Rakis is wandering around the castle where his family, guards and servants lives. He takes a breath as he walks slowly outside the front doors, looking around the view of Asgard. Rakis closed his eyes as light tears began to fill his eyes. He takes a seat on the steps and presses his legs against his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He felt so lost and lonely, feeling like a complete outcast to the world. Ever since he began to develop his powers, he was unable to control the great strength it provided.
The powers he had made him destroy everything he touched, brought bad luck and misfortune to any situation. He made the citizens of Asgard furious with him, yell and lash out him, telling him very rude, sarcastic comments. The most recent comment Rakis received was, "Just disappear and leave us alone." The more he tried to help, the more he just causes trouble and ruins plans.
This has been going on ever since he turned 12 years old at the beginning of the new year. The people has been harsh and quite unpleasant with him whenever he is nearby. Some people just make excuses for them to leave his presence, or ask him to leave, sometimes in a polite way, but yet some are quite rude. Rakis soon realized that nobody wanted to be his friend, or be around him for that matter, so he just gave the people of Asgard what they desired. He shut them out, he shut everyone out, including the people he loved the most, his brothers, Thor and Loki.
He got it in his head that he is useless, unworthy of being a god, a part of the royal family, and not wanted anywhere. That Loki and Thor, including his mother and father are only being nice to him because they have to be. They know his destiny is to bring misfortune to any situation or anyone in his presence. He wondered why his family kept him around all this time. Why didn't they just give up on him and throw him out into the cold?
Rakis shook his head and pushed away that thought. None of them wouldn't have the guts to go through with it, even Loki. He wasn't so sure if he'd go through with running away himself. Rakis did think about leaving and never return back to the kingdom multiple times. Thought about it in his sleep, and during the day when he blanks out from reality. He did go as far as considering possible suicide attempts. Why bother living when he's given up on himself knowing the truth about how the people of Asgard see him and the fact that his family is forcing themselves to care for him. Rakis really fell into a deep hole of depression thinking that he's not worth the trouble to have around anymore, and he's no god at all. Not even close.
Rakis believes that he'll never live up to the expectations of his famous family, nor be the god that they obviously wants him to be considering he's third in line for the throne after Loki. He wants to do good, but his powers and personality just gets in the way of it.
Rakis let a tear trickle down each cheek as he took a deep breath, not sure what to do about his life anymore. He really wants to help, but restrains himself from asking. He knows he's just going to cause trouble in some way, so why bother trying anymore?
He looks off into the distance of Asgard, watching the sunset. The scenery really did look like a painting.
"Hi," said a familiar, deep voice as Rakis snaps back into reality and instantly wiped the tears off his cheeks and eyes. He felt footsteps approaching. Rakis didn't look over to see him, knowing he was there sitting down beside him. Then he hears another pair of footsteps approaching and a man sat down on the other side of him. Rakis didn't break his gaze off into the city, because he knew both of the men on either side of him. It was his brothers. Out from the corner of his eyes, he acknowledges their presence.
"Nice evening, isn't it?" Thor said with a breath, breaking the long silence between all three of them. Loki and Thor glance at Rakis, then each other, visibly worried for their little brother. In the past months, they never seen him this bad. They always knew Rakis had emotional troubles fitting in, but they didn't think his issues would reach this critical point.
Thor and Loki looked at each other and sighed, still trying to hold onto hope that Rakis will be able to redeem himself after learning to control his powers. They looked down at Rakis again, who did not break his gaze out into the city.
"Why are you two here?" Rakis snapped more harshly than intended, but yet in a sad, emotional way. He continued to look out in the distance, because he couldn't bare to look at either one of them without breaking down his guard. "Did Father send you to give me another talking to?"
"No, we wanted to know where you went," Thor said trying not to give Rakis the satisfaction that he was worried about him. The last time this happened, Rakis went into a fit of anger and started destroying items with his powers, letting his emotions guide his thinking. "You disappeared after dinner, and we haven't seen you since."
"So?" Rakis snapped again, unable to fight back his tears no matter how hard he tried. "Why do you two care where I go? It's not like I went off and almost started a war." Rakis rolled his eyes and added sarcastically, "Oh wait, I already did that."
Thor and Loki glance at each other and sighed knowing this is one of Rakis' difficult nights, which means that this isn't going to be easy to get through to him for a moment.
"Brother, we have long forgiven you for that little incident," Loki tried to say in the most calming way possible. "It wasn't entirely your fault."
