Ranger Gordon Ranger stared longingly out into the misty woods from the staggering height of fire watch tower #13 . The vast Canadian forest wasn't the only thing that was misty on that cold, uncaring Saturday morning as he tried to stifle the dewy tears forming in his big brown eyes. In other words, today was a day like any other.
It was an ordinary day. He shaved, combed his hair, and donned his uniform like he did every ordinary day. The ranger always maintained a clean-cut appearance despite his lack of powder room facilities. He prepared breakfast and then pulled up a stool whilst he gazed into the treetops and contemplated his utterly crushing loneliness; vast and expansive as this wilderness - just another ordinary day.
No, perhaps not. Perhaps today was a little worse. For it was his birthday, the one day that no one - let alone a man as attractive as he - - should be alone. It wasn't right. Everyone had forgotten. Even the squirrels and the muskrats. No cake, no presents, not even a 'happy birthday, Gord!'. Nothing. His best friend Red Green wasn't due to visit until tomorrow, but even Red always forgot his big day too. Gord never forgot Red's birthday. Last year he even went to the trouble of making an educational nature cartoon all about animal births in honor of the great leader of Possum Lodge. He just wished that maybe, just this once, he wouldn't have to spend this day alone.
The lonely forest ranger sniffled, puffed out his chest, then let out a deep sigh of rugged, manly resolve. And he stared. Stared with all his might out into the landscape, for it was his sworn duty above all else that protecting the forest and citizens comes first. He had vowed to honor this pure, natural beauty. But his mind did wander. Alas, thought Gord, if only the pure natural beauty of a female were his to protect and honor as well … and all the better if she were human. He grinned, perfect white teeth gleaming through the fog.
He relaxed on his wooden stool, munching slowly on his bark sandwich. "Needs more sap," he critiqued. Suddenly from down below there came a loud rustling of leaves and snapping of twigs. He bolted up and peered over the edge of the tower, just catching a glimpse of what appeared to be none other than a damsel in distress! A young maiden was running breathlessly through the spruces, her long blonde curls bouncing, her frilled peach dress flowing behind her. She was unkempt; covered with dead leaves and debris. She tripped over a root and let out an odd little yelp, then picked herself up and continued stumbling throughout the trees.
Gord sprang for the stairs, tripping over the stool. "Wait! Don't go! I'll help you – I'm a ranger! Stay right there!" He flew down the hundreds of creaky wooden stairs and leaped from the last landing onto the dusty pathway, falling forward a bit onto his hands. He stood up and looked around, but the girl had vanished. "No … no! This can't be! Where are you? Come back! NOOOOO!" He fell to his knees, sobbing.