There's Something About Bowsette
A/N: I'm still figuring out the overall tone of this story, so I apologize if this first chapter is a bit more serious than the following ones will be. The first chapters will be pretty tame, but there's going to be some quite salacious content later on, which is why this is getting a MA rating. This is a separate universe from my other SSB fic, but follows a similar principle - that is, having the Super Smash Bros. characters exist simultaneously on a digital server and interact with people in the real world and having access to the Internet.
A little background…
The Super Smash Bros. Cast and Crew live on as sentient beings in The Smashgrounds, a paradise realm on luxurious floating islands existing in digital server in Nintendo's HQ in Kyoto, Japan. Nintendo had been working on making AI that could play-test games for themselves in order to iron out bugs, and through rigorous AI testing for Brawl, accidentally created the most advanced artificial intelligences to date. The digital characters learned our languages and grew sentient. Though physically trapped in the server and its backups, most have either accepted or been resigned to their fates, since they have every pleasure at their fingertips and have been given no reason to complain about their lot.
As Nintendo prepares to find a way to announce to the world their serendipitous but world-changing discovery, the many disparate denizens of the Smashgrounds battle it out by day, party hard at night, and are in the process of exploring their minds and hearts together…
Chapter One
Fake Plastic Crown
It was a rainy afternoon. In a corner of the Smashgrounds Dining Hall, Mario and Bowser both sulked over their uneaten plates of spaghetti and sixteen empty 40-ounce bottles of vodka, three dozen beer bottles, and an empty box of Super Mario Cereal, which was eaten by hand and claw and without any sign of milk whatsoever.
A throat was cleared, rather loudly, in their general direction.
Mario looked up at first, and the expression in his eyes would have stunned anyone other than his dearly beloved brother.
"Good grief, paisano!" Luigi exclaimed. "What a-happened to you two?"
"Take one guess," Bowser grumbled under his breath, his low voice coming out like a smoker's cough. The King of the Koopas then realized that Daisy was there, clinging onto Luigi's arm. She turned away as if terrified by the sight of both Mario and Bowser drunk off their asses.
"Whassamatter?" Bowser asked the Princess of Sarasaraland. "Go ahead. Stare. It won't change a thing."
"It was just a performance. We're performers, aren't we?" Daisy began. She'd instinctively put two and two together and deduced that the two were terribly depressed due to an unfair treatment at the hands of Princess Peach, who, after Mario had endured a long and grueling gauntlet to save her from Bowser's clutches, soundly rejected both men on the Moon and nearly took off on the Odyssey without Mario. Cappy himself, that asshat, had spread the story around during lunch, chuckling all the while in his own sadistic way.
"You tell a-me!" Mario started. "You tell a-me you didn't see the hatred in her eyes when she said 'enough'!"
"It was like decades of pent-up frustration!" Bowser continued. "Her fists were clenched as she walked away! You weren't there!"
"I… I'm sure she didn't mean it," Daisy continued, though she wasn't sure she really meant those words. Peach wasn't a bad person, but she was hopelessly oblivious, and had always taken the people in her life for granted.
"How many years?!" Mario wailed. "How many times?! What's it gonna take for just a little respect?!"
Luigi sighed, thinking, narcissists just don't change. They're the center of their own worlds. You two of all people should understand.
"We're not real to her," Bowser said. "I'm just, like… an NPC living in her world."
Luigi gave his longtime girlfriend a look that said 'we're gonna be here a while.'
He took a seat and attempted to commiserate with his brother and good friend, but neither seemed to want to be happy, and they continued sobbing into their now-cold spaghetti.
A few hours later, when the sun had set and the Majora's Mask Moon was overhead, lighting the realm with its sickening smile, Daisy snuck away from the company and hopped a portal over to Peach's Castle. The blonde Princess, who was as popular as ever, was hosting another dinner party and entertaining her usual friends - she called them the 'A's - Zelda, Rosalina, Lucina, Palutena, and Bayonetta. Sometimes other people whose names didn't end in 'A' showed up, such as Daisy herself, but there was always an uncomfortable feeling hanging in the air at those times, as if they were messing with Peach's Feng Shui.
Daisy paused outside the half-opened door. Rosalina was playing Erik Satie's Gymnopedies on the piano, Zelda was reading some Tolstoy, and the other girls were evidently discussing who was hotter between Simon or Richter, the two Belmonts who'd been recently announced as joining the Smash crew.
