REALLY LAME HARRY POTTER STORY
CHAPTER ONE
It was a beautiful day at Hogwarts. Even Professor Snape seemed cheerful, down in the dungeons where they were making an Enfoulment Solution. Draco stood up and yawned, allowing mysterious birds to twitter nonchalantly from the rafters. What rafters, do you ask? Any rafters. RANDOM rafters. NOBODY CARES! So HA!
Once the birds had twittered away, feeling hurt, Harry Potter threw a dungbomb at Snape. The happy atmosphere vanished in an instant.
"HARRY!" screamed Snape. "FOR DISTURBING THE PEACE AND THE PLATONIC, BROTHERLY FEELING OF GOODWILL, YOU SHALL NOW SERVE DETENTION WITH RON WEASLEY, BECAUSE HE'S ALMOST AS IDIOTIC AS YOU ARE AND IT'S EASY TO FIND RANDOM REASONS TO PUT YOU BOTH IN DETENTION!" Harry was so shocked at this display that he overturned his cauldron on his head, causing a horrid stench to come from Harry.
"Harry!" cried Hermione, shocked. "Did you forget to use your deodorant again?" Harry was so horrified by this that he wanted to jump off a cliff but, alas, could not, because we're in HOGWARTS, PEOPLE!
Hello, this is Author #2 speaking at this moment, yes, it's ME! The better author of the two authors writing this ridiculous story that is supposed to make you laugh. So laugh. Yes, good job. You have an awful laugh! But anyhow, I have a VERY important announcement to make.
And the VERY important announcement is coming right up, yes it is!!
And the VERY important announcement is...
SLYTHERIN WILL RULE THE UNIVERSE AND YOU WILL GROVEL AT OUR FEET, HAHAHAHAHA!
Now back to our ordinary, mundane story.
Harry sulked around for a while because he's a stupid Gryffindor and doesn't do much except sulk, anyhow, because he doesn't have the brain capacity to do otherwise. Slytherins, now WE are different. We come up with Cunning Plans, or sometimes Not-So-Cunning Plans, which the Gryffindors walk right into. [Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is known as biased reporting and will continue rampant throughout this story.]
ANYWAYS, Harry sulked in the Gryffindor Common Room, by the fireplace, all alone at night so that we can get some nice camera shots of his lone silhouette by the blazing fireplace, etc. And Harry spake, "I'm hungry." And Ron spake, "You're always hungry. Shut up."
Harry said, "Maybe we could go ask the house-elves for food?"
Hermione said, "Is it just me, or are you completely ignoring that Malfoy put something that looked suspiciously like Hunger Draught into your cauldrons, which is why I didn't drink any and am now terribly thirsty and must therefore break the Rules and go with you anyway?"
"Yes," chorused Harry and Ron.
Hermione shook her head despairingly. "You're idiots, aren't you."
"YES!" cried Harry triumphantly, ignoring the odd looks that people kept giving him.
"So therefore, if I said this was a Slytherin trap, you'd just look at me stupidly and disbelievingly, right?"
"Right." answered Harry seriously. "AND NOW WE MUST PIG OUT!" By the way, SLYTHERIN ROCKS! ALL GRYFFINDORS SHALL BOW DOWN BEFORE ITS ALMIGHTY POWER! And so on.
Tho then Hawwy and Won and Hermo-ninny or whatever the heck her name ith, yeah, they went to the kitchenth and woke up the houthe-elveth, who gave them tea and then thcreamed, "HAHAHA THITH ITH A THLYTHERIN TWAP AND YOU'RE ALL DOOMED AH HAHAHAHAHAHA."
Then a ton of Thlytherinth popped out of nowhere and attacked Hawwy, Won, and Hermo-ninny while they objected to this ridiculous version of their names, but we say...
TOO BAD, YOU PATHETIC LITTLE CHAWACTERTH! DEAL!! YOU DON'T THEE THE THLYTHERINTH COMPLAINING ABOUT IT!!!!
When Hawwy awoke, he wath found in a thewer with hith head cut off. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Only he wathn't dead, becauthe he wath a main plot devithe... therefore, Won Weasley wath killed in a thtweet fight, and Hermo-ninny Gwanger wath dead becauthe her fathe was boiled in a thtewpot. Tho, Draco Malfoy, who wath cool and geth hith name right, laughed at Hawwy Potter, and shoved him into Gweggoy Goyle and Vinthent Cwabbe, who dithemboweled him. So all was happy.
Author #2 SMACKS the first Author for copying her! It was HER idea to have a funny accent!
Well, at any rate, Ron was dead and Harry was disemboweled, and Hermione was just kinda there, being her annoying, smart-aleck, witchy self. And she spake, "I think we're in trouble, you dodobrains."
Ron, being dead, was unable to respond, while Harry spake, "I'm disemboweled, you DORK!!"
In the end, it doesn't even matter!
I tried so hard, and got so far,
And in the end, it doesn't even matter!
What? Oh, sorry, I got distracted. I like that song (In the End, by Linking Park. By the way, I'm not stealing the lyrics. They don't belong to me, but they belong to Linkin Park/Whoever owns them, etc.) So anyhow, they magically appeared back in Hogwarts in the Gryffindor Common Room (except for Ron, cause he was dead.) because I'm too lazy to write a transition, such as "They snuck back into the Gryffindor Common Room and back to bed with them AHAHHAHAHAA." Hey, I just did! Well, anyways, they ended up in their own separate beds and they slept for the rest of the night, except when they got up because Nature called or they sleepwalked, etc., but essentially, they slept for the rest of the night. Wow, long sentence! Go me!!!!