A LIFETIME

"If I could only have a day in the shelter of your arms
Or just an hour, I would pay any price to be where you are
And if it got down to a minute, that'd be precious time
'cause a second is all I need to tell you
Losing you is gonna take a lifetime for me"

Richard Castle had been writing for nearly three hours when his phone rang. Beckett. He stopped typing.

"Detective Beckett?" he said.

"Hey, Castle. Look… We need to talk. There's something you need to know", she answered quietly…

"Hold on, just a second", he said. He turned his computer off. "Okay, Beckett, what's wrong? You sound upset."

She really did. Her voice was not... Not as it usually was. She sounded like she'd been crying.

"I... Uh, it's hard on the phone, but it cannot wait. Castle, I'm sorry, I..." she began.
She passed her left hand in her hair and sighed. "It's just... I've had a terrible day."

Castle had not been there. It was unusual, but sometimes, he stayed at his place to write, or spent a family-day with Alexis. Beckett could not be mad at him. He was not a cop, and being at the 12th was not his job, after all.

"What happened? Tell me you didn't get shot again, Detective!"

She smiled. "No, don't worry", she answered quietly. "But... I've been..."
She stuttered.

It never happened. Katherine Beckett was a strong and self-confident woman. Stammering was not in her habits. She always knew what she wanted to say. Castle wanted to comfort her. But god, it was hard to comfort someone over the phone.

She sighed. She closed her eyes. She knew what she was about to say could change everything. She took a deep breath and said,

"I remember the shooting, Castle,"

Silence. Deep, heavy silence. He did not answer. For a moment, she thought he had put the receiver down.

"I remember the bullet, I remember the pain in my chest. I thought... I thought I could deal with it, I thought I could just learn to live with it but I can't, I just can't. I've been facing a sniper, today. It lasted for, what? Two minutes, before we cuffed him, but it's been too much already. I've had a flashback. A violent flashback. I..."

She hesitated for a while and said, "I remember everything."

"Everything?" he asked

"Yes. Every single thing."

Silence, again. She was mad at herself. She knew he was going to be mad at her too. She had been lying to him, for weeks. For months.
"No, it's a blank". How many times had she told him that? How many times had she lied? Too many.

"And you really think I hadn't realized?" Rick asked

"Wh...What?"

"Come on, Kate. It's been three years, I know you. I know when you feel good, and I know when you feel bad. And I know when you're lying, too. I was just waiting for you to tell the truth".

She blushed. She smiled. And she stopped. She sighed quietly. She did not know how she should feel. Castle got her out of her thoughts and said,

"Go home, Kate. Go home, rest, sleep. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

"I... Okay. But hey, Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you mad at me? Like... "
She hesitated for a few seconds. She was not the kind of woman to let her doubts appear. But sometimes... Sometimes she was just a woman like any other one. She doubted. And not only did she want to talk, but she also needed to. "Are you going to hold a grudge against me?" she asked softly.

"I'm not. I have no idea of how I would have reacted if I were you. I can't judge. But I told you, remember?"

"Told me what?"

"That the wall you have inside would not be there forever"

She grinned. He was not seeing her, but he knew she was smiling.

"Good night, Detective Beckett"

"Good night, Castle. Thank you."

"Always"

He hung up, but was not able to write any other words that night. His mind was too busy thinking of what was going to happen from that moment, between the two of them.