them ample proof and defense, if they spoke truth with faith.
"But, as is so often the case, humanity tends to focus on the flashy, rather than the intention of the words. Signs such as surviving deadly situations, are only justified when in service of testimony and witness, not just for show. Even Jesus showed reverence and filial respect at such presumption. If you turn in your Bibles to the Gospel of St. Luke, Chapter 4, verses 9-12, you will see the Devil himself 'dare Jesus' as he flew them to the pinnacle of the Temple and dared Our Lord to fling Himself off, since prophecy declared that angels would not allow the Lord to come to harm. Jesus put Ol' Nick squarely in his place, saying, 'It is said, "Thou shalt not put the Lord thy God to the test."'
All the time Fred was Preaching, he was rapidly recalculating this morning's service. Someone had inadvertently given him a perfect opportunity to preach on presumption, reverence, and respect... quite as good a sermon as he originally intended... and this time, with a "training aid" that would likely make this morning unforgettable.
Unexpectedly, Pastor Fletcher turned to their Song Leader, Mrs. Mildred Tuttle, asking if she would lead the congregation for a moment in their next scheduled hymn... Souls in Heathen Darkness Lying, by Cecil F. Alexander. As she rose and asked the congregation to rise to sing, Fred left the platform, motioning for Ben Cartwright to step outside the side door with him for just a moment. Ben complied with his gesture, quite at a loss for why.
"Ben?" Fred smiled as he spoke in hushed tones outside the door, "I want to do something rather unorthodox here, and I've no time to explain. But, would you be willing to let me do something that might be a bit awkward, perhaps even embarrassing, for you and Marie? I can assure you, I'm quite sure Penelope and I will be right in the middle of it with you. I think our children may have pulled a prank, and I want to use it to make a point, both for them, and for the congregation."
Ben smiled, shaking his head in befuddlement, "I trust you, Fred. You go ahead and do as you want. Marie and I can handle a bit of embarrassment if it comes to that. Just let us know what you need."
"Right, I'll do that. Let's get back now..." and the two of them got back to their places just as the singing came to its merciful end.
"Thank you, Mrs. Tuttle. Now, it would seem," Preacher Fletcher began, as he lowered his hand down to the pulpit shelf to grasp its contents, "that someone here thought to test my faith, seeing if I trusted to the Lord's words that serpents would not harm the believer..." he continued, as he lifted high over his head the coiled diamondback rattlesnake that had reclined there.
He held it securely behind the head, where the neck had been broken. He'd immediately seen the frosty occluded lidless eyes when the sunlight had caught them, realizing that while it lay in lifelike coiled repose, it was indeed an ex-rattlesnake. Nonetheless, the flaccid body swung dramatically in a most lifelike fashion, wrapping gently around his right arm in a most animated fashion.
The result on the attentive congregation was all he could have hoped, as at least half the congregation had again risen to their feet, a number of ladies screamed with passionate energy, and more than one gentleman reached down towards the belted pistols they were not wearing, being in church.
"PEACE, my brothers and sisters! This snake will not harm thee, nor me," he said, as he coiled it gently at the front edge of the slanted pulpit surface, looking outwards towards the congregation. After placing his serpentine training aid, he stepped to the side of the pulpit as he continued. "I want to repeat, that while many seek entertainment... many mock the holiness of the Lord seeking nothing more than a show... true reverence and respect is to use all things as they are designed for the glory of God and service of witness to the Gospel. It is a very wrong thing to tempt the Lord our God, and He is not lightly mocked." With these words he kept a careful eye on the congregation, noting the blushes and downcast looks of a number of the smaller members of his flock, as calm was restored, and everyone sat back down.
"Therefore, I ask right now for witness and testimony. I ask whoever was kind enough to contribute our slithering brother snake here for our lesson this morning, bravely to stand up... right now before God and this congregation... and acknowledge their deed. Hear me... Everyone, and anyone who knows of this snake and how it got into my pulpit... Please Stand Up Right Now!"
Just as Fred suspected, his son William stood, seated as he was between his mother Penelope and his elder sister Priscilla. Also, expectedly, Joseph Cartwright stood up. Surprisingly, however, so did the Twins Benjamin Cartwright, Jr. and his sister Michelle.
After a moment, to assure himself that no one else was going to stand, Fred said, "Children, please walk up here and stand on the first step of the platform." As they complied with his command, he came down from the platform to look at them from just in front of the front pew.
"Children?" he used his full, outdoor, "preacher voice", "are you alone responsible for Brother Snake there, lying coiled in the pulpit with me?"
"Yes, Pa," "Yes, Preacher," "Yes, Pastor," came the various responses, in low child tones.
"Would my wife, Penelope, and the Cartwrights please join me here?" he requested, as all made their way there. He had Penelope stand on one end of the platform as he shifted his son Billy to stand in front of her, while rapidly and discretely he had Ben and Marie stand at the other end of the platform, and shifted Joe, Junior, and Michelle to stand in front of them. He then joined his wife, standing behind Billy. The scene now almost looked like a portrait tableau, with two families at the front just facing the congregation.
