One

It was not a particularly good day as far as Kimiko was concerned. She'd slept poorly the previous night, bitten by nightmares as she so often was when this day came around. While the intervening years had softened the pain, she had found that her father was correct; it never really seemed to fully fade.

Sometimes she thought maybe it was just the fact that everything had stopped before it could really start, and she had never gotten the chance to know what she was feeling on the subject of Kurama. Or maybe it was just simply because she did know, and didn't want to admit to it.

Either way, this particular day had always been a hard one.

She paced to the thick pane of glass that slightly reflected her and the room behind as much as it allowed her to see out; the sky was grayer than normal, it seemed... it might well rain. Good, that would be the perfect excuse to avoid going out under that sky and instead hide in the library, or maybe work on her healing skills with Yukina to keep an eye on her.

Twenty years...

It was funny how much she and Raizen actually had in common. Every few years he went to the human world, scouring it as best he could for their mother's reincarnation. He was holding out the hope that he might see her again, even though trying to find her made his heart ache when he failed. Lately she thought he might have been seeking Kurama as well, despite having never seen him; it was touching, even as it was painful to consider.

They had grown surprisingly close; the shared pain of losing a hoped-for partner had knocked down any walls she might have constructed to keep him out. Where Yusuke couldn't stand being still in the same room as her when she was in pain, Raizen would simply sit, providing a strong, comforting presence that eventually soothed the hurt to a level where it could be ignored.

As she brushed her hair, she fingered the strands of gold that had wound their way through the black, and wondered what Kurama would think of them if he could see it. They had appeared slowly over the years as she had grown stronger and more skilled in manipulating her energy, discovering a talent for shields and protection that complimented the way Yusuke fought. Her healing had also grown by leaps and bounds with access to a proper teacher and books.

Ah, the books.

Raizen's library was one of the best, considering that he had started out as a king who brawled instead of one who read. But in the forty years since he'd changed his ways, his library had come to represent that; a dedicated searcher could find ancient scrolls on techniques for fighting as well as healing, for growth as well as destruction. Each section was neatly separate, organized in a way that displayed the many variances of arguments and skills, and it was Kimiko's favorite place in the entire palace.

Burying herself in the library seemed like a fine way to spend an aching sort of day, and she headed to her closet to pick out something that didn't require much effort to get into.

"Sis, hey Sis!" came Yusuke's bellow from her door. "You up yet?"

"...given that I'm typically up before you, what do you think?" she replied, a touch tartly.

Their dreamspace visits had stopped now that they were in close proximity; seeing each other daily was plainly enough for both of them to be left to their own minds at night. When Yusuke left on business for Raizen, they started up again; a comforting event for both of them, really. Only separation into Ningenkai could stop the dreams while they were apart, which happened moderately often, as Yusuke liked visiting Kuwabara, no matter what he might say.

"There's someone here you're gonna want to meet," he said, poking his head in and grinning at her.

"Yusuke... it's really not a good day..."

"Ah c'mon, it'll be quick! Promise!"

She made a face at him.

"I'd really rather not."

Yusuke huffed a little.

"I'll send in Tensei," he mock-threatened.

She smiled a little, despite her current mood; Yukina and Yusuke had grown close in the past years, and while Yukina wasn't old enough to bear a child, they had ended up adopting an orphaned cat-boy together. Tensei was soft-spoken and shy around people he didn't know, and exceptionally cuddly to those he did. Most often when she was in the library, he would come in and curl up on or next to her for one of his many naps.

"I'm not sure Tensei would encourage me to leave the room," she pointed out, pulling her hair over her shoulder to braid. "He likes snuggling down in my bed, remember? Who's here, anyways? Prince Koenma again?"

Negotiations were going... poorly, for the most part, between Reikai and Makai. King Enma had been threatening for some time to bring an army into the lands, claiming all demons were dangerous and bloodthirsty, eating humans with wild abandon and making Ningenkai an unsafe place to be.

Most of it was a lie. Raizen's power meant that the people in his territory obeyed his laws. Humans who stumbled in by accident were fair game only if they offered insult. Otherwise they were taken back to Ningenkai and dropped off near other humans. But Raizen did not control all of Makai... just a very large portion of it.