As soon as Loki realized what just came out of his mouth, he took a deep breath and shut his mouth. That was not the way he was planning on phrasing that. Thor shot Loki a cold glare and smacked his arm behind Rakis, without him taking any notice. Loki felt bad, hoping that Rakis wouldn't take what he said the wrong way and blow it out of proportion like he usually does.
"Little incident?" Rakis said with emotional anger in his voice. "That wasn't a little incident, I could've started a war, and I'd be the blame for all the bloodshed!"
"No you wouldn't," Thor replied taking over from Loki trying to prevent anything else that Rakis might take the wrong way. "No one would blame you. Look, nothing happened, and Asgard is safe."
"But Asgard would be-"
"But it didn't," Thor said firmly but yet sweet, cutting Rakis off mid sentence. "Stop thinking about what could've happened. Nothing did happen, there's no war and everything is alright."
"For now," Rakis said with his voice all choked up because his tears was getting even harder to fight back. "Face it brothers, everything I touch gets ruined. Who knows when I'll really do some damage that won't be fixable."
Thor and Loki sighed extremely worried for their younger brother, Rakis. They really hate to admit it, but what he said was true. He might mistakenly do something to try and help, in result, cause permanent damage that can't be undone. There's no way in hell that they would ever admit that to Rakis, he's already is a bad enough spot as it is. All they ever wanted is to protect him from causing that kind of damage, and make sure Rakis is safe from doing anything harmful.
Thor and Loki have quickly realized after Rakis' 12th birthday, there was a huge change in his personality and emotions. He shut them out, and everyone else around him. They knew that Rakis is having a rough time accepting himself for who he is, and leaving the citizens of Asgard furious with him due to his accidental mistakes. Thor and Loki know that Rakis' intentions are good, but his powers and personality gets in the way of it, leaving people blinded from seeing Rakis' true heart underneath it.
They felt terrible that Rakis has no friends, and practically given up on himself. Both of them will continue to try and help Rakis to the end of time itself, if they have to. They love their little brother no matter what trouble he caused or will cause in the future.
"Not everything," Thor said breaking the silence by putting a hand on his leg and rubbed it in circles gently. "You're our brother. We wouldn't trade you for anything in the world."
"Oh sure," Rakis said with a slight scoff and rolled his eyes in disbelief. In his mind, there was no way he could believe that after everything he has done wrong in his life. "You're just saying that because you have to."
"That's where you're wrong, brother," Loki tried again, putting a hand on his shoulder. Rakis sniffed back his tears and nose congestion from being quite depressed today. "We aren't forcing ourselves to like you. We aren't saying these things because we feel we have to."
"Your brother's right," Thor added in with a small smile, but seeing that Rakis' expression is unchanged. That broke his heart a little bit more. Ever since he began to shut them out, Thor felt hurt that he isn't involved with his brother's life since he turned 12. "We love you, not out of spite, or because we feel sorry for you. We truly love you because you are our brother."
Thor knows that Loki really hates to be open with his feelings and be vulnerable. Putting a guard around himself and trying not to give anyone the satisfaction that he has a soft side. Being Loki's brother, Thor could see right past that rough exterior. He cares and loves Rakis very much, no matter how much wrong he did as well, turning to the dark side over and over again.
"After everything I ever did, I don't see why you both continue to try and help me," Rakis said standing up, facing his brothers in absolute tears now. There was no way he could fight back his emotions any longer. Not after what Thor and Loki have said to him that broke down his wall. "I'm not worthy of being a god! I'm no god, I mean… look at me!" Rakis' eyes were extremely red and puffy with tears streaming down his cheeks. "I bring bad luck to everyone! All I cause is misfortunes! I can't be a hero like you, brother!" Rakis points at Thor as he continued to shout in between harsh sobs. "I can't be as brave and powerful as you, brother!" Rakis then points to Loki in tears, unable to control his actions because of his emotions taking over his thinking. "I'll never live up to the expectations of our parents! They never… I… will.. I can't…"
Rakis couldn't continue speaking because he was all shaken up and caught up with his emotions. He began crying hysterically into his hands and his body began to shake uncontrollably. When Rakis can't control his emotions, means he can't control his powers. They are closely linked together.
Rakis' powers began to spiral out of control. The ground began to slowly shake as his cries became more harsh. The ground started to shake harder and more intensely as Rakis began to let out vocal cries. As vocal cries became loud and long, the cement begins to crack and break apart. Objects around them shattered and broke into pieces while some flew in the air and swirled around in circles.