"I hear they're kind of… prudish, though," said Bayonetta, who hoped that the two vampire hunters wouldn't have anything against her witchy, borderline demonic ways.
"The tougher they are, the more satisfying the victory. Anyone want to go double-date them?" half-joked Palutena, who famously swung both ways, often gave Bayonetta the flirty eyes, and very much looked forward to defiling the Belmonts' innocence.
Lucina and Zelda both blushed hotly. The Goddess could be embarrassing sometimes. Daisy took this as her cue to enter through the large, rococo-themed doorway.
"Hi, girls," she said, her face subtly betraying her worries.
"Ah, Daisy, just the woman I've been expecting," Peach said, getting to her feet. "Apparently there's some sort of… beta test for the a... Deluxe Switch version of New Super Mario Bros. U tomorrow. The bosses are wondering if we want to go check it out."
Daisy bit her lip. She'd hoped to get Peach alone so as to discuss the situation with Bowser and Mario. "We?"
"Rosalina and ourselves. I hear there's a surprising new power-up," Peach stated with utmost confidence.
"Will the guys be there?" asked Daisy.
"Doubtful," Peach laughed. "They're probably too busy playing golf again. Now, ladies, allow me to propose a toast, if you will… to a successful Smash season, and to being outnumbered by hot guys all around!"
The ladies all awkwardly raised their spiked tea cups.
"To seeing if Snake's ass really is nerfed!" Lucina laughed.
Zelda closed her eyes. She wished deep down for an alternate Zelda or at least an Impa echo to be announced, so she wouldn't have three googly-eyed Links following her like puppies.
Their session of giggly laughter lasted until late in the evening, when Link came to take Zelda home. Palutena left to her realm shortly afterward. Then Rosalina took off in Starship Mario with the Lumas, Lucina passed out in her jammies on the sofa, and Bayonetta disappeared down a portal to hang out with Jeanne and Rodin.
So it came to be that Peach and Daisy were left alone. They changed into evening gowns and retired to Peach's observatory, where they watched the evening's battle going on in the distance. It seemed King Dedede and King K. Rool were taking on Kirby and Donkey Kong in a Doubles match.
Peach let out a deep sigh as she absentmindedly and needlessly combed her perfectly styled hair. She was speaking so quickly, Daisy could hardly get a word in.
"Wasn't that a delightful get-together? I think Lucina's finally coming out of her shell. She nearly took ill at first at all the pastries. Must remember to tone the sweets down next time. It's a lot of work, being so popular," she said tactlessly. "Sometimes it feels like I'm loved by the whole world."
This last line was spoken as if Peach felt it a heavy burden to bear. Daisy was long used to how matter-of-factly she said such things by now; along with Zelda, she was one of the only people she could fully confide in.
"Perhaps the whole world is in love with you," Daisy stated. "That is, except for two unhappy men."
"Oh?" Peach queried. "Do tell."
Daisy's brow furrowed and she fiddled with her fingers. "Luigi and I stumbled upon Mario and Bowser earlier. They were in a really bad way. Just about drank themselves into a stupor."
Peach snickered and shook her head, barely concealing the part of her that was satisfied to hear these tidings. "What drama queens! Was this about the ending to Odyssey?"
Daisy's lips pursed and she nodded quietly.
"They know I didn't write that script! We're professionals, and we've known each other so long, but… wait. Do you mean to say that both of them…"
"Yes," Daisy said quickly. "They really do love you."
Peach turned away and walked to the window.
"Even after all we've been through, they still don't know the real me," Peach said aloud, following it up with a deep sigh. Perhaps she'd been a little too impenetrable, a tad too aloof. But she was a princess - how else ought she to behave?
I wish she would have told me earlier, Peach thought, but realized she couldn't blame Daisy for the circumstances. Maybe I could have called on them...
"Luigi and I tried to reassure them," Daisy stated.
Peach rolled her eyes, and her wall immediately came back up out of nowhere. "Men! So sensitive at the worst of times… but thank you for telling me, darling. Now let's get some sleep, shall we?"
The princesses bade one another good night and retired to their separate chambers.
Daisy fell asleep wishing that Peach might get some perspective.
Peach, meanwhile, when alone, could not shake the feeling that she had done wrong by both Mario and Bowser somehow, though she knew not how to remedy the situation. It was many years in the making.