Prince Koenma had been dispatched to them to try and negotiate a peaceful accord, if not an alliance. He was a little stuffy, but he seemed to have his heart in the right place, not wanting a fight to break out between the demons of Makai and the beings of Reikai. Yusuke, naturally, had picked a fight almost immediately, and it had just... degenerated from there.

"Nah, pacifier breath's not supposed to be back until next week. C'mon, I promise it's worth the reading time."

She muttered a little under her breath as she tied off her braid. Yusuke had found baiting the prince to be funny, but she was the one who'd had to step in and try to smooth things over, something she knew he didn't really appreciate the effort of.

"Why do I have to go to them?" she asked, trying to sound irritated instead of whiny.

"Cause Pops said so," Yusuke replied, sounding distinctly unrepentant. "He's not letting them in until you take a look at em."

Kimiko blinked and turned to face her brother properly. Raizen didn't usually do things like that, or if he did, it was because he wanted to meet everyone that came to Tourin, especially those looking to court her. Yusuke was spoken for, quite happily, but she was not. While she could be—and was—polite to the people who sought her ought, to a one they were summarily refuted.

Some days she wondered if her ability to give affection was broken; she could, did, love her family—and even though Hiei was still something of an ass, they were friends too—but she couldn't bring herself to even consider the idea of letting herself be so close to someone else again. To be that vulnerable once more...

Yusuke's grin was somewhere between smugness and excitement, an expression that made her immediately suspicious. Whenever he looked like that, he was up to something. And plainly this time he had colluded with their father about it.

She knew there would be no avoiding it; if Yusuke failed to pull her out, Raizen would come do it himself, directly.

"Fine, fine, I'll come see who it is. Now go away so I can get dressed."

"Uh huh. Dress nice~"

She made a rude gesture in his general direction, one of the first things she'd picked up after moving into the palace. Yusuke only laughed and headed off; she could feel as well as hear him moving away down the corridor, and smiled a little to herself once he was gone.

She hadn't said when she would meet this person after all.

Yusuke tracked her down two hours later, reading with Tensei in the library. The boy was sprawled across Kimiko's lap, tail twitching in a meditative manner as he too, read. She didn't even look up when Yusuke stomped up to them, simply turning a page in her book while Tensei made a happy sound at the sight of Yusuke.

"This," Yusuke said, plainly annoyed, "is not coming to see who it is."

"And it only took you two hours to catch on," Kimiko replied sweetly. "Much faster than last time."

Tensei's tiny giggle made her smile faintly, before she marked her place in her book and looked up at her irritated sibling.

"Yusuke, today is a bad day to ask me to meet anyone," she said patiently. "Unless it's for something official, I'd really rather not. And before you say it, being courted doesn't count."

"Tch...Like I'd be pestering you if it was something that simple," he huffed.

"Yes you would. You've done it before."

"...yeah, but with Pops' involvement?"

Kimiko pursed her lips slightly; true enough that Raizen wasn't the sort of try and push her at anyone for courting. He understood, most of the time.

"Look, I promise, it'll take like... five minutes, tops," Yusuke sighed, scratching his head a little. "And if I wasted your time, I'll... mn... get the stuff together for your favorite meals?"

She raised her eyebrow a little; Yusuke would resort to many things, but it was rare he tried to bribe her with his own cooking. Which was, obnoxiously enough, as good as hers was bad. So whoever was out there, waiting to meet her specifically, it was clearly important to him.

But she had developed a bit more of a stubborn streak, more than a shade of passive-aggressive bite, in the past two decades, and where once she might have jumped at the chance, now she only briefly considered it before turning her attention back to her book.

"Not today, Yuu. It's a bad day."

"I'll get Pops."

"You do that," she replied, unconcerned. "I'm sure he'll understand what I mean, since you seem inclined to ignore it."

Yusuke huffed a little in annoyance and turned to stalk away. Usually Yusuke was better about her bad days than this, but plainly it was also going to turn into one of their 'not getting along' days that had cropped up as they had grown more used to each other. Kimiko just shook her head lightly, and lifted her arms slightly as Tensei rearranged himself on her lap.