"My brothers and sisters," Fred began, "I humbly apologize to all of you for the behavior of William, my son. The Lord, and you in all fairness, have the right to hold me responsible for my household and their behavior or lack thereof. Therefore, I regret my failure in this, and ask you to forgive me for his actions," and though Billy had turned around to object, willing to be responsible for himself, Fred hastily turned to the other family there on his left, saying, "Mr. Cartwright?"
"Thank you, Pastor," Ben took his cue immediately. "I too, hold myself responsible for the actions of our children Joseph, Benjamin, and Michelle. I humbly apologize and ask your forgiveness of my shortcomings."
These words prompted extreme dissatisfaction on the part of his children as they hankered to turn to him and their mother, objecting to their accepting castigation on their behalf.
Suddenly, the voice of Mrs. Matilda Plunkett... a notorious widowed shrew and gossip of the town and church, piped up with her nasal tones of disapproval whining, "Well! some people's children! Handling filthy snakes! In church no less!"
Which prompted an anonymous voice from across the aisle to observe, "My cousin in Tennessee belongs to a church that has snakes there every Sunday! Don't seem like that bad an idea to me!"
Which prompted considerable laughter by some, and tittering disapproval by others.
Mrs. Plunkett, not to be upstaged by so inane an observation continued... "Well! I've never been so scandalized! I mean, the Pastor could have been hurt, or killed with a rattlesnake planted in his pulpit!"
At this, Michelle had finally taken more than she could stand. With mercurial quickness, she darted past her parents towards the pulpit standing between the two families, yelling... "No! You don't unnerstan'! 'Dis snake wouldn' hurt Passer Fletcher, we wouldn' DO that! We wuv Unca' Fred!"...
This caused a spontaneous giggle and chuckle from the majority of the congregation, who well knew how fond the town's children were of their Preacher, and how close the friendship between his family and the Cartwrights.
Getting to the front of the pulpit, Michelle reached up to grasp the serpent's head, with her right hand, grabbed its body with her left, and shook it like a dog shakes a rabbit, yelling... "See ever'one? It's Dead! We wouldn' put a live snake in Unca Fred's poo pit! That'd be mean!..."
The picture of this lovely five year old, dressed in her crinalins, petticoats, patent leather shoes, lace frilled socks, and bonnet... shaking a dead rattlesnake at the front of the church, was simply more than some of the "fine ladies" of the town could stand.
"Well!" they huffed, as a murmur of criticism of "unladylike", and other less complimentary terms buzzed hither and thither through the pews.
Michelle just looked sorrowfully at "Unca' Fred", as she said, "We'w sowwy, Unca Fred. We didn' mean nuffin' bad. We jus' thought since you was talkin' 'bout snakes this week, it might help if we gave you one."
At this, there were few in the pews not struggling to contain laughter, fearing it was inappropriate in church.
"I see, Michelle," Fred replied. "Well, thank you... but generally, you should talk to me first if you have an idea like that. All right?"
Michelle nodded, as her mother, who had had more than enough of various ladies' tittering insults at her "unladylike" daughter, released her husband's hand, and marched over to Michelle with determined steps.
"Michelle?" Marie said, in her no nonsense voice.
"Yes, Maman?" Michelle looked up, a bit tentatively.
"Hand me that snake, right this minute."
Michelle handed the snake up to her mother, who gracefully draped it in loops over her left arm, while she grasped the head in her left hand.
As she did this, the Senior Elder, head of the Church Council, rose and cleared his throat as he faced the Pastor to say, "Thank you, Pastor, and Mr. Cartwright, for a very memorable sermon and service. I doubt any of us will forget this for a long, long time. And as far as I'm concerned, both you, and all of your families are both forgiven and admired, for your integrity and sense of responsibility. I move we all adjourn to enjoy our long anticipated Picnic? What say, Pastor?"
"I thank you, as does..." he looked across at Ben, to see a smiling bow, "Brother Ben here. And I'd like to thank the Cartwright ladies for their 'cleansing of the pulpit'."
"Yes, well..." Marie cut in, still in a bit of high dudgeon at the criticisms of her daughter. She took Michelle's hand in her right, and looked forward towards the Church doors at the end of the aisle saying in a forceful voice, "Michelle? You should never pick up a rattlesnake without your gloves on. If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times, no proper lady should go to church without wearing her gloves. Now, come... we shall dispose of this!" as she looked at the snake in her left hand, and began to march the two of them down the aisle to the front door heads held high... as the rest of her family, then the Fletchers, followed her out.
Hours later, sitting on some portable benches set out for picnic patrons, Sheriff Roy Coffee stopped by for a word with Ben.
"Ben? I got a question in my mind I'd like you to settle, if you would."
"Sure thing, Roy. What's that?"
"It's about Marie in church this mornin'."
Ben smiled, "Yessss?"
"I jus' got a feelin'... that ain't the first rattler she's ever handled, is it?"
"Nope. Not even close," Ben laughed.
"Hmmm... thought so," Roy shook his head pensively, just once. "She must be quite something."
"You have no idea, Roy. No idea at all!" Ben breathed, looking admiringly at her across the way, as she chatted happily with a number of the church ladies. Oddly enough, Mrs. Plunkett was not among them.
A/N: I enjoy the Bonanza universe, and hope you like some of these short sniglets that bounce past my mental movie screen from time to time. Please feel free to comment and/or review. Thanks for reading, hopefully enjoying! Grace to you, Gentle Reader! - Mort