I will make the world tolerate my weird rarepair if it's the last thing I do. Originally based on a college AU prompt from Tumblr: "we're both stuck at this awful hall meeting and are supposed to be revealing our feelings to each other" and I got...bored. And wrote a thing. And a continuation of the thing. And now I'm working on a part three. Send help this is the most self-indulgent weird thing I've ever done.

Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoy it! I'm always up for feedback if you have any.

Tien looked at the Namekian in front of him.

The Namekian looked back.

Tien cleared his throat.

The Namekian didn't move.

"So," Tien said, figuring an icebreaker was a good place to start, "you don't want to be here either, huh?"

That got him a derisive snort, but nothing else.

Well, fuck it. Their unimaginative, boring RA had decided "trust exercises" were what everyone on their floor needed to be doing right now, and apparently that included "baring their deepest feelings to one another" or something. Fine. He wanted feelings?

Oh boy, did Tien have feelings.

"I could be in my room right now," he announced. "I could be having a nap, or studying, or calling my little brother. I could be reading the new book I got from the library this morning. I could be practicing katas in the common area." To his surprise, the Namekian perked up when he mentioned martial arts. He filed that away for later. "But no, instead I'm here at this stupid meeting because someone–" He shot a very pointed glare at his roommate. Yamcha had his back to him, though, so he didn't notice. "Decided I needed to 'get out more' and 'be social.'"

The Namekian unfolded his arms and leaned on the table instead. "I came out to talk to Kevin about the ants in my unit and he wouldn't talk to me unless I came to the meeting." He glared at someone over Tien's shoulder, and Tien didn't have to be a genius to figure out that he was glaring at their RA. "It's been over an hour and he still won't talk to me."

Tien felt a grin spreading across his face. At least he'd found something they both had in common now. "I'm Tien."

"Piccolo." Piccolo raised a hand when Tien started to talk. "I know, not a common name for a Namekian, don't ask, I've got brothers named Cymbal and Drum, my dad was insane."

Tien noticed the use of the word "was" and didn't comment. "My brother's the only family I talk to anymore. His name is Chiaotzu and he's eight."

"The kid next door to me is usually the only person I can stand to be around for more than a few minutes. I babysit him sometimes. His mom hates me, though." Piccolo looked proud of himself for reasons Tien couldn't figure out for the life of him. Then he looked at Tien again. "You're not bad, though. To talk to, I mean."

For some reason, Tien felt heat prick his cheeks. "Uh. Thanks. You too."

"Okay, everyone!" Kevin's perky voice cut through the conversations. Piccolo winced and put his hands over his ears. Tien gave him a sympathetic look–Namekian ears were sensitive to loud noises. "We're going to switch it up now! Find someone else to talk to!"

Piccolo scowled at Kevin, who ignored him and walked off towards a different group. "Fuck that," he growled. "If he's not going to talk to me about the ant problem, I'm leaving." He started to stand and without thinking Tien snapped his hand out to grab Piccolo's wrist.

They remained frozen like that for no more than a few seconds before Tien quickly retracted his hand. "Sorry," he mumbled, folding his hands in his lap and keeping his eyes glued to them. "I was just thinking we could always just talk more instead. You're the first person tonight I've been able to actually hold a conversation with." At Piccolo's silence, he glanced up to see Piccolo looking at him thoughtfully.

Kevin chose that moment to pop over to their table. "Heeeyyyy, Tien, Piccolo, we're switching partners now, so–"

"Either talk to me about ants or fuck off, Kevin." Piccolo turned his back to their RA and focused on Tien again. "Want to go to my room? I was just going to go check the ant traps again, but–"

Tien stood as well. "Absolutely. Anywhere but here would be fantastic."

Piccolo nodded once, sharply, decisively, flipped Kevin off, and headed for the door. Tien hurried over to Yamcha and told him he was leaving. His roommate winked at him.

"Good for you," he said. "Go get some."