While a normal feline from Ningenkai grew swiftly, Tensei was one of those demons who did not, and despite having been with them for five years now, was no larger than a scrawny human toddler. The tips of his tawny ears barely came up to her shoulders, even seated on her lap as he was, and he snuggled back against her with a very feline sound of contentment.

"Auntie's having a bad day?" he asked.

Kimiko nodded a little, trying to find her place in the book again.

"Someone I was... close to," she said quietly. "He died on this day. It makes today very hard on me."

"Oh..."

After a moment Tensei leaned up and kissed her cheek. She smiled a little, and kissed the child back, gently ruffling his hair.

Some years were harder than others. The first few had been the worst, but as time had passed, it had softened the ache. The feeling of a step cut off, a dance ended before it had properly begun, hadn't changed though. Some part of her, she knew, was still stuck in that tower, lost in that moment, and she didn't know when, if ever, she was going to be able to move past that.

Today, while she could accept Tensei's company, Yusuke's was somewhat grating. She hated to think how anyone else's might get if she tried going to the more populated parts of the palace.

"Is Papa really going to get Grampa?"

"Knowing your papa, yes," and Kimiko smiled wryly. "But Grampa understands this kind of hurt. He won't push if it's not immediately important the way your papa does."

At least, that was the hope. Raizen could be oddly moody about things as well, and sometimes his protectiveness manifested in... well, very strange ways.

"Does that mean I have to get up?"

Kimiko snorted a little.

"Nope. You provide the perfect excuse to not get up," she teased gently. "So if you want to fall asleep on me, by all means."

Tensei giggled at her, and seemed to accept that, returning to his own book at last. Kimiko smiled faintly and ruffled his hair again, then turned her attention back to her own book. If it wasn't official business, she really wasn't interested.

It was at least another hour before she felt the wash of Raizen's power coming into the library, and she raised an eyebrow slightly, even as she refused to look up from her book. Had Yusuke waited, or had Raizen waited, to see if she was serious about what she'd said?

Raizen caught up a chair and sat down, allowing her the time to mark her place in her book again before she looked up; he was at least granting her that much courtesy. Tensei had dozed off at some point about fifteen minutes prior, and didn't even shift when she did.

"It's important," her father said somewhat curtly. "There's something we need to check, you need to check, before I allow this person in."

"If it's related to courting, I am not interested," she replied sourly.

"...It both is and isn't," he replied, and there was a vestige of humor in his tone. "This may be someone you really want to meet... or I could be horribly incorrect, but there's only one way to be sure."

"Why me?" she asked, exasperated despite herself. "I just want to read and not deal with people right now, Father."

Raizen looked at her for a long moment, and she saw the sympathy in his expression, one that other people would only see as stern. He also seemed to be weighing his answer, and she wondered if he was just being difficult in his own way, the same way Yusuke often was when he wanted to surprise her and she insisted he not. She didn't like surprises.

"It's someone you may know," he finally replied. "And I know it's abysmal timing. But..."

"Someone I may know?" She frowned slightly, confused. "That doesn't make sense, either I know them or I..."

She trailed off, remembering one of their first conversations, and how he would, every few years, go looking through Ningenkai. Hoping to find...

"You think..." he heart was doing a queer little jig in her chest, and the book in her hands trembled slightly. "You think it..."

"I don't know," he warned, raising a hand. "And if he'd come on any other day, we wouldn't be arguing about it, would we?"

This was true; any other day she would have already gone out to forestall Yusuke's inexhaustible ability to be childish.

After a moment, Raizen turned his hand, holding it out to her. Slowly Kimiko closed the book and set it to the side, then gently lifted Tensei up. The boy grumbled a little at being moved, but when she put him down where she had been sitting, he curled up again quite willingly. It would have been more comforting to carry him, but if it was...

Oh if it was...

She took her father's hand then, knowing that she could hold it as tightly as she wanted and he wouldn't mind. Two decades of training hadn't given her the same sort of strength, though he would sometimes plays as though it had, and right now she needed to hold on very tightly indeed.

She wanted to hope, but hope was terrifying. If it was him...

But also if it wasn't...

