I feel so lost.

Even the night air hasn't cleared my senses, and I've been standing here for three hours. I should be asleep by now. I should be dreaming of tomorrow. Instead, I'm dreaming while awake, of less confusion and more understanding.

I should be grounded right now. But I'm not. If I'm up this late, I should be grounded, right?

But apparently I'm so quiet, so much in my own little world, that even my own parents don't notice me.

Usually, they notice me too much. Now they don't notice me at all?

It almost made me sad that I haven't yet gotten in trouble.

The night air should have already cleared my senses.

I already said something like that.

I sighed.

I'm so lost.

Lately, at school, I've been looking around. I'm not even searching for anything in particular; I feel like I'm missing something, or someone, and even if someone is right in front of me, paying attention to me and talking to me, I still find myself looking around, expecting a certain thing or person to pop up and ease my mind.

In fact, now that I really think about it, it's not a thing. It's definitely a person. I'm searching for someone, I don't know why, I don't know who, but without them I feel so lost.

I closed my eyes as the night air lightly brushed my skin and made me shiver. It's an odd night. The clouds are covering whatever stars are left in the sky, and though the moon is hidden, its light still shines through the clouds, illuminating my sleeping town.

I wish I were them. I wish I was Kyle, and I could just fall asleep on my homework. Or Stan, just fall happily asleep after a long day of football. Or Tweek. Yes, Tweek, so I could doze off, even in a haze of paranoia, hugging my thermos tightly in my arms. I wouldn't even mind that the gnomes stole my underwear; I just want peace.

A glimmer of white caught my eye. It seemed to be weaving in and out of the grey clouds above the town.

How pretty. They look like wings.

What a big bird.

For lack of anything better to do, and for the want to keep myself from falling into the deep abyss of depressing thoughts that I would only smile off later, I focused on the wings. They seemed so graceful. I grabbed my Hello Kitty stuffed animal on my bed, my eyes leaving the clouds for just a moment, then went back quickly to keep watching the bird.

But it was gone when my eyes tried searching the skies. I pouted and rested my chin on the head of my Hello Kitty, clutching it in my arms.

I let my mind wander. I wonder what kind of bird it was. With wings as white as they were, maybe it was a dove?

No, it was too big.

A swan?

Can swans even fly that high?

I laughed to myself. Maybe it was an angel.

My smile grew. Yes, that's it. A guardian angel! A beautiful angel searching the streets for those in need, eager to give a helping hand to those who believe.

Yes. That seemed the most plausible answer than any of my other suggestions. But now way would the angel come to me; I'm not in that bad of a pickle. I'm just confused really…trying to figure out what I'm searching for.

I shivered again when another breeze rolled through my window. I stuffed my face in Hello Kitty and braced it until it was over.

But it's funny. The breeze ruffled my hair as if fingers were running through it, and I could of sworn a hand rested on my head for at least a seco-

"Are you cold?"

Cue the scream and me tripping backwards onto my bum. Hello Kitty goes flying, and my eyes grow wide as saucers as I stare into the eyes of a golden haired boy perched on my window sill, beautiful white wings stretching wide from his back.

He laughed and shook his head. "Wow. I didn't mean to do that, but that was funny. You better watch your step, boy." The boy stepped into my room and picked up Hello Kitty. He looked at it with vague confusion, and then threw it on my bed. "Do you need help getting up?"

He held out a pure white hand, so clean it almost glowed. I looked at it in awe for a moment before reaching out and grabbing it, easily being lifted from the ground and onto my feet.

"T-thank you," I whispered, quickly taking steps back and looking at the ground. My eyes darted from left to right and I tried hard not to look at the boy.

Because this couldn't be happening. There could not be a boy in my room that had climbed in through my second story window. There could not be a boy with wings almost as wide as my walls, which were now hunched together and crowding behind him.

There could no way in every universe possible in this world, in ever, be an angel in my room.

"Hey kid," he said, fingering the collar of his orange long sleeve shirt. "Do you always leave the window open? It's freezing in here. I know why you were shivering now." He turned around and closed the window. "Do you mind if I stay in here for a while? I have to thaw out before I turn to ice."

He waited for no reply. And I didn't give him one. I had none in my brain.

Then, out of nowhere, I slapped myself.

It sounded throughout the room and made the angel turn around in shock. Which i don't blame him for, because I surprised myself too.

"Oh…no," I whispered. "I-i-i-i-I'm awake…"

"I don't know why it took you that long to realize it…and say it for that matter, do you always stutter like that?...but yes, you're awake." The boy smirked and lazily sat on my bed, stretching his arms above him, showing a sliver of stomach as he tried to reach toward the ceiling.

I blushed and turned around. There's a boy in my room. A gorgeous, beautiful, hot boy/angel in my room.

How was I going to tell me parents? Holy bejeezus, would they believe me?

