Summary: A look at what Remus faced underground among the other werewolves. HBP spoilers!
Disclaimer, I'm not JKR and never will be, any characters, places and/or situations you recognise belong to her and the people at WB, not me, I'm just a fan.
Werelife
As Remus sat under a patchy blanket, he tried to picture he was somewhere else, somewhere with Sirius preferably but almost anywhere was better than here. Icy air came gusting in through the makeshift door of his hopefully temporary home, whirling all around the room and scattering papers everywhere. With a deep sigh he got up, neatly folding the blanket and began collecting the papers. The one on top was a smudged letter from Nymphadora Tonks, a painful reminder that he needed to come clean to her; most of the others were from his sister who insisted that they always keep in touch even though they hadn't actually seen each other since their mother's funeral. He then located the ornamental lock box he kept under the mattress where he stored the letters that weren't supposed to be found but needed to be kept, mostly from Dumbledore and Moody, and decided to throw these ones in with the others, because he was too exhausted to be neat.
"Come, come I have more news from the Dark Lord, he who will give us werewolves our deserved place in the world!" a raspy voice called, the howl like tone was Fenrir Greyback's signature, his voice was never confused with another.
Sighing again, Remus went outside to listen to the speech even though he knew it would be like all the others, it was his assignment for the Order, he had no choice. A large throng had gathered in the square around Fenrir, men and women; children and the elderly; even wizard and muggle, all staring up at Greyback who looked over all their heads as he stood on a barrel, holding his chin high in a noble manner.
"Brothers, sisters I have just returned from a meeting with the Dark Lord. It seems a once loyal wizarding family no longer wants anything to do with him. Foolish people, foolish people with two sons." As Fenrir said this Remus could almost see him drooling. "The Dark Lord has given us a gift, with the information he has given us we can easily track those boys and make them our own. Robert Stark has been given this mission, for his well-lead raid of the muggle town outside the woods. No survivors, again highly successful." A few in the crowd let out a cheer at Grayback's last remark but most just stared up at the man on the barrel. They feared him, and those who didn't worshipped him in a crazed fashion.
Remus knew that Greyback didn't believe that Voldemort would actually give them a better life after the war; he was hoping that the Dark Lord would finish off a lot of wizards for him so then he and his werewolf army could rise and rule supreme. Not that Fenrir would ever confide this in Remus, no he confided in Conan Dougall and a few select others. Dougall in turn relayed information to Remus.
When Remus first arrived at the werewolf colony he had expected to be the only spy there, the only one holding secret meetings trying to convince his fellow werewolves to join his side of the fight. Only after three weeks at the colony he received a letter from Dumbledore, telling him to seek out Dougall, an Irishman who was spying for his own government and had been for much time now. Dougall had spent years climbing Greyback's social ladder, fighting tooth and nail (sometimes literally) to get to where he was now.
The underground colony had been Remus' home since Sirius's death; in some way he was glad he couldn't return to Grimauld Place, it held too many memories and false hopes. Remus seriously regretted not having proper time to mourn like he did after the Potters murder. That time he set aside a month to make a scrapbook with pictures from his own collection and from other friends of the Potters; now there was no time to make a scrap book, too few pictures to make it from and Remus couldn't see himself giving it to Harry even if he could make one.
While Remus set about to drown in his thoughts, and halfheartedly listen to Greyback spew lies Conan Dougall moved skillfully through the tightly packed crowd to stand behind Remus. Until the hairs on the back of his neck pricked up and he turned around to look, Remus hadn't even noticed that Dougall had moved from his spot on the opposite side of the crowd.
"I'll tell you what he's going to say and more. Follow me," he said to a still slightly thunderstruck Remus. Turning quickly he began ducking in and out of the crowd with insane grace, leaving Remus to stumble through, excusing himself every few steps. He reached his home panting and followed Dougall inside. Seeing the other man scan the room quickly with his keen eyes made Remus happy he had cleaned up before leaving, not that Dougall would care. His home in the tunnel system had a thick layer of something that could only be described as "stuff" covering every inch of the floor and most of the other surfaces. He was really checking for eavesdroppers and monitoring systems. Having scanned to room and deemed it safe to speak he did so.