Oh, this was the wrong day to ask these questions, but apparently it was the only day.

The strength of Raizen was a balm that she leaned on heavily; if this person was not, if they were only telling tales, she knew her father's wrath would come down upon them far worse than anything that had been seen before. Yusuke was protective to a point; he father blew right on past that point. Hell, Yusuke would probably get caught up in her father's wrath, for trying to make it a surprise!

She halted in the doorway that led to the courtyard, shivering. She could see a small group at the far end; her brother, Hiei, Yukina, and a stranger with crimson hair, reminding her all too vividly of the event she wanted to not see again.

"I...I don't... I don't think I can do this," she said, voice shaking.

Raizen's hand squeezed hers.

"You can," he said quietly.

"Th.. there's the.. the sk.. the s..."

Raizen reached into a small stand next to the door, and handed her a closed sun-shade; when they had learned just how bad the open air, the sight of the sky without some form of limitation affected her, he'd had them made and placed at every exit from the palace. They were both a guard and a weapon as needed; the weight of the handle in her hand steadied her just a little bit.

"...what... what if it's not...?"

"Well, then I'll be chasing someone out of the palace," Raizen said, his tone surprisingly genial, "and your brother will have some severe apologizing to do."

Another day, the mental image would have garnered at least a weak smile, mostly because it was true; if this person wasn't who they implied, absolutely no one would take kindly to it, least of all the extremely protective parent standing next to her. And while it was reassuring to be told what she already knew, she still couldn't quite find it in her to actually hope.

Raizen freed his hand from hers and put it on her lower back instead.

"Open the shade, and let's go find out," he said, firm and unyielding.

It was a tone Kimiko had come to recognize; while she could get away with quite a bit, once Raizen had decided, well, that was that. Whether she wanted to or not, this was happening, and faced with it, the only way to go was forward.

So she unfurled the sun-shade and let her father push her out the door; not that Raizen stayed in the doorway and watched. No, he knew her well at this point, and while he let her walk slowly, she was not allowed to stop, or turn back.

Yukina noticed her first, half-stepping back from the group and lifting a hand with a shy smile; this made all of them turn, and Kimiko actually pulled up short in confusion as she got her first proper look at the stranger. Confusion, at least, was better than the fear that was trying to eat her, and it mingled enough with curiosity that Raizen didn't have to push her more than a few steps.

He was human... or... half-human, from what she could sense. Not that much taller than Yusuke, which mean he wasn't that much taller than her. His red hair fell in a long tail down his back, strands spilling over the shoulders of his deep green short coat. She sensed more than saw that his slender build was a lie; he carried power within him, both physical and other. His eyes were the purest green she'd ever seen, but they weren't hard the way they looked as though they ought to be, and in fact when he saw her, they lit up with warmth, a small smile appearing on his face.

As if he did know her.

But she didn't know him.

"Jeez, took you long enough," Yusuke complained. "I know the kid takes time to move, but really?"

Kimiko glared at her brother; just because she wasn't dressed for a fight didn't mean she wouldn't instigate one if he pushed her. Prudently, both Hiei and Yukina shifted slightly in opposite directions, leaving the way clear if necessary.

"Boy, don't antagonize your sister," Raizen rumbled. "Not today."

Yusuke muttered something that Kimiko was quite sure she'd want to kick him for if she'd heard it, so she elected to ignore him. The newcomer was looking oddly proud in a manner that was disconcerting.

"...who are you?" she demanded after a moment more, unable to handle the familiar unfamiliarity. Something about him was... similar, but at the same time not, and she was not in a good place for patience.

He looked surprised for a moment, then half-smiled, a little ruefully.

"Yes, I suppose I do look quite different."

His voice... chills ran down her spine and she stared at him harder, hostility receding in the wake of recognition. It was a little higher, a little softer, but...

"...Ku...Kurama?"

That slight, sardonic smile, the expression that only revealed what he wanted to reveal. For a split second, she could see him, overlaying the redhead who stood before her, as he tipped his head in a slight, painfully familiar nod.

"You look well," he said softly.

Her grip on her umbrella tightened, and she looked down briefly as she struggled with her emotions; she didn't know if she wanted to be angry, relieved, some bizarre combination of both, hurt...