Oh, hamburgers. I'm done for.

"Stop worrying," the boy whispered. "No one will see me unless I want them to."

I turned around. "Unless you want them to?"

He nodded. "Unless I want them to. Relax." He patted the spot next to him. "Come sit down."

I hesitantly walked toward him and dug my knuckles together, my eyes darting across the room. On my own, sure, I was calm and almost clear minded, but around other people something happens and I can't act myself. I get too nervous, and my icky habits reach the surface.

He waited patiently as I slowly set myself down a little farther away than I had planned.

I wanted to touch them. The wings shivered and fluttered, and with every glance I saw a new feather, each with different heights and different shades of white. They're beautiful, and I wonder how they feel.

"Do you want to feel them?"

I gasped and accidentally looked him in the eyes. My knuckled gnashed together as he smiled at me and stretched his closer wing open to where I was sitting. The edge feathers lightly brushed against my cheek, and my head leaned into them, my eyes closing on their own accord as my hands raised and delicately ran my fingers through the thin feathers.

They were like pillows, but more delicate. I wanted to hug them, but I restrained myself and only pet them once or twice before letting go and looking back down at my lap.

"So," he said. "What's on your mind?"

I looked at him with confusion in my eyes.

He rolled his own and sat back against my pillows, crossing him arms behind his head. "So, kid," he began.

"It's Butters..."

"Huh?"

"M-my name is Butters."

"Oh. Okay, well, Butters, as you can probably tell, I'm an angel. Why the fuck they made me one is still unknown to me because I have done some bad shit, but-"

"They forgave you."

"What?"

"W-well, um, isn't that what people like you do? And…well…aren't angels forgiving and…stuff?" he kept looking at me. "W-well, gosh, maybe they saw you and thought you deserved a second…chance…" I knocked my knuckles together and cleared my throat. "Sorry," I whispered. "Continue."

He shook his head. "It's okay. Anyway, because I'm an angel, I'm supposed to help people. It's like part of the job description or something. While I was flying around…I noticed you."

He stared at me for a moment before continuing, staring around my room as he talked.

"You seemed to notice me as well, which I found interesting. I was curious. When I got closer I noticed that you had something on your mind." He shrugged. "I want to help."

"Well thank you, Mr. Angel, but I'm perfectly perfect, I'm as perfect as can be!" I exclaimed. I stood from my bed and pointed towards the window. "Now, what you should really do, is go out in search for other people, because I am sure there are people in much more need for you than-"

"I want to help you, Butters," he interrupted. "Only you."

"W-w-w-…w-well, I don't think you know, because t-there's-"

"Butters. Shut up. You're going to let me help you. I want to help you. You're going to accept my help because I'm giving it to you, and it doesn't happen a lot, so let me do it."

I looked at him and begged him with my eyes to look for someone else. I don't deserve such a kind thing like this.

"No," he whispered. "I'm staying." He unhooked his arms from the back of his head and leaned forward, as if he wanted to listen. "Now tell me. What's wrong."

And I started crying. Silent tears; I can't bear to lose it completely in front of other people anymore. Last time I did I got beat up by a stupid boy at school. So I stood and I shook, and felt as the collar of my baby blue pajamas became wet. I watched as the angel outstretched his arms toward me and showed me an accepting smile.

And I fell for it. I fell for the smile and I fell into the arms, quite literally. He held me like a child and I gripped onto him like one, hiding my face in his chest and silently shaking, besides a few hiccups or gasps. He held me until I stopped, and afterwards, I felt free. Like a load was taken off my shoulders.

I told him what was wrong. That I'm searching for someone that I don't know; that I don't know why or where they are. But that every day, I'm looking, and my eyes are waiting, and my heart is beating in anticipation as my mind is confused as to what is going on.

Of course, I didn't tell it that eloquently. It was more of a stop and go speech, because I was still hiccupping from crying.

When I was finished, he sat me next to him and turned ourselves so we were facing each other. He threaded his fingers through the hair on the back of my head and leaned forward so we were touching foreheads. I closed my eyes as he spoke to me.

"I know how to help you," he whispered softly. "and I have taken it upon myself to be the one to help you." He massaged his fingers against my scalp. "Until your goal is reached I will be your guardian angel; I will protect you and stay with you. What is your goal, Butters?"

"To find the one I'm searching for," I murmured. I was becoming sleepy and my mind was starting to grow groggy.

"I will help you find the one you're searching for. I'll be your guardian angel."

As his words whispered through my ears and muddled in my brain, I felt him pull me closer and I fell into him. He whispered even softer, and even more heavenly than he had talked before.

"I will be yours Buttercup," was the quietest sentence that went with the softest kiss to my lips.

I fell asleep. My mind was clear and my heart grew dazed, and my dream held a beautiful angel that had yet to hold a name.