Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Nagi no asukara
Chisaki sighed resignedly, leaning on the railing facing the frozen ocean. Drifts of salt flakes now piled in heaps around the land village, a sight she thought she'd never get used to. It was also bitterly cold and the snow storms were only getting heavier. Today was a rare occasion, the sun had decided to show itself after being concealed by clouds for a solid month. She never thought winter would prove to be more troublesome for her ena than summer. It was the cold, dry winds which drew away her moisture now, not the blazing sun which used to cause her dehydration. A small blush coloured her face, remembering how Tsumugu helped her walk to the water, his arms securely around her waist.
Guilt passed through her once more. These feelings, she had no right to blush over such trivial contact… Not whilst Manaka and Hikari were trapped under the ice, not whilst Kaname lay in a hospital bed, stuck in a coma with undetermined chances of waking up. She still felt guilty for not helping Kaname over board, she was too caught up in holding Tsumugu. It scared her to think, at that time no other thoughts ran through her head… only hope that he was uninjured. What kind of friend… what kind of person is able to forget about the well-being of those who risk their lives for her own needs. Her child hood friend. How could she leave Kaname to be struck in the head by oncoming debris? She only looked up in time to see his sad smile.
His body, thrown to the ship's edge along with the barrel.
The blood. Oh the blood.
She screamed.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
The rest of the night went past her like a blur. Kaname was taken to hospital, she wanted to follow but there wasn't enough room in the car. She wasn't about to argue with anyone or make a scene. This wasn't happening. The adults talked crowding around her, it was suffocating and yet… she felt so lost. Akira's voice broke the spell, Hikari's sister, she wasn't alone. There were others from Shioshishio. Then reason spoke once more, they had no room for her. Of course… Tsumugu's grandfather, Isamu, spoke up. He was also from Shioshishio, she could stay…
She should be surprised, she should gasp and bow politely and be a good little woman… Nothing seemed to be worth it. She kept her face impassive despite the cold restraint on her chest she feared any slither of emotion would cause her to break down.
"Sensei, we're missing a sheet." Said Chisaki politely holding up her hand. An awkward silence hung over the classroom as the students silently counted… no one was missing… The teacher frowned, checking the role again. Chisaki's expression hardened, trying to ignore the stares she received from her class mates. Tsumugu glanced sidelong at Chisaki, trying to be as impassive as possible. He could tell she found the attention unnerving.
"Who are we missing then?" asked the teacher, posing the question to the class, perhaps he missed someone. The students would be able to tell which of their friends were absent.
"Could I keep a copy of Kaname when he wakes up? I don't want him to be too behind on classwork." Explained Chisaki, lowering her hand fearing her nervousness may show by shaking.
"Ah," the teacher sighed, as if he understood. It frustrated her, the way adults pretended they knew everything, felt every emotion, lived every experience. It was all a load of crap. You could be thirty, living a sheltered life knowing less than a ten year old who had experienced it all. "Of course, come to me after school I'll need to reprint the papers." He smiled. Chisaki nodded, casting her gaze downwards, not wanting to see any more pity to be patronised. She blocked out the sympathetic whispers of her classmates the best she could. It was smothering. A voice of reason in the back of her mind explained they did this out of care, but she was too annoyed to feel grateful.
A year had passed since the incident at the Ofunehiki and finals for the entrance exam into high school were coming up. Chisaki never gave up hope for Kaname to wake up. He wasn't covered in a thick layer of ena like those lying in Shioshishio, he was simply in a coma. It had become a sort of habit for Chisaki to visit Kaname throughout the week, keeping him updated on events occurring at school or concepts taught in class which were easier to teach by word of mouth. She needed Tsumugu's help whilst explaining their math homework. In fact, his help was the only thing keeping her from failing the subject all together. She wanted to spend as much time with Kaname as possible, so their little study sessions were usually carried out by his bed side.
"I'm so glad we were given funding to keep Kaname's life support running" sighed Chisaki as she waited with Tsumugu at the hospital's bus stop. It was a Friday evening and Tsumugu refused to let her travel alone at night.
"Hmm." Came his only reply.
"This? Again? Seriously? What did they do to annoy you so much anyway? Really you should be more grateful to the people keeping Kaname alive!" cried Chisaki. She knew she was being unreasonable, but lately the stress of exams and the fact an entire year had passed already were really getting to her. Tsumugu regarded her carefully, he'd spent enough time with her to know the dangerous signs. There was a hint of desperation in her voice, he knew she wasn't really annoyed with his behaviour it was more of a reason for her to release the emotions she'd bottled up.
"I simply didn't approve of their reasons for keeping him alive." He said diplomatically. A research group openly offered their funding out of curiosity for the inhabitants of sea villages. What they didn't tell Chisaki was Kaname's convenient age, gender and relationship with her were also key factors in their decision. Sea folk were now an 'endangered race' meaning their 'blood needed to be preserved'. Of course he wasn't going to disclose this piece of information on to Chisaki. She wasn't an animal in a breeding program and he knew it would only offend her to see how some 'land people' viewed those from the sea.
"What? Would you have preferred if he never wakes up? Or if we'd just pull the life support months ago? Would it have been better, if you didn't need to spend every weekend coming with me to the hospital? Did you find it annoying to explain theorems to an unconscious person? Or is Kaname already dead in your mind!" cried Chisaki her voice becoming more and more hysterical with every word.
"No, Chisaki please don-" Tsumugu couldn't continue she was shaking uncontrollably tears spilling down her cheeks.
"What if he doesn't wake up? It was my fault!" Chisaki hated how pitiful she sounded, trying to wipe away the water from her eyes, but it just kept coming. Tsumugu couldn't bear her tears, he'd lost count the number of times he'd spent standing outside her room at night, hearing her muffled sobs. As if breaking a silent rule he made for himself Tsumugu stepped forward to embrace Chisaki. She felt so fragile, trembling in his arms. She hiccupped in surprise, feeling tense at first at their sudden contact.
"Don't worry, he'll wake up you know your friend better than any of us. Was he the kind of person who'd give up easily?" murmured Tsumugu, trying not to take too much pleasure in breathing in the scent of her hair. Little by little her shaking grew less violent.
"I'm just so scared." She confessed, suddenly feeling very tired. It felt good to be held. Despite Akari's offer to comfort her whenever she needed company, Chisaki felt too ashamed to ask for a hug. She hadn't expected Tsumugu to be the person to lift a burden off her heart.
Chisaki held Kaname's hand, she found it easier to talk to him like this. As if he was replying to her words with the warmth of his hand, the steady pulse albeit its weak rhythm was enough to ensure her of his life. She felt so confused, her feelings for Tsumugu were usually what she'd diagnose as a crush. One's heart speeding up when in the same room together, any thought and decision unconsciously choosing whatever one thinks would impress the other the most. If any of her friends explained to her how they were feeling, she'd almost certainly say it was love. She couldn't love Tsumugu! No way! For one thing, she knew she loved Hikari, for another Manaka loved Tsumugu, he wasn't hers to take! Her confused emotions combining with the overall stress she was feeling brought the all too familiar burning at the back of her throat.
No! She though feebly, I mustn't cry next to Kaname! I need to give him hope! Otherwise he'll think he has no chance, he'll give up, he'll think that I've given on hi-
"I never thought I'd be the one to put tears in your eyes Chisaki… forgive me for my selfishness, but I'm touched that you actually care that much about me." came a croaky voice. Chisaki looked up in shock to see a pair of equally blue eyes meet her gaze.
He was awake.