He and Piccolo were halfway down the hall before Tien figured out what Yamcha thought was going on. He almost laughed, but panic set in first. Oh no. What if Piccolo was thinking of that? Had they been flirting just now? It hadn't seemed like it to Tien, but he'd had several people have to flat-out tell him they were flirting with him before he noticed. He glanced at Piccolo, the silence between them suddenly awkward on his side. Really, he could do worse than Piccolo. The Namekian was downright handsome, with a strong jaw and a sliver of toned chest peeking through the top of his baggy shirt. And he seemed like a decent guy.

The problem, for Tien, was that nine times out of ten he just wasn't interested in sex of any kind. What would he do if it turned out Piccolo was?

He bumped into something, snapping out of his thoughts to realize that "something" was Piccolo's back. Tien hurriedly backed up a few steps, face on fire. Piccolo glanced over his shoulder at him. "You alright?" he asked.

"Fine." His voice squeaked and he cleared his throat. "Fine," he said again. "Just…just fine."

Piccolo was looking at him like he'd just sprouted a third eye in the middle of his forehead, but he shrugged and opened the door he'd stopped in front of. "Nail, I'm back," he said loudly, walking right in. "Shoes go over there," he told Tien, toeing his own shoes off and kicking them into the corner by the door. Tien took his shoes off a little more gently while Piccolo knocked on the door leading to one of the bedrooms. "Kevin's an asshole," he said through the door. "Wouldn't talk to me about the ants. Nail?" There was no response from his roommate.

"Maybe he's asleep," Tien offered. He was still standing in the entryway, such as it was–the units in this building were tiny, with one room making up a tiny kitchen and living space, two bedrooms that barely fit the standard furniture they all came with, and a bathroom that you could only just turn around in. From the looks of things, neither Piccolo nor his roommate (Nail?) had brought in much in the way of furniture, and the kitchen didn't seem well-used. A typical college dorm room if ever there was one.

"It's only 9:30," Piccolo said before pounding the door with his fist. "Hey, Nail, stop ignoring me." He opened the door before Tien could say or do anything else.

The bedroom was empty. Piccolo scowled. "Well where the fuck did he go? Nail goes out even less than I do."

Tien shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "I wouldn't know." He peeked into the kitchen. "Looks like he left you a note or something, though." When Piccolo looked around, he pointed at a scrap of paper on top of the microwave.

Piccolo grabbed it and scanned what was written on it. "Gone to a friend's to study," he said with a snort. "Code for "getting laid" if ever I saw it." He tossed the note on the counter and looked back at Tien. "I guess we have the place to ourselves."

Tien's mouth was dry. He took a breath that was shakier than it should've been. "I guess so."

"Want anything to drink?" Piccolo opened a cupboard and pulled out a couple of glasses. "We have water and, uh," he checked the fridge, "water."

"I'm fine, thanks." Tien shifted his weight and gathered his courage before moving into the kitchen. Piccolo was being so casual, maybe he wasn't thinking about sex at all. Which was kind of a pity because the more he looked at him, the more he realized how attractive he was. He leaned his hip against the counter as Piccolo filled and drained a glass of water, trying to gauge how much personal space to give. If he stood too close, he might freak Piccolo out, but if he was too far away he might not appear interested.

Oh no. He was interested in sex with Piccolo. Oh that wasn't good.

"So," Piccolo said, leaving his glass next to the sink and turning back to Tien. That was all he said, forgoing words in favour of folding his arms and mimicking Tien's lean against the counter, just an arm's length away. There was a silence that grew more and more awkward as it lengthened. "You want to go sit down?" Piccolo asked.

"Yes," Tien said immediately, because he'd been standing there panicking for the entire duration of the awkward silence and he probably would've agreed to anything Piccolo said at that point just to end it.

The old itch had come on very quickly, much quicker than usual–generally it built up over a few days until he couldn't ignore it anymore. And he'd never had anyone help him out with it before. Or even asked anyone to help him with it. So he had no idea what to do except follow Piccolo when he led him into the other bedroom.