"It's him," she finally said, turning on her heel. "I'm going back to the library."

She needed space, time, and solitude to sort out just what she thought she ought to be feeling; Raizen moved his hand and allowed her to march quickly away from the group... and feeling the tears welling up in her eyes, she made a very hasty retreat indeed.

It was good to be back in Makai after so long spent in Ningenkai. True, the air there was sweeter, the people there calmer, but it wasn't quite home the way Makai was.

Or, well, the way he'd hoped it would be, anyways.

Watching Kimiko's speedy retreat back into the palace, he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with a faint grimace. She was still as open in expression as ever, and just as clearly unable to process extreme emotions well.

But she had looked beautiful, even temperamental.

"...damn dude," Yusuke said after a moment. "I thought she'd be happy."

"I will admit, even with the few days we spent, I hadn't expected her to surprise me quite so quickly," Kurama replied with a faint sigh. "But then, I have been away for... quite some time."

"Away," Hiei snorted a little. "Funny term for it."

"So, did you die?" Raizen asked, his voice noticeably cool.

"That is... a complicated answer," Kurama replied.

No point in reacting to the overt threat that was the chilly stare; if Raizen really wanted him dead, he would be. Right now the only guarantee that he wasn't in danger would be Kimiko's word... But he hesitated in chasing after her.

"You might wanna think of a way to uncomplicate it," Yusuke said dryly.

"I intend to."

"...I'll go and calm her down," Yukina said, giving her mate a faint frown. "You should have told her, Yusuke, not tried to surprise her."

"Hey, it sounded like a good idea at the time!" Yusuke protested.

Kurama raised an eyebrow slightly at Yusuke, who muttered under his breath and lightly kicked the ground as Yukina headed in the same direction Kimiko had gone.

"...ought I?" he asked, posing the question more to Raizen than Yusuke.

Yusuke's flippant answer was cut short by his father's sharp glance before Raizen gave him an appraising look.

"No," he finally said. "Let Yukina calm her down and work her through the conflicting emotions. Let Kimiko seek you out. She will, once she's decided on what she thinks is the right way to be feeling."

That was only moderately less worrying than seeing all her emotions so open and raw on her face, but Raizen had grown to know her over the past decades, where Kurama had been left to grow up a second time. If her own father said to leave her be, then he would leave her be.

For a short time, anyways.

"Well, til then, lemme show ya around," Yusuke offered. "Seeing as you'll be sticking around til you can talk to her and all."

"... I would appreciate that, but... Lord Raizen, may I ask a question?"

"...sure," and the demon shrugged lightly.

"My second at the time, Yomi... He was in the tower. What happened to him?"

While it might had served Yomi right to be killed by Satori, or in the blast of power Yusuke had spoken of from Kimiko's reaction to his 'death', he wanted to know rather than to speculate. Keeping the truth of Yomi's involvement in the difficulties didn't much matter at this point, but at the same time, keeping things close to the vest was still an old habit.

Raizen frowned thoughtfully, then offered a slight shrug.

"The monks picked him up and tended to him for a short while. When he could walk on his own, he left. There is currently a lesser leader, a blind one, named Yomi who is building up a territory of his own. He's called it Gandara. They might be the same person."

The idea that Yomi could have built up a territory in little over two decades was somewhere between annoying and gratifying. If he had finally learned his lessons, it would be nice... Kurama decided to look into it later, however; he had more immediate things to deal with here.

Raizen looked him over once more,then leaned in slightly.

"If you give my daughter reason to feel pain, you will regret it," he said calmly.

"It is not my goal for her to be in pain," Kurama replied, not allowing himself to be cowed by the power that was now rolling through the courtyard. "And some of what comes depends wholly on her."

Raizen's threat vanished all at once, and a smirk flashed across his face. And then he simply turned and walked away.

Behind him, Yusuke let out an explosive sigh.

"Okay. In the interest of letting both members of my family chill the fuck out, why don't I start with showing you around out here?"

Kurama nodded slightly, cast one fleeting glance at the entrance to the palace, then resolutely turned and followed Yusuke.