"He is saying nothing much new, the same crap he has been feeding us for a while," he began. "But Dumbledore may be interested to know that you know who isn't trying very hard to get Malfoy out of the Azkaban and that he is using his son Draco for something. I didn't get anymore because by then Fenrir was so bollixed he passed out." Both men wrinkled their noses in distaste.
"Thank you," Remus said politely and inclined his head. "Alastor Moody had something in his last letter I was supposed to tell you. Let me find it."
He pulled the box he kept the letters in out from under the mattress and placed it on the table. Gently, he lifted the lid and placed the letters that he knew weren't from Moody to the side. As Remus ferreted through the box Dougall looked over his shoulder at the letters, he then grabbed one off the top of the stack that Remus had placed to the side.
"Have you got yourself a girl, Lupin?" he asked with more interest than he was showing for his job.
"That is a personal matter, Mr. Dougall," Remus said gruffly, he did not want to talk about Tonks.
"You could bring her you know," Dougall continued as if Remus hadn't spoken. "All you'd have to do was bite her." Dougall said this with such ease that it made Remus sick to his stomach.
Dougall had been living in the colony since he was sixteen, only a few months after he was bitten. When his government had first asked him to spy in the camp Fenrir wasn't yet connected with Voldemort, they just wanted to keep an eye on such a large gathering of werewolves. Looking at Dougall Remus could see what happened to someone after living for so long in the colony. All this happened because the government practically forced people, most of whom with no crimes other than being bitten into exile, a depressing thing to contemplate.
A wave of sympathy swept over Remus, he forgot his anger with Dougall and handed the older man the letter from Moody. After scanning the letters Dougall looked up and saw Remus giving him a piteous look.
"Don't pity me," he said gruffly. "There is no need to. Your life with the 'normal' people wasn't a frolic in a field. I, at least, had food, shelter, warm clothing and other comforts. Can you say you had these things, Lupin?"
"No, I can't," Remus answered truthfully.
"Don't think you are the only one who had a family and a proper upbringing. I was raised by wizards just like you; I have morals."
"I never said that or thought anything of the sort."
"If that's true then why do you waste your pity on me?"
"I'd rather not-" Remus began before he was interrupted by Dougall.
"I rather you would." A forceful scowl was now fixed on Dougall's face. His feral green-brown eyes fixed on Remus's tranquil amber ones.
Remus knew he mustn't show any fear of the large man staring him down, that would make him submissive to Dougall. Being compliant to another colony member just once gave them power until the two fought it out and the one who had first complied won. With that in mind he stood his ground and starred back but was careful not to give Dougall the impression he wanted a brawl.
"Lupin, I will tell you something about the governments we are defending, and you will listen and listen good," Dougall growled not letting his stare falter for a millisecond. Remus nodded. "The governments don't do squat for us. They don't give a damn about us. The laws the pass should show you that. The people there are heartless." He paused and studied Remus for while letting him stew in the unwieldy tension. "Now you want to know why I am on their side then, right?" He asked and continued without a pause. "I joined up because I was naïve enough to believe that they do their best to make the laws for all. I wanted out once I came here; I wanted to go back to the 'civilized' world. I only voluntarily stayed after Fenrir joined up with you-know-who. I realized that when you-know-who disposes of Greyback, as he obviously will when can't use him anymore, Fenrir's followers, the people who want revenge on the government and the ones they can bully into following them, the loyal ones that give werewolves a bad name; they will fight both the Death Eaters and the government. A lot of senseless killing making it harder for either side to win. Quite frankly I would rather live without both of the groups but that will never happen, I know it so I'm left to choose the lesser of two evils." With that he gave Remus one last look and left.
As the hem of Dougall's jacked whipped out the door Remus let go of the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. When he had signed up for the Order, fresh out of school, he could have never imagined the sticky, knotted, black-widow filled web he had thrown himself into.
While writing this I was very torn between following Remus around for the whole of HBP or ending it here. If you want more, tell me in a review, but I will warn you that there will probably be long gaps of time between chapters since I have alot of school work, this chapter took me about two weeks if that gives you any idea. I would really like to know how you liked it, or how you didn't like it, how it could be improved or anything you want to say at all is appreciated.