He tried to take in the decor–a few photos on the desk, one of a young boy with black hair, a poster of Bruce Lee on one wall, white and purple clothes scattered around the floor–but then Piccolo closed the door behind them and he lost focus. Piccolo leaned against the wall and indicated that Tien could take the desk chair.

In a display of forwardness that surprised even himself, Tien instead leaned on the wall next to Piccolo so that they were pressed right together.

Namekians blushed purple, apparently, because Piccolo's green face was suddenly dusted with dark purple blotches. "Uh," he said, turning slightly towards Tien. Tien leaned in so they were inches apart. "You–that is–you're–I'm going to kiss you now."

"Please," Tien murmured, and then Piccolo's lips were on his, soft, gentle, exploratory, turning harder and more forceful as it went on, and suddenly Tien was pinned between Piccolo and the wall and struggling to keep up. He ran his hands up Piccolo's arms, his stomach fluttering at the shudder it sent through Piccolo, then up over his shoulders to rest on either side of his face. A knee worked its way between Tien's legs and Tien had to pull his mouth away to gasp for air for a moment.

Piccolo leaned down and growled in his ear. "So you were interested." His hands ran up and down Tien's sides and he shivered. "I wasn't sure."

"Neither was I," Tien admitted, stroking Piccolo's face with a thumb, "until just now."

Piccolo pulled back, concern written all over his face. "Too fast? We can stop. I hadn't originally invited you back to get laid, so it's fine if you just want to–"

Tien pulled his face forward and pressed their lips together again, just for a moment, just long enough to make Piccolo stop talking. "I'm down for it if you are," he said. "But I'll be honest, I don't know how Namekians get off, so–"

Piccolo waved vaguely. "Don't worry about that. Trust me, it's not hard." He shifted the leg that was between Tien's and grinned when Tien's breath hitched. "Speaking of hard, you seem like you're enjoying yourself."

Tien responded by burying his face where Piccolo's shoulder met his neck and sucking. He was expecting some kind of reaction, but not Piccolo to gasp and go nearly boneless against him. A light bite had Piccolo clutching him around the shoulders, cheek pressed to the top of Tien's head, gasping and panting. "That's…yeah, right there, oh…Tien…"

And that was where it really hit Tien what they were doing, when Piccolo moaned his name in the lowest, filthiest way he'd ever heard it said. They were about to have sex. Tien was about to have sex with a man (an alien) he'd known for less than half an hour. Even more shocking was the realization that he was totally okay with it and that if he didn't have sex with Piccolo tonight then he'd be more upset than if he did.

"You stopped." Piccolo pushed him out from his neck and back against the wall. "Second thoughts? It's the alien thing, isn't it?"

"No," Tien said, quickly trying to reassure him. "I just…it just suddenly hit me, you know? I don't do this very often and–we barely know each other and–"

"Please, like that ever stops anyone." Piccolo snorted, but kissed Tien's forehead, and the gesture was so gentle, so caring, that Tien almost wondered if this really was their first time meeting because Piccolo was so–he was–

There weren't words, really.

"Listen," Piccolo said, voice and mannerisms totally changing from the gentleness from before to something not quite sexy but trying really hard to be, "that's a great outfit, but I think it'd look better on my floor."

Tien tried to bite back a laugh, but was only partially successful. "Where'd you get that, the internet?"

"No," Piccolo said harshly, but he slid his hands up under Tien's shirt to run them across his chest. Then words were abandoned again as Tien slid out of his clothes with Piccolo's help, stopping in the middle of losing a piece of clothing every so often to press together again anywhere they could. Lips, hands, teeth, all pressing and sliding and touching and Tien's brain was a mess of hormones and then they were both naked and Piccolo's mouth was on his again, but there was tongue for the first time and oh that was marvelous. Tien's hands were all over Piccolo, on his chest, back, arms, grabbing at his thighs and ass (very nicely toned thighs and ass), and Piccolo's were returning the favour.