"Oh no," Loki said concerned as he and Thor immediately stood up and looked at each other worried to death now.
Thor shook his head and took a deep breath, "Not again."
They both ran over to Rakis frantically. This is one of Rakis' severe panic attacks. Rakis completely blanked out of reality and started to shake even harder, unable to think clearly or process anything in his mind or around him. No matter how many items he destroyed or city property he's damaged, he continued using his powers because he didn't know what else to do to calm down.
"Hey bud, it's ok," said Thor grabbing his right arm and held it firmly against him so Rakis could relax his powers to a minimum. Rakis bellowed in vocal cries, as tears streamed down his cheeks and his face was completely red. Thor shot Loki a cold glare and shouted, "Brother, don't just stand there! Get his other arm against his side!"
Loki obeyed and grabbed his left arm and tugged it firmly. He tried taking to Rakis in the calmest way he could luster out. "Hey brother, it's ok. Shh, it's alright, buddy. It's-"
Rakis completely ignored them and tried thrashing both of his brothers, wanting them to let go of him. Every instinct in him screamed to escape trying not to hurt his two brothers. More objects continued to smash and break, while others flew up in the air floating in circles. The cement cracked into larger sizes while little pieces rolled and bounce around.
"Brother, it's ok, everything's ok," said Thor in a gentle tone before facing Loki to give him direct instructions insistently. "Loki, take both of his arms. Keep them both behind his back and don't let go. If we let him loose, his powers will get to the point where we can't stop it… and who knows what will happen."
Loki nodded grabbing both of Rakis' arms and pulled them firmly behind his back. He used both of his hands and cupped his wrists together strong enough that Rakis wouldn't be able to break free no matter how hard he tried. Frustrated and in tears, Rakis was shouting something wordless, squirming to break free from his brother's strong grips on him. Both of his hands were immobilized against his lower back thanks to Loki. It was not hard nor painful, but enough that he couldn't move them at all.
Rakis finally started to wear himself out, and his cries became more soft and gentle, not as harsh as before. His cries weren't vocal, but they were light sobs as tears were becoming drier. Some objects dropped from the air to the ground and shattered into pieces. The ground wasn't shaking as intensely as before. The cracks in the cement slowed down and less objects were breaking.
"I think he'll listen to us now," said Thor, glancing at Loki who nodded in agreement continuing to hold his brother's arms against his lower back. "Hey Rakis, hey, focus on our voices, buddy." Thor spoke very quietly, but not too quiet that he couldn't hear him. "Everything is alright. You are worth everything to us. We will always fight for you, no matter what."
"Thor is right, brother," said Loki as soothing as he possibly can. "Just relax, breathe."
Rakis moaned quietly and then whined, voicing his displeasure as everything around him began to settle down. Thor began to rub his upper back in an inverted triangular pattern. Rakis started to be in control of his breaths, taking deeper and slower ones. His heart rate began to drop down because he was calming down. Rakis wasn't trying hard to break free from his brother's grips on him.
"I don't think he's completely done freaking out yet," said Thor quietly to Loki who glanced at Rakis and agreed. Nothing could stop Rakis' panic attacks because he had to endure it on his own until he calmed down.
Loki put a better grip on Rakis' wrists, and he could feel the pressure on his lower back. Thor continued rubbing his upper back in an inverted triangular pattern. Rakis opened his eyes and allowed them to adjust to the dim sunlight around him. He stopped struggling to try and break free from both of his brothers grips on him. He took some deep breaths and finally was in control of his breathing patterns, and his powers. Between each exhale, Rakis' powers dimmed down. Objects immediately stopped breaking and the ones in the air dropped to the floor and smashed to pieces. The cracks in the cement stopped spreading among the floors.
"Nice, he's coming back," said Thor with a sigh of relief as well as Loki. They looked at each other and smiled small knowing they handled their brother's panic attack with confidence and rather fluently. "Ok, now he'll listen to us."
"You're fine, brother," Loki began to say instead of Thor this time. "Everything is going to be alright."
"We love you, Rakis, no matter what you do," Thor added in a soothing tone.
Sighing, Thor and Loki looked at each other and nodded. They slowly released their grips off their brother. Rakis' panic began to subside and his shoulders relaxed. His crying completely stopped as he sniffled to push them away. He closed his eyes and exhaled. Rakis' entire body began to relax, and felt his muscles weakening. The storm was over now.