She asked herself whether she was asexual. The answer was no, since she did have sexual urges at times, and at times for both sexes... just nothing strong enough to make her want to drop her guard for, or to risk compromising a good thing and ruining her friendships. Those were good reasons, right? Or am I just a big fat liar, even to myself?
Then Peach asked herself if she truly was capable of love, and whether she ever really, truly cared for anyone other than herself.
However, as it happened many previous nights, these thoughts were all quite burdensome to her already overloaded memory cache, and after touching herself (while looking at herself in the mirror) and cuddling a pillow in shame, Peach fell asleep with nothing answered.
The next morning, Peach and Daisy traveled by warp pipe to a floating island on the New Super Mario Bros. U server, within which they were greeted by the Mii of Shigeru Miyamoto. He stood from his seat beneath a series of covered seats in the stands overlooking a test course from the game. Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette were all stretching before the course. She mentally cursed herself for assuming that the brothers wouldn't show up to a showcase, but then, she was rather careless at times.
"Welcome, welcome!" Mr. Miyamoto greeted them with his warm smile. "Have a seat, ladies!"
Peach and Daisy greeted their creator and carefully took seats upon the island, which they knew from prior experience would move in time with the players on the course. They glanced around. They were not alone.
Rosalina sat closest to them. "Good morning, princesses. Looks like we're sitting this one out."
"That suits me," Peach replied. "We can't be stars all the time."
Wario was munching on some garlic popcorn. At Waluigi's urgings, Yoshi nabbed some popcorn from Wario's stash with his ungodly long tongue whenever he stopped to grab a sip of his punch. The two snickered and high-fived one another, and Wario took no notice.
Bowser, whom Peach nearly caught looking at her, turned towards Bowser Junior and chastised his son for sticking his gum under the seat. She wanted to disappear. It turns out the Koopas showed up after all, as well, even knowing that she'd likely be there...
Peach then faced her fears. She wished she could have a moment with the Koopa King, but he was hesitant to even glance in her direction. She decided to write something to him, but the minute she took out her stationary and pen, Mr. Miyamoto's loud voice stunned her to silence.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome, welcome. Thank you for being here. We would like to announce our newest title for the Switch."
Some boring details followed, and Peach fussed around and nearly stained her dress with ink as she attempted to put her thoughts into words. She was so absorbed, she would have missed the announcement if Daisy hadn't grabbed her arm.
"In New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe Edition, we've introduced a special power-up for Toadette!"
Peach didn't know what to feel when the awkward, twin-tailed Toadette smacked a "?" block, which popped out a brand spanking new pink-and-gold crown.
But the minute Toadette picked up the power-up and transformed into someone that looked very much like her, Peach just about leapt from her seat.
"WHAT THE-! Um, excuse me…"
At this point, Toadette turned to look at Peach, whom she so admired, with the most beaming expression. She was immensely happy - happier than Peach had ever seen her - and was twirling about and showing off her new movements with gusto and excitement.
"Yes, Princess?" Mr. Miyamoto asked her.
But Peach's lip quivered. "What… what is this?"
"It's Peachette! 'Tis just a power-up," said Mr. Miyamoto. "Since you've been captured by Bowser, this allows people to play with your float mechanic and style! It will make the game especially accessible for younger players!"
Peach was so fixated on Toadette that she completely failed to take in Bowser's stunned expression. The Koopa King, far from sharing her explicit outrage, was thoughtfully surprised. He scratched his chin and wondered at this new development.
"Wow," Bowser just said almost inaudibly, and his son wondered at the surprise evident in his father's face. Just the night before, Bowser had been horribly depressed, and had spent the morning hung-over and silent, but now his eyes almost glimmered with something that wasn't an expression of anger or malice.
Filled with an unexplainable curiosity that was eating him alive, Bowser wanted to ask Mr. Miyamoto a question, but his son beat him to the punch.
"Does it work on anyone?" he asked, secretly hoping to recruit someone to pretend to be a very Peach-like mother to him.
"Ah, we… have only programmed it to work for Toadette," Mr. Miyamoto said. "It's a very specific mechanic."
Peachette practically flew across the stage, keeping up with the Mario brothers and leaving the poor Toad in her tracks.
"Why…" Peach continued in a low voice. "Why didn't you ask me before you did this?"
Mr. Miyamoto was puzzled at her apparent distress. "We thought you'd be happy… we wanted to have you represented, gameplay-wise…"
"But it's not me," Peach shook her head; she was nearly in tears now. "It just… looks like me! This isn't right. It's an appropriation of all I've worked so hard to present to the world… how can this be canon...?"