Then suddenly Piccolo moaned into Tien's mouth and he broke away. Before Tien could process anything, he'd grabbed one of Tien's hands and was sucking a finger. It was the most weirdly erotic thing Tien had ever seen (not that he had much experience) and he whimpered and ground against Piccolo's hips. Piccolo squeezed Tien's thigh and sucked a second finger into his mouth. Tien ground against Piccolo again, and the hand on his thigh slowly dragged itself over and–

Contact. Oh god Tien was going to die. Piccolo's touch was strong but gentle and Tien leaned forward to rest his forehead on Piccolo's shoulder as he stroked him and sucked his fingers. He was so hot–too hot–there was a hand on him that wasn't his, Piccolo was making obscene sucking noises in his ear. Tension coiled low in his belly, he was dizzy with lust. He was going to explode.

Abruptly, Piccolo pulled off of his fingers with a slick pop, releasing Tien below as well. "What–" Tien started, but he cut himself off when Piccolo knelt in front of him. "Oh. Okay."

Piccolo chuckled, low and rich. "Didn't think you'd object. I mean, if I get off from this–" He sucked one of his own fingers into his mouth and ran it over his tongue. Tien swallowed. "And you get off from this–" He ran the same finger up the underside of Tien's shaft, and Tien's hips jerked forward to follow the movement. "I figured why not combine them?"

And with that he had Tien in his mouth, and it was hot and wet and Tien had to lean forward and brace his hands on Piccolo's shoulders or his knees would buckle, and Piccolo's hands were on his hips, keeping them pinned back against the wall and he'd been wrong before, now he was going to die.

Piccolo made a sudden noise that sounded a lot like a muffled shout and suddenly it was a lot more wet and Tien shuddered and couldn't hold back anymore, his mind going blissfully blank for a moment as he came. Piccolo pulled off and swallowed, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "Fuck," he muttered, panting and looking up at Tien, "it's definitely better than just my fingers."

Despite the fact that Piccolo had literally just had Tien's dick in his mouth, Tien chose this to blush over. "Y-you…do that often?"

"Nah." Piccolo stood and stretched. Tien took the opportunity to admire him fully naked–he hadn't gotten much of an opportunity to before. "Not much point, unless I'm trying to have kids, and that shit's not happening ever."

"Me neither," Tien admitted. "But that–what you–so much better," he blurted. Why did he have to be so bad with words sometimes?

They stood in silence for a moment, Tien still against the wall despite Piccolo giving him plenty of space to move. "Did you," Piccolo licked his lips and started over, "did you want to spend the night?"

Tien blinked. "Would you be okay with that? I mean my room's just down the hall, but I don't have any early classes tomorrow so I wouldn't wake you, I just–if you're okay with–"

Piccolo cut him off by moving into his personal space and giving him a closed-mouth kiss. "I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't," he said gruffly.

Tien's smile was weak, but genuine. "I suppose not," he said as Piccolo pulled him towards the bed by his wrist.

"Besides–" Piccolo gave a hard tug and the next thing Tien knew he was on his back in the middle of the bed, Piccolo on all fours above him– "I never said we were done."

The door into the apartment creaked no matter what Nail did, and he winced as he slipped into the kitchen. It was 7 in the morning, "too early for this shit" as Piccolo would no doubt say when he came out of his room to gripe at Nail for waking him. But whatever, he'd had a good night, done a lot, and although he was sore and tired it had definitely been worth it.

Although Piccolo was being awfully quiet.

Nail gently opened the door to Piccolo's room and nearly fell on his ass at the sight before him. Piccolo was fast asleep, buck-ass naked, and curled around another man who was just as naked but not quite as asleep. He made eye contact with Nail and his eyes went wide, a flush starting to form on his face.

Nail just winked at him, gave him a thumb's up, and closed the door again.