"You ok buddy?" asked Thor taking his hand in his. After a moment of silence, Rakis opened his eyes and slowly nodded.
"I-I'm ok," said Rakis quietly as he tightened his grip on Thor's hand. "I-I just want to be left alone."
Thor and Loki looked at each other before nodding. Thor released his hand away from Rakis' hand, as they both watched him walk up the stairs back into the kingdom. Thor and Loki stood up and took a deep breath after Rakis disappeared into the kingdom. That was a quite eventful moment.
A moment as passed after not speaking a single word to each other. They then heard footsteps and saw both their parents running out frantically with worry written all over their faces. They both looked at the front of the kingdom, seeing everything smashed to bits.
"What in tarnation happened out here?" Odin asked in worry as he and his wife carefully walked down the steps. Thor and Loki looked at each other and sighed knowing they had every right to know what happened out here.
"Rakis had another panic attack, father," said Thor taking a deep breath. "There's no need to worry, we dealt with it. He's ok."
"Oh Rakis," Frigga murmured as she looked around at the giant mess her youngest son has made. She faced her husband, took his hand and squeezed it. "Odin, I fear Rakis is getting himself in a much worse state in his life."
Odin took a breath and nodded, "I agree."
"What are we going to do, Father?" Thor asked as Loki remained silent unable to find the right words to say at this moment.
"I prophesize that if Rakis doesn't learn to accept himself and control his powers, he will cause…"
Odin instantly stopped talking and walked right back inside the kingdom, followed by Frigga who gave Thor and Loki a confused expression. Loki and Thor glance at each other now beginning to grow worried and concerned about their father's prophecy. Without wasting another single second, they raced after their parents inside their kingdom following them down the great, large halls to a large room.
Thor was very anxious and upset that their father just walked away from them in mid sentence, leaving them in wonder.
"I demand to know what is going on!" Thor shouted in anger because he was worried for his little brother. "Is there something wrong with our little brother?!"
Odin took a deep breath and closed his eyes not responding, trying to think of a way to tell his sons. Frigga sighs and places a hand on Odin's shoulder and squeezed it in empathy of his feelings.
"Father, answer me!" Thor yelled impatiently, getting all riled up and upset, letting his emotions guide his thinking.
"Thor, you are about to be king… you mustn't let your anger guide your thinking," Odin finally said turning around, sucking in a breath holding back his tears, trying to remain as calm as possible in front of his children. He didn't want to stir things up between his sons because he knows how sensitive they are about Rakis. Odin knows that Thor and Loki are very protective of Rakis and telling them about the prophecy would get them quite upset. But, he knows he has to. He couldn't bare to tell them after the coronation ceremony for Thor, that would stress them out even more on top of all the new responsibilities. "You need to calm down."
"I AM completely calm!" Thor snapped in rudeness as Loki approached his brother.
"Brother, take a step back and look at your actions… is this any way to prove to father you are worthy of being king?" Loki asked his brother quietly in his ear, trying not to let his jealousy control his thinking as well.
"If you want to help brother, I strongly suggest you stay out of this," Thor replied through gritted teeth. He made tight fists and felt his muscles increasing, locking eyes with Odin who slightly shook his head in disappointment.
Loki sighed and took a few steps away from Thor, staying silent. He planted his feet to the floor as he never took his eyes off his father. Thor knew something was terribly wrong, seeing the expressions on both his parents faces. Worry and horror was written all over their faces. The last thing Thor wanted is to know that Rakis will be in some sort of danger. He felt he had the right to know what was going on with Rakis so he can do everything in his power to stop Rakis from getting hurt. He needed to know the prophecy that Odin was beginning to tell them.
"This is the last time I'm asking father, what is going on with our little brother?!" Thor demanded in anger.
Loki took a breath, worried as well, but he did not dare speak a word.
"Should we tell them?" Frigga asked quietly to her husband. He sucked in a breath and slowly nodded.
"It's time both of you know the prophecy of Rakis," Odin began to explain to his two eldest sons. He put his hands behind his lower back and held them together as he walked around the room. Thor was still furious, as he watched his father pace the room. Loki clenched his hands together and looked down at his feet as his father began to speak. "As you both well know… Rakis is the god of misfortune. The day he was born… we realized he came with a terrible fate."
