At first I felt nothing.

No pain, no anger at how the universe had screwed us over.

Just nothing.

Slowly, though, that faded. Zoe seemed to think it was some sort of miracle, that I could talk again, think again, eat again.

I didn't smile again. Not yet.

When we first bought the ship, Zoe tried to convince me that it was a mistake. That there was no way we could ever make this hideous thing run right or fly straight. Her objections died in her throat, though, when she met the pilot. The man, Wash or something, didn't notice anything amiss about her, but of course, I had known her longer. She tried to brush it off by saying he unsettled her, and I guess that's true, just not in the way she'd have me believe. I didn't call her on it, though. It takes a lot to let yourself feel that kind of thing.

Not something I could do.

Few years passed and we had gathered ourselves a crew. Happiest little psycho that ever did live found her way into my engine room, and some gun without two thoughts to rub together got himself a bunk.

We get by on nothing, eating dirt and killing when we have to. The Alliance stayed off our backs for a while, so long as we stayed near the rim.

And if I started callin' our Kaylee mei-mei, then it ain't nobodies business but my own.

Now, I ain't religious. If some nut with a Bible in his hand wants a ride, then that's fine by me, if he pays. But nobody's gonna preach about my sin on my ship.

Even if he is right, most of the time.

Even if he's the kindest soul I ever did see all the way out here.

But I knew he had to be up to something. There ain't no one who would buy his way into an illegal ship to travel the rim with criminals if he can help it. The man would be trouble, and he was; something about it hurt when we buried his body all the same.

Gorram alliance.

We were just minding our business on some god forsaken planet, looking to pick up a few extra coins, when that boy who thought he was a man wandered on board.

My mechanic just about died from the stirrings in her nethers (I really wish you hadn't told me that, Kaylee). Just about died from that bullet in her stomach, too.

But I get it. Soon as that girl popped out of her box screaming bloody murder I got it. Well, maybe it took me a few days, months, years, but we can't all be a Tam.

Watching that girlie mutter her crazy nothings gives me heartburn. At least, that's what I think it is.

Now, I ain't gonna deny that our resident whore is pretty. It's her disobedience that really gets me. Now, I'm captain, dong ma? She gotta do what I say and what not.

Not insult me.

But no, she's never got down from her high horse long enough to look me in the eye, never shown one ounce of respect for the likes of me.

And if she sometimes laughs when I think I'm being funny, or smiles a little to long my way when she's doing god knows what with Kaylee- well, maybe that gives me heartburn too.

Then that whole thing with Miranda happened, and now I know exactly what Zoe meant when she said miracle. First time she smiled after Wash took a harpoon to the chest I thought about calling up the preacher-man from heaven and giving him my apologies.

And Kaylee and Simon got up to something nasty in the engine room.

And Jayne and his guns are getting on as good as ever.

And my little albatross knows how to fly a ship.

And maybe feelings and the like ain't as bad as I thought.

Because, like I said, love keeps her flying.

Thanks for reading! I don't own Firefly, I'm afraid Fox gets that pleasure.