The nice thing about the library was all the little nooks and crannies it held. If Kimiko was really determined, she knew at least two secret passages in which she could hide, but she didn't need those right now. She needed space to pace and think, to try and collect her thoughts and figure out ust what it was she was feeling.

In truth, part of her was deliriously happy; she hadn't held out the same hope her father had of reincarnation, and to know that Kurama was there, Kurama was alive, was almost too much for her to bear. She'd wanted to throw her arms around him, to breathe in the scent of things green and growing that he undoubtedly had about him.

And yet...

And yet.

Why?

She paused in her pacing and hugged herself, wrapping her fingers in the loose half-sleeves of her overrobe. The memory played before her mind's eye again. The resigned expression. There was no way he hadn't known that picking a fight with Satori would end the way it had. He was far too intelligent to think otherwise.

So why, then, had he done that?

"Kimiko? Are you okay?"

Yukina was probably the only person she could accept as company right now, and she turned to see the worried koorime standing not too far away. Yukina was far more perceptive than most people tended to give her credit for; Hiei's secret hadn't lasted more than a couple of years, and it was Yukina who'd worked out most of the coping skills Kimiko currently used on difficult days.

So it wasn't hard to open up to her, at least. Kimiko just made a faintly helpless gesture, and Yukina moved closer, sitting on a stool that was usually used to reach books on higher shelves.

"What are you feeling?" she asked.

"Confused," Kimiko admitted. "Happy, scared, angry, hurt, lost... I want to hug him, but I also want to punch him, and yell at him for what happened, and I know I'm going to have to talk to him, but where do I start? What do I say to make him understand what that did to me?"

"There might not be a way," Yukina replied slowly. "Are you really angry with him though, or the situation?"

Kimiko blinked. Thought for a moment.

"A little with him," she said, frowning slightly. "I don't... I don't understand what was going through his mind. Satori was... was far stronger than him at the time, but he still picked a very physical fight with her instead of stalling out, waiting for Father and Yusuke to arrive. In a confined space, where his whip wasn't really of much use!"

Yukina nodded encouragingly; her calm and steady presence was helping Kimiko organize her thoughts instead of chasing them around in an almost blind panic.

"...I'm upset because he did that," she finally said, leaning against the bookshelf and crossing her arms loosely over her chest. "And I don't understand why he did."

Acknowledged, she could let the emotions go, at least a little bit, and she rubbed her forehead slightly, feeling the tension headache easing.

"What's so scary about him?" Yukina prompted.

A tiny, rueful smile tugged at the corners of her mouth briefly, then Kimiko looked away from her friend.

"It was never really clear how I should feel about him. I cared, I grew attached because he... he came back, and showed me things, tried to teach me where no one else could. Even if he had weird ways to go about it at times," and she made a slight face remembering that first, that only, pull from her tower. No doubt if things had dragged on, he would have done it more. Would he have asked the way he'd said, or would he have simply surprised her again? "It's... all tangled up, I suppose. Like how yarn is after Tensei gets done playing with it. I don't know how to untangle it, either... Or even if I can. There wasn't... we didn't get the time to figure anything out. I can't honestly say if it was friendship, or if it was more. Or if there was more."

Yukina nodded quietly, her expression sympathetic.

"And I know the only way to find out is to ask, but... we're back to being scared," and Kimiko sighed a little forlornly. "Because what if I'm placing some huge expectation here? What if I'm wrong, and there wasn't anything there? If it was all just me, looking for affection because he was the first person to not just come back, but to come back and be safe?I don't..."

Again Yukina nodded, and Kimiko spared a moment to wish that Yusuke shared just a little better. She wouldn't have minded so much falling for the little koorime...

"Most of this boils down to me having to talk to him," and Kimiko rubbed her face wearily. "I know. I will. But... I can't today."

"I'm sure he understands," she said gently. "He wanted very much to meet you again, though he wasn't saying why. I'm sorry Yusuke thought a surprise was the best way to go about it, though..."

Kimiko snorted a little.

"Well, that's Yusuke. He doesn't really think ahead... and I suppose he meant well, even if it was poorly thought out. I'll kick him later."

Yukina giggled a little, and got up to give Kimiko a hug.