"Which is what?" Thor asked trying to remain relaxed, but it was near impossible.
"Rakis has powers that is beyond even my understanding… but… the prophecy states that he will be contribute to cause an all out war between a three of the nine realms. Rakis has no control over his powers. If he cannot learn be in control of himself… I'm afraid his fate is to die."
Dead silence filled the entire room. Thor couldn't process what was just said. Rakis' fate is to die? Thor shook his head instantly, not wanting to believe one word of his father's story. He will not lose his brother, he just can't let him die. He won't let this prophecy become real. Thor wouldn't allow Rakis' fate become a reality. Tears started quickly forming in his eyes, getting all choked up. He wasn't even sure if he could even speak a single word after what Odin just told him and Loki. Thor felt his emotions catching up to him as his muscles increased, his fists turned red and he clenched his teeth together.
"No," said Thor quietly angry, unable to process this information in his mind for a second. He found it quite hard to fight back his sadness that was slowly creeping over him like a storm heading over the horizon. "That's impossible… you're lying…"
"This is exactly what I feared, Odin," Frigga said trying to fight back his tears as she watched her sons being taken over by overwhelming sadness. "We shouldn't have agreed to tell them… it's too soon. Especially with Thor's coronation coming up in a couple days."
"We can't keep putting it off, Frigga," Odin replied to her, in a firm, low tone of voice. "They had every right to know. Thor is about to become king. It would've caused more damage if we waited until then."
Frigga was about to resort to her husband's comment, but as soon as she sucked in a breath to reply, Thor interrupted her.
"I will not let Rakis die," said Thor in emotional anger that was clearly guiding his thinking. "His fate will not become true! I won't let it!"
"Thor, son, the prophecy has been written since his birth… there's nothing you can do to change the reality of the situation," Odin replied in a gentle tone, trying to fight back his sadness as well.
"You said he needs to be in control of his powers, so why can't we just teach him?" Thor demanded harshly. "Then his prophecy will be unwritten!"
"It's not quite that simple-"
"There has to be a way we can save him!" Thor cried in emotional anger as tears began to pour down his cheeks as his eyes started to turn red.
Silence filled the room once again. Loki gulped and looked at his brother who is visibly shaken up by the news that their father has said. He couldn't bare to say a single word. He was too taken by his emotions, and he knew if he tried to speak he'd start sobbing to himself. He really does not want to be vulnerable right now and he is really bad at being vulnerable.
Loki just stood by Thor putting his left arm across his chest and placing his other hand on his mouth, so he can close off his emotions. He closed his eyes for a moment, sucking back his tears and sniffled. The only two things in this whole universe Loki is certain he cares about is Thor… and especially Rakis. He didn't know will happen to him if his little brother died. He couldn't think of anything pleasant at all that he would resort to.
Thor began to pace the floor, running his large, bouldering hands through his long, blonde hair, unable to fight back his sadness and emotional anger. He couldn't let Rakis die. That's not fair. He is their brother, he's family. There has to be some way to protect Rakis from his fate. Thor is now full of determination that their little brother will survive, no matter what the costs. He won't give up until he finds a way to help Rakis escape his prophecy.
He stopped pacing and faced Odin full of anger. He spoke in a quiet but deep tone.
"Does Rakis know about this, any if it at all?"
Odin sucked in a breath and exhaled. He slowly shook his head. "No."
"Why?" Thor demanded in a cruel tone, as tears streamed down his face. "Why didn't you say something to him? He has every right to know!"
Odin lost it completely and shouted back at Thor, "I wanted to protect him from the truth!"
"And you think the best way to protect our little brother is to hide his fate?" Thor challenged his father, looking at him squarely in the eyes, through gritted teeth. "You aren't being fair to him!"
Frigga let a tear slide down her cheek as she stepped in for her husband who was taken aback by his first born son's words.
"Thor please, you are not being fair," Frigga spoke quietly as she let another tear fall down the other cheek. "Your father is only doing what we thought was best for Rakis. Try and understand our reasons."
"I'm done listening to both of you," Thor said with a scoff and eye roll, as he sniffled recovering from his state of emotional anger. "The only people who know what's best for Rakis is me and my brother."
After that nasty remark, Thor whipped around and started to march out of the room leaving both Frigga and Odin absolutely shocked of what their son has said. Frigga softly gasps as she grips onto her husband's hand, letting more tears fall from her eyes. Loki sighed in holding back his tears as he approached his parents.
