Mmmkay...this be a parody of the Wizard of Oz that I was asked to write a while back, so I did. Instead of the original characters that were in it, I used me and my buddies. I'm Annie, James is my bestest friend, Kaia is my best friend, Marissa is one of my good friends, and Laddie is her boyfriend, and Jesse is Kaia's boyfriend. All others are stragglers along the way. Except Chainey. He is my adolescent God, and is much loved by all.

The Wizard of Zo.

Once upon a time, in the land of Kansas City, Missouri, there was a girl, and her name was Marissa Dorothy Gale Hewes. She lived on a humble farm on the realm of the black and white and always dreamed of bigger things along with her large Terrier-wolf breed puppy Lucky Toto. Yes, she was quite amazed by the fact that a wolf and a Terrier could actually mate and produce offspring, but the dogs wierdness never bothered her. As was previously said, she had big dreams. Dreams of seeing the color red, or even green. But alas, her life was only in black and white with a staticy look.

And thus, our story begins...

Marissa- "Lucky, do you ever think I'll see the color green, or a clear blue sky, free of the fuzzies?"

Lucky- " Bark, Bark!"

Marissa- " I am not supid for asking such questions. Think, man wanted to know where we began and it turns out we descend from monkies. There is color out there somewhere... : begins to sing: Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that I heard of once, in a lulluby. Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dream of..."

Lucky- "BARK!" :rough translation: Shut the fuck up!":

Marissa- " Don't you boss me you little bitch!"

Lucky- "..."

Yelling is heard fronm the house at this point and a scary looking old woman walks out of the house and grabs lucky.

Marissa- " Leggo of my dog, ya old hag!"

Woman- " Ha! Fat chance off that happening! Why, just the other day, this ugly mockery of all that's natural and right in the world BIT me. I have a warrent and this thing is going to be put down, in accordance with the law."

At this point Marissa tried to wrestle Lucky away from her, but the old hag was too strong and pushed Marissa to the ground, ran to her motorcycle, put the dog in a pink and white basket, and peeled out.

Marissa- " LUCKY! DON"T EVER FORGET ME! NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!"

Marissa began to cry, and then she ran to the house and yelled at her mother and father.

Marissa- " How could you let that horrid old witch take my baby!"

She then ran to her room, flung herself upon the bed, and began to sob.

Meanwhile, Lucky, being very smart, managed to push open the basket, jump out, and run home to his owner. He arrived there as Marissa was preparing to commit suicide, or writing the letter at least. Upon seeing him she began to cry harder and pack her belongings.

Marissa- " We're leaving this place boy! We're going somewhere that horrid witch can never find us again!"

(This is really how it goes in the real story.)

And thus she left the house and began her travels to god knows where.

Presently, she came upon a white wagon with the words " THE GREAT AND POWERFUL SMART-ASS" written on the side. She stepped inside and was greeted by a little man with brown hair He beamed at her.

Man-" Come in, come in. My name is Josh McLeod, and I know all. Have a seat."

Marissa did as asked and set her pack upon the floor. Josh sat as well.

Josh- " Close your eyes."

Marissa again did as asked. Josh began to rummage through her bag while chanting in some made up language. He came upon her wallet and pocketed the money inside, then took out a picture and studied it. It showed and elderly woman. He stuck the picture back in the wallet and the wallet back in the bag, then sat across from her.

Josh- "You may open thy eyes child, for I have peered through the mists of time and the future. Tell me do you have a grandmother?"

Marissa opened her eyes, amazed that he knew she had a grandmother.

Marissa- " Yes, I do!"

Josh- " I see a vision of her, she is in a black and white polka dotted dress with a hat on. Is that correct?"

Marissa- " Yes, that's her favorite dress as a matter of fact!"

Josh- " Is that so? She is calling out a name...she is worried for someone...Marissa...Marissa...she says...OH...Oh this is terrible! She is clutching her chest as if in pain. She has fallen to the ground! Her body is twitching and her face is pale. Tell me does she have an illness?"

Marissa- "NO!GRANDMA!"

Josh- " Oh. it's just getting worse! She is dying, there are people all around her. Her movements have stopped. A doctor is shaking his head. Oh, whatever can this mean. But wait, where are you? Why are you not in this horrific image of DEATH!"

Marissa- " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Josh- " The vision has ended! That'll be $29.95 plus a tax of $5.00 per dollar. Then there is also the $50.00 for the half-hour..."

Marissa ran out the door towards home.

Wind began to pick up and form into a tunnel. She reached the yard and ran to the shelter. It was locked. She ran to the house and the screen came off. She collapsed upon her bed as the house flew into the air with her and Lucky.

Marissa- " GRANDMA!"

The house landed and Marissa woke up. She stepped outside and shut her eyes as the bright golden sun tried to mutilate them, then opened them again. There were green hemp plants growing everywhere. Giggling reached her ears as a fat midget came towards her. She held onto Lucky tightly.

Midget- " Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"

Marissa- " EXCUSE ME! Do I look like a witch? NOOOOOO!"

Midget- " BAD WITCH!GAAAAH! THE DEVIL!RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

A large pink ball floated towards them as a young man in a black dress and checkered tie fell out of it.

Man- " Ooof! Hello! I am called Chainey, the good witch of the north!"

