I don't know, this came pretty much out of nowhere when I was singing/slurring out Let It Go in the shower. Maybe my voice just made me think of Gintoki and all of a sudden I'm doing something as stupid as this? Who knows. But I plotted out most scenes and already casted each character, so why not, right?
I guess it's a bit hard to completely mess up with Gintama, but oh gosh, I hope my horrible story layout skills doesn't screw this destined hellhole up.
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse-
"Gin-chan!"
"Gin-san!"
... Never mind.
Seventeen year old Sakata Gintoki was woken up by two mini demons before this author could even finish his attempt at making this a peaceful start of a ridiculous crossover fanfiction. One was a female with hair so red, you could clearly tell she was the devil, and the other was a human-wearing glasses, or at least half of that right now. Those damned brats.
"Play with us, Gin-chan!"
"Ugh, go away... brats..." muttered the lazy ass semi-main character. I don't know where else to fit it after this, so I'll just say that the redhead is an eight year old Kagura and the boring looking kid is a ten year old Shitpanchi- Shinpachi but without the Shimura because that was a nerdy last name put in by the manga's author and I like just using Sakata anyway.
So anyways, Shinpachi and Kagura shut their mouths for, like, two moments to whisper to each other.
"Pasta, it seems as though we may need to take desperate measures," Kagura whispered, but not at all in a quiet fashion.
"Indeed, Yama-san. I'll ready the countdown," Shinpachi muttered, before they got into creeping positions.
"3..."
"2..."
"WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!"
Gintoki shot up, wide awake now, with his arms in defensive mode facing the two that were clearly trying to pounce on him.
"You crappy dillidaisies! Fine, damn it! I'll play with you!" He threw off his covers and walked out, with a cheering Kagura following after him, leaving a lone Shinpachi to stare at the door almost dramatically.
"... Dillidaisies?"
_
Gintoki and Kagura came to a stop in the large ballroom of their (did I forget to mention they're royalty here?) palace.
"Okay, so while we wait for Shinpachi to finish his half-assed attempt of trying to be the straight man (even though he's not much better than you in being a little shit), I guess we could try making a snow person or something," Gintoki said. Kagura frowned.
"But I wan'ed you to make me egg over rice, aru!" She whined/groaned.
"... I damn well hope you didn't wake specifically me up just to cook you food at 1:30 when we have chefs here," Gintoki deadpanned.
Before Kagura could respond, Shinpachi saved her by choosing to burst in at that moment.
"You jerks! You didn't start before I got here, right?" He panted, obviously out of breath. Gintoki raised an eyebrow at him.
"The rice cooker isn't even on, brat," he said.
"What?" Shinpachi shook his head, "Whatever. When are you going to do the magic thing, Gin-san?"
"Oi, how many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to keep using -san all the time, even if it is fitting for you." Gintoki pitched his voice an octave higher, making himself sound silly, "Thank you thank you. Oh dear goodness, thank you." Then back to normal, "You know you don't have to be like that when you're rich, right? Rich people like us are supposed to be snobby."
"Dang it, okay! But... I don't really know what else to call you right now, just Gin sounds weird... Can you just start now?" Shinpachi huffed.
"Yeah, Gin-chan! My head's seriously going to explode from boredom if you keep being a huge baby over stuff!" Kagura added while munching on a piece of that sour snack of hers that appeared out of nowhere.
"Sheesh, fine, you little brats. No need to be all tough on poor Gin."
Gintoki raised his hands in front of the two now seated children and made rolling motions. In between his hands, a silver blue light shimmered, before bursting up and popping like a bubble, turning into light snowflakes that fell around them.
Shinpachi and Kagura stared up in amazement, and the latter jumped up and ran around.
"Yay! We don't even need to wait for winter, Shinpachi! Our boy Gin-kou is all we need!" Kagura continued prancing around, ignoring Gintoki's, "I take care of you more than the other way around, brat. And what the hell does Gin-kou even mean?!" and continued skating with her slippers.
"Hey, Gin-sa- Gin-kou! Will you help me make a snowman?" Shinpachi called from behind, patting down the base.
"You too, Pattsuan?! Uy, fine. But is this really something you could consider a snowman? It looks more like a snow demon. In fact..." A head made from snow with a shockingly detailed dog's face was placed onto the equally as detailed dog body.
"Perfect."
"What should we name him, Gin-kou?"
"Dunno, Pattsuan. Maybe something stupid and dog-ish like Kagura's Sadaharu, or something."
"Sadaharu isn't stupid!"
"... Dog-ish isn't a word, Gin-kou."
"Hey, Shinpachi try this! It's totally cool, aru!" Kagura swooped by and dragged Shinpachi by the hand to a hill of snow. There, she climbed up and slid down with him.
"Isn't that fun, Pachi?" Kagura innocently turned around to where Shinpachi should've been sitting up and agreeing with her, but was instead with his face inches buried in the snow due to the fact that Kagura hadn't released his hand from her own iron grip.
"Oh."
Suddenly sitting up and spitting out snow, Shinpachi sighed.
"Kagura-chan, you were supposed to let go of my hand before sliding, you know."
"Oops."
But before Shinpachi could try figuring out whether that could be considered an apology or not, Kagura's attention shifted again and she dragged him to a high point of snow.