"I shall try and speak with him, Father," Loki managed to choke up in the best of moods he could muster out. "Maybe once he cools off, things will lighten up."
Odin forced a small smile at his son, "Thank you, Loki. I hope so."
Loki forced a smile back at his father as he turned around and walked quickly out of the room to catch up with his brother before he does something he will regret. Loki turned down the large hall and saw Thor a few feet ahead of him. He sighed and knew, despite if all his jealousy of his upcoming coronation ceremony, he had to stop Thor from whatever he was planning on doing. He had a pretty good idea of what it was, and he had to stop him. Thor isn't thinking clearly because he's upset, and that causes him to do things that will cause trouble out of his good intentions in the spir of the moment.
Loki had to try and talk him out of his thoughts because the end results won't do anyone any good whatsoever. He pushed back his emotions and ran up to Thor.
"Brother, what do you think you're doing?" Loki asked trying to keep up with Thor.
"I'm going to tell our brother the truth!" Thor replied in a harsh tone, being absolutely unbearable and stubborn. "Father shouldn't have kept this from him."
Loki shook his head knowing that was exactly what he thought Thor would do.
"Thor, just stop and think about what you're doing," said Loki stopping Thor in his path to proceed any further. He stood in front of Thor, not allowing him to walk any further. He could tell that Thor was very upset and letting his emotions take over his good judgement. "You are upset about the prophecy. So am I, but you can't go to Rakis with a head full of steam! You aren't thinking rationally and that will libel to make things worse."
Thor just stood there and took some deep breaths to compose himself. He closed his eyes and let a tear trickle down his cheek. Maybe Loki is right. Maybe he needs to calm down and think about everything. He knows that Rakis deserves the truth but maybe now isn't the right time. Thor thought about it some more, and he was starting to second guess himself, if he really could go through with telling Rakis about the prophecy. Rakis is in such a bad place as it is. Why make it worse?
He knew he really should tell Rakis, but after having to deal with another one of his severe panic attacks… Rakis may not even be ready emotionally to be able to process and take the news well.
Thor opened his eyes and looked at his brother who seemed to be just as distraught as he is. No matter how much Loki tries to hide it, Thor could always see right through it. He really does have a soft side.
"Have you ever known Father to be wrong?" Loki asked in a more gentle tone to his brother who he can tell is letting down his guard and relaxing.
"Well I think this time he is," Thor replied. "Rakis should've been told the truth."
"I agree with you, but try and understand Father's side to this," Loki continued as Thor sighed deeply listening to him. "With the state Rakis is in, he won't take the news lightly. Father doesn't want to see him go down an even darker path."
"You know brother, sometimes you can be quite wise," Thor admits with a small smile patting Loki's right shoulder with his hand. Loki tried not to blush at the compliment, and smiled back.
"When should we tell him?" Loki asked after a couple moments of silence between the two.
Thor sucked in a breath and sighed, "I sense it would be safer after my coronation."
Loki nodded, trying not to twitch at the comment of the ceremony coming up. He knew that for a long time that Thor's going to become king of Asgard. He never said anything about why Odin chose Thor to be the next king. He felt it was his birthright to be king. Over the course of many years, he felt less than an equal to Thor. He felt as if Odin and Frigga are paying more attention and spending more time with Thor than him. He had always felt underappreciated and not loved enough. He just wanted to be Thor's equal and have everyone treat him that way.
He always knew that Thor got the most appreciation no matter how much his parents denied his confrontations on the subject. Now he just keeps his feelings bottled up inside because he knew that he will never get the answer he wanted. He jealousy started to burn up consciously since the date for the ceremony was announced to all of Asgard. He wanted to have it out with Thor, but he couldn't ruin his brother's day of triumph.
The temptation becoming too much to ignore lately. He wanted to demand that he should be the one to become king, not Thor. He felt if he did become king, he get that appreciation and admiration he longed for. It was getting harder and harder to keep a straight face and not give the satisfaction that he was now insanely jealous. After a long period of time keeping his emotions from being exposed, he set even deeper expectations for himself and to people around him about how he should be treated. He has a deep need for approval that he feels he's not getting from anyone.
Loki wants to be Thor's equal, but his personality and his destiny to be the god of mischief just gets in the way of that.
He's actually questioning how much his parents know about his jealousy, and surprised by how little Thor knows him. That makes him feel lonely and even angrier inside.
...