The hurt expression on Mr. Miyamoto's face said it all.
Peach realized she'd misspoke. "I... I'm sorry, dad. I shouldn't question you... I'll... I'll be leaving now."
"Peach, wait," Daisy called after her, grabbing the Princess just before she disappeared down the Warp Pipe. "Think of how many little girls this will make happy."
But Peach was inconsolable. She shook in her heels. "I mean, if anyone can be me, then I'm... I'm not special anymore."
"Grow up, snowflake! Maybe you never were," Wario laughed in her face. "Now anyone can turn into you and explore your body!"
"How dare you!" Daisy yelled.
Peach flushed, nearly exploded in a fiery rage, and then centered herself like a true lady. She puffed the hot air out of her cheeks. "Is that a challenge, Wario? Should we settle this in Smash?"
"Heh, be my guest," Wario replied with a smile, agreeing to duel the Princess.
A platform was summoned, and Daisy cheered her friend on as she took on the stinky, rude Wario.
Meanwhile, Bowser Junior watched attentively as his father asked Mr. Miyamoto if he could borrow the Super Crown, in order that he might have Kamek "perform some experiments" with it, for Bowser liked to help Nintendo iron out bugs on his own time.
Junior noticed a slight agitation and impatience in his dad's usually calm and collected manner. It wasn't enough to alarm him, but he would later reflect that it should have awoken him to the fact that something was amiss.
Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette returned from reaching the end of the course and toweled off in the unisex locker rooms, where they stashed their NSMBU outfits.
"Good work out there," Luigi assured Toad and Peachette.
Mario watched as Peachette - Toadette, he had to keep reminding himself - checked herself out in the mirror. She admired her cute dress, her bubbly hair, her crafted face and eyes, and her adorable little shoes. She struck Peach's poses and uttered her catch-phrases.
It took all of Mario's power to remind himself that the figure he was admiring wasn't that of his beloved princess, but of a shell designed to look and act like her.
What he didn't realize was the effect it was having on Toadette was even stronger than what he was fighting off. You'd just as might as well have given her Sauron's One Ring. She marveled at herself and wished for nothing more than to be left alone in her own chambers with the Super Crown so that she could do unspeakable things to her own sexy body.
Mario eventually made it to the stands to watch the Peach and Wario fight. Luigi and Toad were already there.
"Good work out there, brothers. Where's Peachette?" Mr. Miyamoto asked.
"Ad-a-miring herself," Mario said, wiping the sweat from his brow, wringing out his towel, and beckoning for Luigi to join him for a well-earned lunch.
"Toadette, that's enough," Mr. Miyamoto said into the intercom as the two brothers left via the Warp Pipe. "Come join us."
"So it was with disappointment that the fungal figure reluctantly returned to the stands. Toadette deactivated the power-up and returned it to Mr. Miyamoto, who, glancing at it, and then at the eager Bowser, once again questioned his creation's motives.
Just then, Mr. Miyamoto remembered the embarrassment his team had subjected Bowser and Mario to at the end of Super Mario Odyssey. Yeah, he probably owed the Koopa King at least a little bit of fun. Surely, even if he managed to put the crown to some odd use, this would just be a phase, and it would be good for Bowser to blow off some steam before the final round of balancing before Ultimate's release.
"Do you promise you'll take care of it? To not do anything I wouldn't?"
Recalling Rule 63, Bowser smirked. "I don't know if I can promise that last thing. You're pretty old-fashioned, dad."
"Fair enough," said Mr. Miyamoto, handing the Super Crown, and a scroll containing its source code, to the Koopa King. "Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility."
"Duly noted, Uncle Ben. Responsible is my middle name," said Bowser, beaming from ear to ear.
"I thought your middle name was Dennis," said Bowser Junior.
Mr. Miyamoto tousled the kid's hair. "We don't talk of the 1993 movie here."
Bowser Junior, who'd never seen the film, was confused.
"Let's go, son," Bowser urged Junior. "We have work to do."
"We do?" Bowser Junior asked, confused.
And so King Koopa and son slunk away to the Warp Pipe as Mario, Luigi, Rosalina, and the others watched the Peach-Wario fight and took bets.
To Be Continued…
A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Please feel free to share any feedback! Thanks for reading and any follows and faves are much appreciated! :)