Marissa took a look at his assorted gun and knife collection strapped all over him and shook her head.

Marissa- " You look more like crossdressing mercenary."

Chainey- " I am too a witch and I can prove it!"

He pulle out a wand and brandished it like a sword.

Chainey- " Alakazannabibittibobbitibookadabra!"

Bright red glittering shoes appeared on Marissa's feet,

Marissa- " OH MY GAWD! DIAMOND ENCRUSTED SOLES!"

Chainey- " Those belonged to my now deceased sister, the wicked witch of the east"

Marissa- " What happened to her?"

Chainey- " You killed her."

Marissa- " I did not!"

Chainey geabbed her shoulders and turned her around. There, underneath the house, was a dead body. Midgets were currently poking it with sticks.

Marissa- " I didn't mean too!"

Chainey- " I don't mind. More money, power and lands for me. YAY!"

Midgets began to crowd around them.

Chainey- " These are the munchkins! Nuclear waste from the 1941 Nagasaki bombing in Japan stunted thier growth and thrust this chunk of land into orbit around the earth! We have our own atmosphere and everything!"

Some midgets stepped forth and one of them pulled out a slip of paper.

Chainey- " OH YAY! A free show!"

Midget- " We munchkins of the land of Zo, wish to thank you for killing the wicked witch of the east. And in your honor we will give you food, entertainment and fulfill one wish."

More midgets stepped forth as some began to serve her really expensive sounding french dishes.

Midgets- " We represent the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, we represent the lollipop guild, and this we give to you!"

They handed her a humoungas( sp?) lollipop and ran off. Three midget girls in tutu's showed up and began to dance. Then another midget showed up when they were done.

Midget- " Wish?"

Marissa- " I wanna go home! You thingies scare me!"

Chainey- " There is only one way, you must follow the bright, golden sidewalk to see the wizard of Zo!"

Midgets- " Follow the bright golden sidewalk, follow the bright golden sidewalk, follow, follow, follow, follow the bright golden sidewalk! OHHHHHHH, Were off to see the wizard the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Zo! We hear he is a wiza-ful wiz, if ever a wiz there was, if ever a wiza-ful wiz there was the wizard of Zo is one because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things he does! Were off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Then Marissa was shoved out of the town.

Marissa- " GAAH! This sucks ass. How the hell am I supposed to follow the bright, golden sidewalk if it branches in four directions?"

Voice-" Go that way!"

Marissa looked around. There was nothing but a corn field and a scarecrow.

Marissa- " I AM going crazy!"

Voice- " That way is pretty good too!"

Marissa looked around yet again. She caught a movement out of the corner of her eye and glared at the now differently positioned scarecrow.

Marissa- " Wait a minute..."

Voice- " Course you could always go that way as well!"

The scarecrow crossed his arms and grinned at her. Marissa screamed.

Marissa- " Possessed farm equipment! Run for your lives!"

Scarecrow- " I beg your pardon! I am not possessed!"

Marissa marched up to him and poked him in the chest, which was actually quite a ways up considering he was stuck up on a pole.

Marissa- " Give me directions or I'll burn you!"

Scarecrow- " OOH, I'm really scared, considering I'm fireproof and all.."

Marissa- " You're made of straw!"

Scarecrow- " This is Zo, moron. After the 1941 bombing of Naga..."

Marissa- " Spare me the history lesson."

Scarecrow- " The straw here is fireproof, but melts in water."

Marissa- " What the hell?"

Scarecrow- " Could you get me off?"

Marissa- " What! Ewww! No!"

Scarecrow- " I have a pole lodged up my back! All I'm asking you to do is bend the nail in the back and release me!"

Marissa- " Wait! What? Huh? Nail?"

Scarecrow- " Yes! Nail! Pole! Back! Pain! Intense pain!"

Marissa- " I thought you were asking me to..."

Scarecrow- " What?"

He gave her a blank stare. He seriously did not know.

Marissa- " Never mind, hold still."

She undid the nail in back and he fell to the ground.

Marissa- " Hey, chicken, you lost some of your stuffing."

Scarecow- " I'm free! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! First order of business. I need a name. I shall be henceforth known as James Wolivar!"

Marissa- " Right...Jayme? Which way to the wizard?"

James- " My name is not Jayme and how the hell should I know?"

Marissa- " Give an educated guess!"

James- I'm not educated though. I do not have a brain. Oh, if I only had a brain. I could while away the hours, conversing with the flowers, in sunshine or in rain. I could be great at thinkin', just like old Abe lincoln, if I only had a brain. Oh, I, could tell you why..."

Marissa- "Stop singing!"

James- " Left, 3.5 kilometers, through the black forest and the poppy field. Knock twice, wait for butler."

Marissa- " You just claimed to not know the way!"

James- " I was by a road. Travellers have asked me for directions for the past four months. That's how old I am!"

Marissa- " Thank you! BYE!"

James- " Wait, you're going to see the wizard right? Think he'll give me a brain?"

Marissa- " Maybe. I gotta get home. We'll go see him together."

James- " YAY!"

Marissa- " Do you know Chainey?"

James- " Chainey?"

Marissa- " You act like him, with all that YAY-ing"

James- " Nope."

Marissa- " Let's go."

Now remember to read, enjoy, and review! Because without reviews, I won't update.