A/N: Hello everyone! This isn't my first fanfic but it's about a topic I've never been writing about before because normally I write love stories. English isn't my first language so I want to apologize if you think my writing style as clumsy. Thanks!
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Disclaimer: The persons and places belong to Joanne K. Rowling who we all adore.
Claimer: The plot and maybe the idea. If not the idea belongs to the person who dealt with the topic first.
I was listening to Christina Aguilera's song Hurt while writing this. It's on her album Back To Basics. So if you own it, listen to the song while reading. It gets you into the right mood I'd say.
Warning: This story is about anorexia. So if you have a problem with it, please leave now. I don't want to receive any nasty comments just because you dislike the topic. I warned you and that's my duty as a writer. Flames are mean, unrespectful and hurt people's feelings.
It's sad, this kind of writing is Hermione's POV, depri, drama, some bad language...well that's all:)
!E!N!J!O!Y!!Y!O!U!R!S!E!L!F!
It's Hermione's BusinessEyesWideOpen1989
"'Mione, we're late. We should go downstairs to meet the others. Everyone has already left."
"It's OK Ginny, you can go. I'll be there in a minute."
"'Kay, but don't take too long."
"Alright. See ya."
"'Mione?"
"Huh?"
"You look fabulous."
And with that, Ginny closed the big wooden door behind her. It was quiet and empty now. She was all alone.
It was the night of the Yule Ball and Hermione was standing in front of the giant mirror in the girls' dormitory.
She stood one and a half metres away and was checking her look.
Pretty dress.
It had the color of raspberries which matched perfectly with her hair which she had dyed black and the bold necklace she got from Ron's mum for her birthday.
The top was like a corset and the skirt was made of a hundred tulle layers.
Like a princess.
Her hair wasn't one of those crazy updos other girls had chosen.
It was long, straightened and glossy with a little tiara. The tiara was made of black glitter.
Like a model.
She stepped closer to the mirror.
Her eye make-up was in a dark shade of purple, fitting to her dress.
Foundation, powder and slight pink blush.
Lipgloss.
Like an It-Girl.
Hermione stared in her eyes.
You look nice tonight.
She kept staring in her hazel eyes.
Numb.
My eyebrows aren't neat. You can see rests of foundation and powder between the tiny hairs.
My nose is just so big.
It's like my whole face. This crappy bump. Like if it's been broken. But it hasn't.
I used too much make-up. I look like a barbie bitch. I put a ton of make-up on my face.
But at least you can't see the acne marks any more.
Red and brownish.
I had acne breakouts for like two years. Now they're almost gone. I only have one or two pimples left. But why do they have to be big and on my cheek?? And why did they have to show up this morning???
The breakouts were gone but the scars stayed.
Not only the visible.
Do you know how it is when you know everybody is staring at you? And not because you work the room?
You know that you look ugly and you know the people around you think you're ugly.
When your father says it's unbearable to look at you.
When your uncle says it's skin cancer.
When you hate every fucking look in the mirror.
I bet you fucking don't know.
Hermione kept looking at herself. Her boobs were OK. Pretty big for a skinny girl like her.
Skinny. It's all about being skinny.
Skinny. Skinny Skinny.
Hermione actually even liked the sound of the word.
Skinny.
It was a long time ago when her fight with food began. When couldn't even remember exactly but she knew it had never been that extreme.
She kept a secret journal about what she had been eating every day. How much workout she had done. How much she had studied that day.
It was a powerful feeling to see that life is controllable. That you can control it.
It's your job to make this day a good day. Your job to be proud of yourself.
Control. Create your perfect life. It's all up to you.
A good day was when she ate zero or just some rice crackers, drank three liters of water (good for the skin), had exercised outside for one hour of jogging around the lake and 200 Sit-ups.
When she could see her hipbones.
Bones at all.
She loved seeing bones and she was always happy when she saw one more.
She welcomed them like a friend. There were good chances for him to never disappear again.
She collected bones.
They were her jewelry.
Since she jogged every day her butt and thighs were musculous, smooth and taut.
Her tummy was flat.
Perfect.
For the Yule ball she hadn't eaten for two days.
Just 8 liters of water and green tea.