"Hey, Pachi! This should be funner for you!" She said, already running up on it.
"Kagura-chan, you know funner isn't a wor- KAGURA-CHAN!!"
It's cliché, but it almost felt as though it all happened in slow motion. Kagura had leapt off the snow hill with Shinpachi, Shinpachi's shout had gotten Gintoki's attention, who had been moving the snow fool's arm to make it pick its nose, Gintoki had ran towards them while yelling in alarm and reached his hand out to them... and then cold... before black...
_
"Shinpachi! Kagura!"
Gintoki watched in horror as silver had blasted out of his hand in his hurry to get to them, and stared hopelessly as it struck Kagura's head before ricocheting into Shinpachi's eyes, and his breath stopped as they fell to the ground, motionless.
The shouts had apparently woken up the other occupants of the palace too, for two people barged into the ballroom with alert. Those people were a teenaged girl with a brown ponytail, Otae, and a balding older man, Umibouzu.
"Gin-san, what did you do?!" Otae shouted worriedly once she saw the two younger children unconscious and being hugged tightly to Gintoki who was desperately trying to believe it would save them.
"I... I didn't- I didn't..." Seeing how his voice was obviously unreliable to keep steady or spit out an entire phrase, Gintoki snapped his mouth shut, trying to cradle the other two with no idea what to do.
"I knew this would happen," Umibouzu whispered, grabbing Otae's attention.
"We have to go there for this?" She asked quietly.
"We have no other choice. These two might end up dying if we don't act."
Gintoki raised his head to frown at them.
"There's... a way to help them? Then why aren't we hurrying?!"
He quickly stood up and strapped Shinpachi to his front and Kagura to his back.
"Come on! Where is it? How far is it?"
Otae and Umibouzu hesitated slightly.
"It's about twenty minutes away through horse," Otae said, before Gintoki rushed out to get a horse from the stables.
"Oh dear, this might not end well."
_
Gintoki had his own horse while Umibouzu and Otae had the second one. They rushed through the woods, leaving a trail or frost and ice behind them.
The ice had even attracted attention itself.
"Why's there ice in spring?" A young boy with light brown hair stared at the backs of the three strangers before he hopped onto his reindeer companion and began to tail them.
_
"Please! Will you help us?"
Umibouzu had only called once before the rocks surrounding the group tumbled down to where they were standing.
Said rocks also rolled open to reveal stumpy creatures that stared in surprise at seeing the King and his "children" before them.
Then the chief of them rolled in front of the royal group.
Meanwhile, a brunet boy and his reindeer hid in the background watching the scene from behind a rock.
Or, at least, the boy had thought it was a rock.
The rock rolled open to reveal a creature with the face of a gorilla but still somewhat like his companions.
"A troll?" The boy said incredulously.
"Shush shush, I'm listening," muttered the Gorilla.
"Oh."
The Gorilla stayed silent, glancing at the boy, before grinning and hugging him and his reindeer.
"Aw, you two are adorable, I'm gonna keep you."
_
"Was he born with this, or cursed?" Rasped the group's chief.
"Born," Gintoki said, having unstrapped the other two from him to lay them out in front of the chief, "Now will you help, troll hag? We don't have all day!"
"Calm down, permheaded brat. I'll see what I can do." The chief placed her stone hands onto the foreheads of the two uncinscious children, before a stream of memories flowed out of her hand, "It would be best that we remove any memory related to magic from their minds to keep them safe."
"But why the hell would that help?!" Gintoki hissed. The chief, Otose, frowned.
"They wouldn't have anything to further strain their minds regarding this incident. It would all feel like a dream to them." She turned to him, "The girl is okay for now, but I believe the boy's eyesight has weakened quite a bit, I'd recommend purchasing for him a pair of spectacles for that. Speaking of which, you are rather lucky it only hit the head. Hitting the heart would certainly have troubling consequences and more difficult cures."
Gintoki awkwardly shuffled slightly.
"... I know."
"Hm," Otose stared at him sadly before turning away from the group, "Well, then you're fine this time, brat."
Ouch. You know, I was never that good at jokes anyways. Japanese or not. Heck, I don't even fully understand most of the jokes I just put in here.
Oh, and the story will be altered a bit to fit characters like Shinpachi in it. Maybe it's just me, but I honestly don't fully like the idea of an incomplete Yorozuya family, like one without Kagura or Shinpachi, or even Gintoki (which sucks because of how many times he ends up leaving [Movie 2, several anime arcs, etc.]). I hate the idea of leaving any out, you know? But I think Shinpachi's usually the one most left out in fanmade stuff, so you may end up seeing me spoil him a bit here with some "quality screentime."
Plus I realize Ginko is also Gintoki's name during the genderbent arc when I actually used it from the word for ice. Oops. Man, maybe I should've just gone with genderbent Gintoki. Eh, but that would feel weird with the pronoun confusion and stuff. Oh well, just pretend this doesn't actually follow almost any story arc in the anime except for the small tweaks made for the purpose of portraying somewhat accurate relationships between characters. I have to keep true to at least a few things, right?
Try and give a review before you leave too. Did I do this right? Was I supposed to add more dirty jokes? Is the rating right? Is OkiKagu attractive to the audience? Heads up, by the way, I have no idea how to write proper romance.