Perfect.
She felt a little dizzy but she knew tonight she had to eat otherwise people would become suspicious.
And suspicious people were something she couldn't bear.
Ron had already said that he has the impression she'd become thinner.
Oh, I don't know. I haven't recognized that. Maybe it's just the stess because of Year 7 and I'm loosing my baby fat. I don't know. I really haven't noticed that. On the other hand I've eaten an enourmous piece of cake for dessert which should have fixed that. He he he.
OK.OK.
She was already frightened of the fatty and unhealthy food which contained billions of calories.
Oh my god, this dinner will cost me hours and hours of extra workout.
But this eating disorder thing makes me strong. It helped me to fulfill my role. They want a perfect girl, they get a perfect girl. But there's just one way to perfection: starving. I don't know. They think what they see is what they get.
Ron gets his funny, lovely, pretty, sexy, always-in-the-mood-for-a-good-shag girlfriend. Who awaits him in sexy lingerie. Who helps him with his homework. Who he can talk to for hours.
RON JUST SHUT UP! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR MONOLOGUES ABOUT QUIDDITCH WHICH TAKE YOU HOURS. I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU WHEN I'M ABOUT TO GET MY FUCKING PERIOD. I WANT GIRLS' NIGHTS AND SHOPPING AND I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU AND PLAY WIZARD CHESS. IT'S BORING AND I ALWAYS LOSE AND YOU KEEP TEASING ME FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING NIGHT. AND I'M NOT WILLING ANY MORE TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK ONE NIGHT BEFORE THE DEADLINE JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN OUT PLAYING QUIDDITCH!
Harry and Ginny get a best friend they can rely on and trust in. She helps them whenever she can, listens to them for hours every day about the same fucking issues.
OK HARRY, I SEE THAT MALFOY IS A PRICK BUT DO YOU HAVE TO TELL ME ABOUT HIS BUSINESSES EVERY TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER? WHAT HE SAID TO WHO? HOW ARROGANT HE HAS BEEN? I KNOW HOW HE IS AND MOST OF THE TIME I'M WITH YOU WHEN MALFOY'S AROUND SO I CAN FUCKING SEE MYSELF WHAT HE DOES AND SAY. AND IF YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW: DRACO IS AN ASSHOLE BUT A DAMN HOT AND SEXY ASSHOLE.
AND GINNY, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS BOTHER ME WITH YOUR DATES? I KNOW YOU'RE SLEEPING AROUND LIKE A WHORE SO DON'T KEEP TALKIN' BOUT REAL LOVE AND THAT HE BROKE YOUR HEART. AND DON'T USE MY STUFF ALL THE TIME: IT'S CUTE TO SHARE BUT THERE ARE SOME CLOTHES I DON'T WANT TO SHARE! ESPECIALLY NOT MY UNDERWEAR. IT'S DISGUSTING TO IMAGINE ONE OF YOUR DATES CUMMING ON MY FAVOURITE BRA OR T-SHIRT. AND MY SHOES WERE 50 GALLEONS AND YOU BROKE THE HEEL AND REPAIRED IT WITH CHEWING GUM. DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVEN'T NOTICED THAT???
Her parents and teachers get an A student who isn't afraid of taking the lead.
WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE I'M AN A STUDENT I'M HAPPY? I AM FUCKING NOT AND YOU GUYS CAN LEAVE ME ALONE WITH YOUR TALKING BECAUSE YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS WORLD.
They all didn't know there was a weak Hermione. They didn't want a weak Hermione, or at least they couldn't believe there was existing one.
But maybe that was what could heal Hermione.
A hug, when she was weak and a little 'Let it out, sweety.' when she needed to cry.
She stepped into her shoes and went down to meet the others. Smiling.
"Hi guys! Sorry, have you been waiting?"
Just one more horrible day in Hermione Granger's sick little world.
FIN
OK. That was it. I hope you liked it. I promise you it's based on a real case, so just don't say it's not like that. Please review my work! The „Submit Review" button gives you chocolate when you leave a review. Critic comments are also welcome but they need to be constructive.
Thanks for your attention!
One-Shot. Won't be continued!
EyesWideOpen1989
November 05th, 2006